Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Chisum Review

 Notew; i spell as real as Chisum is a ral word


This is my review on Chisum from the dsistant future year of 1970 (60 years beforfe the 2mnd Robotech war)

its diorected by Andrew V. McLaglen whon did McLintock!, 

it stars John Wayne from all these great films and once playting Genghis Khan, Ben Johnson from Angel and the Badman/Mighty Joe Young/One-Eyed Jacks/Hang 'Em High/Red River/The Last Picture Show/The Swarm/The Town That Dreaded Sundown/Red Dawn/Angels in the Outfield, Glenn Corbett from thev GOOD Star Trek/Big Jake, Andrew Prine from Rooster Cogburn/The Town That Dreaded Sundown Bruce Cabot from king kong/sundown/Angel and the Badman/McLintock!/The Green Berets/Big Jake, Patric Knowles friom The Charge of the Light Brigade/The Adventures of Robin Hood/The Wolf Man/From the Earth to the Moon, Richard Jaeckel fro, The Dirty Dozen/The Green Slime/Airplane II: The Sequel, John Agar froim Big Jake and the 70s king kong, Robert Donner fropm cool hand luke/High Plains Drifter/Little House on the Prairie, Ray Teal from The North Star/Samson and Delilah/Inherit the Wind/One-Eyed Jacks/Judgment at Nuremberg, Edward Faulkner from McLintock!/The Green Berets, Ron Soble from Al Capone, John Mitchum from High Plains Drifter/The Outlaw Josey Wales/Black Patch/Al Capone, Glenn Langan from the snake pit/The Andromeda Strain, Alan Baxter from Boy Slaves/Santa Fe Trail/Judgment at Nuremberg/Escape from the Planet of the Apes, William Bryant from Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, Pedro Armendariz Jr from The Mexican/Once Upon a Time in Mexico Christopher Mitchum from Big Jake/ Rocky 04, John Pickard from The Greatest Story Ever Told, Abraham Sofaer from Quo Vadis/The Greatest Story Ever Told, Gregg Palmer from Big Jake, Hank Worden from Stasgecoach/Angel and the Badman/Red River/The XSearchers/The Alamo/McLintock!/Beyond Tomorrow/Duel in the Sun/One-Eyed Jacks, and a buncha 1900s guys i never heard of or saaw in anything

i never saw this b4 but its john wayne and hes a bada55

after some logos wee egt a painting and a manly song about John Chisum

then a painting of a storm and its edited to lok like shj-ts going on

then a painting of a cattle drive and  indians attacking and when its a man on a horse on a hill, it turns real and its john wayne

btw this is widescreen and colored

some guy talks with him about things being different and how indians are staying out and things are safe

they ride down and then some mexicos come over  and find it belongs to chisum and gets paid

he goes to getta bonus from chisum and the guys who paid him say he hasn't met chusim yet

then the mexicos comes in and fire on chisums men with his cattle

so johm wayne chusym comes to town and gets word the mexcios attacked and heads back

chisum and his droogs track down the mexicos and he sez the stolen cows are his but mexico sez chisum didnt have enough men to stop him

mexico will sell chuisum his own property back but chuisum sez no and mexico tells him hes gonna kuill him and steal his horses

so mexico reaches for his gun and jhown weayne chusyuum and his droogs waste em

one of chisums men is billy the kid(spoiler; he lived well into the 50s as bushy bill)

at a bar chisum meets some other mexicoes and lets them water their sh-t with his water

it takes place ion new mexico even though 1 mexico was bad enough

what next? new england?!

1 guy is a neihbor of chuisum and chisum dont like him

alsoi 1 ex con is now sherruif

cvhisum meetys a chick whos his neive and she bought a horse for 100$ and she only had 50 on her so she got someone elses money

so theres a party going on soon and later chisum talks with the neive about how shes trying to do something and something about a navite warrior called wehite buffalo

its hard tyo follow cuz myu fat gf is spazzing out about some sh-t shes causing an issue woith

so later back door billy is confronted by somne dudes who 1 used to work with and billy implies he isnt a tyheif anymore

later its an 1800s dance party and chisums is there dressed lioke col sanders

chism's neice is into billy and they dance

imagine if she law caught himn and hes in jailk and gets b0ned by a few guys and she sees him and is like: ohhhhh billlyyyyyyyyyy!!

chisum talks with a guy after the guuy sup[illed burbon on him and he points out to chisum that his neivce is dancing with back door billy

in a camp outside is some guys and a man comes by with a shotgun

hes an ex buffalo hunter and the camp guys work for chissum and tyomorrowe work for the gov and 1 is pat garret

then in whats clewarly day but tinted to look night, some guys russel chusims cattle

the chiusmum men cautch 1 russler and chisum is ghonna sell the cows to the army later for burgers

chuisum is frtiendly with garret and garret sez neicve is pretty enuff to be from texaS, wehich she is from

they meet and gerret meets billy

the captured guy sez he wasnt russling and they were just out for a ruide and men opened firee on them

but 1 of chisums men is in h e double mexico and they get a judge to try him

1 guy is planning a big market thing for texas and wants chisums land so he can control things as chisum is giving away water for free to his neighbors

planning guy wants to print up wanted posters for the prisoner russler who he is gonna have escape

a store owner takes on thuis mexico from b4 who got water and billy blows out the guys la=mp saying hes gonna get him with the next one

turns out the store owner is raising his prices like trudeau or bi den is in office and chisum sez he might open his own thing

billys ex chum comments on how billy is still good with his guns

later chisum talks with the army guy ad the indians and oh the indian is white buffalo whos sent back to his reservation

1 soldier treis to rush white bufdfalo(wventhoguh his not white, like jack balck isnt black) but chisum defends white buffalo as he respects him and his status mas a prince

oh and i think the army passed over chisum's cows for other ones

the planning guy owns the back and offers army guy a thing

later neice chatsd with one of chsiums friends and later billy is reading The Holy Bible about Cain and Abel

he hears a sounbd and shoots this cactus and its freiwend and neice coming by

they talk about how Cain was the 1st murderer and there's been a lot since

why would someone name their kid cain?!

why not name ur kid after stalin or castro or gacy or ba rcok?!

1 guy is planning on hgoing and suggests chsum cuts off the water to his neighhbors

chisum and a guy join the guy gonna go in making a store

btw i recall seeing this but dont recall how it ends

but ive seen a number of john wayne films and they have a similar flow

like how power rangers always get out the megazord to fight the monster

or hallm ark movies end with the couple kissing

after a song wee see garret playing cards and chisum wants the shefrfdi to catch the escaped russler instead of playingh cards

I Synchro Summon; Hot Red Supernova Dragon in Attack Mode!

so the guys playing cards with garret were cheating and won

so billy is growing fonder for neice to a romantic song and i guess this is before or after he fought dracula

so chisum and some guys i think go out for supplies fo the nnew store and its taking a while

neice sez she heard that billy iced a guy as a kidf and more later but she dont buy it

wait; chisum didnt go

so later a guy comes back with the russler's body and hes a body hunter who weas crippled a but by billy bullet

later billy and garret talk about how gatter can read and billy is just learning

billy talks of his dark past and garret sez he smells death from bnilly

billy wants to be free of his smell and is told he needs time and patience and garret has it

later billys ex buddy and his goons attack and garret and friends fight back

as billy rives the wagon he gets capped and it tyurns in the water somehow and garret saves hm

billys gonna be ok as he just needs some rest and got treatment in time and chisums homies talk about what to do about the banker planner

chisum wants to fight it out but his homies get him to try it through the law asnd telling the higher ups

we're around 1/2 way through and it didnt feel like much

so the chiums store is doing better thasn the bad guys one and one of chiums partners comes by to check on billy

he tells billy hes gonna go to santa fe to do cr-p and billy wants to do sh-t but partner tells billy to not do bviolence and trusts him not to

he gives him a bible and sez "i'll see you soon" which means hes already dead, and wrote a note saying for Billy to seek the Law of The Lord

partner sez he knew a kid like billy who iced a guy and got the noose and he couldnt save him, so nbow hew tries to help others

so chiums friend sez this is gonna end with chisum facing off against the banker

later the ex billy buddfy comes by and puts someone elses brad on hthese cows and tyells the sherrif to do sh-t about it\

these deputys come to the partner and accuse him of branding othewrs cows and they cap himand leave him to rot in the trail, then plant a gun on him

thats a racist stereotype against cops! HATE CRIME!!

so laterthey have a service for partner and billy vows to avenge him

chusm complains to the sherruf but hes corrupt and a higher rank guy deputrizes chisum to bring the deputies in, dead or alivbe

the deputees say the guy they iced pulled a gun and the governer finds it hard to belivee but i think has to swallow it

chisumand his rangers come by a bar in mexico like every john wayne movie and confounbts a guy

he b--ch slaps him and goes up, beats a guy through a woodf door and off trhe railing to the floor a level below and takes him in

as they ride back the caught guy sez "i didnt do it, he did!" and chisum  sez how they are gonna hang for their crimes

nowadaysd we dont execute murderers anymore

we send em to jail to turn queer and b0ne other guys sent there for smaller crimes

billy comes by as the guys bring in the guys w/o chisum and backhands garret out, then caps both accused guys like hes samuel o j jaclson in a time to kill

he runs off and garret brings back the bodues and sez hes gonna forma  posse

then billy comes in and caps more guys as i guedss he went postal and rides out

to quite mc hawkings; all my shoortings be drive bys

banker gets the governor to take out the judge whos fair to chsium and blames chisum for biollys acts before president lisa hayes revoves his cr-p

the bounty hunter is brought in as the newe sherruf as billy iced the last one just now

ex judge wants to go to a higher power but by the time its reslved the banker will have all the sh-t in there

chiums sez if one of bankers men tries anything then chiums will face hima nbd when bamnker sez "dat shoundedf like a htrat" chisum sluhgs him and sez "its a fact!"

billy sees neice and sez hes gonna ice anyone who had anything to do with icing the guy who wwas nice to him and then gerret comes out with a gun

chisum comes out and brings billy over and sez bilyl just f'd everything up and he can't just murder anyone he dont like as his actions havce consequences that effect others

chisaum sez how he liked a girl in texas and he knew it was best to let her marry a girl who could make her happy

chsium wont turn him in but tells him not to come to his land and billy consents

weird to tyhink that john wayne was alive whjen nilly the kid was, until the 50s whenthe REAL billy got it

neice comes in and sez her mom made the right choice about not marrying john wayne as the girl he wqas trakliog about was her mom

bounty hunter beats up a different mexico and theres a wanted poster out for bushy bill

billy aND FRIENDS WATCH FROM A HIGHER PLACE as the searchers swarm around below and they are planning to nail the bankers bank and he plans to ice the banker

like president jackson taking on the soviet bamnmks and being a bada55

bounty hunter wants to get billy and the bamnker and his dinks come for a drink

garret is inyto neice and she talks of how in da past uncle chisum was a wild bada55 and was like billy

garret sez chsium dont let on but he cares of the people and billy only cares of revenge but billy i mean chisum wants justice

at night the billy comes intoi da banke and wait its the store and they wanna get dyno mite

thew storeowner wants to talk him outta it but nbilly wont hear it and bounty huinter senses billys ki weith his cripppled leg and attacks

the store owner and his wife are there and they all take cover

affter the shootings, billy asks to let the others out but sherrif bounty hunter don't let it happen or he'd ice anyone who comes out

then itsd daylight and pretty bright and billy knows they'll cap him if he comes out

the sherrif and his goons open fire and beiily takes no damage as the store is built to last unlike all the cr-p we got tioday

storekeeper asks to come out and his wife, wait, its just his wife and he wants to speak for the emn

wife gets out and goers to the other side and storekeep asks to let the army come to take em in

neither side consents and when storekeep wants to go out, the sherrif bounty hunter wonbt let anyone out unless they all throw out their guns, even though storekeep doesnt have anything to do with them

wife books it on a horse and gores to get chisum and banker has a barricade put up in da street

storewkeep lets the billy boy have the ket to the supply place and wife makes it to chisum and tells him

chisum sez itys tyime to do what he should have done 25 years ago and gets the guns and horses

so chiusm and his homies come riding in like the calvary in Stagecoach and at the shoot out the good guys are getting capped

storekeeper comes out to stop em and trhe bounty hunter shoots him in cold blood

and unlike with the news; this time the shot guy wasnt trying to kill the guy who shot him

the bankers guys try to torech the building and end up setting it on fire

as theres a barricade, chisum has a cattyle stampede bust through it and chisum and his crew come sin and cap the badds

man the towns getting f'd and guys jump into windows to escape the cows

a fire thing falls and catches the building, i think the bank,, and chsium busts in on his horse and fights banker

its like violence jack and mad saurus

billy goes in and capos his ex buddy and and chisum fights and falls from above from the top level;

banker gets skewered in some horns from a daemon i think asnd is in h e double england

billy goes off to find the bounty hunter who booked it

so garret becomes the new sherrif of the county and neice is garrets new woman

chisum is up on the hill how this event started and it plays the manly western song

the end

That was pretty good

nice bada55 cool manluy john wayne

good themes of redemption and what happens when one chooses the wrttong path

good music aND filming

its a SIOLID film, thar holds up abnd has good pacing and flow and dont drag

glad I saw it

For Chisum 2 I want the bankers brother to come back for revenge against John Wayne with a trivbe of sasquatch as grunts, so John Waybne gets his indiabn friends and battles against em. Its also an 8 bit Srpg like Shining Force on Sega Master System And Game Gear, Nes, Game Boy, TG16 Atari Lynx and 7800 where you play as either side and face the other over several levels of takking turns and moving pieces arounf the boasrd and leveling up.

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