Sunday, March 15, 2020

Abandoned Review

Note: i spell bad but this movie is seen as bad so it ditz
this is my review on abandon from 2002(when sega started doing games for other systems)
its got katie holmes (the daughter of john holmes?), benjamin bratt from catwoman, zooey deschanel from some cr-p i never saw and tony goldwin the relative of samuel who started mgm
its based on a book i never read and reviewers said this film s-cked
its directed by Stephen Gaghan who did the 2020 doolittle cr-p
i never saw this b4 and never heard of it but saw its on at night and figgered, hay, people said it s-cked, i gotta see this
aw gay!
its widescreen!
but has, wait, it fixxed itself
its fullscreen again
so these teen chixwalk through this blue tint town and go to a jorb faire
benjamin bratt is in the office and i think is a cop again and has to find a college kid who vanished
so then some post 90s college kids including the teens are hangin out and being exestensial and so ugh
so tthen ben is looking for the missing uy who had 2 unused tickets to greece cuz i guess hes into butt stuff and ben investigates and hears there was an archeological dog in soviet greece
so katie is given a  message that shes to come to this house and she goes to meet ben and oh f her name is katie in the movie?! what next? jean clauses character being named jean?
so the missing guy is heer bf and she knowz no theeng!!
also theres malcontent students protesting the rotted dorms being torn diown or fixed up as gentrification is bad to them
i'd say the bf was ritual sacrificed in the dorms for some black magic ritual
wait thats yugioh gx
so k8e flashbax of her bf and when she wakes up she chats with her bummed out grundge like room mate who wants a good mark or something
i miss cheerful 80s teens
these post 90s onres are so, uhh, gag me with a spoon
so ben finds an art teaher who sez bf was malcontent and hated da system or something gay and left 3 weex b4 graduatuon and leeft for a dig in sovie cambodia (i 'd up b4)
k8e sez she never knew her dad and gives a cr-ppy life story for a board of some people asking what she learned and she gives a long wordy monologue in a dead voice
then another bf flashback of him in choir and tells them to sing like monks about God to God and how these teens s-ck
he focus's on k8e and gives her advice and cr-ppy i'm so important themes of them being the center of the universe
ugh, as if!
later shes in her dorn and the 1  black character xommes in as people in da next room are loudly b0ning
so later ben chatz with k8r anout bf but she dont care about him as he p-ssed her off
he''s pribably in h-ll rright now
so her homies take her to a party and holy cr-p its in coolor
usually in this film thats just for flashbax
some 3rd world guy's dad became governer and paid for the partyu
durriing da party, another fleshbavk  wait, its just those teens doing drugs
but arcade games told me; winners dont do drugs
then again these teens are loswrs
alsso she sees her bf ghost or w/e in da window
the drugs let her see h-ll
but he vanishes and laer some beta male comes by asking if shes ok and a cop asked him about some guy called embry like the guy from the 80s  non canon robotech movie
he tells her shes not one of those twips who always has problems and wants to go to a protest but she knows its all cr-p and he goes to j-rk off on the floor
then another flashnack ofg her and embry whos her bf and they talk abbout singing
he reads her schedual and sez shes a virgin as no one dat organized has time to b0ne
then they make out to late 90s romance music
oh, they b0ned
then tony, tarzan, goldwin comes by in niw time and invites her to a b ball game
later ben looks at footage of bf putting on a play and having a f da world attitude and the play had a hidden area or something
he vanished dat night
so she sees tarzan tony and hes a shrink or w/e and perscribes her drugs
later she chats with a friend if she otta b0ne tony
so later ben looks more into things and hears there was a drug ring at school
bf was into drugs and ot kept him normal, also his rich rents bit it so i guess hes batman
so later k8r goes throughthe school and finds a grate and sez to her tony shrink se heard her bf saying her name from behind the bookshefs and shes afraid hes back
is this phantom of the opera?!
so a friend of k8e sez b wanted to live in a boat on soviet euroope but was going more into other chix. also he was jealous and beat up giys he feared would outdo him like that beta male who bn is now interviwing
man, we're only an hour in?
so much happened i thought it was longer
its pretty fast paced, but not too fast
so she has another flash back and then we see a snowfield and her in some cabin or something
i think this is her chilld hood
so then she goes to see ben and sez she thinx bf is back
ben tells hias backsatory and how his dad was a cop and he had legal cr-p
 and also did photography or something
she finds his room of cr-o on the case and leaves but beta maale comes out about being gay for her
imma say it now; i never saw this but i think he iced her bf and ate him or something
she turns him down and he goes off to j-rk off on the floor again as she returns to her room
a guy bangs on her door and she finds a card of her bfs play hip hop inferno (ohhh wow! thats baaaad!!)
she chex out da rotted dorm and sees bf there who sez he  f'd with her for 3 weeks and was out traveling the world for weeks like g gundam or rave master
she b--ches about how she tried hard to avoid thinking of him each time da phone rang or got a letter and he sez he loves her and she runs
so she goes to type cr-p and a loser whines about her leaving the door to the tunnel open and sez beta male is missing
she tells ben and in a meeting with schol guys, they ask if beta makle was into drugs
later she asks bf where beta male is and he sez he';d tell her at da country house
ben talks to her loser friend and shes jealous of all the guys wanting to b0ne k8e
then anothet flashnavck of kids in a sunny yard
they had the sun in here?!
must've been in da 80s
so another homie of k8e sees be3n and sez bf was her love and l8r k8e is in this house and its night
the doors are locked and bf is there and makes out with her but she wants to know where beta male is and he sez he chopped him up
she kicks him and runs a few steps instead of finishing him off and they talk
later ka8e is with ben and sez she went to see bf
i guess he just let her out
ben goes to the rotted dorm i think and gets info and goes to some rresident evil milky white lab
then k8e gets tickets and 10 000 $ or something
she then spendz time with ben who sez his dad was a teacher
so they b0ne and later the lab tests say the ink on the card from b4 was from 2 years ago
k8e wants to take a year off and be with benito
so later k8e is out at night abds bf grabs her and holds her throat then runs off
benn is there now and she tells him and threy go to this gross a55 place like a rotted building and split uop and i think this is a flashback as wait its not hes just yelling her to go and not taking her to euripe
she sez she loves him and wait, this is a flashback and she'ss spszzing out seeing memories and yelling
she thinks ben is bf but n da fleshback she busts bf's head and i think he goes to h-ll
also i think she also does it to benny
bf falls in da water and goes to h-ll but 1st we see him sinking like in that cr-ppy titanic movie with leonardo desomodus
later tarzan goldwin sez he gotta dumpo her a55 as theres rules against office romance (which is gay as we should be free to fall in love. what is this? robotech season 2?!) and the movie ends implying shes gonna wack him too
then credits to cool mystery music
the end
that wasnt so bad
i can see why people hate it, but i dont
good twist but the constant cross cutting between present and past in the 2nd last scene was confusing
its got endless flashbacks, which makes sense as sge's nuts, and that seems kinda like the cabinet of dr caligari how the maon character was mental
i thought it was a pretty decent 00s  film like the glass house or christina's room (or was it house?)
its got that early 00s late 90s feel but a bit more in the 00s
i liked the blue tint like in many tim burton films and the music was good and it has a cool air
i liked it but i understand how sall the little things like the super fast pace and constant flashbacks could bug people
wait, what happened to the beta male?!
did it ever say where he went??
for abandoned 2 i want it to be her at her job in a bank thing and her mind is breaking down. hr use of drugs is also crackin it and soon she's going out at night to b0ne guys but when they get up to leae, she wastes em and starts eating their guts. also eating organs is making her devolve with the drugs she is on and sge becomes more apelike in body and smell. its also a 16 bit platform game like phantom 2040 on sega genesis, snes, gba, atari jaguar and tg16 where you play as her and eat your way to more power and taking on drug gangs to fuel your habit.

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