Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Kubo And The Two Strings Review

note; u spwllsamurai but bad
kubo and the 2 strinbgs
this is my review on kubo and the 2 strings from 2016 (the year the earth was destroyed in MazinSaga on Sega Genesis)
i never saw it b4 but it looks cool
it stars Charlize Theron(ew!) , Art Parkinson(who?) , Ralph Fiennes, George Takei(ew!), Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa(cool!), Brenda Vaccaro(who?), Rooney Mara (who?), and Matthew McConaughey(gay!!)
its directed by the guy who did the transformers movie bumblebee and was oscar nommed
so it starts with this boat landing at a place and this mom and her baby are there and baby is missing an eye
is this gonna be dororo by osamu tezuka?
so years lsater hes a tween and lies in a cae with his mom
its all stop motion but looks really fluid
this is some high grade work
kid does origami and goees to a village nearby and puts on a street show with moving origami moving on its own and playing banjo
its about hanzo vs the moon king
hattori hanzo?!
that cheap c-ck sucker from samurai shodown?!
i execute him in nobunaga's ambition eeach chance i get!!
so as hanzo is fighting da moon king(dom?) the bell rings and kid returns home and mom tells a story of hanzo in a blizzaRD
kid sez hanzo is his dad and moms memory fails as hanzo gets to da castle
is kubo supposted to be yagyu jyubei?
or is it just the eye patch making me think it?
oh and hanzo was iced and the moon king is moms dad and he and moms sisters took kubos eye
so are they yokai?
and kubo has to stay outta the night or the moon king can find em
so its like goku and going oozaru?
i hear there was soome whining about white people voicing japanese characters
thats pretty mental
its voice acting!!
no one whines when anime or video games is duubbed by blondes
so later kubo wakes up and the papper is floating around as his mom is dreaming
then its day and kubo talx to a geezer who sez after dark theybhave fireworks and talk to the dead with lights
so latewr kubo makes an origami lamp and talks to hanzo through it with no responce
wtf in argentina, indonesia and the phillipineas this was 13+
candy a55 countries!
so he astays out too late and gets mad at hanzo not answering and these twins come for him
they are his aunts and have magic and bust through the village as he runs
thy almoinst get him but his mom shows up annd sez he needs the armor
then uses magic to put a bug on his back and he flies off
they clashes with the twins and they go up in ice fire
he wakes up in a blizzard and this monkey sez everyone bit it and he needs to get on or he'd be caught
they take shelter in a dead whale and monkey sez shes his wood charm mom used magic to make alive to help him
the aunts dont sleep or eat and want his other eye
and kubo saved a hair from mom and mbnkey makes it into a necklace
later monkey wakes up koobo and his dreams made the paper inti a mini hanzo from b4
then its day and kubo uses his banjo to make origami birsts fly him
also the birds turn into mosquitoes and try to give the monkey zika but she catches em
then kubo gets caufht by a big beetle guy who just wanted the hanzo paper as real hanzo was his master
beetles samurai crest is the same as kubo's on the back on his robe and beetle sez he was cursed to bug form from being a samurai but has memory issues
its widescreen!!
kubo sez hanzo was his dad and beetleborg joins him but monkey dont like it
they find a sword they think is unbreakable but this giant skeleton, or Gashadokuro shows up and monkey breaks the sword on it
they fight it and its a 16 foot puppet weighing 400lbs they used to film this
its got lots of swords in its head ad kubo pulls 1 out and it crumbles
then they are outside and are at a lake they need to (ma)cross and monkey and bug argue if they should be safe or adventerous
kubo gets a boat i think is made of paper and bug teaches kubo to arrow and they catch fish for dinner and he tells of his life to em
threy get to da 2nd armor thing but kubo sez there was a monster in it and beetleborg goes in to find it
also da twins are on his trail and get to the bost at night
ape fight em askubo goes underwater and puts on da armor which reformatsto fit him
then this huge yokai thing is there
so twuin whhines about her sister turning on her clan for love (what is she? brittish/indian?!) and bug comrs in and heps b4 going back under
so the huge a55 yokai is stunning kubo with hypno vision so bertle pops its eyes with arrows
eye popping?! this moviie is bada55!!
but the live action double dragon had it too
so i think ape wastes 1 twin andbeetle brings kubo up but he seems dead
eat him back to life!!
but his powers kick in and the boat that was busted reforms and kubo revives
kubo recognizes monkey as his mom and later on land at a campfire, monkey tells her story
she and twins wrnt to ice hanzo as any man who found the magic armor wwould be too strong and couldthreaten the heavens
she fought hannzo but he said "you are my quest" and it won her over and she fell in love
i assume they b0ned as she pooped out kubo and moon king hatedthis so he took out haannzo and his forces who savd her and kubo
he wants to take kubos eyes so he'd be blind to humanity and be a cold sun of a b--ch like him and make him like him
monkeey teells beetle the magic keeping her here is running out like in wonder boy or adventure island and she don't got long
berrtle sez her storyu will live on as kubo and tthose he shars it with
later kuboh dreams of a blind guy playing banjo ad showing hi the last armor piece
so they go through these woods and talk about what happens in the next world and at night are in a building where hanzo prepared for his quest
then the remaining twin catches em in magic smoke and reveals beetle is secretly hanzo
shes gonna pop kuboz eye but kubo nails her face and busts her mask
twin fights and wounds monkey and bughanzo takes her oout with a thrown blade
they have a moment with monkey but twin isnt fully dead and shanks hanzobug
kubo uses his banjo (ginga?) to nuke the area with blue magic
later kubo is the last survivor and its day and he snaps his last string and flies off and back to the village and tells them to gtfo as moon king is comming
then blind guy comes there and its him and he sez hes doing it for his own good to get him out of the h-ll earth is so he can be immortal
kubo decides to ice grandpa and moon king turns into some kinda worm snake thing and they fight
maybe its a centipede fish
liek something from darius on sega
kubo gets busted up and thrown away and by the time moonie comes over he's rebuilt his banjo and plays it
kubo sez his eye lets him see into others eyes and thus soul and feel their cr-p and lets him love
his magic banjosummons the souls of the dead villager and the power of love or w/e sailor moon/hokuno no ken thing they are doing beats moon king
btw; best idea; video of kubo beating moon king with banjo. audio from we're not gonna take it!
moonking/dad; what are you gonna do with your life?!
kubo/teen; i wanna rock!!
blasts him out with a guitar riff
after the blast; moon king is mindwiped and the villagers tell him LIES about him being a good guy
later kubo sez thanks to his rents and wwants em back so his story woul be happy
then releases the lanters and their ghosts are with him
the end
oh and cool animation  for credits
that was good
not just dumb jokes and kicks in the butt
it had heart and style and feels
a good story that was kinda bada55 and srs
sorta like watership down or robotech
holy cr-p they show how that sskeleton was done
that was awesome
but this was good
this is how movies should be instead of thundercats roar and bakugan
i had a chance to see it but i think my fam saw the reboot of Ben Hur
It goes by at a good pace and never drags or feels long like titanic or the beast of 10 0000 fathoms
for kubo and the two strings 2 i want it to be years later and kubo is a teen and the sister of the moon king, the sun emperor wants revenge on kubo for taking him. so he has to defeat the sun. but the sun sends fire elemental yokai after him and he and grandpa, who has regained his powers, must team up to stop them amd kill the sun. its also a 16 bit hack and slash game on sega genesis, smes, gba, atari jaguar and tg16 with 1 player as kubo and one as grandpa and you eventually go into space and into the sun to beat the sun emprerer(i should have said empress).

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