note; i spell like agenbt smith in the good matrix movies, wait...
mr and mrs smith
this is my review on my and mrs smith from 2005 (the year the transformers ,movie happened)
its directal by Doug Liman who did The Bourne Identity, Jumper and Edge of Tomorrow
its prioduced by, aw f--k!! Akiva Goldsman! he did hancock, the losers, jonah hex and King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
X-Men: The Last Stand, Jumper, This Means War, Fantastic Four and Dark Phoenix
i never saw tthis b4, but as these guys have done a lot of cr-p, its not looking good
this stars, bradd piutt, angelina joleee, vince vaigh, keith david, stephanoe march, William Fichtner from the 2010s ninja turtles and not really anyone i;'m familliar with
it made a lot of money but some said it wasn;t so great
so it starts with backdoor brad and anal angelina in therapy saying they been married for 5 years and things are ghood
thern title and they say how they met in columbia in bogota which the movie goit wrong as its not a slum in the jungle but a tall building city
in flash back bradmo meents angie and get wet have a weird wiggley romancer in the rainso after b0ning offscreen its daytime and they have breakfast
latyer they are at a carnival and she uses an air rifle cr-ppily and he nails it, but then she nails it
lat6er bradis doing mma and angie is doing rock climb ng andf talk about each other
they wanna get marreid and 5 years later they live in a big a55 house like in American Dad
they talk in undies aND GET DRESSED AND go to wurk in 2 cars
later at a job this wiener guy goes for hhis assignment and is given a photo and wants to go to an elevator or room or w/e bbut no one goes in
later its raining and bradmo comes backmmo and ang had the place redecorated
later brad goes in the rin to move the mower and if they are this rich then shouldnt they have butlers and servents and maids and slaves?
so in therrapy they say theres stuff they dont getta long withj and theres a void between em
after dinner where they make minor small talk that goes nowhere, ang goes out for work at night and so does brand
so anggoes top some place and brad goes to a bar and through the back area and finds a pokewwr game and fakes looking for a tpoilet
he offers to join anbd acts drunk and drops money and ang meets a guy in a robe and takwes off her coat to reveal an SM outfit thats pretty covered up compared to Go Nagai
at the card game, the 4th guy comes back and brad wastes him and the other 3 guys and ang doers SM with this scuzzy guy and snaps his nesck while he's tied up
she escapes on a zipline in her purse and goesd home in a cab and gets home but brad comes home
he sez he was at the sports bar and she slips on a dress and they go to a party btu she's got her SM sh-t on under it
1 mom has ang hold her baby but this ones not from ther 3rd world so she dont like it
later its day and brandgoes to his shed and under it is a hidden base like in Pokemon Emerald and ang has weapons hidden in her home like under the stove
who built this house?!
later braddy goes to work and gets a new target and in his office it has hidden computers and hes sent to wack a guy his boss sez is bad
you know what would be a twist? if the hitmen were trhe bad guys ansd one of em saw this and went rogue
also ang goes to a hidden area and is ordered by the guy from gargolyles to wack a dude
and its the same guy brad was sent for
so later in the desert the tareget is being relocated and ang is gonna j fk him
but brad a55 poops in on a dune buggy and p-sses on the ground
she thinks its a civilian and brad takes out a bazooka and sher caps him
he tanks it and blows her base with a bazooka and the area blows around brad but dont touch him and the target escapes
later hes at a bad talking about the other hitman and she teells her boss that there was another guy and is sent to ice the witness
brad brings the laptop ang had to base and its examined and it has an address on it
bradingus goies toi the address and finds its Jane Smith on the list
ang looks at the footage and brad calls ang to aks about dinner
secretary as ang looks at footage; its your husband~!
also bradnusis working at John Smith
so he goosd hoome and sneaks around and ang is there with drinks
he notices draino on the table and throws his drink in da plant
brad pockets a knife and takes her knife to carve the roast as she cuts the bread
he seems nervoius like shes gonna cut off his thing
they eat and he giivbes her wine but when he drips the bottle she ninja catches it
it fal;ls andn her gets his gun and she gets the caras he runs after her through the yard like ferris bueler
she runs him over but he hgets on da hood and kicks in it throufgh the windoiw
she jumps out and the car goes off a cliff
i never saw this, but imma guess that if theres a fight, he can't intentionally hit her, but she can do anything to him
so he goes off and stops by his drinking buddy vince vaugh ands sez his womans trying to wack him
vinmce sez shes probably been planning this for years and is a spy after him and ang's co worker gives her advicce
also ang didnt know brad was the hitman in the deserty until just now
man we're an hour in and not much happenmed
so da next dayt ang goes home and her crew comb throiugh it
she throws outstuff and tells kids outsaide shes having a garden party
then brad brings a neighbor in aas a human shield as he cghecks his empty home
his secret base was cleaned out and ang has her crew start a searcxh for bradinger
then brad calls and sez she has to disappear and its revealled hes in the building
the calls are comming from in side the house!!
he's in the vents and the giirls team gewts trheir guns and wait its graPPLING HOOKS AND SLIDE ACROSS To the next building
brad catches her leaving and sjhe esacapes
so later hes somehow got back to vinnys place and he sez to ice her
the next day brad goes to soime building beuing made and in a steel thing in the air ang calls him
shje sez gett outta TOWN or she'll weaste him
he sez to blow the box and calls her bluff anmdf she blows the elevbator andit falls and busts into the ground
good. hes dead. h e double england. now end this cr-ppy film
yet he survived as he was actually in another elevator already set up
that makes no sense
also; didnt bill asnd ted 2 do that in the final battle how they wewnt back and set up the events after winning?
later shes at dinner and he shows up
she sh-ts herself and its really loud and a huge load and theres marbles and j-zz in it
jk really shes calm and he dances with her as they talk
he bumps her into a wal;and takes out her kunai and throws it to a wALL
this is woorse than the secks fighting in la bluue girl(as in less believable)
she goes oof and the place she went blows
she goes off and esacapes And he puts his coat in a mail box and it blows
they planted charges on each other i guess
they drive home and tell each other on car phones andf brad chats with her about their 1st meeting
so back door bradly coomes home and sneaks around and sees her come in and gets her gun
he breaks in a window and sneaks in and gets a hidden dun that i guess alleged elite aNGLUIE NEVER NORTICED
BTW, YES I SAW THE SIOMPSONS EP OF THIS
so they have a loud gun fight that f--ks their home and no one gets hit
wiith slo mo as they gotta have that to fake being cool
in 1 part he pulls a fridge hose and when she fires it catcghes fire abnbd blows
i dont think that works
they thery fist fight but he never slugs her, whiler she punxches him directally
yeah he bumps her into things, but no hits
in devilman,m akkira beat up shirenu
in vilence jack he chopped up the hermasphrodite and riopped the lesbian in haldf
but wew cAN'T GAVEB A GUY HIT A GIRL ON PURPOSE AS THESE MOVIES MADE DECADES LATER ARE TOO SENSITIVE
EEVENTUALLY THEY HAVE EACHJ OTHER AT GUNPOINT But they drop the guns and start b0ning badlky
bbut we dont wsee nips or buns as gotta keeep it pg13
the neighbors come by about the noiuce but see em wearing a blanket and thgink they were jusdt violentyly b0ning
then vince is given the order toi wack braDF PITT
the next day brangelina have breakfast in their f--ked house and getta long
they talk about the guys they wacked and faked being on trips
then a disgruntled mail man comes by and throws gas grenades in their home
they escape in the basewnmenmt and get guns and ang asks why shes getting the girl gun?
dso is she the man in the rewlationship now?
a charttge comes down and brad duymba55ly kicks it under a fuel tthing and they run as the house blowes
they somehowe survive and both brad and ang are weareing shoes desp[ite having been b0ning a bit ago
threy gop to da car and he sez hew wwas an art history major, whuich means statues and psaintings of naked men
they driive and the radio has the song "makin love outta nothing at alll" anmd a car comes after em
he dumps sh-t out the trunk and she fires at em
they swap and she drives as hew fires but the cars are bulletproofd
brad sez he was married b4(was it the chick from lepreachaun 1?)
so brAD DUMPS a grenade in AN\ enemy caer and it blows bnut theres others
1 guy gets in da car but he throws him out
she sez her rents bit it ween she was 5 and her dad at da weeding was an actor
in a slo mo turn sdhe shoots the cars rightr and they fkip somehow
she ssez shes jewish and brads bummed he brought his real rents to the wedding
they meet vince in a bar and vince sez the agenbcy is after em
vince sez if they split up they might live but if they doint they gon get iced
like a less awful romeo and jeuilte
meanwhiule the target that gotta way in in a secure plACE AND brad and ang get ready to take himn out
so brad snmneaks in the pipes and she gets b--chy tewlling him orders thast dont work as theres no left and she wants him to go left
he goes on his own and shhe kills the lightys as he ices guards
she hacks in anmd brad blows into the safe cell and takes him back to the truick somehow
we dont see how as they just cut to him in the van
she gets b--chy over him not obeying her and he counters that she wants a slave
they tell target both their bosses wanbt him iced and he sez if he dont tell em what he wants to know, he'd remove his thumbs and ice him
target asks for a drink and b---chy brad smax him
he reveals he's not the target but both of them are as the guys found out they were married and sent em to the same place ice each other
also his belt has a tracking device on itand all these agents went after em
but when thery get there, its just target and brange are under a sewer draion
one way out: puts gunb in mouth and or butt
bbackdoor brad wants to pull a 300 and stand and fight
so they go to the base and are in new outfitys to sell kore toys and the forces get there somehow knowing they wwere going there and the brangile are in newer outfits
they taKE DOWN AGENTS 1 AT A TIME AND i think they are in a home depot or somethning and its surptizingly bright despite it being jet black night
ang throws knifes into guysd and 1 stabs brad in his thigh
brad dumba66ly knocks iover cans and the agents open fire on em and brandgile takes the letatiotr
they get off, get shot at, return,mm go up and gunfight other guys
despite having a few guys machinegunning at her, ang takjes 09 hits and falls
bradmo saves her and they take fire but i guess are wearing vests
they tear off their shirts to showe the vests and what they cover so the agents know where to firer and brading has an arm wound
she sez this is where she wants to be and they go out in slo mo firing
even dodging bazookas and posing as they are fired on
dont the enemy agents have body armorr??
so tney waste everyone and now are back in therapy and get along
ther end
that was kinda stoopid
over the top, unrealistic and not much plot
its not bad though
its entertaining in a dumb action way
its not as good as the arnold or stallone or jean claude and isnt as so bad its good as the segal films
but its not hatable
unless you hate the actors
but even still, its a mindless way to spend 2 hours + adds
glad i finally saw it
although it donty rwally end
its just kinda stops
it dont resolve the issue of the agency after em nor does it explain what they do about it
thats's kinda f'd
i think the makers cares more about stunts and fights than plot
but the stuntsd and fightsd didnt impress me
its not horrible
but not super great
for mr and mrs smith 2 i want for them to be 10 years in the future and building a resistance of ex hitmen to fight the agency and bringing in a new guy to bring em down and the new guy is who the story is abotu as he wants to avenge his fam who the agency iced. also its a 128 bit action platformer like shadow the hedgehog on dreamcast, gamecube, cboxc and ps2 where you play as a new character in a cybver suit that hives him speed and hover attacks and gottas do missions to get data cores to get info on the agency.
No comments:
Post a Comment