Monday, June 28, 2021

Mr And Mrs Smith Review

 note; i spell like agenbt smith in the good matrix movies, wait...

mr and mrs smith

this is my review on my and mrs smith from 2005 (the year the transformers ,movie happened)

its directal by Doug Liman who did The Bourne Identity, Jumper and Edge of Tomorrow

its prioduced by, aw f--k!! Akiva Goldsman! he did hancock, the losers, jonah hex and King Arthur: Legend of the Sword 

X-Men: The Last Stand, Jumper, This Means War, Fantastic Four and Dark Phoenix

i never saw tthis b4, but as these guys have done a lot of cr-p, its not looking good

this stars, bradd piutt, angelina joleee, vince vaigh, keith david, stephanoe march, William Fichtner from the 2010s ninja turtles and not really anyone i;'m familliar with

it made a lot of money but some said it wasn;t so great

so it starts with backdoor brad and anal angelina in therapy saying they been married for 5 years and things are ghood

thern title and they say how they met in columbia in bogota which the movie goit wrong as its not a slum in the jungle but a tall building city

in flash back bradmo meents angie and get wet have a weird wiggley romancer in the rainso after b0ning offscreen its daytime and they have breakfast

latyer they are at a carnival and she uses an air rifle cr-ppily and he nails it, but then she nails it

lat6er bradis doing mma and angie is doing rock climb ng andf talk about each other

they wanna get marreid and 5 years later they live in a big a55 house like in American Dad

they talk in undies aND GET DRESSED AND go to wurk in 2 cars

later at a job this wiener guy goes for hhis assignment and is given a photo and wants to go to an elevator or room or w/e bbut no one goes in

later its raining and bradmo comes backmmo and ang had the place redecorated

later brad goes in the rin to move the mower and if they are this rich then shouldnt they have butlers and servents and maids and slaves?

so in therrapy they say theres stuff they dont getta long withj and theres a void between em

after dinner where they make minor small talk that goes nowhere, ang goes out for work at night and so does brand

so anggoes top some place and brad goes to a bar and through the back area and finds a pokewwr game and fakes looking for a tpoilet

he offers to join anbd acts drunk and drops money and ang meets a guy in a robe and takwes off her coat to reveal an SM outfit thats pretty covered up compared to Go Nagai

at the card game, the 4th guy comes back and brad wastes him and the other 3 guys and ang doers SM with this scuzzy guy and snaps his nesck while he's tied up

she escapes on a zipline in her purse and goesd home in a cab and gets home but brad comes home

he sez he was at the sports bar and she slips on a dress and they go to a party btu she's got her SM sh-t on under it

1 mom has ang hold her baby but this ones not from ther 3rd world so she dont like it

later its day and brandgoes to his shed and under it is a hidden base like in Pokemon Emerald and ang has weapons hidden in her home like under the stove

who built this house?!

later braddy goes to work and gets a new target and in his office it has hidden computers and hes sent to wack a guy his boss sez is bad

you know what would be a twist? if the hitmen were trhe bad guys ansd one of em saw this and went rogue

also ang goes to a hidden area and is ordered by the guy from gargolyles to wack a dude

and its the same guy brad was sent for

so later in the desert the tareget is being relocated and ang is gonna j fk him

but brad a55 poops in on a dune buggy and p-sses on the ground

she thinks its a civilian and brad takes out a bazooka and sher caps him

he tanks it and blows her base with a bazooka and the area blows around brad but dont touch him and the target escapes

later hes at a bad talking about the other hitman and  she teells her boss that there was another guy and is sent to ice the witness

brad brings the laptop ang had to base and its examined and it has an address on it

bradingus goies toi the address and finds its Jane Smith on the list

ang looks at the footage and brad calls ang to aks about dinner

secretary as ang looks at footage; its your husband~!

also bradnusis working at John Smith

so he goosd hoome and  sneaks around and ang is there with drinks

he notices draino on the table and throws his drink in da plant

brad pockets a knife and takes her knife to carve the roast as she cuts the bread

he seems nervoius like shes gonna cut off his thing

they eat and he giivbes her wine but when he drips the bottle she ninja catches it

it fal;ls andn her gets his gun and she gets the caras he runs after her through the yard like ferris bueler

she runs him over but he hgets on da hood and kicks in it throufgh the windoiw

she jumps out and the car goes off a cliff

i never saw this, but imma guess that if theres a fight, he can't intentionally hit her, but she can do anything to him

so he goes off and stops by his drinking buddy vince vaugh ands sez his womans trying to wack him

vinmce sez shes probably been planning this for years and is a spy after him and ang's co worker gives her advicce

also ang didnt know brad was the hitman in the deserty until just now

man we're an hour in and not much happenmed

so da next dayt ang goes home and her crew comb throiugh it

she throws outstuff and tells kids outsaide shes having a garden party

then brad brings a neighbor in aas a human shield as he cghecks his empty home

his secret base was cleaned out and ang has her crew start a searcxh for bradinger

then brad calls and sez she has  to disappear and its revealled hes in the building

the calls are comming from in side the house!!

he's in the vents and the giirls team gewts trheir guns and wait its graPPLING HOOKS AND SLIDE ACROSS To the next building

brad catches her leaving and sjhe esacapes

so later hes somehow got back to vinnys place and he sez to ice her

the next day brad goes to soime building beuing made and in a steel thing in the air ang calls him

shje sez gett outta TOWN or she'll weaste him

he sez to blow the box and calls her bluff anmdf she blows the elevbator andit falls and busts into the ground

good. hes dead. h e double england. now end this cr-ppy film

yet he survived as he was actually in another elevator already set up

that makes no sense

also; didnt bill asnd ted 2 do that in the final battle how they wewnt back and set up the events after winning?

later shes at dinner and he shows up

she sh-ts herself and its really loud and a huge load and theres marbles and j-zz in it

jk really shes calm and he dances with her as they talk

he bumps her into a wal;and takes out her kunai and throws it to a wALL

this is woorse than the secks fighting in la bluue girl(as in less believable)

she goes oof and the place she went blows

she goes off and esacapes And he puts his coat in a mail box and it blows

they planted charges on each other i guess

they drive home and tell each other on car phones andf brad chats with her about their 1st meeting

so back door bradly coomes  home and sneaks around and sees her come in and gets her gun

he breaks in a window and sneaks in and gets a hidden dun that i guess alleged elite aNGLUIE NEVER NORTICED


so they have a loud gun fight that f--ks their home and no one gets hit

wiith slo mo as they gotta  have that to fake being cool

in 1 part he pulls a fridge hose and when she fires it catcghes fire abnbd blows

i dont think that works

they thery fist fight but he never slugs her, whiler she punxches him directally

yeah he bumps her into things, but no hits

in devilman,m akkira beat up shirenu

in vilence jack he chopped up the hermasphrodite and riopped the lesbian in haldf


EEVENTUALLY THEY HAVE EACHJ OTHER AT GUNPOINT But they drop the guns and start b0ning badlky

bbut we dont wsee nips or buns as gotta keeep it pg13

the neighbors come by about the noiuce but see em wearing a blanket and thgink they were jusdt violentyly b0ning

then vince is given the order toi wack braDF PITT

the next day brangelina have breakfast in their f--ked house and getta long

they talk about the guys they wacked and faked being on trips

then a disgruntled mail man comes by and throws gas grenades in their home

they escape in the basewnmenmt and get guns and ang asks why shes getting the girl gun?

dso is she the man in the rewlationship now?

a charttge comes down and brad duymba55ly kicks it under a fuel tthing and they run as the house blowes

they somehowe survive and both brad and ang are weareing shoes desp[ite having been b0ning a bit ago

threy gop to da car and he sez hew wwas an art history major, whuich means statues and psaintings of naked men

they driive and the radio has the song "makin love outta nothing at alll" anmd a car comes after em

he dumps sh-t out the trunk and she fires at em

they swap and she drives as hew fires but the cars are bulletproofd

brad sez he was married b4(was it the chick from lepreachaun 1?)

so brAD DUMPS a grenade in AN\ enemy caer and it blows bnut theres others

1 guy gets in da car but he throws him out

she sez her rents bit it ween she was 5 and her dad at da weeding was an actor

in a slo mo turn sdhe shoots the cars rightr and they fkip somehow

she ssez shes jewish and brads bummed he brought his real rents to the wedding

they meet vince in a bar and vince sez  the agenbcy is after em

vince sez if they split up they might live but if they doint they gon get iced

like a less awful romeo and jeuilte

meanwhiule the target that gotta way in in a secure plACE AND brad and ang get ready to take himn out

so brad snmneaks in the pipes and she gets b--chy tewlling him orders thast dont work as theres no left and she wants him to go left

he goes on his own and shhe kills the lightys as he ices guards

she hacks in anmd brad blows into the safe cell and takes him back to the truick somehow

we dont see how as they just cut to him in the van

she gets b--chy over him not obeying her and he counters that she wants a slave

they tell target both their bosses wanbt him iced and he sez if he dont tell em what he wants to know, he'd remove his thumbs and ice him

target asks for a drink and b---chy brad smax him

he reveals he's not the target but both of them are as the guys found out they were married and sent em to the same place ice each other

also his belt has a tracking device on itand all these agents went after em

but when thery get there, its just target and brange are under a sewer draion

one way out: puts gunb in mouth and or butt

bbackdoor brad wants to pull a 300 and stand and fight

so they go to the base and are in new outfitys to sell kore toys and the forces get there somehow knowing they wwere going there and the brangile are in newer outfits

they taKE DOWN AGENTS 1 AT A TIME AND i think they are in a home depot or somethning and its surptizingly bright despite it being jet black night

ang throws knifes into guysd and 1 stabs brad in his thigh

brad dumba66ly knocks iover cans and the agents open fire on em and brandgile takes the letatiotr

they get off, get shot at, return,mm go up and gunfight other guys

despite having a few guys machinegunning at her, ang takjes 09 hits and falls

bradmo saves her and they take fire but i guess are wearing vests 

they tear off their shirts to showe the vests and what they cover so the agents know where to firer and brading has an arm wound

she sez this is where she wants to be and they go out in slo mo firing

even dodging bazookas and posing as they are fired on

dont the enemy agents have body armorr??

so tney waste everyone and now are back in therapy and get along

ther end

that was kinda stoopid

over the top, unrealistic and not much plot

its not bad though

its entertaining in a dumb action way

its not as good as the arnold or stallone or jean claude and isnt as so bad its good as the segal films

but its not hatable

unless you hate the actors

but even still, its a mindless way to spend 2 hours + adds

glad i finally saw it

although it donty rwally end

its just kinda stops

it dont resolve the issue of the agency after em nor does it explain what they do about it

thats's kinda f'd

i think the makers cares more about stunts and fights than plot

but the stuntsd and fightsd didnt impress me

its not horrible

but not super great

for mr and mrs smith 2 i want for them to be 10 years in the future and building a resistance of ex hitmen to fight the agency and bringing in a new guy to bring em down and the new guy is who the story is abotu as he wants to avenge his fam who the agency iced. also its a 128 bit action platformer like shadow the hedgehog on dreamcast, gamecube, cboxc and ps2 where you play as a new character in a cybver suit that hives him speed and hover attacks and gottas do missions to get data cores to get info on the agency.

No comments:

Post a Comment