Sunday, February 10, 2019

The Day After Tomorrow Review

note; I spell better than global warming is real
the day after tpomortow
this is my review on the day after tomorrtpow from the 00s
its from the directal of independence day, the bad Godzilla and the patriot
only 1 is well made
this is a disaster film about global warming
well, if we have alien movies, I guess something just as real can be made
but the real threat to the planet is the Invid
a race or beings from the planet optera who scour the universe for their stolen flower of life that they need to make protoculture
if we don't pay scientists money, they arrive on earth by 2031 and turn the planet into a slave colony for their protoculture
that may sound insane
but its just as realistic as global warming
this movie starts emmy rossum from dragon ball evolution, dennis quaid (was he the crazy one? or was dat randy?) and jake gyllienthal from that sodomy cowboy movie
it starts with guys at da north pole getting samples from da ice
a bit of drilling at the top makes the whole thing give out and a massive hunk of ice busts off
its like it a mosquito bites ur arm and it falls off
1 dink risks his life to get the samples
later quaid is giving a climate confirance saying 10 000 years ago there was an ice age caused by global warming
then gives some techno babble about how it works
and if we keep putting CO2 into the air, the ice caps will melt and the world is f'd
spoiler; co2 is only 0.002% of the atmosphere
so that dreaded 50% increase is just it going to 0.003
its like I got an Olympic swimming pool and use an eye dropper to put 3 drops of p-ss in it
also its snowing in new delli
spoiler; in eghypt and texas it snows at times
not to mention that the guys own logic goes against him
if it happened 10 000 years ago w/o people, why is people doing stuff gonna work??
also also; creation science dates the earth at 6 000 years
might as well say 9 billion years ago
later in japan is big hunks of hail
you know, the bible predicted stuff like this
most of the bible is prophecy
and most of it has already come true
btw I think this is the last we see of japan
they don't even mention soviet Canada
oh and theres a hurricane
in other words;weather happinging on earth
later quaid b--ches about his son f--king out at calculis and his woman whines that hes never there
quaide hase toe bringe hise sone toe the airporte fore a nerde thinge
later quaid takes his son to the airport and son flunked cuz he didn't show his work on the test as he did it in his head
spoiler; the point of the test is to show you know HOW to do it
btw; this guys a nerd and has to suffer through the idiocy of mortals
what a perfect movie for smug left wing candy a55es
oh and in space theres a storm seen
on the plane ride, jake is freaked out about flying
if a car crashes; u can walk
if a boat f--ks out; u can swim
if a plane f--ks out? nyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuu buuuuush!!
the plane has rough air and jake has an autism attack
also the ocean cooled by 13 degrees
and in soviet new York; the animals are going nuts
also they are all bad cgi
jake, his female and black friends (for diversity)  do well at the nerd thing and afterward listen to do u really wanna hurt my by boy George
then qard gets a call saying his model of the new ice age is happening
global warming makes the ice caps freeze over?
also the country is spazzing out in weather
tornadoes in soviet los angelas
maybe its like Sodom and Gomorrah?
and the tornadoes are fusing into bigger ones
I don't think that works
also this city being f'ds by weather is a lot like 2012
only this isn't on the history channel
wtf the president looks like al gore
this isn't the 90s!!
so the high status homies try to figure out wat to do
quaid sez the current of the earth changed cuz of too much water in the ocean
they give quaid 48 hours to figure it out
he finds in 6-8 weeks the planet is f'd
and he needs to evacuate the north states
yeah but f--k Canada
they can freeze
meanwhile, the jake and nerds see at a museum that a mammoth was found in tundra frozen with food in its mouth and gut
so it froze instantlty
doesn't that prove noahs ark then?
after the flood the ice age happened
also; mammoths had tropical food in them
later a choppers go into this storm and freeze solid in supercold air
just like in mortal kombat with sub zero
oh it as in Scotland
its a massive land hurricane that freezes sh-t
later in new York they stay at this rich blonde teens place and its rained for 3 days
also in nova scotia the water went up 25 feet in a few days an f'd it
later the nerds are gonna go out to get home
but its cr-ppy outside
jake goes anyway and also the wolfs at a zoo somehow got out
is this a horror movie??
so just like in 98 Godzilla, new York is f'd
its like Sodom and Gomorrah
punished for its sins\
a hobo wants to use the library to say dry but theres no pets
so he stays out with his cr-ppy a55 dog
also the water level s rising
somehow theres a tidal wave comming
nerd girl translates for some black frenchies to a new Sodom new York cop and they help em
nerd gorl goes back for the frenchies passports but the wave nearly gets em as they go up da library
so quaid sez the storm pulls troposphere air and freezes em
and theres 1 over canada and 1 over soviet union
and after da storm, its a new ice age
so much for the poles melting
later nerd girl is impressed by by jake saving her
jake uses a payphone as it gets its power from the phone line
he goes into icy a55 water and calls his dad and tells him whats up
but the water is rising rising mesmerizing
quaid tells jake to stay inside and wait out da storm as hes comming
then jake goes under water and has to swim out
it takes a while
girl hugs  him and trys to heat him up with her bod
as if cold arm blood goes to his heart it might ice his a55
in the real version they were probably naked
or b0ning
then a boat floats though the streets even though theres no way it could slide between all these buildings
I think this is a ghost or sci fi movie
there were probably aliens in it
or U S O's
submerged objects
on the opposite side of the planet as the Bermuda triangle is the devil's sea in japan that's very similar
so quaid tells the big wigs to escape south to texas and florida and soviet mexico
and everyone south of a line e drew is savable
everyone north is already dead
so Canada's f'd
see you in h-ll Canada
later hobo is pooping his dog and sees people in the cold walking like nuke victims in barefoot gen or Hokuto no ken
the library dinks wanna leave with em as the water froze but jake trys to save em
they don't listen and go off to bite it in the frozen h-ll hole that is new York
meanwhile, americans are illegally crossing the border into mexico
such left wing trash
the nerds break into vending machines and burn books to stay alive
hobo suggests eating outta the trash
we've all done it
no shame
also they argue over which philosopher books to save or burn
this is why the rapture should come soon
the next generation isn't fit to lead
also nerd girl cut her leg saving the frenchies who I think left with the rest
so quaid and some guy are heading north to save the kids somehow
their car f's out and they snow shoe
also the library dinks who left are biting it
and hobo uses his years of hobo life experience to pack paper in his clothes
as quaid and his homies walk across a buried in snow building, the roove cracks under em and 1 guy is hanging by their rope
the glass is cracking and the hanging guy cuts himself loose to save em
we don't see him hit but I assume he splattered like a sack of chef boy ar dee
meanwhile is soviet nrew York; a guy who denies the bible and its Creator wantds to protect a Gutenberg bible as it represents the dawn of a new era or enlightenment
also nerd gril deals with her issues of all her schooling being useless as her future is basically max max in the winter
that thing was probably ripped off of violence jack evil town where aila mu regrets het fashion model skills are useless in a wasteland warrior world
jake admits he joined the team to be with her
also she has blood poisoning and needs antibiotics
also theres a super storm coming for new York
jake makes snow shoes outta chairs and goes to get medicine from the ship that floated out
with his homies
on the boat they gotta do assassins creed stuff to sneak around the outside of the ship to get in a window to unlock a door
they get the penicillin but theres wolfs on the boat
and they are cgi
1 guy gets leg bit and is probably gonna turn into a furry
then its the ryr of the storm and jake leads the wolfs away as the other homies get out or trap em or w/e
somehow he outruns wolfs and locks em in
they take the supplies out in a raft (as ice is just water) and the cold is coming for em
they run from the cold air that has a visible effect in the background and get in just in time
also dad busts into a building
man this is ike that movie the haunting from the 90s
only cr-ppier
its cold air!!
and somehow closing a door stops it even though its cold enough to freeze people
and when dad closes his door he TAKES OFF HIS MASK AND GOGGLES!!
good f--k who wrote this cr-p?!
quaird and homie move on and talk about in a paper tent in sub zero weather if man can make it this time
later things clear up
quaid and his surviving homie get to the library and oh good f--k the jake's name is sam
like that shia labeouf from the live action transformers movies
except shaia is a girls name
remember voltage fighter gowcaizer?
that skimpy dressed magical girl chick was named shaia Hishizaki
so quaid finds jake and the survivors and somehow they are gonna make it back across the frozen continent
the prez who isn't like al gore but a different actor(I f'd up) gives a speech about how we gotta take care of nature or other captain planet cr-p
just like the end of on deadly ground by steven segal
da prez sends choppers to get the people from soviet new York to soviet mexico and orders more search and rescue things
the space station people say the air looks clear on earth
the end
that wasn't horrible
but it was dumb
nothing makes logical sense and the characters and jacka55es
is full of smug liberal j-rking off and is full of cr-p
that being said, I didn't hate it
it was entertaining
sorta like 50 cent get rich or die trying
I like the cold so another ice age is good to me
the music is good and the effects are sorta that catwoman style cgi from the mid 00s that I sorta like
if this were a Schwarzenegger film we'd have fun but this movie feels like its trying to preach a message and be takes srs
also most of the country don't believe in global warming
they did a study and 46% buys is
that's down from 56% a decade b4
where as a steady 48% of the country is creationist
a steady 48 is higher than a dropping 46
and that was like a decade ago
but this movie  wasn't unwatchable
its fun to poke fun at and b--ch about
its good
not super awesome or super awful
but I enjoyed it kinda
for the day after tomorrtow 2 I want it to be like a mad max movie with humans who survived the cold fight to survive in the frozen north of what was once soviet Canada and try to make it down south while evading snowmobile gangs. and for the day after tomorrow 3 I want it to be revealed that under water daemons were the real ones responsible for the water getting f'd and they offer humans a chance to be saved from the cold if they offer them their souls. some do it and become grotesque abominations but some stay loyal to God and fight the fake humans with holy ki abilities and kung fu. both are sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar  games like streets of rage and final fight where you beat up bad guys

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