Saturday, June 25, 2016

Julius Caesar Review

note; im too cool to spell right
Julius Caesar
this is my review on Julius Caesar (the 50s version)
its by shakespere and stars marlon brando
despite that, i'll try not to spam the sodomy refs
its gonna be haRD
it starts with credits as no one wants to stick around once the movie is over
I like reading ending credits
they got some p0rn0 sounding names in them
we get text saying cesar won a war and was gonna be made some high rank or something
but the people don't want it
then some people talk about Caesar and one guy goes on a tirade
hes kinda prissy
he keeps rambling on
but no one cares
often I just say random things when no ones paying attention to me
nuke the 3rd word!
my aids is acting up!
necro pedo ninja turtles!
no one cares or listens
I'm like the ghost of Christmas past
]Caesar comes home but some soothsayer sez xeaser should beware the idea of march
cesar bringshim up and he sez it again
also his eyes are dead
this is how horror movies start
brutus and some other guy talk about bruticus not loving him or something
take it to springer
cassious is the guy
cassie wants bruticus to grow some go naads and see himself as a powerful guy
this is like in Hokuto no ken how jagi twisted shin to take yuria
cassie is jealous of caeser
he also b--ches about how despite caeaser being seen as a god, hes got human faults
cassie goes on for several minutes just jaw boning
not THAT kind of jaw b0ning
brutics dont really want to be pat of cassies scheme(I think. they talk  all castvania-y)
caeaser tells brando(playing mark antohi(im calling him toni)) that he wants fat bald men and cassie is lean and hairy
I know he means it as a metaphor
but that sounds like a p0rn0
I wonder if he were around today if he'd be into art of male pregnancy?
people drawing the dbz guys full of babys
most dbz guys aint human so maybe they got uterus's
1 guy talks about a guy refusing a crown several times
its cesaer who refused
the guy is named casca
that's the chick from berserk
they mention a "falling sickness"
I hope it doesn't mean b0ner problems
it fell off again!!
1 guy (I forghet his name) talks about howe xcesaer loves bruticus and how he wants to ice cesaer toprevent bad stuff
then theres a storm
cassie talks to cicero about
h-ll if I know
its all weird shakespere cr-p
later casca and cassie talk about how the stormy weather is like Caesar
they don't want him to get too powerful
they meet someone ese talk and leave
later a guy (I forget whop. they all look alike) talks abiout rising power and rights and useage or something
he wants to ice caraser to stop him from getting too strong
sounds like broly in that dbZ MOVIE
a buncha guys in cloaks come in and they talk about some cr-p I cant decipher
oh theuy are deciding who to include in the hit
they suggest icing toni
but they think itsd unnecessary
toni loves Caesar and they fear hes gonna go after em
buit they think w/o carsaer hes not a threat
this guiy(I think cassie)'s gf comes in and (oh its bruticus)talks about him being unwell
I went to read messages I posted on Kaiserneko's youtube page but missed a bit of the movie
but I don't think it mattered
the gf is talking to caersawr abouyt sending toni away
a guy comes for caersar but he sez hes not going
the gf sez to say hes sick but cesaer sez; f dat! I aint lying homie! blicketee black
he said it in like 1400s talk
but the gist is the same
1 guy (I think casie) seZ they gon think caer is afraid so he changes his mind
then some guys who wanted to ice him come in
as does toni
hes polite and frilly to em
later a guy reads a scroll and it warns ceaser not to trust em
he knows if cesaer reads it he can survive
give it to him butt mo!
he tries but cesaer don't take it
the guys fear their scheme is discovered
a guy bows to cesaer buthe sez he don't want it
other guys suck up to his a55
he sez hes not changing his tune despite other people saying he should do things as the public demands
like the liberals saying w/e is politically correct as their tune
then they all shank him
even bruticus
and he bites it
they celebrate
they make excuses that they were his friends for icing him since it makes him not fear biting it as long
that's bad logic
and sounds like a thing for assisted suicide
a but in a black tunic who works for toni says some stuff but I don't follow
they otta have subtitles in 90s slang
good morrow mark Anthony= yoyoyo homie!
toni comes in and talks about something but I dont get it
they say they iced him out of love
toni shakes hands with the guys who iced caersaert
he sez he loved caeasaer and complains about something
he asks why cesar was dangerous
then wants his body
oh cesaer! u were the only one I ever loved! and now ur ded! i'll make sure we'll always be together!
eats him
wait dats violence jack
they leave and toni talks to cesaers corpse
I assume he's b0ning it in the real version
he talks about violent sh-t and war and blood and babies diced and moms being happy
this guy's f'd up!
I kinda would prefer it if he was b0ning the body
less disturbing
bruticus or someone sez to the people he iced cesaer cuz he loved him
is that better or worse tan the qween icing daiaiana for outing their flaws?
he wins the people over with double talk anD THen toni comes out with cesaers corpse in a banket
bruticus sez hes gonna seppuku with the same blade when he needs to and the people want him to live
this movie is very left wing
the people immediately turn on cesaer
but toni sez bad sh-t about cesaer and good sh-t about bruticus
he goes on for several minutes
he takes off the blanket and shows cesawers cut up corpse
I assume it was nude in the real version
I think in his tirade toni turns the people back to loving cesaert
he mentions "putting a tongue in every wound of cesawrs"
this is f'd up
then he sez what cesar gave em
the people go on a race riot and start a bond fire
we get text saying octavious (cesaers son) became a new leader and the assassins skipped town
1 guy sez to wack the fat guy who was someones sisters son
brando talks about an a55 for a bit
also the assassins have a force of their own which is being hunted by the empire(like star wars)
cassie and bruticus bicker like an old married couple
they make up w/o kissing
bruticus sez the chck bit it
its said she "swallowed fire"
I aSSUMe that means she was b0ned dead
they mention 100 senatrs were put to sleep including cicero
he didn't really do anything in this film anyway
btw, this movie is fullscreen
no black bars hiding the tops of their heads or 90% of the S on superman
bruticus talks to luscious (a slave boy who plays the harp for him)
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
btw autocorrect turns his name to luscious
ater that night bruticus sees a ghost of himself (his evil side I think) who sez hes gonna see him soon
bruricus tries to shan it bt it vanishes
later bruticus sez the ideas of march are back and he sez bye to the guy who got him to ice cesaer
oh irts cassie
they talk all poetic and hold hands
cassie leaves for rome or something
but theres a trap and snipers get em
and the snipers were lead by toni
cassie escapes but is gonna get caught
so he has his slave freed and has him shank his a55
I assume he b0ned him dead in the real version
a captured guy tells octavious that bruticus is safe
bruticis tells a guy he saw cesaers ghost at night 2x and knows his tine is up
he goes on a wordy monologue for a while
he has a guy hold a blade and he runs into it
but 1st he holds the guys hand
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
why cant they just seppuku?
the samurai and daimyo did it
are they not man enuff?
candy a55!
after getting his body a guy sez; let us use him (I forget the rest)
toni goes on a monologue which isn't long or wordy and the film ends
we get the credits again in case you didn't care b4(or now wanted to see who played who since they don't know who looks like what or who does who b4 da film
this film was ok
mostly chatter and not much splatter
like spartacus
that had splatter
a dudes arm was offed
for Julius Caesar 2 I'd like for rome to go to war with the Japanese and have epic battles with wood and gear powered mech suits and various Yokai under their enslavement like oni and yatagarasu and kappa and tengu and yukionna and such and the romans are fighting a losing battle. they decide to have a b0ning ritual and all b0ne together in a secks pit to summon a great lust daemon to fight the Japanese. the Japanese are overwhelmed but the pagan gods of ancient japan cause a great storm to save them and drive away the romans. in Julius cesar 3 the romans try to find japan for revenge but they don't know where to look. so the attak various places to draw them out. but this time japan s ready with equipable Yokai armor that gives em Yokai powers and they also have oni turned into vehicles and mechs by hollowing them out and equipping them with gears.

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