Thursday, June 30, 2016

King Lear Review

note; my spelling aint getting better(or is it?)
king lear
this is my review on king lear (70s version)
another shakespere
I actually read this in high school
I don't recall howv it ended
and this is the 1st time I've seen the film
in high school in 1 drama class I read the part as a cross of rober stack and orson welles
both in their work from transformers the movie
the film starts with a long intro of still imaGES of people
no sound even
then the king sezs some cr-p about his kingdom
I should say this film is also black and white
he keeps going on and on
get f'd shakespere!
stop these wordy monologues!
You aint tommy wiseau
hes talking to his daughters about which 1 loves him more
his 1st kid sucks up to his fat a55
shes kinda haggy
w are they wearing?!
its like a tundra Alaska town
what year is this?!
cave man times?
any cave man chix here?
the 2st kid sucks up to him and sez she's the best
oh and da king iz giving them parts of his kingdom
his 3rd kid don't suck up to him and is honest
the king (being an A55) kicks her out
he also don't give her any inheritance
what a butt mo
should we have a malcontent uprising?
maybe get some democracy?
has democracy even been invented yet?
what year is this?
a guy decides to get the 3rd kid and says something about france
then people are traveling the tundra
is this gonna be like in teenage caveman?
the 1st 2 kids (who are like 50(maybe less(brits age bad(are this England?)))) plan something together
they travel in carriage by big black horse and wear animal furs
1 g cuts his hair with a daggar
he keeps saying 1 line then it zooms in on him and hes doing something different each time
in one time hes chocolating up his face
we get some text but I cant read it cuz its gone in like 3 secs
this movie is pretty cr-ppy
but in a likable way
like a roger corman thing
low budget and making the best of it
1 chick says this guy keeps doijng "1 gross crime after another"
I assume hes j-rkin off on people
like that candy a55 shinji in evangelion
then this geezer come to the town
they live in a walled around area in the frozen wasteland
is this the future brought about by global cooling?
I think the geezxer is the king
maybe not
wait, I think it is
he insults a guy for b0ning his daughter or something
an ugly guy tries to teach the king something
he wastes an egg and does something with the shells
he sings a weird song
is he a bard?
is this D&D?
1 of his kids b--ches at him for something only she really cares about
she then sucks up to his fat a55
he sez something and gets cheers bu she goes back to b--ching
the king flips a table and everyone goes nuts
he says some desire for something to happen with his 1st kid's reproductive organs
that's creapy
shakespere was pretty f'd up
at least hes not making all these bad jokes about b0ning
the bard talks with the king in the carriage
I don't really get what they're saying
freakin Castlevania talk
I get clockwork orange better that this cr-p
then we get a title card saying its at a castle with the bast-rd son of someone and his briother
after some talk, 1 guy sez he couldn't ice a guy
also a guy ran into a bedroom and jumped on a guy
its always gayness in shakespere
oh and they keep talking about kids looking after their dads
1 guy finds a note and reads it to another guy saying hes gonna get a big inheritance and something about his brother
someone runs and others try to find him
someone slices up his own arm on a blade and then more guys go out to find someone
the cut up arm gets treated
im not really following this
we get a title card saying one of the brothers is escaping in disguse as a begger
and something about someone coming to the castle
the begger guy covers his face in filth to look like a begger
he gets caught and some guys rough his a55 up and leave
I assume they b0ned him in the real version
later a guy comes to park his horse but a guy goes mental on him  for some reason
the leader of the place chews his a55 out over it
someone is locked in a wood thing by the legs(oh its the guy who went mental on the horse guy) and his boots removed
are they gonna tickle his feet?
isn't there a fetish for that?
later a carriage comes over and the wood trapped guy is dusted with snow
the bard gives the wood foot guy some advice in rhyme
if this was made today he'd be a rapper
king says something about wanting to see his daughter to someone
he talks with his 2nd kid and I don't really get what they say
then a carriage comes in and his haggy 1st kid comes in
she looks like kathrine hepburn
he b--ches at the 1st kid and tells her off
the sisters team up and he says some numbers at em
5 and 20
hes getting p-ssed
just slug em!
you can take em
and im pretty sure you whipped em b4
it may have been like 40 years but you can still kick their a55es
he calls em hags
if these chix are sisters then why do they look nothing alike?
the king gets in a rainstorm and moans while lying on the floor
he keeps talking to himself(whicjh I do) gets up and rambles on
is this the end of the film?
the bard and another come in
I think the carriage crashed and he's recovering
he talks to someone (the begger I think)
the begger stands nude in the rain from the waist up and the camera keep cutting back/forth
1 guy sez; fee fi fo fum, I smell da blood of a brittish man
didn't know this was where its from,
the king nd begger go inside and therea lot of sheep
also the begger is wearing a loincloth
I was looking up whats up next month on tcm's website but I don't think I misse muxch
this guy is captured and they spoon out his eyes
this this guy shanks the spooner
then this girl(I think 1 of the kids of the king) beats him dead(the shanker)
I wasn't paying attention for a bit but I saw the king and someone walking in the wet wasteland
later on the spooned guy and I think the begger are walking on a beach
they talk and I think the spooned guy wants to jump off a cliff
he prays then falls
but they are in a field or beach or w/e so he survices
they talk a while and the king comes in
he goes on about
h-ll if I know
I don't speak 1500s
the spooned guy crys and the king hits the ground
a buncha guys with weapons come in and the king runs
they swarm him in the water and later come back to this place
I think they b0ned him
its different guys commng to this place
I think 1 of em is one of the kings kids
why is the king roaming the wastelands?
shouldn't he be ruling?
later the horse guy from b4 finds the begger and spooned guy
the begger iced the horse guy with a stick and walks off with the spooned guy
the king is captured and his 3rd kid has him
hes told hes in his own kingdom
he reconciles with her and asks for forgiveness
theres a fire or something and the spooned guy is saved
and the king and his 3rd kid is there
the king talks of wehat to do and some guys bring him off (I thibnk)
I think the spooned guy bit it
this guy in full armor is confronted by some guys but wont give his name
then he fights a guy and one bites it
they take off their helmets and I don't know who they are
the 1st kid of the king busts some chicks head On the ground
then ts her own head on a rock
then the 2nd kid gets lynched
then the king carries her corpse to the wasteland and talks to it
wtf is going on?!
he picks up a feather and thinks it means someones alive
he calls someone a traitor and sez shes dead
he asks who this guy is and he sez its his servent kent
but king thinks hes long dead
the king j-zzed in his pants and bites it
the end
wtf did I just watch??
this movie was weird and hard to follow
like a weird a55 European film
I kinda liked it
but didn't get most of it
still it had a weird underground vibe of the 70s
for king lear 2 I'd like it to be set around the grandchild of the king who has developed psychic powers and was hidden away on an island to keep the people from knowing of him. with the king dead and no successor, the country is going mental like when bush got rid of saddam or Gandhi got rid of the brits. they need a leader to rule them or they start killing eachother. so this now teen with psychic powers is going from place to place and using his psychic powers to blow up bad guys and save the people.

1 comment: