Saturday, December 3, 2016

Starship Troopers Review

note; cant spell I s-ck a55
star ship toroopers
this is my review on starship troopers
my dad loves this film
its by paul verhoevan and stars casper van dien
it starts with a war add about fighting space bugs that launch meteors from their solar system
then we see soldiers fighting the bugs
one guy gets it in the thigh
then we flashback to 1 year b4
rico is in class(played by casper) and his teacher(michal ironside from total recall and prom night 2) is an amputee teacher\
he reviews how democracy fell and failed and now we use force
sounds like the malcontents who hate how trump won
only citizens can have an impact and civilians don't
like voting
and to go from civilian to citizen u gotta serve ur country
riko likes this chick and his friend is doogie houser
rico gets a 35 on math outta 100
in sailor moon she got a 30 on a test in ep 1
I just got a sailor moon gb game from japan
its all connected
then they dissect giant space bugs
its gooey and gross
\I love it
now it would all be cgi and s-ck a55
one chick ralfs from holding greasy gooey guts
rico has a esp test with doogie and s-cked at it
doogie sent his ferret Cyrano to go up his mons leg
hes working his way up to human
then rico plays some batman beyond sport
some sweaty guy from the other team flirts with the girl roci likes
hes going to the academy and she ants to too
riko wins the game
his tomboy teammate diz rides his a55 to get him to stop spacing out and win
rico wants to join the service but his rents disagree
they want him to go to Harvard
they get him to go to zagama beach
but at a party diz tries to dance with ric o
but he wants to dance with Carmen
diz has 87 crimped hair
shes gay for him but he wants to be friends
she dances with doogie hausr and rico talks to ironside about if he should go in the service
he sez; make ur own choice
Carmen with the the sweaty guy and  joining the academy
she wants to be a pilot
so rico decides to go to chase his b0ner
she invites him back to her place to b0ne
btw most of these alleged teens are in their 30s
just like me or power rangers
they join the military
doogie hauser is in intelligence
Carmen is a pilot and rico is infantry
they vow to always be friends but probanly wont see eachother again
to quote my black friends; my a55
rico's rents rents are malcontent over it and the dad sez hes "cut off"
I asuume hes gonna ciricimsize him
the mom sez she hopes hes not going out for some girl
rico flips out
Carmen and rico sey they love eachother and leave
we gt another military add
and tv news
an execution on tv of a murderer
its kinda like Robocop
Mormons had a peaceful colony in a planet
but the bugs shredded em
we see shredded corpses
Clancy brown(lex luthor in superman the animated series) plays a bad a55 drill Sargent
he challenges them to knock him down
one guy tries so he counters and snaps his arm
then diz comes in as a member of ricos unit
se holds her own in combat against lex luthor but gets busted
at lunch diz tries flirting with rico
dude, a 90s/80s babe is into u
go with it
this blonde guy who hates rico for being rich wants to be squad leader
blonde guy (ace) b--ches about needing knife training in a nuke fight
so lex luthor chucks a knife into his hand and sez u cat push a button w/o a hand
in the co ed showers they discuss their reasons for joining
rico sends a vid message home
wait, its to Carmen
I like the starships in here
its kinda like Robotech
Carmen flies one from a moon to a cruiser
she meets the sweaty guy as her trainer for flight
later rico's men are doing lazer tag with ral lazers
stun blast
diz and rico do a similar thing they did to win the sports thing and capure the flag
Carmen sends a love message to rco
she sez shes becoming a career ship piolt and its a break up letter with rico
she followed sweaty guy, rico followed hr and diz followed rico
btw, did she b0ne rico?
it didn't show it
its like in fritz the cat how they raeped the horse offscreen and u cant tell what happened
in la blue girl, Urotsukidoji and nami sos it shows he tentacles b0ning them
ace comforts him
during a test with live ammo a guy has helmet issues and rico tries to fix it
a chick gets zapped, falls, her gun goes off and blows apart his head
rico calls for a medic
in debriefing he sez he wanted to win
as punishment he gets the whip
better than locking him in a prison for years
in prison people get b0ned til they turn queer
my black friend was in prison
as a guard
its like dante's inferno in there
and only the guards can prevent it
he became a trucker as he hated working in prison
i'd rather get the whip than years in prison getting b0ned by big buff sweaty black guys
get it over quick
I watch a lotta prison films
I liked lockdown but my personal fave is riki-oh the story of ricky
I read the books
its awesome
look em up
people splatter
its like itchy and scratchy on roids
in space Carmen chats with the sweaty guy
they get a ship to pilot together
but then a big a55 asteroid come outta nowhere and nearly busts em
the ship had its com tower busted and the asteroid is sent by the bugs and headed for earth
rico is bummed and wants to quit
he cams with his rents and sez hes quitting and coming home
but the asteroid crushes em
as rico leaves he finds out his home country of south America got f;d and they are going to wAR
BUENOS ARES got wiped out
what perfect timing
right as hes leaving
lex luthor wants to go but the only way he can is to bust himself to private
the army accepts his unquitting and lets him return
w get a really anti subtle military patriotic piece of fighting bugs
in one news thing doogie houser sez u gotta bust the bugs nerve stem
oh and kids stomp cockroaches
doing their part at home
a ref to fighting german americans during ww1
but I liked zee kaizer
we should've sided with him instead of the deviant brits
one guy sez that people intruding on the bugs habitat solar system caused em t attack
rico sez hes from Buenos ares and his whole fam was wiped out
2 wrongs don't makE A RIGHT
Carmen shows up with the sweaty guy and one thing leads to another\rico kicks his candy a55
then gets a lazer tattoo
I should probably mention tat I heard in the book, rico and friends were latino
rico was phillipino
although to be fair, in sailor moon 3 chicks had blonde hair and blue eyes as Japanese
they go to the bug home planet and the bugs fire plasma blasts at the descending ships
it busts em
cool 90s cgi
nowadays it would be high def and widescreen and 1080p
wtf this is widescreen
f the black bars
give em aids
btW, HD stands for HARD D0NGZ!!
they land and find these big a55 bugs blasting plasma blasts from their a55
they bust em
I like how they used real sets and matter on film
nowadays this would be all cgi
the bugs attack and they open fire
then a big a55 swarm comes
these bugs are the size of war horses
1 guy gets his leg bit off
he is soon swarmed and torn apart
the bugs are cg but are sometimes with rubber
then we see a news guy recording and he gets eaten
it snaps him in 2
bad a55
rico gets caught by a bug in the thigh and the movie continues where it left off after an hour long flashback
the bug attacks, screen goes black
a news thing sez 100 000dead in 1 hour
we get a talk show where a chick sez they have a brain bug and the guy interviewing her sez a bug that thinks offends him
just like with liberals getting offended for no reason at everything
in the med bay a lotta peole are missing parts
but these hardly an wounded
and rico is listed as dead
Carmen is sad despite blowing him off
not that way
but really hes in a healing tank getting his leg restored
diz sows him his k i a thing
they get transferred to the roughnecks
ace sez he hears their lieutenant  is a real n-t buster
they slug him out as he saved their a55es
the lieutenant is Michael ironside with a cyber arm
everone fights
no one quits
u run, ironside shoots u himself
then planes napalm the bugs
roughnecks come in to clean up
they shred a bug with gunfre
Watkins(sky Watkins? the voice of miko mido in a blue girl??) shreds one and pops its eye
hey nuke a bug hole and get word to go help elsewhere
then a big a55 beatle comes out nd sprays napalm on em
1 guy gets his arm burned off
walk it off candy a66!!
rico jumps on it, shoots open a hole, drops a grenade in it and busts it
orange slime splatters on em
its like nickelodeon
ironside makes hom corporal
until hes dead or ironside finds someone better
at night they have a celebration
rico doesn't dance with diz
ironside sez never pass up a good thing
he dances with diz and they go to his tent o b0ne
they get undressed and we see both their nipples
sh sez she loves him and he don't
ironside sez to get ready in 10 mins as there was a distress call
he notices diz nude and sez; make that 20 mins
10 mins of b0ning
the next day theyre going to answer the call but a flying bug catches a guy and starts b0ning him
so ironside blows hi brains out
I expect anyone in this outfit to do da same 4 me
at the base where the signal came from everyones dead
some bodies had their heads busted open and brains sucked out
they find 1 survivor
hes a general and freakn out
he sez they made the brain sucked guy do things and experimented on em
he freaks out and ironside slugs him out
e wishes they'd just shoot him and a guy aims but rico stops it
then thousants of bugs come
thery open fire but the bugs keep coming
also flyers come
1 guy gets his head taken clean off
a flyer comes but is shot down and plows into the general
they call in an air rescue
also the bugs are climbing on the dead bugs to get over the walls
they fall back and the rescue arrives
its Carmen and sweaty guy
the ground opens up and ironside gets his legs eaten off
he tells rico to ice him
he does\a beatle comes up and they chuck a grenade down its mouth
but diz gets gang shanked by 1 bug
they free her and remove the bug thing
they get abord the flying vehicle and a beatle comes up as they leave
\we get a sad moment of diz biting it
rico sez shes gonna be allright
don't say that!
shes happy she got to b0ne him and bites it
rico kisses her corpse
sweaty guy tells her rico is alive
rico tells em to nuke the planet but the army has better plans
the vehicle returns to space and on a ship they have a service for diz
rico gives a speech about how citizens have courage and how diz was a real citizen
they launch her body into space where it wont decay
doogie hauser come in wearing a ww1 german trenchcoat
\he sent em even though he kit might be a trap
the bugs have more numbers and hauser has to make choices like this every day that waste soldiers
rico sez that's what the mobile infantry does best
they gotta capture a brain bug on that planet
rico becomes lieutenant (not LEFF TEN INT(candy a55 Canadians! cant pronounce sh-t! theres no F!!)) and the rough necks become rico's roughnecks
they go on another attck on the planet and Carmen's ship gets cleaved in 2 by a plasma burst
how are they walking on a space ship?
I assume they have a gravity generator
her superior gets cleaved in 2 by a door closing
carman and the sweaty guy escape in a craft just as their ship is busted by a plasma burst
what do these things run on? Protoculture?
ace tells rico her ship busted
he gets her communication and recognizes her
they crash land on the planet and into a cave
then bugs get em but don't kill em
sweaty guy gets his parts destroyed by a bug jamming its claw into em from behind
rico figures shes dad but the bugs don't waste em
he goes for a rescue mission for her as he knows shes still alive
maybe hes a connection esper and not a seer esper
a big a55 white bug come in
the brain bug has out of its anus moutH comes a bug limb
it jamms its thing in his head and sucks out his brains
I love it
when it tries Carmen she cuts off its sucker
rico comes in with a nuke and the rain bug is scared as it knows what it is
Watkins is wounded and sacrifices himself to save em and nuke the bugs cuz hes a black guy
rico amd friends escape and the tonnel they are in caves in
they get out and find lex luthor caught the brain bug as a private
doogie hourse sez it afraid
rico finds hauser sent him the message of Carmen being alive
we get a news thing of them probing the brain bug
and its a recruitment add with the heroes
join now
the end
I loved it
paul verhoevan makes some good films
self aware and smart
I also like how everyones tough and manly and no one is a candy a55
watch this movie
unless ur grossed out by gore and nipples
theres some butts too
but spongebob has butts
even the credits music s good
ooh, denise Richards was in this
that sounds familiar
and Brenda strong
she was elaines nemesis in Seinfeld
sue ellen mischke
I saw her and Elaine as a lina and naga of eachother from slayers
sue ellen is naga and elane is lina
for starship troopers 2 i'd like for the brain bug they captured to be a part of the bugs plan and they use the info it gained by reading other peoples minds to wipe out 80% of earths population. the humans launch one last all or nothing attack on their home planet to wipe out the queen bug and send people in living bio armor made from the same material as the bugs so they cant be detected. the queen bug is some huge abomination like in contra or la blue girl and the soldiers go through several levels of run and gun action on this weird Urotsukidoji/cabinet of dr caligari planet. the bug queen has several forms to bust through and many unique bug bosses. its also a 16 bit game on sega genesis and super nintendo

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