Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Old Yeller Review

note; I never got a petfect on my spelling tests on grade school
old yeller
this is my review on old yeller
my dad used to read a serialized comic of it in the 60s
I assume its called old yeller as its about a loud a55 geezer
ive never seen it b4
it starts with a song and credits
a song about how good this dog is
personally I hate dogs
they're loud and annoying and mental
I wish we could send them all to French Canada and nuke em so we'd be free of the curse of their existence
then some boys talk about money
ooh, they're confederates
the rents talk about selling cr-p for cash
the dads gonna be out for 3 monthz
the dad has a p0rn0 stache
the kid wants to go with him but the dad sez no
but the older bro goes
on the trip the dad tells the son his responaibilities
the son wants a horse
the dad goes on and the son goes back
the son plows the field with a horse
this dog chases a bunny and it causes the horse to drag the son, f the crops and bust the fence
I say they shoot the dog and eat him
the son throws rocks at the dog and it runs
at dinner the kid bro comes back from bear hunting and he wants a hunting dog
he ha frogs and snakes in his pockets
once at my grampas farm, I grabbed a snake and showed it to my mom and she ran inside
I was like 6
da next day da son and mom talk about the dad
the yellow dog has eaten the fams middling meat
whats a middling?
the kid wants to keep it but the older son hates it
that means they'll fall in love later
the kid bro runs with the dog and the dogs big black anus is showing
the teen bro hunts and his horse throws him
he says the horse has the sense of a blind goose in a hailstorm
reminds me of amercan hoggers and how that geezer kept makng random sh-t
its I there tighter than a corn cob in a hens a55
its outta control, like a mad woman with diarrhea
the teen caps a deer but when he gets back he sees the kid bro washing the do in drinking water
they bicker
at night the teen leaves mat out and sez he oughta cap the dog between the eyes
when he gets out the dog hasn't eaten it
later the teen chops wood and the kid/dog go after fish
he catches it
later the boy catches a baby back bear
but a bigger blacker bear goes after him
and the dog fights it
that was pretty bada55
we need more fight scenes between animals
the teen warms up to the dog
then this hairy guy stops by
his daughter sez she saw the dog steal food
and her dog is his dogs baby momma
the hairy guy tells the teen hog catching tips
the teen tells his mom
the teen wants to keep the dog busy
why not just chain him down?
like at night
he sleeps with the dog in the corn field but the coons come in
the dog fights em
why not just put out poison or traps?
coons are dangerous
m uncles cat went out one night and was mutilated dead by a coon
why cant we wipe those daemons out?
we did it to better species
the next day this cow isn't there and the teen/dog go out for it
the dog picks a fight with a cop
the kid goes after the calf but the cow chases him
but the dog aves his a55
later the kid(I meant teen) carries the dog I mean caf and the dog leads the cow
later the cow is tied up and the teen tries to milk her
that sounds like a p0rn0
the cow freaks out but the dog stops it
later a cowboy comes by and hes the dogs owner
the kid has an episode and throws rocks at the cowboy, knocking him off the horse
tat cowboy otta beat his candy a55
but instead he trades him the dog for a dead toad
oh and a meal
after the meal the cowboy warns of rabies
later the teen/dog go after hogs
the hogs are caught but get out but get caught again
the teen uses his hog catching tricks he got from the hairy guy
good thing those Animal Supremacist Scum wernt around back then
the teen falls in the hog area and gets b0ned by hogs
he gets away but his leg is f'd
then he runs back and finds the dog all f'd up by hogs
see you in h-ll old yeller!
he tries to save the dog by hiding hi under a big rock opening
imagine if the hogs came back and ATE HIM ALIVE!!
that's right
hes ALIVE as hes being EATEN!!
THE TEEN GETS HOME AND HIS MOM Treats HIS WOUNDS (f I left the caps lock on)
he wants to go bac as "he promised" old yeller to return
dogs don't understand human talk
the fam finds him and buzzards are after him
they get him out and the mom uses a horse hair to sew his open cuts
later the girl visits with a puppy of the dog
the hairy guy sez rabies is going around
and the hogs might have it
the teen later sez the hogs wernt mental
later the cow from b4 is all f'd up
its rabid
I'm noticing a lot of similarities t his and pet semetary
the teen caps the cow
it don't show it though
it should've shown him blowing open the cows head like a shook up pop can
they burn the corpse
the kid has animal supremacist views of animals being equal to people and having souls and going to heaven
the kid the eats from the same bowl a dog does
then the mom calls her teen to bring the gun
theres a wolf
dog fight
why don't we sell tickets to this?
its like mma and horse racing
the teen caps the wolf
the dog is cut up
the wolf jumped into the fire b4 and is rabid
the teen goes up his own a55 over it being "wrong" to shoot that beast after it "saved" em
its just a dog
to quote freeza from dbz; he waz jest... a munky!!
he wins over his mom to give the dog a chance
they keep the dog quarantined in a wood place
later he dog goes demon
cap his candy a55!
or if you don't wanna WASTE a bullet... use a HAMMER!!!
THe teen lies and sez the dog is ok
but the kid wants to be with the dog
they gon b0ne
the little p o s tries to free the rabid dog
see wat lying does?
only leads to damages
the mom stops the dog fro getting out
that little p o s nearly killed his whole family
the mom gets her shotgun
the teen volenteers to cap him s its his dog
he aims and takes forever to fire
f--king do it!!
the gun doesn't move as it fires
this is fake!
it should've shown the dog getting holes blown in it
and it takes like 8 shots to finish him
rot in h-ll you c-ck sucker!!
hope gacy has peanut butter!
\later the dad returns
the teen and the girl are on a hill burying the dog
burn it!
and take a big greasy dump on its ashes!
the girl sez the puppy is part old yeller
the teen sez; hes part but he aint old yeller
so does he ant a inbred dog?
highest pedigree and pure bred are fancy talk for super inbred
the dad gives the son fatherly advice
he sez in life theres bad and good and u cant throw it all away over a few stains
after the little p o s kid goes mental over noting, the teen takes on the puppy as the new old yeller
young yeller
then we get a song about him
ooh, chuck conners was in diss
my dad had a rifleman lunch box in da 60s
the end
that was good
I wasn't moved to tears like in lord of the rings or ben hur
its a positive well made film and I felt it was pretty good
for old yeller 2 i'd like for the fam to come under attack by bandits and the new dog to be defending them. the bandits catch it and b0ne it dead in front of the fam and the kid snaps and goes demented. the next year when the bandits return the kid who snapped sets up gruesome traps that butcher the bandits in really gory ways. also the teen has become a cripple after his leg gave out from being f'd by hogs in the 1st movie and he's trained as a sniper to pick enemies off at almost a mile away and has gotten into cannibalism as "its what old yeller would've wanted". he also talks to old yeler (actually his twisted psyche) and ices people that "old yeller" tells him to


  1. GASP! You hate DOGS???? (I'm a horse. BTW You should do a review of my series, Gumby, where I the 50s and 60s, this was killer, but the 1980s saw a redo of all of the original episodes's soundtrack and music and unneccesary cast additions.) Still very good and funny reviews. Came on here from RetahensiD's review of Rudolph's Shiny New Year, btw. Happy new year and hope you had hapy holidays..

    1. Thanks. Glad you liked my silly review. I remember you from Retahendsid's comments. I don't really review series. Usually when I review a movie I watch it off tv while typing my thoughts as it plays. It would be harder to do for a series. Any moves you'd like me to do though? I try not to review more than one movie per series(like if I do Jaws I dot really do Jaws 2 3 or 4) and try to review the version I have the most to say about(which is why I haven't reviewed Dracula yet as I'm waiting to watch the 1992 version) But I do have the Gumby GBA game. Took me a while to find it and I was about to order it online when I saw it at a used store. I was born In the late 80s and never really saw much Gumby but I was aware of it through 90s parodies. Thanks for the well wishes. I got some Sega Genesis and GB games for Christmas and enjoyed em. Hope you have a good 2018. Waoh. 2018. What happened to the 90s?