Friday, December 9, 2016

Mask Of The Fu Manchu Review

note; my spelling aint dat bad, eh homiez?
mask of the fu Manchu
this is my review of mask of the fu Manchu
the 30s one with boris Karloff
people whine about his playing an Asian while hes mostly brittish with a bit of indian
no one sez the same about dr zhivago slavs being played by brits
btw, isn't boris Karloff using an eastern European name w/o being eastern European is cultural appropriation?
so it starts with 2 guys talking in England
I assume they are the bad guys
they ARE brits lol
they want Genghis khans treasure for England b4 fu Manchu gets it
he can use it to rule asiA
would dat be so bad?
better than kommiez
wait, this is da 30z
so the main brit tells his homies hes going to Genghis khans tomb b4 dr fu Manchu
hes a dr now?
hes then kidnapped and the story focus's on his blonde daughter
she talks like a real woman and not brittish
she is afraid of dr fu Manchu torturing him and wants to go on the trip with the other guys
is he gonna b0ne him?
well, he IS English
later dr fu Manchu is doing science stuff and hears the main brit arrived
he meets with the main brit and reveals he holdes doctorates in 3 subjects including law and science
he offers the main brit money and women, even his somewhat curvy daughter
being brittish he turns down women
so dr fu Manchu hooks the main brit to a sound interrogation machine thing under a bell where they ring it over him
at last hes not b0ning him
he otta give him b0ner pills and dress him up as micky mouse and turn him furry
meanwhile, brits dig for Genghis khans treasure
later dr fu Manchu offers the brit food in exchange for info
but the brit refuses
meanwhile the digging brits find the "seal of Genghis khan"
I wasn't aware he had 1
then dr fu Manchu gives the brit a drink
but its salty
lol he got punked
he offers him food, a bath and sleep
but he refuses
the digging brits find a thing of solid gold and worry about them biting it like with the mummy tomb
they read a note saying its cursed to go in
the blonde is scared of it but the team goes in
they find Genghis khans skeleton and in its eye Is a tarantula
1st; howd it get in there if its buried underground?
2nd; I don't think there are tarantulas in Mongolia
they say countless hordes still worship him
maybe in Mongolia
but not all Asians like him
then dr fu Manchu has guys fighting amd sez as he has no son, his loser daughter gives a messahe
man he hates his daughter
at least he didn't have her aborted
nowadays he could
she sez Genghis khan can return and his forces will f things up
the brits check in to an Asian place for the night
they have g k's sword and wonder if they can ever understand Asians
to be fair, in some places they eat rhino horn to cure their limp d-ck
or eat tiger parts despite no scientific evidence for it helping
man, a lot of em have b0ner problems
they go to sleep and some Asian guy busts in and wastes the guy guarding the sword
b4 he bites it he sez; he was black! black! but he didn't get it
they bury him but are too tired from digging to continue on today
they fear the Asians getting the blonde
to be fair, in india chicks get mo lsted every 20 mins
and In japan chicks have a special subway car as men keep feeling em
well, betted than getting gang b0ned
a messenger from dr fu Manchu sez the main brit is ok and wants the sword in exchange for him
he goes and she tells her fiancé she wants to rescue him
he goes to meet dr fu Manchu and gives him a sword
btw, dr fu Manchu  and his aughter have long nails
like me
dr fu Manchu sparks up an electricity thing and it goes to his long nail
he sticks the swor in the ground ad uss his nail to get the electricity to it
it burns
turns out it was fake
chap chin ese knock off!
even in the 30s their products were cr-p!
my 5th ds lite broke this month!
my Japanese made sega genesis still works 20 years later
dr fu Manchu has the fiancée whipped
his daughter is gonna b0ne him or w/e and dr fu Manchu sez to hold off
the brits ask the blonde where he is but she don't know
they hear the dorrbell and find the main brit outside wth a dragon mark on his head
turns out this other brit switched the sword with a fake one when it was almost jacked when that guy got wacked
where'd he get the fake sword?
he goes to a store and asks for "pleasant dreams"
the store guy sez "not for a white man"
theres a lotta anti white racism I here
although now that would be celebrated on tumblr
he pays the guy and gets to go upstairs
the store guy sez to a guy the brit is upstairs
after lookin around he comes down to this bar thing and sees a guy with a dragon tattoo
he throws a lamp and it bursts fire
cheap unsafe chin ese cr-p
the people clear out and he finds his way through secret passages
hs caught by dr fu Manchu with a firearm
aso is a big snake
they go to the room wit the fiancée
dr fu Manchu injected a serum into his blood to control him
what is this? dragonball gt??
dr fu Manchu sez he wants to wipe out all white people
sounds like a 14 year old on tumblr
he takes the brit away
meanwhile we see dr's getting venom from various animals
like tarantula and big snakes(which aint venomus in real life)
btw, dr fu Manchu has a lotta black guys working for him
this scientist mixes the venum and (oh its dr fu Manchu )sez its dragons blood and his own lood and 7 herbs
is this HIV KFC??
he sez it\ll wear off after a bit so he can be himself when dr fu Manchu wins
later in a storm the fiancée comes back and seems loopy
he sez the other brit is waiting for them and wants em to bring the mask and sword
the blonde sez its not her fiancée and isn't right
they dig up the items from the grave they dug and on the trip are captured
they are taken to dr fu Manchu
he uses the sword in the electricity machine and it withstands
dr fu Manchu wants to sacrifice the blonde t his gods
he sez they can go to their Christian heaven
the blonde tries to turn back her fiancé with some carebears/sailor moon love cr-p
it works
dr fu Manchu has his big black guys in speedos take them away
is it WWF or P0RN0E!?
THEY HOOK THE OTHER BRIT TO A CRAzy thing above gators that slowly lowers
I gotta say, this whole "recapture the sword" remids me of golden axe 3 on sega genesis/megadrive
the dr fu Manchu sez the fiancée I gonna be injected with serum and made the slave of his daughter
this too sounds like a P0RN0E
the oher brit gts out of the trap and runs across gators
revenge of the gator, on Gameboy!
dr fu Manchu has an anti white speech and is gonna ritual sacrifice the blonde
the fiancée beats up the big black guys in speedos
wtf a big buff mortal kombat statue hands dr fu Manchu the sword
the guys other guys use the electricity machine and zap dr fu Manchu  from above(they are rght bove the ritual room)
th fiancée uses the sword on dr fu Manchu  and books it with the blonde
the other guys zap the Asians in the room with the electricity machine
later on a boat they are gonna throw the sword overboard
wat about the mask
1 guy sez; after all dat happened, he expects dr fu Manchu's hand to come outta the ocean and grab it
they hear a gong and the cook sez dinner is served
they ask him if hes a dr of science law or philosophy
he sez no
I gotta mention he had bad teeth
strange enough, the brits in here don't
they throw the blade overboard
the end
that was pretty good
and unlike many tumbler malcontents, i'm not offended at the stuff against my people
nor do I want this movie banned or censored
cuz i'm American!
I believe in freedom of expression!
even things I disagree with!
for mask of the fu Manchu 2 i'd like for his daughter to come back for revenge. she hid on the boat and saw where the sword was dropped. after going on a submarine trip, they... NO!! not a submarine! they inject the serum to make octopi get the sword for em! yeah, that's cooler! yeah! they use the sword to try to get all of Asian after England, but only get some of Mongolia. fearing its not enough, they use the serum to create a virus that infects people and spreads and controls people with it. soon England is a wasteland of violence and b0ning and cannibalism due to their reaction to it unleashing their inner desires. then in mas of the fu Manchu 3 an American team must go to the wastelands of England to get some item that they need for some cr-ppy reason. 

No comments:

Post a Comment