Monday, July 30, 2018

The Zodiac Killer Review

note; my spelling is as accrate as diss movie
The Zodiac Killer
this is my reciew of The Zodiac Killer (1971 ver)
I saw it on tcm underground and thought it was cool
so imma review it
it starts with text saying its conceived in 1970 to educate people on the killer
and the writer sez it all happened and he was threatened by the killer\
then someone in a car gets capped
killer narrates about his cr-p and takes out some chick on da street
then walks off saying many of us have been near a killer
da camera shows blood in the pavement seams in a cross shape
then a circle forms on it and the title is seen
a white flat front truck (ultra magnus?) delivers some cr-p and driver sez he b0ned some chick
and his wife don't want him to see his kid
dat kid is 50% his dna too
driver goes home and mailman gives him bills
as mailman goes, this hag b--ches at him for doing his job
mailman tells dat hag off and she spreads the mail on da floor and z she'd say he did it
what a b--ch
hope the killer gets her
driver goes inside and his wife wants his money
he tells her off and she leaves
then a guy talks to a geezer who sez women are only good til they turn 20
I guess he likes teens
after that they turn b--chy
also they wanna share chix
and geezer likes em plump and juicy
aka; fat chix
he also likes em dumb
guy goes to check on his animals
oh its rabbits
1 bit it
he whines about how bad people live while good animals bite it
hes really busted up over it
he berrys it by a huge cross
later I think driver gets ready for a party
later hes picks up his daughter in his 60s vw van
they go to a Christmas party
rabbit guy is there and chats with him
then a cop comes in, gets vending machine cr-p, and goes
driver jokes rabbit guy is queer cuz hes not b0ning lotsa chix
he gets triggered and driver sez sorry
driver shows him some 5kanks who come onto him
1 5kank knocks off drivers wig and he gets p-ssed and leaves swearing revenge
man he reminds me a bit of archie bunker in voice and acts
meanwhile, this opposite family couple is making out in a car and gets capped
reminds me a bit of the town that dreaded sundown
later da cops investigate
btw this is full screen and not black bars widescreen
drivers wife calls bugging him for toys for their kid for xmas
btw I think it wasn't driver who picked up his daughter
it was the opposite family couple that got capped
later a reporter wants to reopen da case of the couple that just got iced
and a cop sez a geezer got iced last week
theres a line up for da accused geezer icer
its probably not any of em
later driver has food at a diner and waitress offers rabbit stew
but rabbit guy gets triggered
and rabbit guy eats salad
is he a vegan?
hes probably the killer then
they love animals but hate humans
hitler also was like that
waitress used to date driver but is b--chy cuz he said something that triggered her
later waitress and a guy are gonna drive home
and the guy shes with got a pregnant gf
but he don't know if its his cuz his gf's a 5kank
man, san fran sisco is full of 5kanks and man 5kanks
everyones b0ning everyone
and in 2018 California lessened the charges for deliberately giving someone the aids
now its a misdemeanor and not a felony
this is why we should stay virgins
you never know who's b0ned who
or who those they b0ned have b0ned
oh and the killer caps both of em
kinda cheap blood effects
but charming
and da cops b--ch about how theres no evidence after it
they suspect the driver
he comes in and his a55 faces da camera and we can see both cheeks well in his pants
oh and he got drunk and p-ssed in people drinks saying "the fountain of youth lives!"
this is why I don't drink
they grill him and he has explanations for their accusations
they let him go as they don't got enough to hold him
oh and he has a conceal and carry permit
I surprised soviet California would allow that
da paper gets a note rom da killer admitting he did it and with facts only da cops knew
also he sent a coded letter and 2 others to 2 other papers
he wants em printed on da paper
later driver goes to see wife and ants to see his kid
but he don't want him to as she thinks hes on drugs
she calls da cops and he gets a saw
he gets his kid but da cops arrive
so he uses da kid as a shield
he sees da paper sez zodiac and clams to be him
then theres a gunfight as he runs and he gets capped and falls in da pool
look what that b--ch did
if only she let him see his kid
now she got him killed
she drove him to it
now they have less cash and the kid cant see him
what a horrid alleged human being
cops think hes the killer but the real killer calls in a whisper raspy voice
he sez the coded letter sez ho he is
also hes p-ssed the cops gave driver credit for being him
then we see who it is and I don't recognize him
then he has a weird ritual or something about those he ices being his slaves in the next life
and in a former life he chose them
but then he hears voices saying "how do u know its us?"
then some cr-p about atlantis rising and new pyramids
that's pretty mental
bit I say crazy cr-p too
some day, man will walk on the moon of Africa
but I do it as jokes
later killer and some couple are camping
oh f the killer looks like Shia LaBeouf
he's pretty f'd too
all the chronic he did as a kid f'd him up
they go through his bag when hes out and find a wig and plastic nose
I think hes da mail man
later these moms are bad acting b--ching about their husbands
then 1 of their kids climbs a tree
mom freaks out but killer gets him down
but he got up himself
why worry about him getting down?
its like I went in a room but need help getting out
then kid sez he don't like killer and runs off
later by this lake or w/e he puts on a mask and a suit with his circle cross logo
he goes to a couple about to b0ne and pulls a gun on em
he sez hes an escaped convict and needs cash and a car
he ties them up and pulls a switchblade
then shanks em
they use a knife with paint on it that retracts as it stabs to look sorta real
oh and he sez; im go to have to stab u people. right b4 doing it
as he leaves the chick moves a little even though shes supposed to be iced
then he writes a message nd his logo on their car in her lipstick
what if her car was red?\
then he calls da cops on it
oh and hes waring his killer logo on his shirt
its like clark kent wearing a superman shirt
he leaves and the cops call back the payphone he used
later the mail man goes by this blonde bikini girls place and she has him b0ne her
later he chats with his rabbits about future plans
then we ct to him snipering a tire out of this geezer chick's car
he comes to help her an opens the trunk
she sez she has esp
he fixs her tire and asks her to read his mind
then kills her with a tire to da head and drops the car off its jack on her
later he gets a ride from a cab driver who jokes to his homies about it being "some out of town f=ggit getting lonely"
after they reach their destination, he caps driver
maybe getting b0ned isn't so bad comparted to a headshot
and I think killer gives the cops fake info
later he sends a message to da radio mocking da cops for missing him
a bartender sez he could catch the killer as bartenders know how people tick
then killer buys everyone a round and leaves
but eft his logo drawn in the salt he shook on da table
its wiped up instantly
da cops turn to a psychic
he tells em killer was a gov worker
but got fired
now hes a car painter
and tried to be a P I
and was in a motorcycle accident
and has a rabbits foot
and bought health food near there last week
and starts seeing visions of the car geezer
and sez he has many cars
and psychic sees or hears water
later killer in a fake nose and wig, rushes a guy, shanks him, and cuts off his ear
later he gives a girl a lift in his car
but she runs out in a wasteland
he chases and ices her
later he stops by another geezer who's car broke down
he gets her to go under da hood
then slams it on her
them stomps on it with jumps
then rolls her down the road
later killer chats with a guy about his dad
his dads a mental patient
he visits dad at da nut house and da dads locked behind bars
he tells dad he was replaced by a machine

we would use less machines if we didn't have unions bleeding the company
dad bangs a metal thing and killer goes nuts
da dads too mental to talk to him
killer leaves and cuts this broken limbed patients wires holding his limbs
then rolls da geezer he talked to b4 down one of san fran sickos kills in his roller bed
its like that level in sonic adventure 2
but the guy bites it
if only he had 100 rings for an extra guy
killer walks and narrates
now we know hes real
but we cant do anything
we think he should be locked up
but theres more like him a he likes it
and don't care we think hes crazy
websters dictionary sez crazy means senseless
but hes got sense
and now the crooks have too many rights that can make the cops lose their evidence
and he knows we wont be careful away
it ends with him saying hes gonna be seeing us
then text sez; this not the end, as he laughs
then credits to jazzy music
the end
that was pretty good
it has a low budget charm
1 reason they made this was to catch the real killer
at the theatre it had a contest where you write why u think he ices people
they'd test the handwriting to see if the real guy was there
good plan
but the movie was entertaining
kinda over the top
but it has good twists
like not showing the killers face until a while in
and the red herring of the driver
I liked this
good early 70s film with little swearing and no nude scenes
much talk of and of screen b0ning though
but it IS caliefonya
living there is like being in a live action p0rn0
for The Zodiac Killer 2 I want it to be the 80s and someone decoded his message. they print it in the papers all over California. but its really a spell that turns people who read it into sub human monsters who are enslaved by the killer. so its up to the illiterate to save the day by beating then chopping them up. also its a hack and slash game on sega genesis and super Nintendo with up to 4 players who are various hobo's with hobo made weapons out of trash and bones.

No comments:

Post a Comment