Into The Forest Review

note this movie is Canadian. but I don't spell with extra u's

into the forest

this is my review on into the forest

I never saw diss b4

but I heard its like some female mad max/ violence jack/fist of the north star thing

its got ellen page from the x men movies

it starts with credits and a chick and her mom doing stuff

like ballet and driving in a car and such

all to touchy feely music

then theres reports of a massive power outage

its the near future as they have Robotech holoscreens and cr-p

the power goes out

once I was at my grandpas farm in da 90s and the power went out

we sat in the dark and kept the fridge closed to keep in cold inside

I think it might have been a storm

the fam lives in the mountains

might be in brittish Columbia

cocainum and crumpets

da girl goes to the car but leaves it open all night and the battery bites it

the bodycount is rising

dad changes t and radio sez the grid couldn't take it or w/e and 300 million people are w/o power

in soviet Canada?!

but present Canada has the population of California(new Sodom)

did it hit America too?

10 days w/o power later and dad uses girls shoelaces to fix da chainsaw

good to cut down bikers

they drive and see the neighbors booked it

back in 1930s Slovenia; my grampa was 1 of the 1st in his village with electricity

now we cant function w/o it

freekin millennials

they check a shop and want solar cr-p

they get gas and candles and food

they leave and oh cr-p its a biker gang

they drop girl off at some dance thing

wait, its to see her bf

they make out and have a bonfire with homies

later theyre driving with her ister or mom or w/e

wait dads there too

mom sez something about wrecking her knee

they stop by a stopped car and its tense

dad gets back in da car and they drive off into the darkwoods

later at home dad sez not to go to town for a while

the girl gets b--chy

if my aunt said f--king to my other grampa, he'd beat the black offa her

later the dad chopps up his thigh with the chainsaw offscreen

mom and girl stay with him but then its night

once my grampa was working on the farm and his neighbor was helping.

neighbor f'd up and grampa got his arm nicked by the chainsaw

not knowing what do do, neighbor goes home and grampa calls my uncle

take me to hospital! i got chainsawed!

so my uncle brings him there and he just needs some stitches

pretty bada55

you know the song "American bada55"?

my grampa was "Slovenian bada55"

which sounds like a weird al song

is he Slovenian?

I hope so

hes a good role model

no drugs or smokes or drinks or p0rn0 videos

later its 2 months w/o power

I think he bit it

the body count rises

mom decides to refill the generator as she cant take it

i'd say save it for winter

girl tries to talk her outta it

moms going nuts

shes probably gonna snap and start painting on the wall in blood and eating rats feet

oh and theres wile pigs

wait

they might be pets

no

they broke in and ate the fams chickens

too bad this is soviet Canada

if it were America they could have guns and take out the pigs

if a boar is wounded, it don't try to escape

it fights til u or it or both r dead

that's why we need semi auto guns

shred that pig

otherwise a single bullet wont stop it

unless ur robin hood

or William tell

or lilian gish

later she has a nightmare but wakes up and mom comforts her

later its raining ad da roof leex

save the water

girl finds a chocolate egg

she eats it

and shares 1 with mom

wait

she ate the only 1

mom gets p-ssed

later somene is knocking on a door

girl gets gun

but its the boyfriend

wait

the mom is really the sister

or both

could be inbreeding

u know how it is up in the frozen wastelands of soviet Canada

later girl shows bf her tree lair

they make out

in the real version I think they were b0ning

wait

theyre getting nude

they ARE b0ning!

this IS the real version!!

btw we don't see her long shoelace nips

later bf wants to have em walk to soviet boston

cuz they have power food and work

but sister don't think its real

but girl goes with him

but after a while changes her mind

bf tries to turn her against sister

is this a feminist movie?

he gives her a Firestarter and they hug and she leaves him to go to h-ll after they b0ned a lot b4

man we're an hour in

that didn't feel like much

she goes back to her sister

later they find a guide book (instruction manual ) and collect non poison berries

then start making JaAM

later shes taking a dump and wipes her a55 with leafs

later they drink

I looked awa to see how tpo spell JaAM and they got power back somehow

they watch family videoes

later when girl is picking berries and sister is chopping wood, store guy comes by

after some talk he tries b0nibng her w/o consent

also he beats on her

she blacks out from being b0ned too hard as he jacks their car

girl returns and goes berserk with an axe

after tending to her, sister rests as girl stands guard with a rifle

then they board up the house

then a montage of girl boarding the place up and standing guard

later girl reveals she hid the gas from the sister and the store guy didn't take it all

and she used the generator to play music to cheer her up

later while working the place, girl busts her back

imagine if she strained too hard picking up at rock and blew out her a55 and had rectal prolapse?

even go nagai wouldn't do dat

apocalypse zero might

as would tom six

sister tries helping her back with her hands but has an episode

later after eating sister pukes

I think the store guy gave her the aids

he seemed kinda scummy

turns out shes pregnant

and girl wants to kill her niece b4 birth cuz the dad was bad

but sister knows her kid is innocent and ants to protect the child

later its 15 months since the power went

wonder how the kid would react knowing the girl wanted to kill it?

might wanna avoid telling her that

later girl is in a tree and pulls a j f k on a pig

then pulls out its greasy guts and butchers it

then cures and prepares it

my grampa did the same on his farm

my dad and his bros helped

oh theyre making its fat into soap

later they smell something and worry its the store guy

later its raining again(what is this? England?) and the roof beam fall in

then sister starts pooping out her baby

then they start walking as shes in labor

they go to their tree lair where she b0ned that guy and she poops it out

girl holds it even though she wanted it dead b4

it looks part alien

also we see sisters nips

sister sez shes gonna love the baby her whole life(a sign of a good parent)

they return home but sister thinks theres black mold in the home that's bad for her kid

so she wants to torch the place

they say humans were around 200 000 years but had electricity for 140

when did we get electricity?

that could date this film

so they torch the place after getting what they wanna save from it

now if someone comes looking for em, theyd think the girls bit it

the home burns in the rain to music

they go off into the woods

the end

that was pretty good

sort of a canadian violence jack

and not just for all the lesbians

it has goods flow

good messages of love and hope and toughing out things

and smart choices like saving gas

it had some twists I didn't see coming

and its mostly calm with a few rises in intensity

sort of like the 2000 x men film

not just high octane action

but I liked this

good tension

good twists

I avoided spoilers on wikipedea while watching this

for into the forest 2 I want it to be a bit over a decade later and the sisters and son are in the woods when a team of sasquatch hunters comes in. they reveal the blackout ended years ago and society has rebuilt and is now an 80s style cyberpunk thing. they go to the city and the kid has never seen electricity b4, but has heard of it, and thinks its magic. also he falls in love with a sexy robot chick and his mom and aunt are against it. its also a Gameboy and game gear and Atari lynx game where you play as the teen and try to win the robot girls cyber heart by competing in challenges to earn street cred to impress her.