Sunday, August 12, 2018

Murders In The Rue Morgue Review

note; I spell like ape. I mean cr-p
murders in the rue morgue
this is my review on murders in the rue moregue (da 30s ver)
its got bela Lugosi fresh (prince ) off of Dracula
its part of the universal monsters series kinda
its based on a (true?) story by edgar allen poe
its said to be the inspiration of sherlock holmes
and better than it too
so after opening credits to the swan lake music
hay, john huston did added dialogue
its paris in 1845
back in America they still had slavery
but today in the 3rd world, we still have slavery
theres a carnival or w/e going on
what is this? the cabinet of dr Caligari?
also belly dancers in bikini tops
the guys joke about liking em and the chix slap em
thats domestic violence
theres a station with a talking ape man
its Lugosi's
he sez hes the real deal and its a science thing
the ape is usually played by a guy in a monkey suit
but close ups are real ape footage
Lugosi has leaned ape talk and translates 4 the ape
then promotes the lie evolution being real
btw this evolutionist propaganda is not in da book
and Darwin didn't make up evolution until well after this takes place
and he ants to crossbreed man and ape
and offers chicks a chance to get close and see his ape
nowadays Lugosi would be the oppressed hero fighting ignorant rubes
at least ere hes still da bad guy
main chick comes close and it grabs her hat
then a man shes with
so Lugosi saves him, then blames him for the ape attack
Lugosi tries to get her info but they book it
later Lugosi finds their home as they are saying romantic things to eachother
then these 2 guys are killing eachother over a h00ker
fighting over who gets to have aids
I think they both bite it and Lugosi gets the h00ker and brings her to his lair
shes tied to an X like boris Karloff in the black cat
he gets a sample from her but finds her blood is rotten
that's what happens when u b0ne all those guys
Lugosi gets mad at the h00ker for having rotted blood from b0ning all those guys
what did you expect?!
then she bites it
Lugosi is upset by this and has his minion dump her aids bod down a trap door under her X
later some hobos watch da cops carry out the h00ker from da river
I just realized this is only a few decades after napoleon and the French malcontent uprisings evolution
the head guy at the morgue has the bod's stats read and put with the rest
later this detective comes in to see da bodies
the h00ker is the 3rd in a series of wackings
detective notes needle marks on her arms and wants a sample of her blood
but the head guy sez since a body vanished, the rules got harder
probably some french naecrofiliac
they are more open to other orientations
later detective is working and his gay roommate is getting b--chy about him being too involved in work to chat
then some French guy comes in and chats
I think he gave detective something
he did an autopsy and finds theres a foreign thing in their blood that iced all 3 chix
they talk about Lugosi and his evolution and detective sez he might be right
oh detective as with the chick and gay room mate with the ape at the carvinal
main chick gets a new hat in the mail
it has a note saying its from Lugosi and he wants her to see him tonight
also they never told Lugosi where they live
then everyone outside sings for and with her
what is this? Disney's beauty and the beast?
well its got an ape
later its a picnic and guy x girl couples chat in a clean way
even a shot of main chick on a swing with the camera on the swing moving with her so the background moves
she tells him Lugosi gave her the hat and he gets triggered
he figures Lugosi had him followed
and knows Lugosi is not normal
what is he? tommy Wiseau?
detective sees Lugosi and sez the main chick sez thnx but aint coming
Lugosi is heading to munich tomorrow
detective asks more about Lugosi's work
then goes
but as he leaves, a worker sez dr is staying in france
detective hides on the back of Lugosi's carriage and finds his lair
then cuts to him tells main chick he heard ape and Lugosi chatting
they chat about if they should know whats in other peoples homes
he sez hes leaving and that she leaves her door unlocked then leaves
but someones watching
its Lugosi
h goes in and fakes being detective to get her to unlock da door
she wants him gone but he keeps asking her to go with him
she eventually shuts da door on him
so he sends his ape after her
meanwhile, detective figures out its ape blood in the dead chix that iced em
then races to save the main chick
ape goes in her place with good shadow effects
and an ape hand shadow over her sleeping face
it screams, she wakes up, and faints
how useful
mom comes in and I think the ape b0nes her dead
moms screams get everyone up there and they bust the door in
but ape and main chick are gone
as is mom
did the ape absorb her?
like that green guy and megumi in Urotsukidoji II legend of the demon womb?
da cops think detective is behind it and grill him and everyone there 1 at a time
they say the perp was speaking some languqage
but all the people say its a different language
and the different nationality people fight over it
eventually they bring in detective who sez it was an ape
oh and I think the ape b0ned the mom dead
they find her in a hidden area in the room
the cops think he did it but he sez its Lugosi who did it with is ape
and stuffed the mom up the chimney
they think hes nuts but he finds 1 ape hair and they trust him
meanwhile, Lugosi has tested main chicks blood and sez its perfect
da cops come to his creepy a55 Caligari home and Lugosi sends his minion to hold them off
da ape gets out and don't listen to Lugosi and wacks him
cuz animals understand, and obey, human words
ape carries main chick out and up da roof
man, king kong ripped this off
da crowd sees it going across the german expressionist rooftops
eventually detective somehow gets to da roof  by climbing the pipe like Harold Lloyd and going up stairs and out a window
they get to the end and ape drops her to go after him
oh and shes awake now
he caps da ape and it falls in the river
good guy with a gun!!
then saves da chick
later head guy goes over the info of Lugosi's bod and make up some of it
cause of deth?
an ape!
the end
that was pretty good
I like how the animal rights guy got iced by the animal he loved
just like all these other movies about killer animals and those who love them
but this was 1st
unless theres some 20s film like that
like the unholy 3 where that ape ices those guys
but they didn't defend or befriend it
good acting
good story
good 20s/30s/1800s feel
simple and easy to get
but they had to cut like 20 mins of violence and stuff too hot for the 30s
so its only like an hour
and inspired king kong kinda
but I liked this
put it on he history channel
for murders in the rue morgue 2 I want the ape to have revealed to have survived and haled by a geezer who fought in the French revolution. he hates how france stopped icing rich people and wants to take over. and this ape is his way there. he eventually grows fond of it and they fall in love. and he learns ape kung fu from it. like where the human body weak points are that ape learned from Lugosi. but they also go on attacks against the rich and descendants of people who wronged him decades ago. its also a 2 player stealth/beat um up game where u play as the geezer and the ape and follow targets until theres not many people around and splatter em all so no one tells da cops. and if 1 gets away, u gotta take on da cops. its on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar and neo geo.

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