Thursday, August 16, 2018

Steel Magnolias Review

note; I never saw diss b4. so why spell right?
steel magnolias
this is my review on steele magnoisa
I hear its about chicks
so I assume its some kind of sailor moon/wedding peach thing
although family guy did a parody of it
not sure how accurate that was
its from da 80s and starts with dat cool tristar logo
its got sally field, dolly parton, Darryl hana, olimpia dukakus, and Julia roberrts and dylin macdermot
it starts with life in a 20th century town with nice music
huh, its based on a play
I never knew dat
this geeky girl walks around and finds a wedding
then a guy starts shooting birds
is this the south?
seems like it
geek goes to this house where this chick wants her husband to get easter eggs to da church
at the wedding home Julia finds a box of c0nd0ms the boys wanna put on the car
car fetish??
geeky helps do the egg ladys hair and shes doly parton
dolly hires her as a hair chick
then dollys mad max son rides off on a motorcycle
dolly and geek talk and its revealed geek lives with some chick who's fam bit it in ww2 and viet nam
then a geezer chick comes by and talks
geezer worries geeky might have issues
also geeky is married
at wedding house, julias bf comes in to doublecheck if she gon marry him
she sez if her dad catches him there, he;d cut off her bf's thing
later its tome to go wedding but this loud chick with a dog comes by and starts b--ching about them making noise that's bad for her dog
dad makes little jabs at her and she stays b--chy
later dolly and geek work on hair and talk about recipes
oh its the wedding fam they're hairing
they don't want Julia working after marriage
nowadays the feminists would go mental over that
also a radio station is for sale and they want geezer to buy it
they talk about colors Julia wears
this reminds me of gone with the wind
b4 the yankees attacks the south and ruined everything for em
they talk on and on about minor things
but its not boring
Julia told her bf she wouldn't marry him
but changed her mind
btw I like the bad 80s hair they got
its like double dragon or fist of the north star
then hulia starts having an episode
they give her juice
but she starts freakin out
shes got diabetes
also she cant have kids
man we're like 30 mins in with commercials
that felt like nothing
also it freaked me out
at wedding home dad and da boyz find arrows and a crossbow
time for some live action D&D
later dog lady comes in and goes b--chy
she bashes the dad and sez; mi bet he takes da dishes outta da sink after (or b4, I cant recall)he pees in it!
that made me laff
dog b--ch interrogates geek over her husband and it upsets her
her husband ditched her
might be into drugs
shes not sure shes married
spoiler; marriage don't end when 1 goes outta town
so juoiliA invites geek to da wedding
geeks name is Annabelle like the pink fatty from eek the cat
then dad sets off fireworks in a tree to f out da burds
dog gets loose and the chicks chase it
later they have the wedding
after it geek chats with a waiter ort bartender or w/e and has a cherry coke
also is an armadillo cake that's full of red cr-p
the bf's aunt made the cake
then they all dance to south music
later the boys bring da car and itds covered in c0nd0ms
were they b0ning it?
rednecks with a car fetish
juilia and bf drive off in their spurmobile
at night everyone leaves
then I think its xmas
they have a beaurty pagent
also geek has digivolved into a normal looking human
also geezer is now the radio station owner and announcer for a team
at home, dollys husband lost the contract cuz the other guy's bid was 6000$ lower than his
later geezer is in the mens change room talking about uniform colors
another chick tells her no one cares
take dat b--ch!
later Julia tells her mom shes pregnant
mom isn't excited and Julia gets b--chy
moms worried about julias health
they bicker and talk more
later Annabelle decorates a house super xmas
then dog b--ch comes by and juila tells her, her old b4 is back and single
but she gets b--chy over her cr-ppy marriages she had
later Julia brings em together(ex bf and dog lady)
later dad outs Julia over being preggers
later its summer and theres this blonde kids b day
juloia wants her hair done
at the hair place they talk
1 guys kid said he had months to live
then said hes kidding and really turned queer
that's pretty evil
a fake out like that
also a beauty xmas pagent chick was in a scandle at a motel with a politician
also Julia gets most of her hair cut off
and her kidneys are going and needs dialysis
and her moms gonna give her a kidney
holy cr-p
the director of this did footloose(the 80s one(the GOOD one))
also geek deals with her waiter bf having beer in her fridge
and he takes the Lords name in vein, which offends her(and God)
shes become a believer
later da chicks go to church and the dog b--ch lusts after her ex bf
later theyre at the hospital and I think they transferred a kidney
later its Halloween and Annabelle is getting married
they have a wedding shower b4 it and gets skimpy lingerie
later dog lady is getting her moustache removed again and gets b--chy over how she don't watch movies, plays or books
get a sega
later Julia blacks out and her husband comes home to find her
at da hospital shes rejecting the kidney
and in a coma
her mom takes care of her
later they take her off life support
mom goes to get her grandson and they hug to moving music
later they lay her to rest and Annabelle says some Christian stuff
the mom gets b--chy but Annabelle says julias a guardian angel now
spoiler; we don't "turn into angels" when we bite it
angels are created beings made b4 man
Its like saying spaghetti turns into watermelon after its eaten
mom then tells about pulling da plug and how the men left but she stayed
and how she was there when julia came in and left her life
later mom breaks down and wants her grandson to know what Julia went through to have him
and how she wanted to bite it 1st
and wants to hit something
so geezer tries to get her to slug dog b--ch
dog b--ch gets p-ssed and books it
geezer makes up with dog lady
she then reveals to Annabelle she prays
then mom plays with her grandson
Annabelle sez the baby in her is gonna be named after Julia
later its easter and Annabelle is super pregnant
her waiter husband plays the easter bunny 4 da kids
and dollys hair salon became a chain
and geezer tells grandson about Julia and the evil dog lady witch
dog lady surprizes grandson and he freaks out and slap her
kinda awful the women turning the grandson against this chick who did him no wrong
then Annabelle poops out a baby
waiter husband rides mad max sons motorcycle in the bunny suit
then credits as the camera follows them from da air like with in the heat of the night
but more soft hearty music
the end
I gotta say
that was pretty good
not much action
but all the characters are distinct
and its got good pacing and flow
the footloose guy did pretty well with this
and both this and footloose had blacker remakes in the 2010s
the acting as good
it made me laugh a few times
and it had heart
the music was nice
its a positive movie
gives me a good feeling in my soul
for steel magnolias 2 I want it to be a high school movie in the 00s with the son from the 1st movie and Annabelle's daughter as a couple but there's a  serial killer going around the school and they gotta figure out which of their lusty classmates it is. also its a detective game on sega genesis, super Nintendo, Gameboy and game gear and you gotta solve the clues and save the other lusty classmates before e gets em

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