Sunday, January 24, 2021

Spawn Review

 Note; i spell like h-ll


this is my review on Spawn froim the distant future year of 1997

it stars mihael jai whiteww, john leguizamo, martin sheen, d b sweeny, miko hughs and has frank welker

its directed by msark a z dippe who did pixel perfect, halloweentown high, frankenfish, garfield gets real, a few other garflied things and the reef 2 high tide

i never read the comics or watched the hbo show but saw a bit of this years ago

it did well at da box oriface but critits slammed it

so it starts with narration about a battle between heanev and h e double england andf they recruit souls for it

then iots a milirtay base in pre soviet hong kong and a guy busts in and wasts everyone

he sets up a missile and takes out a guy who just landed there, then blows the area to cover his tracks

then narrator sez he fought for good but the violence in his life made him go to h e doub;le new york and we get credits over a fire tunnel to 90s music

lol, steve "spaz" williams

so then in the news it says the bad countrys hate amarica now(Just wait til the media starts bashing President Trump)

Then sheen is talking to a shaowed over guy about working with him and shaow man wants him to wack al simmons(like richard simmons brotyher?)

then its daytime and al is going to work and leaves his dog in charge of the hopuse

al was the guy from the start who wacked all those guys

he goes to see sheen and whines about howe the place he bew was supposded to be clean of innocents

and now he wants out but sheen sez he wont be happoy if he goes but lets him go after 2 more mission

he has to take out bio wepons

so he goes there and the plant is gonmnarelease the virus and theres a town near that will get f'd

sheen shows up and sez they'll be test subjects like with that guy in batman beyond

so this chick shootys al in the legs, sprays him wityh fluid and martin throws a cigar on him and he burns, then ther area blows

so he wakes up in h-ll and its a f'd city like the crow or la and he's all cooked

he meets miko huighs as he got run over in pet semetary and narrator isd there and narratos sez its a holy mplace

narratodr sez he can join em but he sez no and narraort sez treally 5 years have gone by and he comes back to earth cuz the bad guy did stuff

at his once hoome he seez a b day party with a huge a55 clown and her with his homie

he spazzes out and his dog licks his decrtoded face and his womans kid offers him candy

his woman takes the kid and homie tells al to gtfo and cloppwn notices him

so clown meets al in an ally is is a gross slop

clown tells akl hes ded and shows him a vision of him makking a deal with dark ruler to lead his army to be allowed tro see his woman agauinb and avewenge himself

clownn sez he's like a guardian angel and br8ings him to his bodyu to dig it up

some edgy 90s teens are having a black ritual and see him and he gets his spawn form

clown sez he can still diere and if sppawjnn fails they both go tpo h-ll

so back on urth clowneats a maggot pizza and narrator shows up and sez he killed fore good and wants to help al

clowhn has that 90s tude like bubsy like finding a maggot pizza and saying "yuck! i hate anchovies!"

so thenn there's a news thing of the woorld going f''d and homie in an interview

and sheen sez the plague they made by the town is ready and only they have the vaccines

totally not like 2020 with that similar thing

then spawn comes in and getsa his guns

homie meets sheen who thnx him for using the medias to make him look good

just like da bad prez from 08-16

homie wants to stop lying but sheen weont let him and implies he'se goona f up the homie's fam

they go to a party with high rank guys and sheen chats with guys about new stuff to use to f da urth

but homie gets word of a security thing

then spopawen crashes through da roof like batman and hgas a big a55 cgi cape

he cvonfronts sheen and throws him across the room and con fronmts homie over marrying his gf

he's about tgo cap em but the chickbad guy showes up and opens fire with 23 machine guns

spawen fires back and heals with his green power

totally not like The Crow

she fights spawn and he capsx her on purpose

totally bada55 as nowadays you can't have good guys intentionally icing guys

esp chix

look at those candy a55 marvel films

so spawn escapes and has dr octopus chains to swing from and da cops open fire on his a55

un til his grows a cgi capoe and turnsd invidibl;;e

but after turning bak a piece of roof falls and tyhey fire on him(totally notg like ben hur)

so he flies off on his cgi 90s cape

so the cops clean up the mess after and sheen chats with clown about not warning him about spawn

clown sez to hook a device to his heart so if it stops the plague is released and sheen is to release the plague soon

later, soawns gf does a presentation on the plage in korea that f'd the vtown b4 and spawn sees the gfs kid and dog

she thinks his face is cool and they talk and he reveals he knew her mom

thej fat a55 clown in a cheerleader outfit dances as this is the 90s and dark ruler calls him back tro h e double soviet new york and sez he has to ice scheen and relase the virus to complete his army

homie comes forn gf and kid and tells em the attack and they go and leave the dog as he wont comer and knows the way hgome

in da afterlife, miko is gonna get beat by his dad for barfing rotten food but spawn beats on dad, but miko mido saves him

oh and the dog spaz went withj him

so sheen gets a heart moniter installed in him and spawn in a burned out building, totally not like the crow, chats with miko

sop clowhn meets spwn and spawn sez clown set him up

clown sez its his destiny or w/e and  clown grabs spaz and al caps him

clown digivolves to a big cgh action figure and fights spawn

spawn shoots the floor and they fall after being grabbed

then clown vanishes, shows up, grabs miko's dad and throws him

btw spawns face mask comming on it toptally not like venom

so  he vanishes again, attacks spoawn from behinmd and throws him around

then turns back as spaw is crucvified on a fennce

clpown mocks spawn and sez hes gonna b0ne his gf and goes

but narrator shhoewws up and gets him down

meanwhile hoimie downloads files aand nasrratopr heals spawn

then trys to get spawhn to stop following anger and vengeance and violence

oh and to let gf go

so he trains spawn to use his tentacle chain nipples like its that scene in the BAOH manga

also he tells spawn if he uses too much power he bites it

sp spawn goes off on a mototcycle and fights clown in a truck

the truck spills slime and spawns cycle falls so he uses his cape toi make a spike in the groundn and truck blown after ramming it

meanwhile, homie sees the files on a gamercube disk of the plague

he's gonna send the data to the news who will totally not block it to help their acause like with joie's kid on twitter

then sheen comes in, and blows the 90s computer

then clpown comes in and sez spawns comming

later al comes in and sheen has gf in a weird h-ll thing at knifepoint

he sez to join h-lls army or she gets it, then knifes her

sheen sez he's got nothing to fight for but al sez he still has revenge

totally not like hokuto no ken with shin

he beats on sheen who reveals if he gets it, the virus is out and he dont care until sheen sez the kid gets it too

he spares sheen and gf comes back to life and beats on spawn and nails him in the neck with a knife and turns back into clown

he was gonna use this to start the apocalypse but 1st is gonna b0ne the gf

then narrator comes in, drives off clownm and helps spowan heal

then they go to h-ll by the fireplace and it looks like a n64 game

theres a big a55 cgi fight with narrtator, spawn and cgi monster clown

spawn wuins with a blade punch in the nack and dark ruler comes up sasying if spawn wont lead the army he must die

al these other spawns show up and spawn nukes em with his ki

then he gets narrator and both get outta h-ll

spawn sez he has no place there as gf has a family and he is gonna join narrator on the side of good

miko mido brings in spaz and cgi clowjn monster comers through da wall like fredy kreugar and starts esting spawn

but he grows spikes and uses his chains to take off tyhe head

kinda like that chick and cesaR in urotsukidoji 3

clown head turns back and gets sucked back to the fireplace

homie reveals to the media he was tricked to help sheen and is outing him now

then we see the dark ciuty in the rain as spawn stands on a buolding and looks bada55 as nattarir sez the dark rulers plans arte stoped for now

the end

that was pretty cool

really 90s in look and feel and style

good effects that seem nostalgic

good acting and music

good stgory that kinda rips off like 8 other things

i liked it and it holds up

better than titanic which was 5 hours of sh-t!

this is cool and bada55 and has good stuff going

glad i saw it. no wonder people loved this

yeah its not super original and its not deep

but its entertaining and cool

although some people wanted this to be darker and edgiedr and r rated and the actors of this didnt think it was good

but hay, it made like 2x its budget. someone loved it.

Oh asnd they got Dr Claw from Inspector Gadget as the dark ruler

Maybe that's why we never saw him?

for spawn 2 i want the bad guy to summon a big evil army tyhat takes over the earth and he has to fight them off. also he has been givenm angel powers from The Lord for renouncing evil and goes through the continents to clear out the daemons. its also a 16 bit sega genesis, snes, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar beat em up game where you play as spawn or the other guy from the 1st film.

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