Saturday, January 30, 2021

Red Sun Review

 Note: I spell Japaneseier

Red Sun

This is my review on Red Sun from the disatant future year of 1971 (The year my cool 90s aunt was born)

Its got charlkes Bronson, Toshiro Mifune, Ursula Andress and no one else i know.

Its directal by Terence Young who did a buncha james bond cr-p

i never saw this but heard its good

after credits top bronson riding his horse to a traine station andchasing dda  hoprse away, we  get text saying by 1860, japan opened up top da world AND 10 years later the ambassatpor is fd by stuff

so at da ttrain station a samurai comes out anmd he and buronson look at each other

is this whhy we gotr Gagaga Samurai and Zexal?

on da train a bounty hunter holds bron at gunpoint but a homie puulls a gun on hunter and makes him jump outta moving traine

in da train deck,. bron lights a mnatch witn his thumb and lights a guys cigaR

then bron holds up da train cart and when a guy is gonna stop him, homie caps  him asnd the shot goes through him and another guy

da TRAIN STPOs FOR SSHEEP ON THE TRACVK (WHICH IT SHOUL;D JUSTY PLOW THROUGH EM) ANDwasteland warriors attack the train with duy no mite

so the soldiiers got iced and the train ges on, then stops and brtonsons guys blow a cart wiithg dy no mite and loot it

they then go to the japoanese cart and the ambassator sez not to f with him as da gov proiimised him protection

bron and homie go in and see samurai and are gonna loot the place and if anyoine trys to stop em, ambassator gets it

they give him the cash and bron leaves but homie jacks a gold katana gift for the prez

1 samurai trys to stop him but homie caps him

then homie blows the train and he and the raiders are goiong but samurai aks homie his name so he can take him out

homie leaves and sez his name and the japanes ebery the capped samurai

bronson survived the tarain blowing and ambassator wants samurai and bronson to catch homie

in 7 days ambassaator is comming back and if samurai dont got the item back, he's gonna seppuku

and if bron dont go with him, samurai will waste him

so they go off and after a failed attempt to escape by bron, they go on and bronson insults samurai

samurai reveals he know english and oh yeah, the other samurai who got it was like a broither to this guy

just like moon shadow and sun shadow in ytugioh arc v (more like HIV)


samurai and bron camp for the night and bron wants to have samurai keep homie alive for a day so he can interrogate him

samurai sez no and he slept while walking so bron cant escape at night

also if bron leads samurai around for a week, samurai will cutr him down

after samuirai shares japanese food with him, bron trys to get his boots back as samurai took em but samurai catches him and bron fakes being after mostiques

samurai easily takes the 1 mosutiswe out

what is he? a ninja?

is tthat where the karate kid got it from?

dA NEXTE DAYYE THEYE GOE ON and bron shoves samurai off a cliff anbd wwalks on

samurai comes back and bron trys to spear him with a STICK

SAM,URAI CUTS IT DOWN BIT BNY BIT WITH HIS KAtana and bron sez he can take him w/o the item

samurai throws down his katanA And bron trys fighting him but gets thrown around

samurai beats him down and burns off half of bronsons face with a ki blast


really they go on through the hokuto no ken wastelands and find a ranche with horses

they go in and see a chick being tormented by some wastelanbd guys

i think thisa is where vuiolenvce jack got it

the raiders cap a guy and 1 mexico guy goes in da barn the heroes were in and samurai cuts him down

bronson caps some guys and seemss to be about to cap samurai but dont

bron givees samurai a horse annd tells how to use it but samurai isds pro at it

they leave and samurai gives the farkm chix gold and bron wants samurai to either gpo his own way, or if he comes, to let homie live long enuff to get da info on da gold

bron spooks da horse and runs and hides as samurai eventyually gets control of da hotrse and ghoos on

later samurai is going through water and bron sneak attaX him and trys drowning him to get him to aGREE TO SPARE HOMIE

then brings him out and ssamurai tells of his family legacy of 400 yyears of samurtai

then goes on about japan changing and samurai times are ending so this is his last chance

later bron finds bodies of homies men and goes to this town to wait for homie as theres a chick there he lines

they go to a wh=re house and bron catches this frenchie and makes out with her after she nearly caps samurai

1 mexico comes out and sez bron is said to ahve been iced in a bada55 fight and bron tells mexico top not tell anyone or samurai takes off his ears

bron goes up adn sees ursula andrerss and shes the one homie is goonna see

bron offers to split the treausre with her and when she dont wanna he locks her in da room and nails the windows shut

samurai is running outta time and they drink together and bron wants samurai to b0ne some chickj

he goes up with the mexicano chick and bron wants tyo peek on him

but samurai is being bathed in a half barrel and when bron comes in, samurai throws kunai at him to make him stop

ther next day, charles bronson has b0ned this frenchie and i think samurai b0ned the mexico and homies men stop by

bronson wants to bring urusala and when a guy comes for her, she yells brons here, so bnron and samurai waste em

1 guy survives and bron takes him captive and sends hiom out to tell homie to bring the gold and the sword in exchange for the usrusa

bron, samurai and usurala go of and she swears at them and they go up to eht snow capped mountains

up there bron tells urusla she's a wh=re and offers her gold to get her dream

samurai takes a bath in his samurai undies but bronson takes his clothes and makes him promise to let him have homie alive for a day

evantually samurai agrees and they go on in the snow

btw, mifune has bigger eyes than bronson

so in the homies stone lair the cputred guy comes over ands tells homie and homie almost caps hium but dont

btw homies name is cgauche like nistro in yugioh zexal

and his goons ride out and bron and friends find a town raided by commanchis

later urusla trys seducing bron and when she starts taking off his clothes, gets his gun

but its empty and he slugs her out


so the girl gets away but bron and samurai go after her but the commachi get her

1 hassles her and she shanks him with his own knife and they tie her up with wet rawhide to choake her as it drys and watch

eventually, samuirai and bron come in and waste the comanchi and bron shoots off the rawhire

she's gonna ahve trouble swallowing for a bit

ooh, Tetsu Nakamura playedf the ambassator was in the H man and Mothra

so they go on and 1 comachi escaped and lurks around watching

so they go to homies base and no ones there and eventually, homie is on the roof and has em at gunpoint

so instead of capping em, homie just talks and takesd their weapons

she sez they saved her from commaches and he's gonna ice em

but then the comanchis attack and in the chaos the homie, broin and samurai team up and fight em

samurai gets back the item and evantually the comachis retrueat for now

they escape in the tall grass as more comanchi come and evantually they fight

the comanchi set fire to the grass to burn em out and samurai cuts away the crass around em to keep em from burning

more comanchis attack and evryone fights, no one quits, even urusla

samurai cuts down more conamchi and evantually has a duel wioth 1 using a spear

homie gets his shooting arm capped and the comannchis are dead

samurai is gonna cut down homie but hhesitates for his oath and when bron sez kill him, homie caps him

homie is cocky and dont think bron will cap him as he'd not get the treasure

bronson epmtys a shotgun into homie and vows to deliover the sword

then samurai bites it and goes to jigoku and bron puts hoim ion the field for archeologists to discover and be confused by

urusala offers to join bron in finding da gold but he sez no and goes off to deliver the gold katana

btw rush hour totally didn't rip this off as its an asian warrior and smart a55 american working together

so he leaves the gold katana on the wires above the ttrain station as the ambassators traIN  comes in

the end

that was prtretty good

good buddy movie with 2 different guys teaming up

1 stytraight arrow 1 by his own rules

good acting, fights, action, story and style

if this were anime we'd see the samuraI SLICING GUYS IN HALF likew ShutenDoji

I liked it

it holds up and works well

For Red Sun 2 I want Bronson's kid and the Samurai's kid to team up in the Russian Japanese War of 1905 and Bronsons kid is a mercenary and Samurai's kid is a samurai agent and they gotta get back a Japanese treasure from the Pre Soviet Russians who wanna use it to bring down the Czar and rule the continent as demongods. Also its a 2 player beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, Tg16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as either the Samurai Jr or Bronson Jr and chhop your way through guys in a weird slavic winter area aand the boss is the commie leader who uses the item to digivolve into a big abomination.

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