Tekken Review

 Note: I spell iron fisted

Tekken

This is my review on Tewkken from the distant future year of 2009(The year Robotech happened)

Its based on the video game I only did the GBA version of as I never had a platystation

It stars Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa from Big Trouble in Little China/Twins/ the 90s Mortal Kombat movies/John Carp[enters Vampires/Pearl Harbor/the tim burton Planet of the Apes/Memoirs of a Geisha, Tamlyn Tomita from The Karate Kid Part II/The Day After Tomorrow/Law & Order: LA/The Good Doctor,  Candice Hillebrand from the 90s Sinbad, Gary Daniels from The Expendables/the live aCTION Fist of the North Star, Lateef Crowder from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Mircea Monroe from House Of The Dead 2/Fifty Shades of Black(Quality programming), John Pyper-Ferguson from Prom Night II/Pin/Unforgiven(Ww, thgis guys actually in GOOD things!/ Pearl Harbor(Maybe not)/She's the Man/X-Men: The Last Stand/The Crow: Stairway to Heaven/Judging Amy/Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles/Flashpoint, Blake Shields from Boy Meets World/Law & Order: LA, Jason Richter from, holy f, Free Willy!!/Laserhawk/Sabrina the Teenage Witch/Rugrats, andd most of the guys in here are kickbockers of mma guys

Its directal by Dwight H. Little who did Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

I'm not too into Tekken, I prerfer Eternal Champions or Samurai Shodown, but I hear the guy who did Tekkenm hated this

Then agaiun, soviet steven king hated the 80s shining so what does he know?

I'm doing this on amazon prime and it startrs with a  buncha logos andf text

narator sez after some warsm, govs fell and corporations took over and divided the world into zones owned by em

the biggest one, tekkemn has a kung fu tournament where the winners get to live

we then get title and a guy gonna fight, then its 5 days b4 sand guys in a dump evading soldiiers with guns and he dodghes every shot while doing sportacus moves to escape

this is over credits btw and has 00s music

so trhe guys use machine guyns and execute the witnesses but this tteen escapes

to another sector

and gets to aa safe place withsome mad max guy wjho likes the beastlkkes

hi tech hobo sez teen can have all this 1 day but teen dont want itand brings him some tech sphere\

hobo gives him monrey but its not global diollars so he gives him anothermoney thing and teen leaves

we see heihachi whos not dauisuke gouri on a screen saying tekken is comming ansd strength is order like hes raoh in hokuto no ken

teen goes to a bar with a higfh tab but pays with paper money and is barkeeps fave customer like the room

he meeets a p-mp looking guywth 2 chicks and buys something or w/e and teens homiecomes by and wants teen, named jin, to figt in tekken as hes a good figher

but jin dont wanna as he fights for what he has to not a cause

then we get the japanese ceremony of tekken and heihachi talks with his goon to crack dowqn on antio coproperates like itts google or facebook

jin comes back to his mom or sensei or w/e and gives her the orange he bouyght from p-mmp and like soylent green, it cost a lot

she dont want him to go to tekken as its not what she trained him 4 andhe's tired of being a slum bum

he goes out after a fight and i guess shes gonna get it, also i saw the wikipedea artyicle, andshe warns thersv  bad gguys out

jin meets a blonde and they are gonna b-0ne but at hobos place, he was hacking inti tekken or w./e and the cops come in and goood sez they used the thing jin got him

hopbo ytrus a gun but is countered and good ends him with it

alsi jin is b0ning the blonde at the same time as this and the cops bust inn to jins mom/ssensewis place and aask, in japanese, wheres jin?

goon has the area of jins home missiled like ba rocks dr onesas jin coms home and m,om/sensei looks at him and takes out a few of their own guyts

after the smoke clears, jinm goes throughg her cr-p aand finds  phoptoes of him as a kid and remembes his past and training

learn nabnto sui cho ken

shaaaaaaaooooooo

she finds a tekken i d saying she was a fighter and whhen blonde comes by to comfort him, he b--ches out

at  a recruit station, a guy sez no one can win and is cr-ppily slapped so this britmo sezhes give an a55load of money rto anyone wjo lasts 1 round agaiinst this meathead

jin goes to siignb up and we get a mma thing in a cage like how Robn Ford wanted to kck trudeaus candy a55 after watching too much wwf

i'll f him when he's dead!!

so he goes in da cage andits broadcast and the guy beats him down and spits on him, but he comes back and kicks his a55 as heihachi watches

jin takes some hits but falls and is about to be finished as this is mortal kopmbat, but gets a life refill from memories and runs up the wall, then hammers him down

its kinda bada55

jin is the people choice and has beat marshall law and thisbritmo sez all otrher fighters jhave sponsosrs to handle paperword and britmo can handle it 4 him annd jin gets on his bus

hes gonna be mo lested!

i'm ssurprised the brit didnt offeer him candy

so jin recalls his moms words of the greed of corportration, like sony and square and microsoft, and in the city, goon is b0ning 2 giirls at once but we dont see nips

does he have 2 b0ners?

is this viper g t s?

heihachi comes by his secks pit and grabs his throat and tells him off and leaves him to live in his spurm smelling room

jin comes to thecivilized sarea andheihachi looks over data of the fighters of variousnationalitries and backgroundfs like its world heroes

wtf, a samurai? trhey allow swords inb a fist fight?!

SO WE GET THE FIGHTERS WORKING OUT AND showqing off their muscle and toned bods aLL SWEATY  and jin dont like the clothes hes givenb

if  this were real corporations, we'd see all the logos on em

jin meets a chick who he likes her toes but sez its hher skill with footwork in martial arts stances

we're 33 mins in? that felt like nothing!

so the fighters come up for the battle abd most are in small fight outfits that are easy to move in and show off their tight toned muscle bodds

if you had muscles like hulk hogan, you'd be in a speedo all the time too

te chick is christyine but imma kerep saying chck

raven faces eddy gordo in round 1 and itsa a good match with good action and moves

raven wins and goes to the next round so its not player 1 vs everyone

miigguel ffaces jin and briitmo ssz to uuse his egho and speeed against him and wear him out

btw jins hair looks riught for this, its pointed in the back and had the lines in it

jin staarts the fight andgets 1 hit but gets beat down but does more coountersand moveswith floor rolling grappl;es

man look at these flips aNMD SPINS

USUALLU i JUMP KICK or block and counter when they attacxm

jin recalls his moms training after being nailed and after a beat on, snaps miguels bone, then starts beating on him untul after its over

stop stop hes already dead!

jin returns and britmo ssez the better jin does the more money he makes but jin is sore

britmo sezjin was luckyt and goon comes by and asks if jins dads fought in tekken but jin knows not of his dad

jin goes tio traIN AND test his might and has viet nam flashbacks of his mom and busts the wood training thinfgs

suddenly hes got hairy pits and chick sees him, then goesa to some muscle guy and leaves w.o consent

goon looks up jins data and finds his dna matches 10-0% to his mom, which only makkes sense if he;''s her clone as the dad is 50% of his dna

chick is with jin whjo i didnt recognize as his hairs diffeent now and at a club and talk of their backstories

she was outside the Amerivan territories anddances in tight pantsand pakes out with jin while practically b0ning

they sneak back andgo back to the tekken and are gonna b0ne but done and she goes off

then in jins room, some ninjas come in and beat him up in a strobe light but chick returns and they fle

britmo sz they wont let him win from da slums but he reveals his mom was in tekken anmd britmo knew her

the williams chicks were the  ninas and goon bashes em for not ending him and the next day nina williams has to fight chick

nina  is dressed like some kinda bad 90s p0rn0 chick  or wwf girl

they fight andchhick wins and goon i think is kazuya whos heihachis son or something andtalks with a muyscle  guy busting cindeerblocks over musclleo beiung half robot and cyber enhancemenmmts are not allowed so he';d keep it quiet if muexzcle guyt does sh-t 4 him

then jinhas to fight toshimitsu whops a samurai annd birtmo gives him power gloves like zelda links aakening as his hands are stoll f'd

heihachi sezto recuyycle the match as this match is more semi final but goon ppulls a starscream sand has gis gn guys stop hheihachi as goon is in charge of security

are they robots? heihachi is the biggest guy on the planet!shopuldnt he have power over em?

so yoshimitsau swordfightsjin as jin has a naginata andf breasks jins weapon

jin fights on and toshiu ises his sheatrh but then tthey devolve into fists as the ratings climb higher

yoshimitsiu beats on jin andbritmo saez to stop da fight aNd goion sez jin is  his illegetimate son so heihacbi beats out guards and hits a security alarm

jin beats out yoshimitsu and wait, yeagh but hes busted up and secuitityy cracks dowbn on kt as chick and britmo get jin out

they see heihachi being arrested andget arrested and raven halps pop hisas f;'d out shoulder back in

goon sez cuz the ratings spiked when yoshimitsu was killed or nearly killed or w/e, hes changeing the rules in the middle of the game aND ALL MATches arer to the death

jin sez they otta rfuse to fight butwhen the guards come, ravesn beats em out and gets thier guns

dont they have armor? i mean their guard!

jin chick and britmo escape with raves an dits a chase in the building and jin meet sheiohachi

jin wants revenge and they free him to help emas raven is killed for being the black guy

they escape into the slums and the guarda are sent in tocatch em and in a tent the chick treats jins wounds and heihaCHI MISHIMA sez he knew her mom i mean his mom and jin sez tekken destroys lves

heihachi sez its to rebuiold the wortld back and jin sez its just killing people and blamers heihachi foir icing his mom

heihachi sez he dsaved his mom y getting her out after violating the riules or w/e wait, its from from her his son kjazuya raeping her and leaving her for dead and heihachi saved her

now jin is anothe rtheir to the tekken corporation

the hgauird saytack and use bazooka shots and brit mo buists em with a pipe as these epic gaurdsaa are beat by 1 engilshman and a metal rod

britmo is shredded by gunfire telling erm to run and they get caught and tazed

kazuya comes in andconfronts heihchi who sez he cant let kazuya have tekken as he'd f it ip

the guards take heihachi away and whyu dont he use his super mvopes to bust em? hes the game boss!

so hes at gunpoint and the buildign blows as i guessd thats 1 strong gun and kazyya sez heichaischi is dead

kazuya sez on the screen that now all fights are to the end and muscle guy andsome tommy wiseau loki homie face offd with chains and a spear

after a cut on msucle ghuya ndsoime thrashing, they fight fight and muscle guy beats his a55 and choaks him with a chain, then jerks it asnd kills him offscreen

raven isnt dead now and later zakuza tells jin that he would have iced his mom if he knew she was pregnatt and puts a ghun in nins face

to beat kazyua jin has to end the chamy byran fury whos the cyborg i think

kazyka takes chick out and backhands her, but puts her in a chain i mean chair

so raven sez anger dont ignite the soul it incinetates it and that jin has real power and skkill and can be a champ

jins fists are all busted up and blooded and has flashbacks to the gilm we're atching and remembers his dad friends like terry in the fatal futy oav vs geese

jin faces the finals against bryan fury and his blonde bimbo gf in the slums is watching aND JIN IS IN HIS POWER GLOPVES

1 punch and jun flies back and his attacks do jack sh-t and jack is j=k in off

so jin gets his a55 kicked an dhis kick does nothing to bryans face

at least pan sluvbged out general lock b4 he took it srs

bryan wraps an ammo belt on his hand and brutally beats jin and he rememebr shis mom saying every foe has a weakness

then he starts doing well anbd doing air atytacks, then runs up a cliff, and comet meteors doewn and ghbusts him

shouldnt his hand shatter from that?

kazyua goes in to be the game boss and gets axes and wait, do the people know heihachi is dead?

so tbey fight and jin gets a tien scar on his chest and is busted around

jin starts glowing and the wind picks up, then he awakens to his true self and at near light speed, punches his fist wrist deep into kazuya, then disintegrates him from inside out with a blast of ki

jk thats dbgt or w/e

so jins vengenace awakesn and kazuya sez its the mishima curse and beats on his and counters his attacks

as kazuya is gonna end his illegeitmate son like hes a kennedy or monarch, chick tackles a guard, gets his gun, and takes out another, even thought he bullets are clearly bouncing off him

kazuya looks off for a second and jin takes his chance and grabs his axe, thenslices kazuyua with it in the gut

walk it off candya55

kazuya is gonna chop him uyp i mean jin is hgonna do it butspares him and chick is therte now despite beign like hundreds of feet of in the skky seat seconds ago

she sez hes the peoples champion and new tekken ruler and he sez he wants to go homeand walks offw/o her for some reason

he gets on his coat fromthe start of the movie asnd doersnt get his huge a55 chest slice treated but all the guards who wwere hunting him days agoi are now serving him

chick sez the mishimas fell and jin kazama was now the name of hope and freedom and jin returns to the slums and btwe this was widescreen and color but kinda nice color like in the 00s

then credits to msuic and clips fo the movie showing the characters

paula c dckmeyer? like sa p0rnn0?

cgharles wuilspon? like charlie wisons war?

the end

that was prtetty entertaining

good action, nice ideas,decent acting, nice colorsd and fights,

wtf we got a post creditys scene wher eheihachi orders the guy to ovbey and he does, which means maybe he didnt bite it

you vcasnt kkill heihachi, until that one game they actuaslly did

but i liked this

its cool and fun and has a bit of gore

its not full on riki-oh but its cool and bada55 and entertaining

if you weant meaningful plot and life changign characters, why are you watchign a movie of a playstatio fighting game?!

we got gone with the wind and erich von stroheims greed for that

this is good action andf maretial arts

i mean it would have been nice to see heihachi kick a55 but mayeb in part 2

wait, we got a prequel for that

man the reviewers hated this

0% on rotten tomatoes?! didnt they hate on the Wb Godzilla King Odfd The Monsters Movie?

this one was cool and though I never really did the games, I enjhoyed it

Its got a good flow and doesn';t drag

For Tekken 2 I want it to be about Jin trying to give the people more fredom and rights but finds the sliimmer he liverd wioth are a bunch of viuolent malcointents who go wild without any guidance or order and devolve into a lawless mess of cannibalism and necromance, so after seeing his family company go from top to near bottom, he realizes his grandfathers words and cracks down on these animals! also its a 32/64 bit strategy game  on sega saturn, n64, 3D0 and playstatyioon 001 where you move your troops aroundthe areas and fight off the slumaniacs but only get good weapoons and attacks after Jin sees the error of his ways, but you can be heihachi who's back but lets jin learn by experiance and advices him but certain dialogue choices move him to advance faster, also in the end he fights the slomaniacs who fuse into a  mound of flesh and ooze as they gave up their humabnity and devolved