The Rift Review

notwe; i sp[elkk like i trip the rift

The Rift

This is my review on The Rift from the distant future year, to robert e lee, of 1990(20 years before japoanese transformers season 03)

it stars r lee ermy fromthe bad texas chainsaw massacre and its better prequyen, Jack Scalia from Touched by an Angel/Red Eye=, Ray Wise from robocop/Jeepers Creepers 2/Superman: Doomsday/X-Men: First Class/RoboCop: Prime Directives/Drop Dead Diva/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Ely Pouget from Father Dowling Mysteries, Frank Bran from A Fistful of Dollars//For a Few Dollars More/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Edmund Purdom from Julius Caesar /The Diary of Anne Frank, Garrick Hagon froim Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Balto/the 80s Batman / the 1st Mission Impossible movie with tom cruise, James Aubrey from lord of the flies, and some other dudes noty on wiekiepsa

its directed by Juan Piquer Simon who did nothing i seen

i never daw this but its gibinmg on comet

so after the mgm logo, therse gov guys meet this guy with 80s hair in a hotel or w/e in bed and bring him to a base

in there he reveals his wife is in the navy and the gov used his desihgn for something

he's told a sub he designed went under and was modded to be nucular

he is gonna go but his homie was called in to finish it close to his designs and they need himn to go down and save it

later its norway and we see thje chick and the black ghuy who i'm pretty sure aint making it to ther credits

the other guys ainttold much of their mission and main guynhas to share a room with a guy whos sick

a young r lee ermy comes on and sez cr-p but the tv signal f;'d out as we use antenna

hes kind of a harda55 and tells off the one black guy for not wearing regulation miliotary trousers and tells em its under military command

later at night an unseen guy alters the code of the ship[ and uses a code

in a lab, main guy and another chick talk abouttheir relationship and how she dont like him and i think shes his wife who dumped him

so later they are havbing some kinda issues and ermy sez troo go onward

they nearly ram into an iceberg and the sonar said it weas safe and main guy sez they f'd the sonar to putn in nucular things

he goes over thre changes and tells lee stuff but lee sees him in his chambers and tells him off for  being brash

main guy sez the milityar f'd his design and lee doont care and the conversation is eing broadcast in das shiup unknown to lee

they go on and find somethin about radi atiuon and they get a signal decoded as the black box of the 1st ship

they go deeper and i gotta say, i like how they use a model of the subn in actual on camera film instead of cr-ppy cg

both loook fake but this is ceeler i mean cooler

as theres no light theres no life or something but theres seaweed there and they send a diver under to getta sample and photos odf the ship

despirte being deep underwater, its clkearly light and hes having issue getting through the weeds but gets a sampole

while there he finds a rotted corpse and spazzes out but is ok and takes a photo of the ship

then something tyhaTS HARD TO SEE bv0nes him deaD and the frenchie starts going nuts as he was his best friend

althoguh fans might think they were butt buddies like Ed Elric and Roy Mustang or Yugi and Joey or Hubck Finn and Jim

so they checkm the stuff and gf checks this thing on a fish sample

this usnknoewn forece heads for the ship and busts it and the balack guy is taken out and irt brings the ship down

main guy sez to reverse the ppolarity of the field like in transformers the movie and itshocks the thing whoi lets it go

they keep falling as the ship f's out and it sinks but lands on a rock place

black guy is back and gives main guy his lucky thing and lee sees main guy in his chambers

btw this is in proper fullscreen has good 90s color with a made for tv movie feel

lee sez main guy should advice b4 acting and following protocall butn sez he did well and praises him

gf sez the sweaweed is super toxic and if it grew on the surface it would be super bad 

the signal cut out for a bit but later the seaweed sample is growing and thew black guy wants to leave but the gf sez to get the black boxc and go

wait, its not gf its the chick

so theyre going through a caver and theres bursts of hot water coming from the floor

they rise and find a natrually pressurized cave with air and the black box signal is in there

they find its an sos there they thought was the black box and lee wants to find it as its better info than the black box

they go out with guns as unlike 2001 a spoace odyssey, they aren't f--king stoopid and take a raft from the shuip to the inner shore

they can only go 90 feet at a time as thats as far ahead they can see and find toxic chemicals containers

in this cave is a rubber monster head in the wallhole and when 1 guy looks in, it comes out and bites his face

threy notice all these ruybber monsters and are directed what path to take by the ship radio

they fire on the monsters and thery blow aparrt and its bada55 with actual matter on film instead of cr-ppy a55 cgi

the bit guy is spazzing out and the chick or gf ends him with gunfire

also she droped the tracker or w/e she uses

so these monsters attaCK AND 1 guy gets it but the chick or w/e wastyes the monster

on da sjhip the oxygen generatoir lost power

better than the oxygen destroyer

soo the guys in da cave finfd theres no survivors

in the lab the seaweenb devolved intio tyentacles and eats 2 guys and it burns to touch

wait 1 survived and called lee and gf and they find the guy it ate mummified in seaweed

gf sez to seal the open water sources as its in the aquyaduct systemns

isnt this Lily C A T where the aliewn thing gets in?

so this foreigneer guy has been drinking tap water and is locked in a room in canse he cdevolves

so in the cave theese tentacle monsters take a few guys on da boat and surprisingly, the 1 black guy makes it back with main guy

maIN GUY, named hayes like in Robotech, brings a disk and finmds they sealed off 3 areas as the plantsdd infected em and a few guys gotn it

so gf sez they used gene slamming to advance evolution like streerk sharks and its by da gov and they knew (spoiler; proven by creation science!)

black guy wants to release the info and let someone else deal with it, but this was b4 brad manning so he don't know they'd lock him up and remove his parts

so the guys go back in and a girl, maybe chivck, maybe gf, isd chick still alive? is attacked by mopnsters and uses a flare on chemicals that blows it

she finds a hiuge cave with cages and these tentacles grab and pull her

wtf this is only 79 mins?! but om comet its a 2 hour thing! They got 40 mins of adds?!

oh and its also called in some places: Endless Descent

in the cave, the rest of da team finds amneotic accks aand pops 1 and a mutant baby come out like splatterhouse 01

they find this monther brain plant thing and fire on it as it attacks

it like the biolizasrd from sonic

so they blow the area and this guy at a terminal sez missuon accomplisged and gets out in anb rescape ipofd as he weas a gov agent like rouge the bat

the team runs as the cave gradually comes aspart and agent cant leave as the exit seal is f;'d andher goes out and the retuirning crew seesa him

tthe tteam opewns the seal by hand to stop him from going under andbgets in

so its gf main guy and lee weho survived sand theyy search for agent

he gets em at gunpoint and sez hje packed the pod with enbough foodf and bottled water 4 several dayus

agent sez the gov f'd his desighns on purpose to get him in and blam him for it so he wont tell

also they blew the 1sty subn to seal the area ANd theresx no black box, only a fake sigmal

agent sends em in a room and main guy reveals he tookl a key microchip the ship cant run w/o as its a p o s and angent comes to ghet it

as hje opens da door, lee slughs him out and he fightsd main guyy b4 lee rushes him into the room with the weater drinker and beats on him

lee touches aghenmts fACE TO the corpse and he devolves and the chop is broke, but the chipn thing was a lier and he needs to reconnect the power

lee getsa on the self detonate system and as theryy go, lee locksd em in and reveaslsa he got the aids from touching somethingh

he chooses to stay behind to saCRIFICE HIMSELDF instwead of sawing off the arm anf the white maybe virgin couple gets out in ther pop which cleasrluyy tok morte than the 90 seconds they said

eventually trhe sub blows and the cpuiple holds hsandfs as they goo ood like in day the worldf ended

the end

that was kinda good

soreA LIKE THE THING BELOW AKA SEA GHOST AND HAS f u caps lock got get f'd like a pug and die

its got good effects and style and acting, the msuci is nice and the characters are cool

its got good stuff like r lee ermy being a good honorable guy inside and despite being a harda55 he's got dignity

nice  monsters and style and i likes how its not just cr-ppy cgi

for The Rift 2 I want them to go on to the surface and find an uncharter island and find a race of snail people wjo have a society of homes like the ships in buckaroo banzai, also they gotta find a way to work woith them to get back are reveal the gov thing, its also a 128 bit game on ssega dreamcast, gamecube xbox and ps2 like harvest moon where you live in the snail people village and grow weird crops and do tasks.