Saturday, November 2, 2019

Urban Legends Review

Note: my spelling happemed to a friend of a friend of mine
urban legends
this is my review on urrban legends from 1998 (The year the Sega Dreamcast came out in Japan and a year b4 the sdf 1 hit macross island)
i saw this b4 but dont remember much
its got jared leto, tara reid and a bunha nobodys i never heard of
so it starts with a chick driving in the rain and runs outta gas as she gets to a station
were this an electric car, she's be f'd, as you can't carry am extention cord that far
at there this creepy worker with a disability does her gas and sez the credit card company is on da phone for her
in the station theres no one on da phone and she pepper sprays the disabled guy as he tres to tell her something
she gets away as he finally manages to say "someones in da back seat" but she dont hear
then she gets chopped up with an aaxe
now the news will try to ban axes
meanwhile this blonde on a college radio show gives advice to a bimbo who drank too much j-zz
then some 30 year old yteens talk abot this teacher years ago who chopped up a buncha teens and went seppuku
so now they have a party of it
allso the school covered it up
and leto calls bullsh-t on the story
holy cr-p michael rosenbaum is in this
he was the flash in justice league
and robert englund, brad bourof and joshua jackson are in this a bit
ooh, danelle harris is in this
all star cast
so these chix do bloddy mary in da mirror and joshoua jacksob jokes with em
1 chick goes to her room and her roomate is b0ning a guy so she stays in bed next to em
dont get aids
next day proffesser freddy kreger does a class on urban legends about the calls ate coming from iside the house
and 1 girl knew of someone it happened to in her town
proff sez she's full of sh-t and all these storys are fake
get the mythbusters!
how about the brothers grimm?
those were like the svu eps of the castlevaia days
proff kruegar gives her pop rox and coke and she sez it killed mikey from the cereal adds
proff kruegar sez thats a load of sh-t and j j volunteers to do it but spazzes out and dies
but he was faking it
you j-rk off!!
then leto does a newspaper article of a student who got iced but da admins cover it up
like how the colleges say the commies were the good guys or evolution is a "fact"
turns out its real as the news reported it and jj jokes about b0ning the dead chicks mouth(when she was alive)
later the roomate gets to use the phone aftyr her 5kank roomate is done and looks through yearbooks
jj trys to be there for her and they drive off
when he turns it on, the dawsons creak song plays and he hates it
he trys seducing her and she dont consent
he goes off to whiz and gets iced
the killer comes after her and puts a rooe on the back and sounds are heard on da roof
turns out, jj is hanging above da car by it and as she drives she strings him up
after she gets caught on da rope she reverses and jj busts her wiindsheild
shje somehow gets to da cops but the car is gone when she gets back
and they caught the gas station guy a while ago so its not him
at school no one thinks its real as jj is a joking j-rk off and has a snowboarding thing this weekend
the teens realizxe that someone is making urban legends real after remembering the opening chick getting it from the back seat guy
roomate chick calls the snowboarding cabin but they cant tell info on guests
later blonde finds the kama sutra in the library cuz blondes are 5kanks in horror movies
also they find a book with urban legends and its got big pitures so they dont gotta do 1920s things like reading
later, b0ning roomate chats with a guy on the net and he shows up and starts wacking her
good roomate comes in, sees her groaning in bed with a guy and thinks shes just b0ning abother guy and goes to sleep
if she wasn't that kinda girl, she'd have lived
although she'd probably have got hiv eventually even if she survived this
neext day good roomate finds the 5kabnk iced and her blood on da wall saying "aint u glad u didnt turn on da light?!"
i'm starting to notice this is a lot like scream 1
oh f that 5kank was michael myers neice/baby momma from friday the 13th in mean halloween 4 and 5
the school staff say it was suicide
later leto finds out good roomate went to da same school as gaas station girl
huh, this was filmed at the uuniversity of toronto
so tv stattions can spam this movie as canadian content to get to thet 55% canadian shows of the broadcast day gov requirement
like how they had nearly 12 hours of degrassi on several channels for a while
and no more naruto or bleach cuz thats dubbed in soviet california
good roomate sez cuz its the 25th anniversey of the teaxcher chopping of the teens it might be why the killer is going it now
they check oout the 73 yearbook but its gone
so they ask da janitor and he sez talk to proff kruedaer
they sneak through his things and i just realized this is like thart nightcrawler movie where jared leto is an evil journalist
or is that jake gyllinthall?
same stink different butt
so they find the aXE and preoff kreider catches em
he outs em to dean who is hard on em and knows roomate had probation and has leto kicked off da paaper
later she tells friend that yeaes ago, her and gas statiomn chick did a prank based on the urban legend of the gang initionation headlights at night thing and the guy they pranked bit it in an accident
they got off easy cuz they are chicks but she nevwr forgave the gas station chick
wtf rotten tomatoes gave this a 19%?!
those c-ck suckers!!
its not that bad!
so leto finds out the teacher massacre was real and proffesser kreuger was the only survivor
didnt see dat comming
dean gets the cop or guerd or w/e to not go after jj as he might be "in a motel with a girl... or guy... or farm animal..."
what is this? cabin fever where that meathead was j-rkin off and his dog joined in?!
then dead gets ived in the garage
its kinda cool
he gets run over on the tire damage spikes
then theres a college party just like scream and leto tells roomate dean covered up the massacre and keeps kreugar at his job for his silence
oh and dean told the cops to expect prank calls and gave em ltos and roomates names
they make out and roomates friend sees and gets p-ssed
is this degrassi??
later cop or w/e finds a room full of BLOOD!!! and slips in it and lands butt 1st
as these are college kids; she gon get aids
leto trys to stop the party but no one believes him and mocks his candy a55
blonde goes off to do her radio thing and the guy who mocked leto gets a call from jjs phone
he thinks its comming fro the house as the legend but its really the dog drying in the mictowave one
he finds that little c-ck sucker splattered all over it and freaks out
then gets caught by killer and gets a tube in the throat with a funnel and is forcefed chemicals
this is bada55
even the pets get it
imagine if the killer forcefed him j-zz to give him aids like in the opening thing?
or put it in his backdoor?
sounds like something the jacka55 guys would do
bte; killer calls with a distorted voice?
totally not scream
this one has caller ID
sp mall cip or w/e calls the cops and they are busy with the storm
later, blonde has a radio show trying to help teens whi got stuck together while b0ning
but then the killer comes after her and everyone thinks is a prank
btw, lust blonde running from killer?
just like paris hilton in house of wax
shoulve stayed a virgin
she gets away in an elevator but killer catches up and chops her up with an axe
and rikmarte chick sees and gets leto
maall cop finds paris hiltons chopped up parts and trys to get da real cops as leto, roomae chick and friend go to a gas station to use phones as the styorm took em out
in da car they smell something and hear a watch and find proffessor cougars bod in da tunk and run while leto is using da phone
in da run friend vanishes and roomate chick gets in a car by some guy on da road
but the guy is creepy and she freaks out
thatas racist against creepy people
he uses his headlights at a lights out car and thecar comes after em and they crash and she leaves the guy nice enough to help her
at the school roomate chick hears friend screaming and climbs into what appears to be an abandond dorm like in shuten doji the star hand kid or yugioh gx (as every school needs an abandoned building)
in it she finds the bodies of the guys killer iced (with dog guy having blown open from chemicals in him(call da mythbusters!!)) and friend on da bed
but shes alive and knox her out
trns out she was da killer and was in a coat with a hood like i know what you did last summer
turns out she went nuts after rokmate and gas station chick iced her bf
so its like master blaster how that guy iced all those dinks cuz his butt buddy got wacked
and shes gonna ice roomate by taking out her kidney like dat organ theif legend
and she framed proddfers krueger for it
so she starts carving roomate and mallciop stops her at gunpoint
but she switchblades cop to h e double new england and gets her gun
then leto comes in like hes on friends side and wants to do an article on it
but she dont buy it
but then mall cop caps her and she drops da gun and roomate finishes her
i thought she bit it
they drive off saying dr's are on da way in a dubbed over thing
they chat about how this will becoe an urban legende and frirend is in da back seat and trys axing em
so leto brakes and she goes out da window cuz no seatbelt and lands in da river
later teens are saying the urban legend of the movie and say the river washed away the body but no one believes him
he sez its covered uop and we are back where it beghan like Robotech III The Oddessy
and friend is there despite having been the killer b4 and this ending making no sense and says "this is how it really went"
did she change her name?
did everyone forget about this massacre after only a year?
is this years  later and she didn't change?
And what about mallcop? wouldn't she recognize her?
did she bite it? or get promoted?
the end
that was actually pretty good
good 90s horror
i like the lighting and feel and music
it brings me back to my youth
the acting is pretty good with what they got and there's some good twists
didnt expect a few of these
its sorta like the brothers grimm movie with heath ledger where it combines a buncha probably true storys into one film
good jabs at the actors pasts like joshua jackson not liking the dawsons creek theme and such
i liked this and thought it was pretty cool
it might not change hearts and minds but its entertaining and is a good slasher
for urban legends 2 i want the kilelr from the 1st one to be at school and people start getting iced based on urban legends she knows its not her and trys to find out who it is. also she has to try not to let anyone find put her new identity as they'd give her the gas for her past crimes. and when someone finds out, she wastes em. turns out; its the other her doing it as she has another persona in her from the brain damage from the windshield hit in the 1st movie. also its a 16 bit detective game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba and you play as her and there's multiple non canon endings.

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