Saturday, March 30, 2019

Million Dollar Arm Review

note; I never saw this b4 so I have no connection to it so I don't care to spell right
million dollar arm
this is my review on mllion dillol arm from the 2010s
I saw a trailor of it years ago and think its about baseball or something gay
huh, its by Disney
so it starts with bobbleheads of baseball guys
1guy sez this guy is gonna break the nfl rrecord
but its just him rehersing for saying it to the real guy
the guy is name popo like that dbz monster
popo agrees to getting this guys help for money and wants 1 million dollors as a signing bponus
but guy cant make it happen
he goes to hid car and beats the wheel
and I don't mean j-rkn off
although cuz this is Disney I think they had to censor him j-rkin off with beating the steering wheel
later main guy and his homie go to this basket ball game and say someone took a guy they were GROOMING for 6 months
I assume they mean as in pedo slang
they later wanna try going to asia to get sports talent
as they're into grooming they can try Thailand
homie wants him to get into cricket players from soviet india and he sees cricket as gay
later he tells homie hes not dating a girl whos trying to be a dr as shes not a model
imagine if the twist was he's into plus size models and didn't like this one as she didn't have enough chub
so homie quits on main guy and main guy watches susan boyle on American idol
then cricket
I think its a metaphor for not judging a book by its cover
he decides to try using a cricket player as a baseball player
and use the 1st indian baseball player
no one cares if theres a 1st Slovenian ball player
who cares about their race?
as long as hes good that should be all that matters
it should take 02 years but hes asked to do it in 01
homie sez its impossiboru but main guy sez he knows someone who can help
he gets this guy with 30 years exp and psychology
expert sez it cant be done
main guy sezs if it don't work no one cares but if it does he'd be famous
oh and main guy is named jb like the guy from vr troopers
b4 he leaves this neighbor chick needs help and he lets her use his place while hes in soviet india
he has 3 months in the 3rd world to find 1 guy or 2
he meets his contact who thought he was gonna pick him up tomorrow
also the phone lines are down and hes on his cellphone all day
so in soviet india hey have the stuff he ordered but not acess to it
and they gotta pay money to get it
in other words bribes
what a corrupt cesspool
its like California but less red tape
then he gets the shirts he ordered in the road
in an elevator he meets a guy who likes baseball but don't know the basics
I don't either but I hate baseball
he offers to work for free
better than being in a union
they spread word in flyers using 3rd world kids to spread it
later a geezer comes by and is sleeping in the taxi
I think hes a scout or something
they wake him up and he goes to a hotel until base ball happens
later they go to some h-llhole and all the poor people treat em like kings
its for tryouts and lots of guys show up
they throw b balls over a speedo meter and most guys s-ck
geezer can tell how fast they throw by hearing
is he like one of those old kung fu masters who has decades of exp?
later the chick skypes him and sez she broke his washing machine
then a montage of them looking for a fast puitcher
geezer sleeps a lot
I think he was drunk in the real version but as this is Disney they changed it
meanwhile this teen wants to try but his owner sez he has work to do
also track and field players wanna sign up even though they need croichekr players
wasn't kevin Costner in this?
or am I thinking of McFarland the running movie?
I like doing his movies and spoelling his name bad
later chick skypes him and sez the rapair guy fixed both their waching machines
later they go to a lucky place with good rep and got some sorta good players
1 guy throws a b ball at 84 miles per hour
f--k you metric system!
centimeters are aids!
as are killo grams
also another guy can throw in the 80s
so they start a school for teaching baseball and they train like shaolin monks in unison throwing and moving
later jb skypes chick and shows her india
he sez it stinks good and bad at times
1 guy in the school is training at night and sez his dad f'd his back and now he has to drive a truck
also most guys there hate cricket
truck guy wants to use the million dollars to buy his dad a news truck
whats he gonna do with the other 999929 dollars?
oh and truck guy was the guy who';s owner said he d have work to do
guess that was his dad
then its daytime and theres a tournament to see whos best
each player gets a set number of throws and whoever does best wins
its like saint Seiya, Yugioh, dragonball, yuyu hakusho, Beyblade and harry potter
1 guy throws fast but inaccurate
sorta like super Mario world
you either walk slow and get no distance in jumps
or fast and no control
i'm more into sonic anyway
truck teen I think does just as fast but better aim
he gets a perfect
I think its not truck teen
truck teen threw inaccurate
not truck teen wins and gets to go to America
the land of freedom and hamburgers
on the car ride back, contact sez the boys there don't have high sports dreams nor leave their slummy villages
is this gonna turn into valley of the dolls?
the 3rd world kid goes to America and gets corrupted into drugs and b0ning?
I think both good player teens got the chance to go as truck teen buys his dad a white truck
but its just gonna get coated in cr-p and show
later they say bye and get a do rag or w/e on their heads and have tea
oh they're meeting the players fams
the mom of 1 guy is overprotective of her kid
so they go to America and in the drive they find out none of the 3 guys like cricket
2 winners and the baseball fan
they are unused to 1st world tech like elevators and its like Beverly hillbillys
also wont they have jet lag from changing time zones?
jb gives b ball fan a video camera to record the teens
not like that you degenerate
to monitor their training
jb goes home and gives chick a mini taj mahal
also she has a big buff guy with her
hes an intern at the hospital and I think they were b0ning at jbs place
later I think the indins were arrested for something and need a place to stay
so jb takes em to his home
they are wondering where is him fam
he aint got none
the next day he give em power bars an they set up a shrine to their gods to pray
but jb don't pray
and he calls himself an American!
the shame!!
so they go to the stadium and expert meets em to train em
they practice throes and kina s-ck
they got 06 months to get em ready for mlb
later the teens are watching teen shows and the pizza guy comes by
they don't know what it is and jb helps em
teens talk about being in America and maybe changing their names
later homie tells jb they ran outta cash
he blew it bribing half of soviet india
also popo might come back to em after hating his new jobn
later the teens don't think jb likes em as he don't watch em play
but hes just busy
also expert sez they ned to feel supported and be having fun
me; bit baseball isn't fun
it s-cked!
esp being at the stadium where you got ants playing catch 700 feet away
in grade school my class was gonna go to a baseball game
I chose not to go and stayed behind and played think tank on a 90s computer
I liked it
far more than cr-ppy a55 baseball
at least in football and hockey people get broken bones
even in soccer with the players jumping around like the 3 stooges trying kung fu to get penalties they have leg breaks
later 1 teen chatz with his mom on the phone
jb takes em to a party to have fun and meet popo
but the guys who jacked popo from e are there
at the party 1 teen eats too much and they are bored
should've gotten em a sega
1 teen got drunk as he didn't know the punch was spiked
jb takes em in the car and drunk teen pukes in his car
when jb gets back, popo accepted the rival deal
jb yells at em and tells em to go to bed
they cant take it and commit seppuku
jb chats with chick and b-ches about how taking care of these teens is like having a fam
she sez he otta pay more attention to em
also she broke up with the buff guy
later jb gets a van and spends more time with the teens
also they improve to a montage of india music
also jb and chick watch pride if he yankees and she crys
then they make out
next day the teens talk with him about it and they think he otta marry her
ater jb talx with a funder and sez they will be ready in 03 weeks
but it also means they gotta be on the media and expert sez they aint ready for it
later 1 teen slices a pitching finger while chick teaches em to make Mexican food
mexico claims another victim
jb tells her of for f ing his investment
later b4 they go to a thing he sez sorry for getting p-ssed at her
they go to try outs and everyone in soviet india is watching on tv at night cuz of time zones
huh, jon hamm was jb
and bill Paxton was some guy
so they f--k out and get rejected
the funder sez he won as in 1 year he got a few nobodys from the 3rd world to mlb tryouts
and he extents jbs contract by 03 years
so we get a minor bummer moment where the sports guys say the Indians s-cked
jb wants to give the teens another shot but funder dont wanna and sez if he does, it ends their deal
he does
later hes looking for scouts and finds geezer who I find is played by alan arkin
he and jb go to a restaurant and introduces him to the head scout for the pirates and never saw the 1st tryouts
later he goes home and chick and teens make a dinner for him to thank him for all he did for em
so in a few weeks is another tryout and he tells em hes proud of em like mr rogers
its kinda nice
so they go to the tryouts and funder is there
so is chick
baseball fan free guy gives a speech about how the teens came so far and indian kids have someone to look up to
also his b baller dreams are coming true through them
so 1 teen throews a 93mph pitch and aims well
next teen throws accurate and fast
then we get real footage from them being fired by the pirates and text sez what they did after the movie
oh and jb and chick got married
then credits to footage of 3rd world kids playing ball
the end
that was pretty good
i'm not into baseball or india but the story was good
good acting
clean tvpg for like 1 D word once
no forced in love story
it worked here and didn't get in the way
no super forced sad moment
yeah it was a bit bummer but not too bad
alan arkin is always good
I like this
its like 3 hours with adds though
and it don't drag or go by fast
its a decent film
although its title makes me think of; the man with the golden arm, where frank Sinatra got into drugs
for million dollar 2 I want for England to invade india and try to take it over and the guys who came to America to play baseketball gotta go back and fight em off. its also a run and gun game on sega genesis and super Nintendo and Gameboy advance and you play as one or both of em and throw unlimited baseballs to shatter the frail girly Englishmen and their mech suits as its set in 2015 and is high tech.

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