Sunday, February 27, 2022

The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy Revieew

 Note: I spell in a way that firts this title

The Robor Vs The Axrtec Mummy

this is myt review on The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy from 1957 (50 years before Season 4 of Transformers G1)

Its actually the 3rd in a triology of movies based on an Aztec Mymmy from some mexico copuntry

It stars a bunch of italiaboes or w/e that i never heard odf and is receined by Rafael Portillo who did nothing I ever saw nor heard of

I never saw tjhis but heard its kinda f'd

ooh, its by american international, those guys did stuff

so after title and credits we get narration about how this movie was based on a real expeiment by a l a nerd

then its night maybe and a car has guys dropped off at a fancy a55 house

this chick comes to greet em and shes got a big a55 like mexicans like

they meet her husband and complinent jhis hot wife

husband tells em this aztek brestplate from some past thing had something happen and he starts recappibng the 1st 2 aztek mymmy fim,s

5 years ago there wqas a psychiatry con where husband talked about past life hypnosis and his theory was sh-tted on

he wanted to proove it and tersted his hupno cr-p on this chic=k who was an aztek in the past

in da past she was gonna be ritual sacrificed like a yugioh card to their daemon god but she loved this guy and wanted to run away

the wicked prioests found em andf they put a bowl of f-kk down his mouth and had him berried alive and curased

then we getta long a55 somng and chanyt and sh-t to get the past chick ready to be sacrific

they gave her a brestplate and bracelet that showed in "heiroglyphics" (which the aztecs didnt use in real life, but he could just be using the wqrong word) that told where the aztrk tresature is

they cut out her heart and the modern chick, oh its ther wife with the a55, she came to from the hyponois and spazzed out

later they found a crimanal had spied on their hypno expertimwent

sincve they needed proof of it woking, thry looked for ther brestplate and bracelet using a55 chick as a guide inm N Underfground thing

after walkling slow for a while, thery eventually findf a dead end andf its hollow but too thicc to break through

slam the chicks a55 INTO IT!

so they open it and finfd a hiddfen room in the puyramid and find an air shaft to go down\

in it they find the aztrk tomb with a statue to their daemon god that makes them chop each other up

theyy find the past chicks skeleton aND modern chick is creeped out by meeting the other her

they take the brestplate and amulet or brtacelet or w/r and days later; met with the nerdfs in his home now and trued to decypher the brestplate

but he forgot the bracelet and needs it to tyrasnlate the brestplate and goes back for it, even though its cursed to take from there

if you take it, people bite it until its returned, so he, hius dad in law aand a dr went back to the pyramid

they found somnne item and the thing it belongs to is missing and they hear a scratching sweeping sound

eventuallly, the azterk warrior came tio life to bring back the stolen things, so they shine lights on and off on it to make it have autism attacks

1 gu throws the item at it but is cauiught by the aztreek as he eeasscapes, but they all 32 get outthe aztek was the bf who is cursed to guard the items forever, whuch makes me think, why not pray it away and turn him Catholic?

so later the aztek came to his home to get the items and captured thre a55 chick and tied her to the sacrifical stone, made her wear the items, and was gonna cut out her heart

the main guys ran over and shoot the knife out it its hand, the keep it back with a cross, which makes sense as its from an unholy god and The Cross represents The REAL God

btw this is in nice b/w and in proper full screen without those candy a55 black bars eating half the image

the guys get the chick free andget out but the cross guy stays bejhind and goes like donald pleasence and bloo himself down with the building to stop the mute masked monster

i think they called him theww prosfessor like in gilligans island

so since the monster was under a lot of rocks and the crook they dealt with was in jail they thought they were safe

but the crook broke outta jail, and was a dr, and captured thre a55 chiuck and hypnotixed her to make her bring him to the pyramid and gte the mummy and items

then called main guy to decypher the heiroglyphics to find the treasaure

crook needed the treasure to fund his experiment that cost a lot

he worked on the translation but did it slow in hoppes the mymmt would come to em but eventually finished the trrranslation and the crook was gonna cap him

but then the mummy aztek came in and their guns did jack sh-t to it as it lightly pushed guys around and flipped tables

1 guy got acid spilled on his face and crook is thrown into a pit of snakes they had there for some reason before returning to his whereever

the temple or pyramid or w/e from the 1st story was busted byuu the guy getting asploded so now the mummy went elsewhere

after main guy called the cops he found the crooks place emppty and theres no lab tech or bodies and there was an escape hatch in the snake pit they put there for some reason

later a guy went by the hose and called to a55 chick to have her come to him from her bed

hugh, a55 chick is named flora lika the plant chick from winx club

so criminal is the one calling her and wants her connection to the aztek mummy to find him

she sez he's in the ancient cemetary and they go to this good graveyard place that seems classic and cool and they knock out a guy in there, maybe a gravekeeper?

they find the mummy in this building but this 1 guy covering his face wants to chop the mummy up as his face is rotted by the acid

but crook wants to use it for getting the items and the treasure, but he can't touch the items or the mummy will wack him

after all the sh-t they went through to find it, they go off to prepare for their plan and drop a55 chick back home and tells her not to remember what happened

the next day she gets up late and has dirt on her gown and slippers

how did the guy know what hapopened when he wasn't there?

1 kid woke up a few times and a55 chick wasn't there but a55 chick sez she's mistaken

husband main guy knows the crook is up to something and the kid was right

and that she was somehow hypnotised and is under controll like tea and marik in yugioh

they put tohgetehr the bad guy crooks plan but has no clues to find where 'es doing it

so they use the lab to test the sliippers and do it w/o her knowing for some reason

the trests say the slippers has marble on em used in mauseleums like that yugioh card

they go to the graveyand but they're juysrt visiting like in monopoly and find the gravekeeper and tell em wheats up

they checked all the other graveyards 1st and gk sez he saw a young woman in a robe with 2 men who ko'ed him

gravekeepers mexican sez they can do whatever they like, which i assume included b0ning the dead, and they split up to cover more ground

eventually they find the place with the azrtetk mummy and for 5 years, do nothing but check on it every now and then

days ago they found an article about how a corpse was jacked adn he thinks the crook did it

also a radiam machine and a brain was jacked and they confirmed the bad guy did it

they check for a place that sells lead and find a lead shielding delivery to a place

after days of searching they think they found the bad guys base and think his experiment is the plan to do something

they have no evidence he's making anything bad, he could just be making a microwave to cook dogs into korean kfc

they dont know 1000% on if its his lab, oh and the bad guy is called The Bat, whiuch sounds like labbat, the bear

husband tells his homies to call the cops if they dont come back

so they go over and are caught by goons and the guy with the cooked face like tatsumi mido from that go nagai manga brings em to the crook

wait, why didn't they use the translation that the husband made in the 2nd adventure? did they just forget he trnaslated it?!

so bat bad guy congraduates the husband for marrying the thicc a55 mexican chick and gives em chairs to sit in

after jabbering on about how mondo cool his new cr-p is and saying he went through forbidden info that The Lord is against

i assume he's into daemon rituals and things the axis did in ww2

so he can bring inert material to life and can keep a heart beating in a jar, which makes me think of that 20s movie The Golem, howthey used the forbidden arts to make that clay come to life

he also tortured animals for tests and loved it and is trying to find the answers to mans reason and purpose, weven though The bible is clear on that

so now he made his own man, a boxy cartoony robot, and he's gonna use it to get the treasure and get rich

so he flips a switch and the lights blionk and in ther husbands home the thicc a55 mexican wife worried about them and wants to call the cops b4 3 am

so the table the robot is on eventually bends aND THE ROBOT HAS A HUMAN FACE ON ITS HEAD i mean in its head, kinda like robocop 02, and it breaks out of its chains

bad guy laughs like hes mental and has a cartoony box as a remote like gigantor or tetsujin28 that he uses to control how much power it uses

if he didn't turn it down it would have disintegrated them to atomnic dust as it uses radium and can use nucuklar power to nuke things

now he wants it to fight the aztek mummy and sends his scarred faced guy to get it

thicc a55 mexican wife calls the cops and bad guy wants an army of robots to take over the world like he's dr wily or robotnik and will use the treasure to fund it

he has 2 guys guard the husband and homie and wants husbnand to translate them again,

plus he thinks no one knows he's there and eventually has toe root move a bit all clanky

so the cops come and get the thicc mexican wilf and the mummy i mean robot goes to the graveyard

in the base the husband and homie beat up the guards and get their guns and as they go out, the cops come in to arrest the guards

in the graveyard the robot slowly comes by and gravekeepers hombre sees it and goes it it, only to be blasted offescren with some smiokey thing and he runs

in the mummy's tomb the scarred guy takes the items from the mummy and it eventually gets up and after lumbering over for a bit and fights badly

the cops and good guys come over and this "making a machine to fight aa monster" was used in Getter Robo and Godzilla

somehow the mummy dfoes well against this c,.inking clanking cxollecting of cr-p[ but the robot beats on it back

mummy hugs the robot and throws it on the gorund and them comes fopr and ends the bad guys

then chick gives the mummy the items and tells it to go back to its ancestors grave

didnt that get blown apart?

so the mummy wanders off and the husband and wife look at each other and the film ends

Wait, that robot was nucular! won't it cause issues with radiation after being busted there?!

the end

that was not bad

kinda cheesy, but a normal 50s movie

yeah the 1st half is just a clip show for the 1st 2 movies, but i never saw thiose so it works for me

besides, how many shows have clip shows that ends with like 3 mins of story advancing cr-p?

i'm looking at you Yugioh VRAINS

yeah its like silly and has issues, but its not awful

its got some good ideas and takes ideas from the 30s Muyummy movies

it did stuff other storeus took from like Kotetsu Jeeg and while the Aztecs didtnt use mummys, still isn't thew worst i saw

its a decent 50s monster sci fi horror movie and i though its kinda fun

For The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy 2 (or is it 4?) I want a daemon cult to try to use the mummy to take out a guy their daemon god wants him to, but the chick who was his gf in a past life gets a Priest to try to save the mummy so it can go to the next life, so its an adventure as the target is on the run, the mummy is after it, and the chcik and the priest are after that, and in tghe end the priest drives out the daemonism and the mummy falls apart and asplodes and the soul goes to heaven after accepting Salvation. also its a 16 bit point and click adventure lie where In time Is Carmen Sandiego on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you follow clues to find the trrail to get to the mummy bnefore it gets to the target.

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