Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Jesse James Review

note; i spell like an outlaw, but good!

jesse james

this is my revieew on jesse james from the distant future year of 1939

its got tyrone power, henry fonda, randolf scott, johhn carridine and jlon chaney gx

its directed by Henry King who did The Snows of Kilimanjaro and was produced by Darryl F. Zanuck

i saw thing years ago on tcm but dont recall much

so after credits to souther mosuc, we get text saaying after the alleged civil war, railroads came up to uunite the nation and f'd people

then the railroad guys are jewing the american people into selling their land for peanuts or they;d call the gov to force em

wasn't this what the south fought against? oppressive gov taking from the people?

same with george washington 80ish years b4 them

they also beat on teh families of the owners to force them to sign their land away

so they come by the jasse james fam farm and chat with jj and go to his hom to gyp her outta her land

btw this is in proper fullscreen

she dont consent to signing and when he gets b--chy, her  sonn frankie stands up to him and tries  to attack him through a handshake

so frank slugs him away and jesse pulls his american rights firearm on them

jesse kicks his yankee a55 (literally) and when jesse turns his back, the guy tries to scythe his a55 but gets cappeda nd sent to h e double california

the carpet baggers flee but mom faints and jesse gets the people of town together to fight the soviet union (vs confederate)threat

so th handshake guy survives with a hole in his hand (which will make jj-0rkin off interesting) and wants to charge the james boys

meanwhile, jesse wants to get a lawyer to help em fight for their land and a gguy comes by to say the law is after em and the railroad owns the courts and gov

so big gobv comes for the james boys but they gone so the gov throws a grenade in their home and blows apart their mom

so this chick tells the james boys their mome went to the big plantation in the sky and they want to avange her

wait, wasnt it the pinkertons who torched the james home and iced their fam?

so jesse goes to the railroad guys and blows em back to h e doubel new york as they claim it was an accident

like in the dark knight how two face was wasting those involved in the chicks wacking

so theres a bounty on jj's head  for this and later, the soviet railroad is fulfilled and has f;d through stolen landd

but a dark avenger rides the shadows and carjacks the train

remember the train level in star fox 64? that was annoying.

then again, in yugioh zexal, that busty chick used a train deck and it was pretty good

so the james gang jacks the train riders and after the train goe on, the guy on it sez it was jesse james s "no one else would have the nerve"

yeah, that'll hold up in court

so back at the james cave, jesse returns and hsi gf sez he otta stop but he hates the railroad too much

later a gov guy comes by and he lets the gf know if he catches jj he;s gonna blow his head off j fk style

later gf tries to get jj to surrender but he dont wanna go to jail and she is bummed

they decide to get married and go to a church where the Priest is glad to help him as the railroad f'd him

So jj turns himslef in and hopes to get a fair trial

in jail he is met by the railroad prez and later, the prez sez hes gonna fix the trial to get jj strung up

so the lawman trys to hellp jj and finds theres a plan to get him out

the boss gets a note saying if they dont free jj, then frank will bust him out

so boss gets ready to sstop the rescue mission and frank stops by

lawman says this is all because of the railway boss and walks out and frank and a bunch of guys hold the guards and boss at gunpoint and free jj

the guys the lawman hired to eputie were jj's allies

they make the boss eat the paper he wrote a note on and escape as the cops chase em

they should have stuck it in his bakdoor!

they getta way and the reward goes up to 25 000 $

so jesse's girl poop sout a kid and jesse cant be ther as he's a wanted man like lancer from robotech but less cross dressing

she is giving up hppe for the future and hopes to bite it as its easier than dealing with things, bu when her kid cries, she says she didnt man it

jesse hears of his son but also that the marshall is at the wifes place and he goes to see them, but queers out after a whhile and tells his homeboy pinkie  to tell them cr-p

he goes on to jack banks and trains and the gov sez tehy'll pardon any of the jj gng who betrays jj and give them a reward

later the wife of jj gets a newspaper but can't read so this guys reads it but dont tell her

later the guy (who;s kinda scuzzy) talks to jj and sez jj is being too reckless

jj tells him off and sez he''s da boss and if scuzzmo dont like it, he can find another gang

hsi bro sez jj is going too far and taking too many chances and tteis to talk sense into him and comfort him

later, a guy warns a bank the the james gang is heading to there to jack it

when some of the jj guys go in to da banck, they are opened fire on and they book it

jesse took a hit and they get to the river and cross but he hides in the wood int eh river

the papers report that if he is alive, he's f;d and his woman hears it

a guy tells her jesse changed and is the bad guy now

jessy returns to his woman and young son who's 5 now and finds his boy dont know anything about him

he wants to go away after he gets better and hugs his fam

the papers say after 3 months w//o jj sightings, he's iced but frankie sez he gled the country

where'd he go? soviet canada?!

fighting sasquatch and eating live moose!

later scuzzmo stops by and tells jj that frankie sent him to get him and go to da banck

jj wants to go to soviet california, probably to poop on the floor and get/spread aids and dont consent to going with them

scuzzmo wants to get jj to do cr-p but jj's kid and homies is making nose outside and playing jesse james where the kid gets capped

after da boys go home, j takes his kid inside and is gonna catch the afternoon train to soviet califronia

jesse goes doen and scuzzmo  caps hhim and runs off

then we have a memorial of him and a guy says good sh-t about him

then they read his stone saying he was 34 and iced by a traitor

the end

that was pretty good

nice classic wholesome clean cool film

it tells the story and does it well and even though its not fully accurate about the evil pinkertons and their assault on freedom by the cokmmie union gov, its still pretty good

it don't mention jesse jame's civil war service in the confederacy but i guess thats for the prequel to do

i liked it and it has a nice feel and atmosphere to it

its only like 101 minutes and goes by pretty decent and dont drag

for jesse james 2 i want it to be 15 years later and the 2nd civil war is raging. edison has made steam powered suits that use gears to enhance a soldiers speed, strengthn and defence and the 2nd confederacy is using jesse james as an icon to call to arms those wronged by big gov. also its a 128 bit dreamcast, gamecube, ps2 and xbox game where you fight through several missions as jesse james jr and take on yankee strongholds to bring down their black reign and free the people from oppression.

No comments:

Post a Comment