Thursday, July 21, 2016

Queen Christina Review

note; my typing is still bad
queen Christina
this is my review on queen Christina
the greta garbo from from da 30z
I like early talkies
cool to see where they began
it starts with credits and text
in 1632 Sweden was at was for 30 years
then the king bit it
why was he in the front lines?!
then it sez they were fighting for 14 years
make up ur mind!
so they make his daughter Christina (now called chris by me) king
shes like 8
at the crowning the butler or w/e crys and chris sez men don't cry
what about in Hokuto no ken?
kenshiro sheds manly tears
or batman?
batman was f'd up though
saw his rents blown away at 8
chris gives a speech and we cut to horses running
a guy in a hat comes up the stairs to the castle
that man is greta garbo
shes a tomboy
my Japanese gramma was a tomboy in the 20s/30s
its been a timeskip and shes a grown a55 wo man
chris was called back to meet with a prince named Charles
hope he don't have his woman wacked
chris is told of her troops losses and she sez she may have to hire foreigners
hope theyere non union
her cousin comes in and they kiss on the cheek cuz theyre European
the people have a meeting or something and rthey talk about how this war is about God
defending their religion or something
she asks the poors their view
chris wants to have a peace meeting
but the people want war
she wants to stop the killing b4 the Europe is ruined and everyone crippled
she later signs a paper but I didn't read it fast enuff
later the butler comes to wake up chris and she's reading
if this were made today she'd be playing Gameboy
she goes outside and runs snow on her face
she talks about a play writer(masybe shakespere)(spoiler; shakespere s-cked)
and she talks about marriage and not wanting to sleep with a man in a room
is this a lesbian movie?
sounds like something go nagai would do
she is set to marry Charles
hope he don't have her wacked
later she talks to a frenchie who looks a bit like weird al yankovic
he's got the hair and moustache
but hes uglier
the frenchie
not weird al
later she wants to let italiano's and Spaniards each in swedens universities but her advisor thinks its bad
also chris don't wanna marry chales cuz hes only good at fighting
chris is malcontent over being a slave to the country she leads
and the pressure to breed an heir to the lineage
and having snow in sweden
isn't Sweden a polar country??
I never really knew much about it
people think Canada is a tundra country with inbred lumberjacks fighting bears and eating moose
later she talks to a guy who wants to b0ne her
but she's not interested
he looks like a a66 hole anyway
then she walks by a chick b--ching about her and she tells her off
her butler warns her that a Spaniard is coming and they gotta watch out cuz swedes are protestant
I thought they were the good guys
then chris goes out on horseback in the snow
she comes across a carriage stuck in da snow and laughs at em
what an a55
the carriage is full of Spaniards
she gives em advice and it helps
they think chris is a dude
and give her a coin with her face on it
like in the bible; give what is cesars to cesar and give what is God's to God
they arrive at the inn at night
everyone thinks chris is a dude
well, in Europe its easy to get it mixed up
several people thought I was a chick
what with my European Castlevania good looks and long blonde hair
then the Spaniards arrive
how do you think that's a dude?! its greta garbo!! considered one of the most beautiful chix in the 20s-40s
I mean lady gaga doesn't have that good a face so she shows off her bod to distract us
but still man
btw she looks a bit like that plus size model viva la Valerie
garbo, not gaga
the main Spaniard talx with chris and they get along
they discuss the differences in love between cultures
garbo don't think theres perfect love
then theres almost a barfight with 2 cowboy looking dudes over how many dudes the queen b0ned last year
1 sez 6 1 sez 9
they ask garbo and she sez 12
garbo sez it with a grin and joy
everyone cheers
shes quite a dude
if queen christina was set in modern times, greta garbo would be an 80s chick with a sleeveless jean jacket and short spiked neon hair and leather fingerless gloves and maybe 80s shades or a visor.
hay Vasquez! you ever been mistaken for a man???
no... have you??????
so chris and the main Spaniard talk and she don't wanna share a room
they go to the room and this Swedish chick starts hitting on chris
this is turning into go nagai
like kekko kamen with less naked chix
they I mean he starts getting undressed and reveals he's a knight in spain
while talking he sez men should sleep on their left side for their sword arm
if u sleep on ur left it puts pressure on ur stomach and causes weird or freaky dreams
she starts getting undressed and he sees her b00bs bulging under her top
he's glad since he sensed something and is glad he's not turning queer
the next day its snowing and they are stuck there for 3 days
also he wants to stay in bed
I assume they're b0ning
she turned straight
if this were made nowadays it would show em b0ning or nude
here it has class
she admits shes happy for once
She sez its how the Lord must've felt after beholding the finished world
they talk about their love for a while
they plan to meet again in Stockholm and go off
later back home chris sez the chick who b--ched about her can marry her love
royals deciding who can marry who???
that's un american!
then the Spaniards come in and her bf is surprised to see the chick he b0ned in a dress and as a queen
after the meeting in the room, he meets her privately
the a66 hole who wanted to b0ne her meets with and subtly tells off the Spaniard that his kind isn't welcome
he gives her a painting of the spainish king\
he has issues with her playing with his heart as shes a queen and he's a knight
but she was just happy to be not seen as a queen
the a66 whole who wanted to b0ne her spreads propaganda against her Spaniard bf
btw, only greta garbo has a Swedish accent in Sweden
everyone else sounds either american or sometimes like a cowboy
chris confronts em and they don't say anything
but once she leaves they keep b--ching
she confronts her staff
her butler wants the people protesting arrested or opened fire upon
but she sez no
had the czar been more commanding he and his fam might not have been shredded by gunfire by commies
she dismisses the guards and lets the malcontents in
she calls em out 1 at a time and uses logic to point out their errors
like pointing out errors with political correctness
but unlike the politically correct, the people accept logic and change their tune
nowadays it might be better to take down the malcontent protesters
this turn around of the people is like something president Reagan would have done
the a66 hole who wanted 2 b0ne the garbo takes the Spaniard to "protective"custody
the garbo knows he started the malcontent uprisings and he wants the Spaniard sent home
also he has given his men orders to ice the Spaniard if he is iced
she gives the spainard a passport and sends him off
whats wrong with the Spaniards?
they're Europeans too
by Portugal and Italy
the chick who b--ched about the queen gives the Spaniard a letter from da qween
the chris talks to the butler about how she has a great burdon and wants freedom
she don't wanna marry Charles (cuz hes gonnas wack her?) but is told she must
theres a big ceremony and she is told only swedes should rule Sweden
makes sense
you don't see the poles wanting to rule japan
she makes Charles the new king and isn't marrying him but rather quitting queen-ness
the people don't want her to go
this reminds me of the kings speech where that guy left leading candy a55 England for going with the fine a55 woman he loves
no one wants to take her crown off so she does it herself(which shocks people)
then she takes off her cape
what next?? her top?
She thanks the Lord for His giving her queen-ness and good breeding
then leaves
maybe now the people can elect accountable leaders instead of giving appointed people life time jobs that steer the country in their image against the will of the people
at the border the chris arrives and changes horses then goes on
meanwhile the spainard is swordfighting a guy
I think its the a66 hole who wanted to b0ne the queen
after a night at the inn, the chris gets to the shipyard
on the boat she finds the Spaniard dead
wait, he's got some hit points left
they kiss and talk and he bites it
she goes off to sail and in an iconic scene w/ good music looks toward the unknown as the wind blows
the end
that was good
not much action
but well done
they otta show this on the history channel
better than skyfall the james bond movie
for queen Christina 2 I'd like her going on an adventure to California or new jersey to fnd ther gate to h-ll to being back her bf but he comes back as a daemon. also, the a66 hole who wanted to b0ne her has starscreamed his way to becoming the king of Sweden and has taken over the Europe. so her daemon bf and her with h-ll items must fight her way to fre their country from his evil. its also a 2 player beat em up with 1 player as greta gerbo and 1 as the bf and is on sega genesis and super Nintendo and the new king has ritual sacrificed his people to become a super human.

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