Friday, August 12, 2016

Field Of Dreams Review

note; typing still bad. maybe worse.
field of dreams
this is my review on field of dreams
I actually read the book in high school
it was called shoeless joe and had some differences
like kevin cpstner had a twin brother who left home to work at a freak show
in one flashback kevin Costner and the other kevin Costner get b0ners and measure em with a metal ruler to see if they are 100% identical
hope they wernt circimsized
I say that a lot when I watch "naked and afraid"
that show is awful
its just naked people suffering
adam and eve? more like dante's inferno!
also in the book they meet j d salinger
they changed it for the movie since I guess he didn't consent to being in it
I had an idea for a thing where they would be making a biopic on a dead actor
but one of his droogs is still alive and don't consent to being in the film(as he used to do drugs and b0ne a lot or w/e)
so they change 1 letter in his name and turn him black
ahhh yes, hackie chan, the black martial artist
steven steelburg
danny levito
ooh, its by universal
I liked the land before time
too bad they ruined it with endless sequels
burt Lancaster is in this
and ray liotta is shoeless joe
good music too
by james horner
so kevin Costner tells his dads backstory
he fought in ww1 and loved baseball
he had clashes with his dad and was a hippie in college
he met his wife, married, and the dad bit it
they bought a farm and he started hearing voices
that backstory was like 3 mins
alien soldier was almost 5 and was just scrolling text
in the cornfield kebin conytr hears a voice saying "if you build it, they will come"
as I grew up in da 90z, I saw parody's of this phrase often
he cant find any reasonable explaination for it
but he takes it well
at night he hears it again
the corn may be haunted
or maybe its space daemons
at the store the other farmers look at him queer for mentioning hearing voices
maybe the space demons are b0ning their cows
later in the cornfield, he keeps hearing the voice
he gets p-ssed but then sees a baseball field in his corn firld
he talks with his woman and sez it means showeless joe Jackson will come back
but hes dead
is this cornfield a gate to h-ll??
I should mention that shoeless joe and others in baseball were canned for being paid to fix the 1918 world series
kevin scrur is malcontent over not wanting to be his dad
is he gonna start cross dressing?
the next day he plows his corn and tells his daughter about shoeless joe
he sez jow wasn't trying to lose the game and played his fat a55 off
he turns his corin field into a b ball fierld
he also sez his dad once saw jow in a ball gamer under a fake name
then its Christmas
I should mention I don't care for baseball
I think its cr-ppy and s-cked
Americas past time my a55
its watching guys a mile away playing catch!
then they run in squares
its boring
once in high school we had to go to a game
I managed to bring my game boy advance and pokemon crystal and had something to do
in grade school I stayed behind in class and played on the computer when the class went to ballgames
I also didn't like school dances
the only sports I liked was dodge ball and scooter hockey(playing grade 1 hockey on boards with wheels)
I don't even like sports games on sega
later its revealed that they blew their savings on the ballfield
then a man shows up at the ballfield
its a base baller
wtf its been 30 mins(with commercials)
but nothing happened!
kecin sunitn turns on the lights and talks to the guy
wait, he just plays ball with him
is this like in yugioh where they communicate feelings by card games?
also, how'd he hook up a light system?
they introduce eachother and the baller is showless joe
joe sez losing baseball was like losing a limb
then they play ball more
this is kinda soothing
no music or words
just calm movements
joe tells about his good memories
I assume this is gonna get dark and disturbed soon
so is this really happening?
or is it in kevin scitng's mnd?
joe cant leave the play area
the kid asks if hes a ghost and he don't give a straight answer
joe sez theres others
kevin scoting sez they're welcome any time
when joe asks if this is heaven, kevin sez; its iowa
ih the 90s that was classic
so maybe kevin scoingt can ask joey what its like to bite it and where he's been the last few decades?
they're gonna play baseball!
joe goes into the corn
the next day a farmer tries to help kevin ervinty but he just jokes
he's gonna have to start doing weiord p0rn0 to pay the bills
then more people are in the ballfiend
they're kinda see through
the ballers argue and reveal they now time has happened since their games]
1 guy swears in friont of a little girl
she don't mind
the farmer talks wth kevin sctinger but he cant see em
oh, its the wifes fam
so I assume this is like in yugioh gx how only some can see spirits
the men are aware they're dead and how long its been and what year it is
then kevin hears a voice saying"ease his pain"
inside the wife warns that the PTA wants to ban books like the wizard of oz or diary of anne frank
when they took the bible out they started a slippery slope
at the meeting they wanna ban some p0rn0 by a commie named "Terrence mann"
one woman suggests he stopped writing cuz he j-rks off
the wife defends the writer
this movie tries to make the 60s period of malcontentary and drug use seem good
the women argue and nearly have a street fight like in Capcom vs SNK 2 EO
she forces a vote and compares the one against her to a nazzi and a commie
then uses blanket statements about freedom and the bill of rights to twist things
she wins the vote
kefin kostnar sez he's supposed to ease the pain of the writer
I wouldn't want my kids reading some p0rn0 in grade school
although I hear the new curriculum in some places is pretty explicit
teaching grade school kids about butt stuffing and gender perversion
these kids think santa and the tooth fairy exist
and they're teaching them about 30 genders
after a small montage of research, he gives a backstory of not jd salinger
his last story was about kevin seinty;s dad
also he liked baseball
the wife points oit good reasons why he shouldn't go on an expedition to find this writer
he sez he has a good feeling and its revealed him and his woman had the same dream about the writer
on the trip there he practices what he wants to say to introduce himself
then we get a montage of him searching for info
when they meet its james earle jones playing the writer
darth vader did p0rn0
the writer don't wanna see him but sees him anyway
hes kinda p-ssed off and disgruntled
he kicked out kevin scyunty for being from the 60s
but kevin scrut gets back in and fakes having a gun
the writer don't buy it and tries to beat klevins coastners a55 with a crowbar
kevin scrtyon explains he wants to take him to a ballgame and he read the writer wanted to play ay a field that was torn down
but the writer never even thought that
but he goes with him anyway
they go to a real stadium and the writer sez he wants to be left alone
he stopped writing as he got fed up with all those maniac druggies hounding him
at the game, the screen sez something in baseball but I don't get it
kevin deionst writes it down and gets bummed when the writer don't see it
they leave
once I was at a baseball game and got very foul gas
my dad called it, the 7th inning stench!
they part and as he leaves the writer reveals he saw the baseball text
they have to find a guy called "moonlight graham
they go on a road trip to minnesoda
he calls the wife but after they hang up her brother (the farmer) is there in a suit saying she didn't tell him
maybe they're inbreeding and trying to create some kind of super ginger(as both are ginger)
turns out moonlight became a dr and helped kids
then bit it in 72
they talk with geezers about moonlight
turns out he had no darkness
the writer calls his son after finding he's been calling him but got no answer and called the cops
the keven ciostysry goes for a walk and its now 72
I like the cool blue color of this night
he sees moonlight and they talk
moonlight carries an umbrella
in the book it was phaIIic
I think
moonlight sez he played 1 game, didn't do well and instead of going back to the minor league, he quit
he wishes he could've went to bat I the major leagues
kevin cosrtner sez he can bring him to a place with magic enough to make it happen
but moonlight don't wanna leave his homeland
this reminds me of yugioh gx where jaden goes to a time warp and faces yugi in a place with only them
kevin costny sez living his dream for 5 mins is awful
moonlight sez if he was only a dr for 5 mins it would be awful
on the phone the wife sez that they gotta pay or lose the farm
so kenvin costnor and da writer goes to the farm
on the way there they get a hitchhiker who plays ball
its the kid version of moonlight
kevin sentjer sez his dad s-cked at baseball so he forced his son to play
at 14 he read the writers book that f'd him up and made him stop
at 17 kevin kinger left home
kevin didn't see him agan
the dads hero was shoeless joe
they get to the home and the writer meets joe
also another team came out and they gon play a real game
moonlight plays with em
hes kinda cr-ppy
but he gets a score goal point thing(I don't know baseball)
the next day they're still out and the brother offers to buy the farm
kevin cerher sez no and his daughter sez people will comer to watch the game
the writer sez people will come and be basically hypnotized into coming and paying 20$ to see ghosts play b ball
we get a pro base ball speech about how its really american
but the brop spews doom and gloom saying he's gonna lose the place
we get a long stare of the ballers looking at kevin cester b4 he turns the bro down
after a scuffle, the daughter falls off the bleacher and bites it
but moonlight walks off the holy ground of baseball field and turns into burt lancaster
he saves the girl by getting a wiener out of her throat
but he cant return
Charlie! you cant go back!
we get a forced sad moment to make us feel about a ghost not playing a cr-ppy sport
he goes into the corn and I hope not to h-ll
then the bro can see the ghosts somehow
its not really explained
I guess the magic leveled up
the ballers are going back to h-ll for the night and invite the writer to go with em
but kevi sercedry goes mental that its not him
the writer revealed he did say the dream about playing ball with the place
james urkle jones dresses like my grampa  
he goes into da korn (eventually) and its revealed that one of the ghosts was kevin scerger;s dad
this whole thing was for him
but the dad sez it was for the keven secertner
his fam meets the dad but he acts like he don't know em
the dad asks if its heave but the keven sceredfer sez its iowa
the dad asks if theres a heaven
does this mean he was in h-ll?
what were his sins??
was he a degenerate?
then kened secret plays catch with his ghost dad
a good metaphor on how once malefic forces are removed, healing can begin on wounded souls
that hippie commie j-rk off writer went to h-ll and the dad's relationship with his son is restored
as it waS the writers book that f'd em.
the end
I liked this film
its good 80s/90s heart
it felt nice and has soft music
plus good themes
besides the pro hippie cr-p
the 60s were grotesque
I perfer the 80s
the raegan years
or the 90s
when animation was good
in the credits
the voice; himself
For Field of Dreams 2 I'd like for the baseball field to have become more and more magical with each time a all player gets sacrificed by leaving the ground. Kwevin Costner keeps doing this to get more mass appeal so more people can see his ghost show. Also people don't really want baseball now that roids have become mandatory and games have become higher octane. So he starts having serial killer ghosts come up and have death matches. Soon its a tournament of the worlds greatest warriors and most f'd up killers and degenerates with them fighting to determine who gets to stay and who gets sacrificed to enter the human world for a few mins before returning to h-ll. Its also a fighting game on sega genesis and snes where you choose a historical figure and butcher others in gory matches. Also, the writers ghost is manipulating things for a malcontent uprising and has absorbed the lost souls sent to h-ll to become an abomination of grand perversion who absorbs other ghosts by b0ning them.

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