Frankenstein Review

Nite; still cant type. big surprise there

Frankenstein

This is my review on Frankenstein(1930s ver)

its got boris Karloff and a buncha homies no one remembers

we've all heard the story or seen parody's of it over the last century or so

I remember seeing the Kenneth brannah version which was pretty good

better than bram stokers Dracula

that film s-cked

just lust and comically bad scenes

this film is based on a book from the 1800s

I like films based on boox and the 1800s

it stars with a guy warning that this film is "too much" for some people

I mean yeah in the 30s it was a lot

but now we got the human centipede

the opening credits have a cool look to em

ooh, james whale directed diss

and boris Karloff isn't credited

just a ?

so we get a funeral and this purvo is watching from the bushes

his master keeps him down

that's disgusting

after the grave is filled in and everyone goes home, the degenerates come out and dig him up

are they gonna b0ne it?

this is like ed gein

wait

ed gein was 50s and this was made in the 30s

the master sez the corpse is resting, waiting for new life to come

his life as a butt slave!!

on the way home they find a hanged man

the purvo cuts him down but the master sez the necks broke and brain is useless

brain fetish?!

btw

of course the nex broke! he was hanged!

then we get a dr teaching a class about the difference between a normal and abnormal brain

nowadays calling someone abnormal due to mental f'd ness is politically incorrect

some people are attracted to the living

some to the dead

doesn't make either right or wrong

the purvo(who's a hunchback btw) sneaks in and steals a brain

then we get a scene where the master's gf sez the master contacted her

he's living in an abandoned tower and does experiments

necrophililia isn't an experiment

unless you mean like "experimenting in college"

the gf and the gf's homie meet with a guy about the master(who's also a dr)

the guy sez the master left the university as the human pieces used in his experiments wernt good enuff

he wanted to kill and revive things

te master is dr Frankenstein

they go to see him

then we get this cool looking lab which would look awful in widescreen

btw I didn't see it but the purvo dropped the good brain and took the abnormal brain

I wasn't paying attention

the master (dr f) is ready to bring a corpse made of many corpses back to life

and he's using a storm to do so

dr f and the purvo are interrupted by people banging on the door

he eventually lets them in

wow, we're 20 mins in and it feels like nothing

he wants em to leave but they don't wanna

so lets em up

after they come up he locks the door

why?

is someone after him?

is he paranoid?

he wants to prove hes not crazy

the pc term is sanity challenged

he sez he found a ray beyond ultra violet that can bring life

he experimented on animals and kept a heart beating for 3 weeks

he sez the body on the table never lived but he made it(outta stolen corpses)

but it has lived.

its made of once living sh-t

he raises it up and into the lightening

lightening force! (thunderforce 4)

when it comes down its moving

the dr f freaks out saying ITS ALIVE!

he sez he knows how it feels to be God cuz he made life

God did it better

and 1st

later the gf is with her dad and he thinks dr f is with another chick

maybe when he was b0ning the corpses like ed gein or that gay xxx star cannibal in canada

also a wedding is gonna happen but its getting delayed

wedding peach!

wedding peach vs Frankenstein?

wedding peach vs blackenstein!

the bearenstein bears vs blackenstein!

yeah that's a crossover!

so dr f sez some poetic words and finds out the brain stolen was from a criminal

what was his crime?

public j-rkin off?

imagine the Frankenstein monster j-rkin off in public and making weird noises

heeee heeeeeeeeeeee

its like j fk's dad after his crippling

then the monster comes in

he looks iconic

he seems mentally slow

maybe the abnormal criminal was just mentally challenged and didn't know betrer

frankensteins monster is ret-rded!?

that changes everything

they show him light from the open ceiling but he reaches for it like Edward elric in full metal alchemist

the purvo comes in with a torch and Karloff freaks out

the purvo keeps tormenting him with the fire

they chain him up in the basement like the epileptic brother in the kings speech

but the purvo keeps tormenting it with a whip and fire

is this Castlevania?

then we hear screaming and the dr gets there the prvo is dead

he b0ned him dead

the brain dr sez to kill it but dr f sez that's murder

so they put him to sleep with drugs

hes kinda like an ape in here with his movements and noises

like king kong(made 2 years later)

the gf and  dad are coming so he hides the monster in the basement

this is like a bad sit com

the wifes homie keeps them busy

wait

I think the dad is the dr f's dad

baron Frankenstein

dr f is burned out from fighting the boris Karloff so they give him booze

they want the dr f to come home

the brain dr is gonna cut apart the boris but it wakes up and wacks his a55

he starts choaking him but it fades out

I assume he b0ned him dead

then he goes outside

later dr f marries his gf

in the village the boris meets as little girl

they play games by throwing flowers in the water

when they run outta flowers he throws her in expecting her to float

she bites it

wtf

shes like 8

why cant she swim?!

and its right at the edge of the water

its not that deep!

when I was 8 I went to the beach and pool in my little speedo

I went everywhere in my speedo

riding a bike in a speedo

wearing a speedo instead of undies

hope no pedo files are imagining that

not that theres anything wrong with that

to9 be fair; I hang around in my place in my undies all the time

sometimes I'm only wearing real clothes like 3x a week

at the wedding party the gf has a premonition of danger

shes psychic like jean gray

then the dr f hears the brain dr is iced

and they hear a growl and know the monster is in there

wtf

they hear a growl?

but cant tell where it is?

as they look the boris is in the room with the gf

we don't see what happened

but afterward shes freaked out

I think he b0ned her

then the farmer brings in his dead kid

The town gets freaked out over a dead kid
just like when a kid does something stupid with a toy and gets crippled and the public goes mental over banning the toy or preventing this 1/1million accident from happening again

also dr f wants to kill the boris Karloff with his own hands

this would make a good video game

not like the cr-ppy marry Shelley's Frankenstein on sega/snes

that game s-cked

bram stokers Dracula was better(on sega)

they track the monster up the mountain and in this mad max looking area

the dr f faces his monster but its not scared of fire

it kicks his a55

then carries him off to b0ne

dr f is a scientist who works with corpses

he should know the bodies weak points

as in joints and such

cant he aim for those and take him down?

the boris Karloff takes the dr f to a windmill and the town sets it on fire

dr f wakes up and they fight

he throws the dr f off the windmill and he busts on a windmill blade b4 falling down

normally that would kill someone

the windmill is on fire and the boris Karloff is freaking out

the windmill falls apart and burns down

afterward the dr f is recovering from getting killed by the monster

people were tougher in the 1800s

my great grampa was bad a55

the end

I liked this

and it wasn't that long either

like lon chaney's "the unknown"

I can see why it was so parodied

its classic and grand

for Frankenstein 2 I'd like dr f to be crippled from his windmill hit and is using his science to rebuild his broken body. also; the monster is back and burned to have bones showing so it takes the name "bonenstein" and goes around eating people to try to heal its deformities. so dr f has to upgrade his body fast to stop this monster one more time. its also a variety party game mini game collection of puzzles and tasks that represent dr f trying to rebuild his body with science and then fight game things of him facing the monster art various levels of healing and gradually upgrading. also the monster has turn those its eaten parts of into its slaves so dr f has to fight them off to free them by beating out the mind control poison. its a beat em up and puzzle game on sega genesis and snes.