Friday, August 26, 2016

Frankenstein Review

Nite; still cant type. big surprise there
This is my review on Frankenstein(1930s ver)
its got boris Karloff and a buncha homies no one remembers
we've all heard the story or seen parody's of it over the last century or so
I remember seeing the Kenneth brannah version which was pretty good
better than bram stokers Dracula
that film s-cked
just lust and comically bad scenes
this film is based on a book from the 1800s
I like films based on boox and the 1800s
it stars with a guy warning that this film is "too much" for some people
I mean yeah in the 30s it was a lot
but now we got the human centipede
the opening credits have a cool look to em
ooh, james whale directed diss
and boris Karloff isn't credited
just a ?
so we get a funeral and this purvo is watching from the bushes
his master keeps him down
that's disgusting
after the grave is filled in and everyone goes home, the degenerates come out and dig him up
are they gonna b0ne it?
this is like ed gein
ed gein was 50s and this was made in the 30s
the master sez the corpse is resting, waiting for new life to come
his life as a butt slave!!
on the way home they find a hanged man
the purvo cuts him down but the master sez the necks broke and brain is useless
brain fetish?!
of course the nex broke! he was hanged!
then we get a dr teaching a class about the difference between a normal and abnormal brain
nowadays calling someone abnormal due to mental f'd ness is politically incorrect
some people are attracted to the living
some to the dead
doesn't make either right or wrong
the purvo(who's a hunchback btw) sneaks in and steals a brain
then we get a scene where the master's gf sez the master contacted her
he's living in an abandoned tower and does experiments
necrophililia isn't an experiment
unless you mean like "experimenting in college"
the gf and the gf's homie meet with a guy about the master(who's also a dr)
the guy sez the master left the university as the human pieces used in his experiments wernt good enuff
he wanted to kill and revive things
te master is dr Frankenstein
they go to see him
then we get this cool looking lab which would look awful in widescreen
btw I didn't see it but the purvo dropped the good brain and took the abnormal brain
I wasn't paying attention
the master (dr f) is ready to bring a corpse made of many corpses back to life
and he's using a storm to do so
dr f and the purvo are interrupted by people banging on the door
he eventually lets them in
wow, we're 20 mins in and it feels like nothing
he wants em to leave but they don't wanna
so lets em up
after they come up he locks the door
is someone after him?
is he paranoid?
he wants to prove hes not crazy
the pc term is sanity challenged
he sez he found a ray beyond ultra violet that can bring life
he experimented on animals and kept a heart beating for 3 weeks
he sez the body on the table never lived but he made it(outta stolen corpses)
but it has lived.
its made of once living sh-t
he raises it up and into the lightening
lightening force! (thunderforce 4)
when it comes down its moving
the dr f freaks out saying ITS ALIVE!
he sez he knows how it feels to be God cuz he made life
God did it better
and 1st
later the gf is with her dad and he thinks dr f is with another chick
maybe when he was b0ning the corpses like ed gein or that gay xxx star cannibal in canada
also a wedding is gonna happen but its getting delayed
wedding peach!
wedding peach vs Frankenstein?
wedding peach vs blackenstein!
the bearenstein bears vs blackenstein!
yeah that's a crossover!
so dr f sez some poetic words and finds out the brain stolen was from a criminal
what was his crime?
public j-rkin off?
imagine the Frankenstein monster j-rkin off in public and making weird noises
heeee heeeeeeeeeeee
its like j fk's dad after his crippling
then the monster comes in
he looks iconic
he seems mentally slow
maybe the abnormal criminal was just mentally challenged and didn't know betrer
frankensteins monster is ret-rded!?
that changes everything
they show him light from the open ceiling but he reaches for it like Edward elric in full metal alchemist
the purvo comes in with a torch and Karloff freaks out
the purvo keeps tormenting him with the fire
they chain him up in the basement like the epileptic brother in the kings speech
but the purvo keeps tormenting it with a whip and fire
is this Castlevania?
then we hear screaming and the dr gets there the prvo is dead
he b0ned him dead
the brain dr sez to kill it but dr f sez that's murder
so they put him to sleep with drugs
hes kinda like an ape in here with his movements and noises
like king kong(made 2 years later)
the gf and  dad are coming so he hides the monster in the basement
this is like a bad sit com
the wifes homie keeps them busy
I think the dad is the dr f's dad
baron Frankenstein
dr f is burned out from fighting the boris Karloff so they give him booze
they want the dr f to come home
the brain dr is gonna cut apart the boris but it wakes up and wacks his a55
he starts choaking him but it fades out
I assume he b0ned him dead
then he goes outside
later dr f marries his gf
in the village the boris meets as little girl
they play games by throwing flowers in the water
when they run outta flowers he throws her in expecting her to float
she bites it
shes like 8
why cant she swim?!
and its right at the edge of the water
its not that deep!
when I was 8 I went to the beach and pool in my little speedo
I went everywhere in my speedo
riding a bike in a speedo
wearing a speedo instead of undies
hope no pedo files are imagining that
not that theres anything wrong with that
to9 be fair; I hang around in my place in my undies all the time
sometimes I'm only wearing real clothes like 3x a week
at the wedding party the gf has a premonition of danger
shes psychic like jean gray
then the dr f hears the brain dr is iced
and they hear a growl and know the monster is in there
they hear a growl?
but cant tell where it is?
as they look the boris is in the room with the gf
we don't see what happened
but afterward shes freaked out
I think he b0ned her
then the farmer brings in his dead kid
The town gets freaked out over a dead kid
just like when a kid does something stupid with a toy and gets crippled and the public goes mental over banning the toy or preventing this 1/1million accident from happening again
also dr f wants to kill the boris Karloff with his own hands
this would make a good video game
not like the cr-ppy marry Shelley's Frankenstein on sega/snes
that game s-cked
bram stokers Dracula was better(on sega)
they track the monster up the mountain and in this mad max looking area
the dr f faces his monster but its not scared of fire
it kicks his a55
then carries him off to b0ne
dr f is a scientist who works with corpses
he should know the bodies weak points
as in joints and such
cant he aim for those and take him down?
the boris Karloff takes the dr f to a windmill and the town sets it on fire
dr f wakes up and they fight
he throws the dr f off the windmill and he busts on a windmill blade b4 falling down
normally that would kill someone
the windmill is on fire and the boris Karloff is freaking out
the windmill falls apart and burns down
afterward the dr f is recovering from getting killed by the monster
people were tougher in the 1800s
my great grampa was bad a55
the end
I liked this
and it wasn't that long either
like lon chaney's "the unknown"
I can see why it was so parodied
its classic and grand
for Frankenstein 2 I'd like dr f to be crippled from his windmill hit and is using his science to rebuild his broken body. also; the monster is back and burned to have bones showing so it takes the name "bonenstein" and goes around eating people to try to heal its deformities. so dr f has to upgrade his body fast to stop this monster one more time. its also a variety party game mini game collection of puzzles and tasks that represent dr f trying to rebuild his body with science and then fight game things of him facing the monster art various levels of healing and gradually upgrading. also the monster has turn those its eaten parts of into its slaves so dr f has to fight them off to free them by beating out the mind control poison. its a beat em up and puzzle game on sega genesis and snes.

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