Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Four Feathers Review

note; cant type for BEANS!!!
the four feathers
this is my rebierw on the 4 feathers
its the 30s one
not the heath ledger one that s-cked a55
in it they changed history cuz the director is indian and hates the brits
like the brits losing a battle they won in real life
the one I'm doing is considered the best
its also in Technicolor
after the credits to exotic music we get text
in 1885 in sudan there was an evil force oppressing the natives
so the brits came to save em
then we get images of the brits getting bwned
they lost
now the evil force (whatever it is. they aint really clean on who it is) rules
meanwhile in England, old brits talk
one wants a 15 year old to eat with them
hes gonna tell him about his ancestors'
but the kid was reading a poetry book
is this 30s slang for saying he's queer?
at dinner a geezer uses food to reenact a battle from decades ago vs the Russians
in the story, he threatened a solder afraid of guns to fighting
the kid was shredded by gunfire
1 guy got a blade in the neck
1 guy got his arm b0ned off
1 guy ate his gun
he hates cowards
btw, these soldiers he sent to their graves were people with familes and loves ones.
he said its good they got shredded
he seems to feel like some kind of ubermenche who lesser men have no worth for him
the teen is getting freaked out by this war talk
this reminds me of in duck dynasty where uncle si told grade schoolers his viet nam stories
10 years later the brits try to reclaim sudan
b4 they ship off next month, some army guys are gonna have a party for one of their sisters
the teen (now a man) is named harry (like the green goblin)
he's kinda uneasy about going to war
at the party, harry is engaged to marry this chick
im noticing a few things similar to gone with the wind
the guy with the food reenactment sez the army is too soft now
he reenacts the fight again with food
this s like how the joker in the dark knight keeps saying "ya wanna know how I got these scars???"
outside harry makes out with his future wife
in the real version they might've been b0ning
well, maybe not
people had class back then
nowadays people b0ne too much
esp in films
1 guy called john comes out and talks to the future wife
hes not dancing cuz its polka
hes racist against polka
weird al otta charge him with a hate crime
later a note on screen sez they are being called into service
but harry resigns
he only joined cuz his dad wanted him to
and with him having bit it, hes quitting
this is like in Robotech how bowie isn't into battle and only joined cuz of his fam pressure
the commander outs harry's quitting to the other members
later theres a military parade
the people cheer but harry watches
later the soldiers sy bye to their fams
to think, those kids would later be fighting the kaizer
too bad
the kaizer was bada55
later harry reunites with his future wife and sez hes not with the army buddies
his woman isn't happy he quit despite his flowery words
then harry gets a letter with 4 white feathers
its just 3
1 from each army homie
the food guy returns and ignores the harry
his woman sez she feels betrayed
is this a thing on being queer?
like instead of leaving the army he got b0ned?
he takes a feather from a hat and sez it should be 4 feathers
as she feels the same as them
later its Egypt (where yugioh happens) and the troops are getting ready
later the war needs more men
so they have recruitment stuff
1 geezer talks to the harry and they talk at his place about the feathers
harry is traumatized over a story of a guy who chickened out eating his gun
he's bummed over being a coward
and sez the feather senders knew him better than he knows him
but the geezer knows the harry wont eat his gun
apparently back then brits could have guns
In america everyone has guns.
in canada only cops and crooks have guns
and in england only crooks have guns
so the harry goes to the egtpyt
ere he has a native disguises him as a guy from a tribe that was mutilated and branded
they disagreed with the ruling class, got their tongues cut out, and were branded
that's basically what the left wants to do to anyone who says anything they disagree with
exclude em, silence em, and treat em like sub humans
so the harry gets his forehead branded
to be fair, people get tattoos and piercings
so its not that far away from the norm of today
plus unneeded surgeries to satisfy fetishes
the harry sez that a white feather is a coward mark
and he needs to get those who gave him it to take it back
you s-ck!
take that back aids mo!
same logic
later on the harry is living with slaves and working his a55 off
btw, I can see malcontents whining about a white guy disguising himself as a north African
even though north Africans count as white
Egypt and turkey are near Greece
are greeks white?
what about Italy? that's near it
not all whites have blonde hair and blue eyes
like sailor moon
my dads site is Slovenian and are pretty tanned and ethnic looking
I'm only milky white from my moms polish side
at the area near a battle, the brits use scarecrows to fake having more men
one guy on recon sees people coming but climbs to the top of a rock thing
his helmet falls off and the sun cooks his head
he stumbles around like a druggie or drunk
just use ur shirt to cover ur head!
he blacks out in the sun
hes still going
he almost gets his hat
but blacks out
later the men find him
but its another group
his group wonders where he is
but the enemy is getting ready to attack
but the harry is with em
the cooked guy wakes up and his eyes are dead
he tells em to get ready for battle and lights matches infront of his eyes
despite his eyes being dead he gets to his horse
I think that happened in dr Quinn medicine woman
by night he made it back to his group telling of the enemy coming
but he dont tell his eyes are dead
at night the enemies sneak up under the shadows
the hary is also coming
he says; alarm! but is KO'd by a baddie
the battle breaks out
brits with guns vs Africans w/ swords and shields
the Africans sheer tonnage of numbers gives em the edge
they also set fire to the brits area
its a pretty well done battle
sorta like in birth of a nation with the smoke filling empty area
the Africans get into the brit base and are overwhelming em
one African nearly kills a guy
but the harry saves him
the next day some boats are moving down a river
back at the battle the brits are taken capture
they're gonna use em for b0ning!
they tie em up (ahhhhhh!) and pull em behind horses(ok that wasn't as bad)
the Africans and captured brits leave but the harry and cooked guy are left behind
the harry carries the cooked guy as birts eat the dead
rather than explain it to him, the harry stays in his character of a mutilated mute
the cooked guy is freakin out
if they donty have food they can just eat the fallen
or catch a bird
the cooked guy gives up and is gonna eat his gun
but the harry saves him
just freekin tell him!
the harry wraps a turban on the cooked guy's head and they go off as the cooked guy is freakin out
the harry helps his cooked friend survive even though the cooked friend gave him the feather
although he couldn't have saved him had he been in the service in the 1st place
maybe the cooked guy might not have been cooked
they go across this violence jack like wasteland
meanwhile the geezer who talked with him b4 tells his future wife that the harry is probably dead and its been 1 year since he left
back in Africa the cooked guy and harry find water
they boat down a river on a raft
oh sh-t a hippo!
those demons are deadly!
in the real version they probably had a death match with it
at shore the brits see him putting a note in his papers and think he's robbing them
they catch him but the Africans think he cant speak cuz of his disguise
a dr sez the cooked guy's eyes are dead and cant be fixed
later the food guy and the future wife are horse rising with guya
I think 1 is the cooked guy
the cooked guy is relearning to do things w/o eyes
the future wife is gonna be with him cuz she feels bad 4 him
oh, the food guy is the future wifes dad
at dinner the cooked guy tells his story of the mute guy
he takes out the letter but in it is a feather and a note
the letter sez not to get sunstroke
the cooked guy sez they sent the mute guy to a convict gang
wasn't there a part in the heath ledger version where he frees his homies from a prison?
oh the movies not over
the other 2 feathermen are being sold in a cage to be b0ned or something
they're all chained up and the harry plays a flute with the words "don't despair" on it
in prison its said no one gets out
meanwhile, the brits are coming by land and sea
in prison they eat from a trough and are whipped
when they let em drink from a river the harry gives em a metal item and sez tomorrow a boat is waiting
prison break!!
the baddies have figured out the harry is a brit
but he wont talk
so they whip his a55 and chain him up
this is getting x rateD!
I assume they b0ned him too
if this film was made today he'd get b0ned
in prison the 2 feathermen use the item to get free from their chains
the harry is thrown in with em and reveals he can talk
he plans to get to the armory or w/e and fight back
he sez to free the inmates but not to do anything b4 his sign
meanwhile the brits get ready for a battle with the Africans
if this were made today the brits would be the baddies and the Africans would be the heroes
a swam of horse riding Africans attack and the brits have a line of muskets
wjy not use a gatling gun?
shred em all
they fight off the Africans
In prison Theresa riot and they fight/kill/b0ne the guards
the African prison has guns
in american jail theres no guns
yet people get killed every day there
shanked, sliced, beat, b0ned dead
proof that taking away guns wont stop killings
back at the battle, they use mortars on the Africans
they also attack a building
wait, its the prison
the harry lowers their flag and raises a brit flag
the brits take the prison
the win the war
I think in the heath ledger version they got f'd at the prison and the baddies won
back in england the cooked guy is doing well w/o eyes
and the dr sez they cant be fixed
and he's learning brail
the dr reads the newspaer
it sez about the prison thing and how his friends survived
hes happy and wants to go meet em
then he hears about the harry faking being mute and saving them
he has the dr send a letter to the future wife saying he's going to get his eyes fixed and join the army
also he sends the note with the feather harry gave him
later the geezer talks about his war days an does his food things
but the harry points out the errors in his story
the horse he was riding ran forward when freaked out and he didn't have time to give the order as they just followed him
the harry gets the future wife
ther end
that was cool
fun exciting and positive
the heath ledger one was negative
full of hate
and malcontentary
for the four feathers 2 I'd like for the guy who's eyes cooked to have gone to the Germany to get his eyes fixed but has turned to the black arts to restore em. he gets eye powers that lets him see into mens souls and know their sins. he uses this power to go back to England and expose the hidden secrets of the big wigz to help the people turn from their enslavement to the regent. but then the brits need to distract them so they cause ww1 and attack him for having german help. using his advancing eye powers, he begins burning holes in people with his vision focused to a black magic point and begins causing people to cook and explode. he then becomes a super hero.

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