Thursday, May 17, 2018

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie Review

note; everyone hates this film. will I?? not enough to spell good
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
this is my rebview on The Garbage Pail Kids moovy
I have not heard 1 positive thing about this
yet ive never seen it
I like cr-ppy movies so this could be for me
in 1987 we had The Garbage Pail Kids movie
in 2017 we had the emoji movie
what awaits us in 2047?
well its just after the 3rd Robotech war with the Invid
and around the time of blade runner gx
so it starts off by mgm who did Ben Hur, Wizard of Oz and All those Lon Chaney horror films
we get credits of the cast on trading cards
lol Valerie vomit is puking in a pot shes cooking in
btw this is like a parody of the cabbage patch kids that were super popular in the 80s
think of it like gooflumps books in the 90s like eat cheese and barf or stay out of the bathroom
I loved those
then we get a trashcan in space like power rangers
is this where they got it from?
then the can is in a store and oozing goo
imagine a parody of this where its about cr-p dolls that come out of a toilet
so a guy puts a diving head on the can to stop em
later this grade schooler is being bullied by 80s adults in their 20s
they steal from him and throw him in cr-ppy water
i'm surprised they don't just b0ne him dead
btw that's sean astins brother from lord of the rings
later the shop owner he works for gives him an African clothes as his are covered in cr-p
that's cultural appropriation!
hate crime!!!
and the kid wont tel the cops as the last guy who snitched on the bully got "poured into the west side highway"
wtf hes a killer?!
is he into dealing wit drugs and h00kers too?
so boss sez everything has value and hear and other Yugioh cr-p
he misses when swordfights were useful and hates guns and nukes
guess he aint a real American
kid nearly knocks over the can and boss tells of pandoras box
this is seeming a lot like hobgoblins
later kid tries to get an 80s chick to buy cr-p from the shop
he has a soft moment with her over some cr-p
I hear the kids dad, jon aston (from the Addams family) tried to keep his son outta it.
even the Addams family wont have this film
then the bullys come in and try to assault him for being nice to the 80s chick
but he fights em off with 80s hijinks and items
in the fight the can falls and slime comes out
not sure what body fluid that is for them
the bullys take him in the sewer and... i'm not sure what they do. the video is badly cropped
are they b0ning him?
they leave him k o ed and the sewer water is coming in
were they trying to kill him?!
and I thought kaiba from Yugioh was bad for building an amusement park of death traps to kill yugi as revenge for beating him in a card game and sending his soul to a dimension where it experienced being killed by demons
so these f'd up midgets save the kid
I gotta say, if this were done now, it would all be cr-ppy cg
also here they use real midgets instead of like lord of the rings where the cast is human sized
I was very aware elija wood is not 3 feet tall when watching it
they grab everything in the store and kid tries to stop em
then boss comes back from scoring some chronic or w/e and is p-ssed the kid let them out
he wants to get magic items for sealing em but they cant be found now
1 of em p-ssed on the floor
one is a gater person who eats eyes and toes
then boss give 14 year old kid a bath as hes covered in sewage
and all the midgets are there watching
boss sez they gotta avoid humans
and being ugly isn't whats on the outside, but the inside
to be fair; a lot of serial killers were able to seduce their victims
when kid sez he don't find em too ugly, Valerie vomit offters to make out
imagine if they were making out and she barfed down his throat!
mmmmmmm blaaaaaaa ahhhhhhhgghfgfjghfjhf!!
he might return her investment, with interest!!
then its the next day and 80s chick sez sorry for them leaving him for dead
they go shopping or w/e
they selling clothes
wtf her name is tangerine
is that her street name like in the crow or mad max?
she sells her shirt shows wearing and kid probably gets a b0ner as he sits down in shock
shes wearing a bra this time
then the bullys come by... again
kid avoids being seen by hiding in a duffel bag and they drive off
meanwhile its night and the midgets wanna eat
even though they were in that can for who knows how long w/o food
they steal a truck and take a guys pants but also crush an 80s guys car
they get hot dogs and pepsi
and the gater likes eating toes
shouldn't he be a snapping turtle then?
they have all these quips of attitude and slang
I like it
later kid returns and the midgets got him an 80s jacket
then later kid goes to see the chick as the bully leaves
she likes his coat and he sez he made it
shes also more attracted to him cuz of his coat
and wants to sell more of em for him
he tells da midgets he needs more outfits
then the midgets sing a song about doing anything by working together
and they steal tools and sewing machines
when kid returns theyre almost finished
then boss returns, tells kid he's going out, and leaves
such important cr-p
1 midget finds a tv and they try to hide it from kid
after he gores out they try fixing it with snot but it busts
so they wanna go out
in costumes
and the nerd p-ssed himself for like the 3rd time
so wearing trenchcoats and French hats makes em look human?
they go to a 3 stooges film
ew its got shemp
after dat theyre driving on a scooter and go to a bar
well the gater does
he bites off a guys toes
then gets caught and they're gonna skin him
but windy Winston or w/e comes in on the scooter busting through the wall like Kekko kamen
he beats up and poots on guys
being brave wins the bikers respect
back at the movie the midgets are f ing things up
lol the greaser one steals a kids wiener with his switchblade
as in he grabs the hot dog hes eating and scares em of with the blade
nowadays this would never be made
this movies bad a55 for a kids film
later the midgets and their biker homies return and kid gets em inside
the greaser one is seen going in last by the bullys or w/e
boss busts greasers a55 over being a bad leader and how they are only safe in the can
wait, its the gater, not greaser, whos the leader
they have a chai of command?!
and boss makes him swear an oath to not get in trouble
but hes not trustworthy
so then the ghoulies go around pranking people
and boss tries making rhymes to seal the midgets
later kid sez he worrys on whats gonna happen to da midgets
and theres more midgets in the "state home 4 da ugly"
so they all go searching for it
and suddenly there are uniformed guys catching uglies
that came from nowhere
boss and kid find the state home and r gonna go in after dark
but 1st kid goes with chick to sell more clothes to 80s music
I kinda like this music
later she smooches his head side
but bully wants him dead
then kid shows chick the midgets and sez they made da clothes
then midgets make clothes to 80s music
and she is offered a fashion show by someone and wants the clothes named after her
then she goes to bully and makes out
not sure if shes good or bad
she keeps switching
maybe its to show theres good and bad in us?
deep lesson from The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
then midgets are playing cards and they poot and p-ss
no cr-p?
i'm surprised they aint sh-tting all over eachother
they then aint gonna work until they find the state home
kid sez they did but they need a plan
kid and boss go to da home but are turned away by a guard
later chick says some jabs at the midgets for being gross look
also she implies she might b0ne da kid
the midgets wanna go in disguise but chick gets p-ssed and sez no
man she went full b--ch pretty quick
I think this might be a thing on how 1st world people don't mind getting items from da 3rd world but don't like the 3rd world people
clever introspection from The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
she locks em in and hides the key in her t-ts
they leave and the midgets (who were real c-ck suckers to random people b4) get bummed about it
oh and boss is in some room not knowing of any of this
then he gets spray gassed by bullys who go in and see the midgets
and catch greaser
back at he fashion show everyones in bad mad max/lady gaga anime outfits
bullys sold the midgets to he state home as people can be bought and sold for their looks
and the nerd whizzed himself again
wtf theyre gonna execute em in a trash compacter!
and theres a lab with experimentation
to be fair, many countries did worse to their own people
is.. is this a pro life thing?
how we discard those we see as sub human?
it could also be about how kids with cleft faces get treated like monsters in the 3rd world
or albinos being chopped up in Africa for their parts to be used in rituals (that's not a joke. it really happens)
and the abusers see it as ok as they dehumanize those they destroy
this film just got deep
so chick tells kid she gave bully da key and the midgets got sold to da home
kid shows good acting in his emotional response
also he takes a swing at the bully
man they really put a lot of effort in this film
he used to fear the bully but now is pushed too far
kid is taken away to be b0ned dead or w/e
btw if they got rid of the midgets then where will they get the clothes to sell?
they kinda f'd themselves in this plan
kid is thrown in a dumpster and left there
so he just gets out and leaves
boss got kicked out by the guard again and kid gets there
kid goes to the biker bar and gets reinforcements
inside the boss snuck in and ninja gaidens his way around
he finds the midgets but a guard finds him
so he takes him out and frees the kids who poot on the guard
the bikers pull open the bars with bikes
oh and the midgets free others in the home
bikers take em out and the midgets choose to get even with the fashion show dinks
I expect theyre gonna sh-t all over the place
main bully (named juice(like o j simpson?! no wonder people fear him!!) ) is ordering what I think are drugs from over the boarder
they take him out and go in the show
they rip off the clothes fro the models who are in 80s undies
1 guy calls the midgets ugly so windy Winston poots on the audience
after 73 minutes, Valerie vomit pukes on people
I loled
juice fights kid who's like a decade younger than him
he gets slugged out but the midgets help him weaken juice
then kid slugs juice a few times
btw kids name is dodger, like the oliver twist kid
boss takes kid away and kid cries after the stress of the night
he's probably gonna snap and go around eating people
chick follows him and sez sorry and the fashion show was a success
yeah a buncha hobgoblins barfing and pooting on everyone is a good thing for fashion shows
and she's learned the error of her ways
and wants to be friends
but kid don't find her hot anymore after seeing what a b--ch she really is
btw the whole, chick sides with big guy, smaller guy beats him, she goes after smaller guy, he don't care for her, thing was done in m d geist a year b4 this was made
later boss is gonna send them back in da can by playing music backwards
as he plays (with eyes closed) they walk out
and he gets his a55 stuck in da can
then he sez; u cant change da world by locking urself away
such a change of heart in only a few seconds
they drive off on scooters that are never explained and the credits play 80s music about us being garbage pail kids
the end
that wasn't so bad
I didn't see why everyone hated it
its just another gross silly 80s/90s comedy
beavis and butthead did worse and were loved
were the haters expecting it to be gone with the wind?
its The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
its kinda meant to be silly and crass
that's the point
its like complaining about star wars not using realistic technology
but I kinda liked it
a good silly lighthearted barf movie
to sound 90s, i say; this film was barfalicious
they never found the other gp kids
and the state home is still around
so much unresolved
better cr-p together a sequel
for The Garbage Pail Kids Movie 2 I want juice to want revenge on dodger and tangerine wants revenge for him saying he don't find her hot. they capture him and remove his arms/legs an use him as a toilet. the garbage pail kids sense he is in trouble and return to save him. we they find him they have a ritual to sacrifice themselves to become his new limbs and give him powers. so he can shoot barf from 1 arm and p-ss from the other. also he has a built in poot jetpack and his legs are the gater and greaser for power kicks. he then goes through several levels of taking out the juices drug gang and fighting people mutated by his drugs who are enslaved to him for more chronic. its also a 16 bit game like mega man on sega genesis and super Nintendo and Atari jaguar.

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