Monday, January 21, 2019

Blades Of Glory Review

note; this is a comedy so my bad spelling is funny
blades of glory
this is my review on blades of glory
its directed by the guy who did Office Christmas Party
and stars will feral and jon heder from napoleon dynamite
its produced by ben stiller who did Zoolander and the cable guy
so after like a hole minute of logos and opening credits we see this id skating well as other kids play hockey
holy cr-p craig t nelson is in this
so the kid is adopted and grows up to be napoleon dynamite
but a graceful figger sk8r
and doing goofy moves
then releases a dove that was in his suit
we get a look at his backstory of his new dad raising him to be the ultimate sk8
sounds like something from Beyblade
also his dad raised him germophobe
that's germist
also hes got crazy fans who mail him blood
then comes will ferrel who's a lusty def leppard sleezy 80s guy sk8r
and all these 5kanks love him
hen we hear his back story
hes the bad boy of sk8ing and did p0rn0
also hes a lone wolf
no coach or team
they get tied scores and share gold
then we hear of these swiss twins who sk8 as a pair
sounds like those inbreeders from voltage fighter Gowcaizer
on he podium jon and will fight and it causes the mascot to catch fire and ruins the event
at their hearing will flirts with a chick and sez he got a b0ner s hes a secks addict
jon gives a nice talk and will is crass
mr feeny from boy meets world has em kicked outta figger sk8ing and takes their medals
then on the car ride jons dad ditches him at the side of the road
3.5 years later and will is working at a cr-ppy kids ice show
later he's with some 5kanks and this chick who likes him has enough and ditches him
also he isn't fired for getting drunk as he's good at his job
later jon is working at a sports store and a mental fan tells him that he's only kicked outta mens singles and can do pairs sk8ing
later will is drunk on the show and pukes in his suit and ruins the show
jon tries to get his coach craig t nelson to take him back but he sez theres not enough time to get and train a new partner
jon tries getting female sk8s rom te ice show but finds will and they fight
on da news craig sees em on the news fighting and they fight like sk8rs dance
he sees em in jail and wants em to figger sk8 togethewr as theres no rule against 2 men sk8ing together
holy cr-p we're like 30 mins in
that felt like nothing
at the sign up jon sees the twins sister who isn't a sk8
also they steal all the attention from the twins
the twins hate it and wanna cheat at the thing to win
also they force 3rd twin to work for em by guilt over getting their rents iced in a car wreck they were driving her to sk8oing lessons in
jon and will have to live together and train together
also will uses horse shampoo and uses a special italiano whale bone brush which he loves
later they bicker and train over who has to be the girl in the routine
sounds like a prison movie
also jon is the girl
then they get a black guy to teach em to dance in a montage
and twins are watching them on a hidden camera I think
then a news thing about guys reacting to a 2 man sk8 teem
1 guy; thaT blonde chick's a dude?! oh mAN!
after the twins do a thing of marky mark an the funky bunch's good vibrations in jean jackets and ghetto bling, the main guys do their routine to the don't wanna miss a thing song from Armageddon
after screw ups they synchro and work together
also lots of crotch stuff
it at times looks like they're b0ning
they do well and afterward jon has a nice moment with the twins sister
also craig t wants to use a forbidden untested dangerous move to win
so its kaioh ken from dbz?
later will is walking around in a towel and tells jon about his tattoos
jon reveals hes gay for twins sister and will calls her and makes him talk to her
twins and will tell em what to say and its like a bad p0rn0
they agree to date
later craig t tells how his super ultra move got him kicked out or quirt or w/e skating and e took it to north korea where this guy got his head took off
then wants em to try it as it needs 2 men to do it and a man/woman combo isn't enough
they try it and will is nearly neutered
but they are less hostile and more forgiving
later twins sister dates jon and is dressed like a h00ker/anime chick
also jon is dressed like will
sister hates ice and sk8ing and admits she was used to spy on em
also they tell eachother their cr-ppy pasts and they bond over it
then smooch with both consenting
next day they train and will keeps slicing off the jon puppet head
later at a conference will and jo say good about eachother
also jon speaks Japanese to a reporter as the real actor learned it
kono gaijin wa nippon jin?!
sona bakana!!
later twins sister wants to quit being her twins slave but they say they got a plan b to get the main guys
later at his secks addict meeting twins sister comes by and badly sez shes an addict
after the meeting she invites him over and he trys not to b0ne her as she rys to seduce him
but they don't wanna b0ne
then jon comes in and sees wil with his hands on her b00bs and runs out
he sends jon a buncha voice mails for hours
also sister twins feels bad about it and goes to explain it to jon and is over the twins guilt
so will goes to the event but man twin knocks him out and chains him up in a back room
also girl twin handcuffs jon to the toilet
oh and she reveals sister didn't b0ne will
will cuts himself free on sk8s on a wall and gets out and skates away as man twin chases him
jon trys asking a bathroom kid for help but he gets triggered and runs, knocking over a trash can with the key in it
toilet paper with hair and cr-p on it rolls by him and the key is on the other end
so he has to eat it to get the key
will gets in the building on skates as the chase continues slowly
ma twin gets a crossbow but will jumps a bridge and goes under the ice as his whale bone comb brush floats up
and jon gets free
twins do a j fk/ marilin Monroe routine as will breaks outta the ice with a hand sk8
does this mean the sister will take out the twin girl?
cuz with j fk and his bro...
then will comes in and they skate with a sci fi thing to the queen song of flash Gordon
also will changes things up and lets jon lead
girl twin throws a bead from her necklace and it hits wills skate and shatters his ankle
so jon and him do the kaioh ken move with jon as the man
he slices off will ferrals head and it splatters on the ice like a pumpkin
they pull it off and win
will gets medical attention and jon gets the twins sister and they make out
also the twuns get arrested for all their cr-p and they also make out after slapping eachother
sounds like they are into SM
also Gowcaizer did it 1st
they get medals and will shows jon his new tattoo of jon on his arm
they fly up on rocket skates and pop in the sky as a constellation
the end
in the credits the crazy fan plays with dolls of the skaters and himself
the real end
that was fun
good comedy with good humor
the acting was good the jokes were fun and its a nice simple story that has good speed
it never feels draggy
its just a fun simple light movie with good parts
if ur a teen you'll love this
for blades of glory 2 I want will ferrel to have lost his foot from the damage it took in the finals and has become a junkie. jon heder has his fam with the twins sister having had a lot of kids and will feels betrayed. so he gets a cyber foot made with a spring loaded blade in it and hunts down jon heder. jon has to get his fam (which are spread in several rooms in this huge building) to safe places and fight obsessed fans to keep em safe while trying to avoid will who wanders around. its also an 8 bit Gameboy gamegear and Atari lynx game where you play as jonj heder and its like Metroid.

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