Sunday, January 13, 2019

Toy Story Review

Note: i spell like cgi nowadays looks. like a55!!
Toy Story
This is my review on Toy Story 1 from 1995
It was the 1st CGI movie and it held up well
Its G rated and cool and had a good Genesis game that i beat
Its got good songs and music too
Its by Pixar and Disney back when they did good stuff
it starts with a kid playing a cowboy phantasy with his toys
why does he have a little bo peep toy??
then he plays cowboy with woody and his many toys
all to the loving song "you gotta friend in me"
its really beautiful
nowadays a cowboy is seen as offensive to Indians who are of mostly white ancestry
then its andy's birthday and hes getting a buncha new toys
and when andy's away the toys are alive
it never explains why
also don rickles is mr potato head
jim varney is slinkey dog
woofy tells an etch a sketch to "draw" and they turn and etch makles a revolver
nowadays some malcontent would get triggered by that
in soviet Canada this kid drew a picture of her daddy shooting a bad guy and the cops were called and the dad's home searched w/o a warrant
andy I mean woody ells da toys andy's b day is today and they wanna have it b4 he moves
r lee ermy is the toy soldier sergent and he and his men go on a mission to put a baby minoter there and report what they see
toy soldiers are triggering to foreigners nowadays
also a jump rope goes from the top floor to the ground with room to wrap around the moniter
most of andy's gifts s-ck like a lunch box and bedsheets but he gets battleship and theres 1 gift left that came out of the closet
the kids run upstairs and the toys scramble to hide
they run in, chatter, put da toy down, and run down for cake and ice cream
man this was well animated
alao they ditch this awesome toy for cake?
better be made outta pure icing to get em away from this mondo cool toy homie
blicketee black!!
so the toy is buzz lightyear as I think a reference to that joke in I think eek the cat or w/e where all astronaughts are named buzz
buzz dot know he's a toy and thinks hes a real space ranger
also its p-ssing woody off
woddy sez buzz cant fly so he jumps, bounces off a ball, rides a hit wheels through a loop, catches a plane on the ceiling and lands
woody sez its falling with style
that's zero g in orbit
also he calls him light beer
cant do that nowadays
also over the next while buzz becomes the number 01 toy
all to a catchy song
also andy wrote his name on buzzs foot like andy did to woodfy
woody tells off buzz and shoves him, hitting his helmet release
buzz nearly bites it but its ok
he sez his eyes could've been sucked out
pretty graphic for a g rating
also next door is sid, a degenerate who f's up toys for fun
buzz anted to save combat carl but sid straps a firecracker to it an blows it
pretty hardcore for a g rated movie\
they establish these things have feelings and show one executed
at least he's not b0ning em
also toy story 3 is based on the holocost
that's not a joke
look it up
man we're like half an hour in with adds
that felt like nothing
later mom takes andy to pizza planet and gets to bring a 1 toy
woody trys to knock woody behind the desk but accidentaly knocks him out da window
the toys think he did it on purpose and are gonna string him up
but andy comes up and cant find buzz so andy takes woody
andy stops at the gas station but buzz snuck on the car and fights woody
they fight under da car and andy and mom drive away
woody whines about it being buzzs fault but buzz sez he has to stop zurg rom making an weapon that can destroy a planet
and only he has the info to stop it
I think star wars is gonna sue
they ride in a pizza planet truck and woofy gets busted up in a back
at pizza planet they hide in food contaners and sneak around
so its a sci fi chucky cheeze
woody nearly gets em into ansy's thing but buzz jumps into a space ship looking alien crane game
then sid is there and catches an alien and seez buzz
despite knowing hes not a toy buzz freezes up when humans r around
this is never explained
sid gets em and takes em home and gives the alien to his dog
then takes his sisters doll and f's ith it to swap its head for a Pteranodon head
also therres mutant toys made by sids experiments
is this a thing on ww2 stuff done to p o w's?
they swarm the toys sid just f'd and buzz thinks theyre cannibals
pretty bad a55 for  tv g
the next day sid tortures woody by magnifying glass burning his head
then uses buzz's karate chop action to scare away the mutant toys
he gets to the ground floor but the dog is there
they try to escape but woody's pull string gets caught and he don't feel it and his voice goes off
they escape the dog but bus light year sees a commercial for his tory
its in ur face and extreme all 90s
this shatters his world and he trys to fly to epic music
but falls and loses an arm
pretty powerful
I mean its kinda what he needed as he was living a lie
but its still rough
but sometimes we need to be slapped awake
like if you got anorexia or other similar issues
the sid sister gets buzz
she has a tea party and when woody gets him he acts drunk
woody gets the idea to use the window to get home
woody throws a xmas lights thing across the house gap somehow
but they don't trust him after taking out buzz
he uses buzz's arm to fake buzz being there and its pretty funny
but then they see his arm and drop the lights
then the cannibal toys get buzz light year
but fix his arm removal
then sid comes in with a probably illegal firework he ordered
he want to blow woody but gets buzz
then it starts raining and he cant do it today
later woody is stuck under a bin under a tool box and buzz is too bummed to help
he gives a good speech and it moves buzz to eventually move da tool box off woody
wtf the moving truck for andy is called eggman
woody gets out but buzz pushes the tool box on him
whats woody made of?!
so sid wakes up after sleeping with his butt in da air and takes buzz to bust him
woody gets the mutant toys to help him and he sez hes gotta break a few rules
what rules?!
who ,makes em?!
Who enforces em?!
its never explained
so the mutants ring the door bell and the toys fire out a toy car
sister opens it and the doorbell toys catch and save it as the dog runs after it and is locked out
woody and mutants go to da back yard
sid is gonna bbq woody later but when he goes to light buzz, woody talks to him and tells him toys don't like being blown or busted
the toy mutants come at him and sid runs in fear
sister torments sid with her toy doll as he runs in fear saying da toys r alive
then andy leaves and woody and buss go after em
btw is the toys having feelings a thing on animal rights?
they catch onto the truck but sids dog gets woody so buzz jumps on him to stop him
woody gets in and throws the rc car to save buzz but the toys beat his a55
they go through traffic and the dog gets splattered into a mush of bones and guts
really its harmlessly trapped in cars that gently bumped into eachother
they throw woody off da truck but rc and buzz save him
the strong toy pulls the truck thing and the metal thing falls on the road and sparks up
slinkey dog tries to hold em but rc runs outta juice and they're f'd
so they try lighting sids rocket but a car blows out da match
woody's hand cooks rom sun through buzz's helmet dome which is a safety hazard and he lights da rocket that way
they zoom, throw rc in the truck, cut the rocket tape with buzz's wings b4 it blows, and fly into the car sunroof
andy notices nothing wrong with them appearing in his box in his lap
then its xmas and andy gets a mrs potato head and a puppy
oh and bo pep makes out with woody
peep is played by the chick from the 80s ghostbusters and woody is forrest gump and the aids carrier in philedelphia
now she has aids
the end
I loved it
its a great clean fun positive bada55 90s film
I recall crying when earing that u've gotta friend in me song on da radio as a kid thinking about how meaningful it is
sorta like minmei's love song in Robotech
great movie
its only like 80 mins
and hold up over 20 years later
although sid is kind of a metal/grunge punk tween that was popular in a 90s
for toy story 2 I want it to be about sid dealing with his feelings of fearing toys and is being treated for psychosis and paranoia over it. he eventually snaps and has an episode in  toy store and causes much damage. that, with his years of anti social issues cause him to be put on powerful drugs and he seems mentally f'd and starts b0ning his toys ad sticking em up his a55! also its a game gear game and game boy where you play as sid and gotta fight toys,

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