Sunday, August 2, 2020

Big Fish Review

note i spell exaggerated but based on real cr-p

big fish

this is my review on big fish from the distant future year of 2003(when apolacypse zero appened kinda)

its by tim burton who is often great and based on a book i nevef read

it star ewan mcgregor, albert finney, billy crudup, jessica lange, helena bonham carter (his butt buddy) missi pyle (sounds like a p0rn0 name), steve buschiemi, danny devito, deep roy and miley cyrus b4 she devolved into a 5kank

i saw a few mins of the end of this years ago but thats about it

it starts with a thn of a guy narrating how there was a big a55 fish that evaded capture or decades and he wanted to catch it

and the day his son was born was whenhe caught it by using his ggold ring

its revealed hes telling the story over many years to different people and hisson is tired of it

so he caught it and it was full of eggs and let it go and compares it to getting his wife as he offered her a wedding ring

son tells dad it never happened and gets p-ssed at him for telling it over and over for years and stopped talking to him for years but kept in cntact with the mom
they didn't  get along as they were too different and son narrates how he cant tell fact from fake and he's just gonna tell it as is

then we see ewan mcgragor catch da fish, wrestle it, it spits out da ring and he lets it go


then we go back to his mom pooping hm out and then son gets a call from mom saying his dad dont got long

so he goes over in a plane and seeing a shadow hand thing brings back a memory of his dad telling him a story of a witch in a swamp with 5 guys

many towns havea witch to eat bad ids and dogs (sounds good to me) and they wanna get her magic glass eye

kid dad goes in and holy cr-p is this sleepy hollow? the chick looks dimilat

he asks to she them her eyeand she shows em and they see how they bite it in it

kid dad asks to see as it could helpand she shows him but not the audience

so son gets to the rents home and the dr treating dad sees sons woman is pregnant with a son

he goes to see his dad and is ttold having a kid changes everything

son sez the witch was just a geezer and dad sez he saw how he ends and this aint it

son wants to know the true story of all the cr-p he was told and gets a flashback to his childhood being sick

then we see young dad growing huge and being in bed for years b4 reading goldfish grow with more space and he decides to have a big life

after some forrest gumping of being a sports star in a montage and a breakfast machine that was probably bought by pee wee, he saves people from a fire and became da twn hero  T HERO Big Man

then this big guy was come to town and f'd thinggs so dad goes to see him

he finds this huge wildma/sasquatch giant and knowing this aiint how he bites it, he offers to be eaten

giant dont wanna eat him but is just hungry so dad gets him to go to the city with him as the town is too small for them

is this a thng on broly from dbz?

so after getting da key to the city, the town sends him off and da witch tells him da biggest fish in da river gets big by never getting caught

he goes down an unpaved allegedly haunted road and gives da giant hid pack as collateral to show hes not ditching him

so he goes thrpugh this pale blue light road like barman returns anndfinds a bright sunny town where they weren't expecting him yet

hes in the town of spectre and they hang out and this little girl throws his shoes on a line and he spends the night and chats with a poet

he sees a chick in the water and swims to her but shes a mermaid and escapes and a girl sez she looks different to different people

the  8 year old hits on him and sez when hes 48 she'd be 38 so its not so different

weird how  r kelly dates 16 year olds when hes in his 40s and people wanna string him up

but hugh heffner dates 18 year lds in his 80s and is loved

so after dancing and partying, he decides to leave and even if he has no shoes he'd do it and tough out da pain

the people dont want him to go and he'd not find a better place but he sez he'dd reutn when hes meant to

in the woods he's attacked by trees but thry dont b00ne him cuz its not the evil dead

realizing this isnt how he bites it, they stop and he ccomes out and reunites with el gianto

back in the present, son and fam are ating dinner and when dad mentions going to the congo, son sez his wide went to the congo last year

i wouldnt

its full of vilence and raepe

so at night he tells a story of telling people threy were gonna bite it as he had a viion or something and wait, its a joke where the mom was cheeting on the husband with the milkm man

so back in flashback, its a circus with danny devito like batman returns and dumbo as he's like 4 '10 and has a good voice and shows the giant in thsi show who is how shaved and eats fire

wait, its not the hero giant, its just another guy

so even mckeller brings in his giant and everyone is sh-tting their pants at how big hsi a55 is

then evenmchaolro dad sees the chick he likea and we get a time freeze thing like in yugioh zexal and he goes through it and time zooms to catch up

so fire giant skips town and danny devitohas him sign a contract (heh heh, tract)(settle down beavis!) and 

dad tells danny boy he saw the girl and danny se dad was a big fish in a small pond and in this non hicktown he's iin the ocean

dad wont be stopped and they agree to have dad work for danny for free (slavery!!) and every month he ddoes so, danny tells him something about her

after months of unpaid work, he goes to see danny about the gril as  he dnt know her name or location and the internent wasnt invented yet

but a wolf attacks him and this clown (cuz tim burton has a clown fetish but not the sexy clowns that look hot) caps dad when he got in the way

then he plays fatch woth da dog and later its revealed that danny is the dog and a werewolf

having earned galvatrons respect, danny tells evey mckailon where girl is and her name

he goes there and admits his love but she sez shes engaged too a boy from his toen whos older than her

he dont care and stalks her with messages in public  placees saying he loves her

he wins her over with flowers (her fave the midget told him of) and bf comes by and beats on him as he said to her he wouldnt hhurt him

woman dunps bf and he goes off to bite it on the toilet from a heart issue from the increased physical activity and its just like he saw in the witches eye

so after 3 weeks in hospital, the postmen finally found where he was as circis isnt an address and he gets sent to soviet korea for 3 years

so to get back sooner, he took dangerous missionsto hope to get f'd up and sent back

in 1 mission there's Asian Twisns in some kinda club singing about needing twice the man

is this a p0rn0??

so ewen uses night vision goggles and turns out the lights to beat up 2 kung fu guys and the chicks come back and i think they ars siamese twins and he wins them over wth his love an life story

he works with them to get all 3 out of there to america but the army thought he bit it and told his woman

she begins cutting herself and crying tears of blood and listening to my chemical romance

jk she was glad when he returned

doesnt this mean he went awol?

thats a court martialable offence

at night son's woman asks why son never told  her this long fantastical story and eh sez cuz it never happened!

also dad was out and not with him most of his chldhood an he suspected there was a secon family like that guy in doogie howser

also dad never told him any truths

what did he tell yo of the moon landing and j fk and global warming??

later when watching tv he seez a buick add and son and his woman know it

it hit a tree, got coated with sap, flies stuck to it and it flew

flying car? weird false stories? no way of knowing its true?

is this tommy wiseau?!

so son tells dad that with icebregs yo only see 10% and the rest is underwater like how he knows little of dad

son gets b--chy over how he belived all the stories and when he saw it couldnt happen scientiffically, he gave up on it

is this a thing on athiesm?  cuz science needs to catch up to the bible

son storms out and cleans the sh-t outta the pool and sees a big thing in it

laer hes going through his dads cr-p and finds he did go missing during da war and was thought iced

as he was officially iced, he  got work as a traveling salesman and later finds the poet from spector and he devolved into steve buschemi like machauly culkin

also hes a bannk robber and sucks ewen mecgoinger into his heist

but it turns out da bacnk is outta cash and they drive off and he tells him of the market jewing things so stee gets into wall street and gives ewen mcgreggor a 10 000$ career advisor fee that he buys his woman a  house with

back in the present, dad and wife have a touching moment in the bathtub fully clothed

so he goes to see this chick and asks if she was b0ning his da on the side and she sez no

she tells da story of how dad hit a storm anndd wound up underwater aandhe sees a mermaid

then his car is in a tree and hes back in spector withch was f;d by the banks

so dad biys the town amd cr-p in it so the people could live free under him and to keep the town safe

but he goes to this 1 little girl who's not in her 20s dont consent and she was 18 and liked a 28 ae guy buut it didn't work

he accidentally busts her home but stays there and fixers it up to a new good home

oh and he gets his circuus homies to come live there

she tries to kiss hiim but he dont consent as hes married and she gives him the rights to her land

its implied she became the witch who had the glass eye but that dont make sence as the ages dont add up

but the chick sez there's only 2 women, his wife and everyone elsw

what is this? the dog years comment explaiming how the dog in family guy is 7 but has a 13 year old son?

maybe it was some kinda time thing like Robotech III The Odyssey or how the same guy who did Harambe also did J FK?

so son comes back and finds dad had a brain thing and is in the hospital

mom has a tender moment and its touching abd the dr sezson had a good birth but he prefers he catfish story

so dad cant talk right and wants him to telll how he bites it with what he saw n the witch eye

but dad never told son the story for some reason

so son tells a story of him and dad escaping in a whee;chair and drives him to da river and everyone is already there despite him driving like a fast and furious thing

all those in his life is there sorta like dbgt with the ending showing everyone in the credits and goku saying goodbye to his homies

then he carrys dad in da water and he devoolves into acatfishand swims off

his i sorta remember

then he bites in in the hospital and at the funeral all these crazyy weird people from his story's are there meaning the stories were true

btw, devito looks like einstein with dat hair ands moustache

later son has a faM OF his own and tells stoey's abouthis dad to his kid and says the stroys of a man live on after him, making him in a way immortal

the end

wow, that was good

meaningful, deep, touching and sad but beautiful

i hear this movie was the last sopalding gray saw b4 he killed himself

i har he was nuts or something andthe emotion of this might have been too much

but i liked this

its not the usual offbeat fun tim burton like batman or beetlejuice

its sorta like barefoot gen but not as dark

maybe highway to heaven where its got a soft but strong theme and heart

i liked this andd its kinda emotional but creative and has a fairy tale quality

for big fish 2 i want it to be the 2020s and the son's son is grown up and in a cyyber city with high tech and low class in a cyberpunk workd and finds magic is real. seeing that the stoey;s of these werd characters of his grandpa were true, he goes to findd the grandpa's friends descendents to fight the union bank which was aall the other banks merging to dominate and oppress the slummer in its cyber city and they find they have powers when united.its also a 16 bit action rpg on sega genesis, atari jaguar,snes, gba and tg16 where you play as the magix with mystiik powers and the union bank is using cyberized people its enslaved to try to take you down.

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