Thursday, August 13, 2020

The Impossible Kid Review

 Note: spelling bad is possiblee

the impossible kid

tthis is my rreview on the impossible kid from the distant fuuture year of 1982 (the year robotech season 1 1st aired in japan)

i never saw this b4 but it seems interesting

its from soviet the phillipenes and stars weng weng who was 2'9  talll and was the pillipeeds 1st big star

so it starts with the miidget taking on a sniper on top of a building and he and i think a back up  guy go in with guns

they get to da top but sniper gfled so back up lowers midget on a rope and he sees naked chicks

he goes in a window and on the way, smooches a chick outta da shower

then saves a family at gunpoint by smniper

then we see himon a mini scooter bike and he's an agent who is going to respond to a calling all cars thing

he pulls over a bus, beats guys up and caps a few

later hes at this office and this chick is totally gay for him cuz girls like guys under 3 feet tall

cheif coms in and breifs him onhow bad guys are gonna kidnap for randsome rich industrialists and are in the fillipeenz for enhancing their network

after a rundown of guys iced by the badds, midget goes to a meeting and sez hes the fuzz but when the guards try to have him taken away, he beats em up and they take him srs

he shows a tape of the guy there making a tape saying he's the baddz but are really good guys and se to bow tyo em or get iced

are they commies?

oh its a randsom tape

then the tape blows the tv and midget goes out but 2 bike guys come after him and he escapes

wait., i think the tape guy is not the guy in the meeting

so he goes back to base and plays a recording of the message and they go over the facts and that a guy was caught and iced by the badds and another paid the randsome

they go to the place the paying guy is giving his cash to the badda and midget hides in the trash the cash is in and gets taken off

the cops folow and when the badds open the bag, the midget pops out and takes em down

then the cops come and arrest em and they get the cash back

later they meet the guy who paid who's p-ssed they stopped him from paying as now he gon get wacked

as he leaves, a cross drrsser tries to grenade his a55 but midget beats him up and blows the grenade on crossdresser

then this chick tells these guys she knows where midget trains in karate and plays to ice him there

at da dojo he does karate and this chicck trains while watching him

after kicking a55 with everyone else, he fights the chick and takes her down

then faces a human sied guy (instead of a gnome or hobbit) and kicks his a55

chick pulls a gun but he blocks with human sized guy and stops her

the baddz wanna take him out and send guys to his apartment

but he sneaks out and parachutes out a window on a blanket as that totally works in real life

so da cops interogate the chick who teird to ice midget at the dojo and midget suggests using truth serum

she spazzes out a bit and bites it as someone swappped the truth serum with aids juice or some other poison

then its night and midget is going aroundthis place like a ninja

is this where toshio maeda got the idea for nin nin in la blue girl?

cuz in the english releases, they cut the midget love scenes as they thought he looked like a kid being b0ned

that's kinda insulting

you aint a real man!!

so this is the bad guys base and an alarm allerts them to the midget qnd they catch him and take him to theboss

1 guy throws boss's cobra at him but he throws it off andd boss sez he wont ice him as hes not the bad guy but midget is for ttesspassing

midget sez hes on the bad guys siide but he sez if he was he'd have iced midget by now andis gonna file a complaint

after punching a few guys for no reason, midget leaves and is at da gun range and cheif and general come by about the complaiint

and if they dont take him off the case, bad guy will charge him witrth cr-op

so hes off da case but what he does on his own time is none of general's business

so after the badds laff like ret-rds over thinking thety got midget offf da case, he's driving on da road on his toy a55 scooterand bbeing chased by these guys

he escapees into a str-p club  or soomething and wants a coke as booze is bad 4 u

da news sez da baddz want 1 billion pesoes or they wack aa different industrialist every day

so he gets out and gives the cops a descrip of a car the baddz are in and then the cops pull em over

the bad guys get a flash fire blast that makes em open fire and they wack eachother

1 guy lingers and midget goes to a h--ker place and they think hes a kid until he shows ID and all the wh-res wanna b00ne him

do midgets have huge parts or something??

so midget searches around for the bad guys and later is at the statuon with this guy they arrested in the car and are grilling him

imagin if they were literally griling him and cooking him on a huge a55 bbq and as pieces of his flesh drip off they pick it up with a bbq fork and eatt it

so da nextt day the baddz send a message and the guy is in a mask that looks liek a klansman and sez they have til tomorrow to pay

the industrialists wanna pay (is this a thing on taxes or union dues? you gotta pay to live??) and the chief wants them to not pay as they'd just do it again and again and keep getting more funds to ice more people

soon it woould be the film actors guild, strangling the country with its communist rules

but the industrialists wanna pay and later its night and midget is caughtby gun guys but beats them up with a staff

remember when cartman fought the midget who was a martial arts expert in south park?

he kicked his weird shaped a55!!

but this guy beats everyone  like he's freakin kenshiro!

he probably knows ki moves

imagine him blasting holes in guys wiith his ki

so middgeto escapes and chases thebaddz boss on a scooter and beats up more guys after badds boss goes through a car wash

baddz boss eacaspes to a boat and midgeto follows and after he goes down stairs, the boss cloess the lid and traps his tiny a55

so the badds celebrate their win and one of the chicks on there opens his cage(midget in a cage?! i can see the pc comming spaxzing ou ove rit(and over me saying spazzz as it makes em spazz out)) as shes gay for him

maybe he can crawl up her butt and she can fake being pregnant?

meanwhile, da bank sez to the cops tht when the 1 billion pesoes (which is like 20$ today) is withdrawn, it'll f up th economy

is this where angel cop got it from?

so the baddz are gonna throw his cage in the water and let the sharks have him

that dont make sense. the cage will protect him

also; are there sharks in the filopeens?

so they trhow him in and a chick saves him cuz she likes b0ning midgets

the net day they drump da briefcase of cash in the water, a guy brings it to da boat an midget jumps out and wastes everyone with a big a555 gun and fists

is thhis where austin powers got mini me?

he also beats downa bad chick and da boat catches fire somehow and blows

so the baddz get the berif case but midget poops out and beats their a55es

he revealsthe chick who saved him has the cash and they make oyt as credits roll to a 60s or 70s sounding song

the end

that was kinda fun

weird, silly, offbeat and cheesy

but it works

its only like 90 mmins and is puublic domaid and yeah its got bad film quality and the music is from the past, but it fits

i liked it and felt it was a good film

its not gonna win the oscar but its worth a watch, maybe wirh a bunch off homies while chugging pepsi and eating chips

for the impossible kid 2 i want him to face a drug dealing kungg fu gang that mutated themselves with drugs and gained daemon powers.he unleashes hs ki attaks and fights through them while o missions and nuking the area with ki bursts after raising it enouugh by beating guys up. its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, snes, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar where you play as the midget or a different colored midget and fight through various levels of increasingly devolved looking guys.

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