Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Jane Eyre Review

 Note; i speel better than jane goodalle

jayn aire

this is my review on jane eyre from 19 2011(the year of the 1st robotech war)

its ditrrected by Cary Joji Fukunaga who did nothing i saw

it stars mia waPolish name from tim burtons alice in wonderland, michaekl fass bender form x men, judi dench from the shipping news where her bro b0ned her, imogen poots who i dont know but hasd a funny name and no one i know

my dad read me the classics illustrated comic at thee turn of the century and i thought it was good

i never saw this b4 but saw other versions

aw gay! bbc films did this

this is gonna be a55

i'd racther do the orson welles one but my rents wanted to watch this on canopi

so after credsits and this chick walking around the wastelands of soviet england in the slavery days, it starts raining and a guy brings her into his cr-pshack

his female workers treat her and we get a flashback of a creeper trying to ice her with a sword as a kid

he finds her, takes back his book and smacks her with it

then she b--ches out and attacks himuntil the help arrives and locks her in the punishment room

she b--ches out less awful then the chimney poots dust and she spazzes out and busts her head on da door

later this guy tells her about h-ll and how to avoid it

aunt sez her rents r in h-ll and warns the guy(a teacher) about her b--chiness

later teacher goes and jane b--ches out at aunt and sez her rents r in heaven and will judge her

so jane is sh-tted off to a oliver twist dump and its all bummer

what you wanna bet someones gonna b0ne her?

then its the present and the main guys women help her and she tells of how she got treated like sh-t at school

she gets the strap, wait, another chick does and teacher tells the teens tos shun her and puts her on a chair to stand in punishment

1 girl guives her a bread and later talx to her

jane b--ches about everryone hating her and in the present jane drew a doodle of main guy

so later janes homie is biting it from castlevania aids and sez janes gonna be good one day

stay gholden pony boy!

'll see you in h-ll johnny!

so homie bites it and if this were netflix they'd be butt buddys like in voltron and she ra

in da present jane talkx with main guy about getting work and later has a home the main guy gave her in the outlands

she then has viet nam flash backs of leavingdickens ohouse and getting work in a dark home for judy dench

she finds shes workin for the owner of ther land and has to ook after frenchie kids

no one speaks french (as it s-cked!!) so jane translates as she';s less evolved

so frenchie kid does a dance and song in her daemon language and frenchie sez theres a creepy chick walking the halls at night

ew that frenchie is groos!

bad teeth!

so latert jane is out at night but light and its dead calm and animals jump outta nowhere and freak her out

a big black horse sudden;ly showsd up w/o making any sounds b4 and owner is on it and she helps him to big big a55 horse like kokuoh go in hokuto no ken

later its been 3 months and owner asks her of her sh-t and she tells of her cr-ppy backstory

owner thinks she bewitched the horse and asks if she sees elfs or demons

also jane paints and later judy jetson sez owner is good when in a good mood

then they hear gunshots despite being soviet england wherre guns are illegal and they have rampant knife crime

later owner akss if she thinks hes hot and she sez no

nowadays this would count as harassment

so he goes on about how he s-cked and is all f'd

later jane looks at a painting of a naked chick asnd hears sounds and looks

she fins ownersbedroom is on fire and she and him puut it oot

he tells her not to tell anyone and sez she saved his life and holds his hand

they look like they gon kiss for 2 mins butt dont

so laterowner goes to europe or w/e

later he returns after a few scenes of mindless wanmdering around the house

so he talks with jane but judy jetslave sez richie is there for him

owner goes emo about "if they all left me, wat wood u doo?" to her

owner meets rick hunter and they chat

then its night and rich finds rick astey shanked and owner sez for her to treat him, but not to chat to eech othr

at day ricky rikardo is sent away in a taxi i mean horse thing

owner sez emo cr-p about having issues and wanring someone and she thinks he likes a chick

so later she asks for cash and owner offers her more than she is owed and sez now she owes him

so jane goes to see aunt and shes biting it and sez sorry

jane sez; you can save your sorrys for h-ll! and uses a karatew chop on her neck to remove her head!

jk really aunt gives her a 3 year old note and sez she told the writer jane bit it

jane forgives her and da note sez her uncle bit it and left her an a55 load of cash

oh and the sword guy suicided, probably seppuku

so owner is gonna marry a chick but he asks jane to marry him as the chick is "a machine w/o feelings" (well, she IS english!)

she consents and smooch

so shes conflicted overmarrying him and juddy sez not to trust him or herself

so eventually they go to get married but this guy sez his sister is married to owner

oh its richard

so owner takes her tyo a sealed off area in da castlevania where this crazy chick is locked up so she dont suicide and she spits on jane and spazzes out

janes goos ott and takes off her dress and later its night and she wants to leave owner

owner sez how after he married crazy wife she went nuts

he gets all whiny and she has enuff of this sh-t and leaves

then its where the movie started and hes talking with main guy

so later owner comes back and they make out, but its a phantasy

what is this? family guy?

so this dude comes in saying someone bit it and let her 20 000 lbs and oh its main guy whos dude

so later main guy is gonna go to soviet india and wants to marry jane

buit she sees him as a friend and he goes b--chy

so janette goes back to owners place ands its torched and judy sez the wife did it

owner saved everyone and went back in for wife who jumped off the building

judy sez she didnt know it was the wife and she goesd to see him with a Jesus beard

his eyes got f'd and she reunites with him and comforts him

the end

that wasnt so bad

it had bright partsd of lighting and it wasn't too dark and murky

good acting

it dont feel too long but its a solid 2 hours w/o adds

its one of those films that shows how much england s-cked

its well made and tells the story well

decent music and the cast wasn't too ugly

its worth a look.

i kinda liked it

for jane eyre 2 i want her to use her new money to fund a treatment for the guys cooked eyes and has a contest where whoever heals him gtes a cash thing. the movie folows drt's and mages working on treatments and 1 is into demonism and plants to ritual sacrifice kids to heal the guy. also its an 8 bnit mini game compilation like that game boy bonk game and you play as this science dude and beat mini games to make breakthroughs in treatment. also the bad guy is gonna ritual sacrifice kids and you gotta fight him at the end to save the ids and he summons a daemon and you gotta fight by blasting holy words at it and dogde its attacks.

No comments:

Post a Comment