Tuesday, December 7, 2021

Hombre Review

 Note I spell  non un reverse mexicano


this is my review on hombre from tthe distant future year of 1967

its directed by martin ritt who did The Spy Who Came In from the Cold and Sounder

I don't think i saw this b4 but its wrtote by elmore leonard, who i assume is the dad or grandpa of Anatole Leonard from Robotech

It stars Paul Newman who makes pasta sauce, Fredric March from the 30s dr jeckly and mr hyde, Richard Boone from The Robe, Diane Cilento from Captain Horatio Hornblower, Cameron Mitchell from Jack-O (So awful its fun), Barbara Rush from It Came from Outer Space, Martin Balsam from On The Waterfront, Frank Silvera from The Greatest Story Ever Told, Val Avery from Cobra, Larry Ward from The Moon Is Blue ep of M*A*S*H*, and some 1920s dudes i never heard of

this got good reviews and is said to be well done

also hombre is the italiano word for homie

so after crtedits to olde timey pictures of the olde weste, we get paul newman as a native guiy with blue eyes as he's polish ands is in this power rangers looking place with hroses

so this big black hoprse like kokuoh go from hokuto no ken comes by and lweads a packm of horses around to a water hole

a cowboy comes by and some indians catch him and newman seals the artea with woodto trap e,

cowboy came for newman and is named billy like the guy from midnight express and sez they are closing down newmans horse business and to bring newman in to meet the e big boss

he and some droogs come to this mexico at a restaurant or bar or w/e they had b4 McDonalds and mexcio is the boss who sez this guy who raised newman bit it

newman inherits a boarding house and a watch and can live with the White Men and be American

also theres a woman working in ther house and newman dont wanna but mexico says he can do well to be White

some cowboys come by and joke about the mexican and newmnan being in ther bar and hassle em with bumping a drink in their face

newman comes in with a gun over spilled drinksand pistol whips him weiotyh a rifle over it and makes him p[ay for the spilled drink

the Cowboys leave saying he's gonna waste him nexttime and newman and his droogs go on

in this house this chick and a mexichick are cooking and chick tells this guy to move to elsewhere as he's been squatting there for a year and a newe owner is comming and she wants to make things look good

also is a couple ith a chick whos in bed a lot but isn't 700lbs like the tlc blobs as she has nothing to do and he b--ches at her

she escaped a cr-ppy faRM BUT now just gets b0ned by her husband and she dont like it so he sez he might as well get a dog, which i assume he'd use for b0ning

husband goes down and chick sez husband and wife fight and they only got married to b0ne

a guy comes in and says that newman was caught by apache and raised as one and now hates his race

sounds like teens on tumbler and twitter

so neweman comes by with a haircut and she shows him around and she talks of his dad and shows how he can make 300$ a year in 1800s money on it

he got an offer to sell the house and he dont owe her anything and is gonna leave em to rot

chick goes to the 1st guy she talked top named frank and suggests marrying him as they getta long and she helps him

he dont consent as he sez he's got no worthy futrure and was clewaning spitoons a dime a day since he was 10 and is sherrif now and might get capped

a lady coems by this moustahced guys place and husband and moustache wanna do something

so the boarding house boarders are together and not charles bronson (buit looks like him)  comes over and offers newman a good time tyo hang out and drink but newman wants to skip town

not broncon wants to take newemans seat on the coach out but a guy interveinesd andnot broincon is gonna taker his seat and threates to lie about him and ice him

what is he? the media?

he sez hes going out and if this army ghuy dont come out, he's coming back, and army guy who interviebned gives up his ticket and leaves

chick says newman should have helped but newman sez its not his business

so chick, not bronsopn, lady, husband and newman are on a coach and talking abotu what apache DO TO WOMEN and how they eat dogs and newman sez he was hungry enough to eat dogs

newman reveals he lived with the apache and they stop by a restaurant and lady's husband don't want newman to ride in ther coach witht hem cuz they think hes dangerous

like he's uninjected or something

so non bron son is smoking and lady is bugged by it and he complies

chick tells new man she didn't want him out of the coach and he rides a horse behind em and will probably get rickets and hemmorhoids form it

wait he's on the shotgun seat

they sdtop for a rest and non bronson notices they are on a different path than advertized and its revealed they voted to go here when non bronsonw as sleeping

chick starts getting undressed and newlman comes out and she dont mind

she reveales she was married but her husband was capped over a dispiute over a saddle

wife chats with non bronson and when she sez she likes maanly guys he starts trying to b0ne her but she gets away

she wants to get her husband to ice him but chick sez she brought it on herself for being a 5kank and she'd just get husband iceed

so the coach goes on asnd they notices they forgot a weater bag behind

the females try perfume andtalk about guys andfd how lady's husband is all gross and sticky and makes sounds

they go on and gotta walk up hill and chick talks about wanting a rare steak and a rich bf

they come across some gunmen who work with non bronsdon and frank works with em

they made this guy tell em where the coach was going after it didn't sahow up and i assume they pulled out his bones one by one until he talked

the gunmen look the coach and its revealed they jack oney meant for indians and keep it for themselves

moustache sez there's witnesses and the gunmen say theres none who'll talk and lady;'s husband by dr jeckle is the one embezzeling the money

a gunman recognizes newman but doint know from where and non bronson takes lay for a hostage or butt slave or w/e

they throw away the guns and ammo and send the horses ofgf and leavebut newmasn is on the coachj saying hes getting his things

they shoot out the watyer bag and leave them to eat each other and he drops a huint that he was the guy in the bar who beat him wiuth a gun for spiklling the drinks

then caps the gunmen with a hidden shot gun

newman goes off and the coach crew follow and wanna get out together butlady's husband sez how its fair if he dson'tr want em as they made him sit out

also he's been thinking of the money and newman sez to stay until they come back and they take em out

its kill or be killed and if they don't wanna join; thery can walk home wqith dr jeckle

newman assigns positions and tells em when to fire and hands out guns as the gov hasn't taken emn away so only the bad guys have em

so non bronson omes back and has a scuzzy dude by him  and moustache has to take him out

he f'd up so newman j fk's him  but he's not dead yet and sez AEEE OMM BRAY and how he's gonna cap him back

he waves a flag and comes up and shows off his bloodless bullet hole and if they gives them the  water and money; he can get laDY back or they'll cap her

newman dont care like he's violence jack and mexico goes back seeing his bluff is called

so thery're in the desert wasteland like hokuto no ken and have rations and jeckle tells moustache he respects his bravery to try to  j fk the guy

bt while newmans out, jeckle gets a gun and takes their saddlebags and water, but neuman comes back with his gun telling him to usew the gun or drop it

he drops it and tells jeckle to beat it and jecjkle ewalks off

then its darker but actually shot in day and edited to look datk and chick is impressed by how bada55 newman is

then its edited to ber darker and they walk the night and hear gunshots

then its day and wife is foot bleeding from bad shoes and they make it to a shed or something and jecjle comes by outsiode and truys a water pump that has none

chick wants to help him but newman dont want her to as its too risky and she didnt say anytthing whhen they sent him outr

she goes out and calls to hi and he chugs the water she told him of

non brionson and some goons and lady come by and they go to a different shed

then a goon comes up saying he wants to talk and newman wwants to  j fk him but moustache prevents it

oh itds non bronmson who sez he can ssend for more guys to bring foods/water and they cant

so if they gives up the monery, he'd let em go

newman puls a gun on him and he fa;lls as newman fires at him

laater they bring the lady out and tie her to the ground and run off

oh its AEE OMM BRAY guy doing it and he'sd leaving her to die in the head

she calls for help and chick talks with newman about how they otta help her

he trys to make itr look like she deserves toi die for not having a good viuew on indians and he's gonna ssacrifice her for money

he's like one of tose internet commies who trys to ruin lives for any infraction

moustache says The Lord is watching and jeckle denies The Lortd (Which is odd as he was the Creationist in Inherit The Wind) but theyu agree there is h-ll (But without Tjher Lord, who made h-ll?)

so she's still calling but newman gives no f--ks as she triggered him, but sez if they go to help her; they'll both be iced

lol 1 guy is named billy lee like double dragon

he asks em 1 by 1 who wiull try to save her and get iced and none stand up

then chick is gonna go down but newman is gonna go, like violence jack helping the kids after ryuu decides to stand and fight

nauiman tells husband of wife to be his sniper and to get the money to the indians

non bronson looks like a decrded uncle ricvo from napoleon duymamite

so naeumn comes down and lady is kinda devolved and he cuts her free

as she crawls up da stairs, newuman faces bronson for shooting him and newman throws he bag th cloths

lady is in front of the gun and the AEE OMM BRAY and nauman fires on on bronson and AEE OMM BRAY but takes a few shots

AEE OMM BRAY is still not ded and i think the other 2 are in h e doyble sovbiet california

they stick the guin in his mouth and say "pucker up butter cup" and blow his head off in a huge burst like in species II

jk really he asks who newman is and they say his name

then we get a photo of apache kids and wghhite kid nweman with em

the end

that was pretty good

it doesn't drag and goes by at a good pace

good mood feel and style

sorta like violence jack wity him being  not pure good but not fully evil

good filming and lighting and music and acting

Its a darker deeper film thaN MOST WESTERNSD BUT ismn;'t depressing or bummer

it holds up well and shows how hating those deemed lesser than can lead to bad

for Hombre 2 I want it to follow the young couple and the embezzeling couple as they live their lives on other parts of the country and eventuaslly meet at the end. the young one has joined the circus as he's a crack shot and sher's gotten an eating issue from the stress of this event and is 800lbs as the fat lady. Also the old couple is dealing with their handling of an indian uprising and they decide to eitrher quashj it or supporeet it. Its also a 16 bit game on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari JaGUAR AND gba with 2 paths: A visual novel businerss MANAGER, AND THE OTHER A mINI gAME cURCUS THING.

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