Town Tamer Review

 Note: I spell anti tame

Town Tamer

This is my review on Town Tamer from the distant future year to stalin of 1965 (40 years before Transformers The Movie and some Robotech Comics)

Its directed by Lesley Selander who did nothing I saw

It stars Dana Andrews from Kit Carson\The Ox-Bow Incident\The North Star\Three Hours to Kill\the 60ds The Twilight Zone, Terry Moore from Gaslight\Mighty Joe Young\The Great Rupert\King of the Khyber Rifles\da 50s Daddy Long Legs\Cast a Long Shadow\da 60s Batman\Going Overboard, Lon Chaney Jr from Manfish/My Favorite Brunette/The Ghost of Frankenstein/The Wolf Man/Of Mice and Men/Jesse James/law of the lawless/Young Fury, Bruce Cabot from King Kong\Fury\The Last of the Mohicans\Sundown\Angel and the Badman\McLintock!\Law of the Lawless\The Green Berets\Chisum\Big Jake, Richard Arlen from Wings (which has a really cr=ppy hero and story but good effects)Tiger Shark\Island of Lost Souls\the 30s Alice in Wonderland\Law of the Lawless\Waco, Barton MacLane from The Walking Dead\the 40s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde\the 40s The Maltese Falcon\The Half-Breed\Law of the Lawless\I Dream of Jeannie, Richard Jaeckel from The Dirty Dozen/The Green Slime/Chisum/Airplane II: The Sequel, Jack Kelly from Cult of the Cobra/Forbidden Planet/ the 60sd Batman/the 70s The Incredible Hulk/The Violent Men, Philip Carey from the 50s Calamity Jane, Sonny Tufts from The Seven Year Itch, DeForest Kelley fron the 50s Warlock\Night of the Lepus\Star Trek 01 to 06\Star Trek\Star Trek: The Animated Series, Jeanne Cagney from Yankee Doodle Dandy, Don "Red" Barry from Seven Men from Now\the \50s Warlock\Law of the Lawless\The Shakiest Gun in the West\The Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County\The Swarm, Richard Webb rom A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court\Three Hours to Kill\A Star Is Born, Bob Steele from Of Mice and Men\The Big Sleep\No Name on the Bullet\Rio Bravo\Six Black Horses\McLintock!\Hang 'Em High, and a buncha guys not on soviet candy a55 back door banana crammer usosuki maruta suki okama suki maoh suki jigoku suki commie stoner vegan hippe liar soy boy beta male wikipedia or that i aint seen in anything.

i never saw this b4 but its on grit

so it starts with paramount logo and kansas in 1870 somwthing in kansas anda guy in a black hat meets a guy about a letter black hat got offering 2000$  and the smoker he's talking to wants him to waste a marshall for him

so its an assassination like THEY did to mararyn monroe and michael jackson

so at night this guy and his woman are walking at night andthe guy knows a man is after him and she b--ches about having to move from town to town for 5 years as he sed this would be the last one

so in the darkness the assassin fires and hits the guy named tom's woman and runs off and its like in the 90s spider man how j johan jameson was told to kill a story and he didnt and THEY sent a hitman who aimed at JJ but nailed his woman and since then he didnt trust men in masks after the masked hitman iced his woman

then there was an adventurous song thats upeat and not really fitting this last scene and credits and title

then 2 years later hes in montan a to get away from the kansas city f=ggitz and he's talking with a blonde and sez her husbands partner workss with this guy who owns something

the cart gets to town and cowboys fire their guns in da air like they a trye player witch dont rhyme unless you cant speak english and are probably devolved

2 gun firers are contfronted by the sherrif weho beats 1 out and makes the other pick him up and arrests em but they only were hassing the cart for maybe being from texas

bones from star trek is the blondes husband and she dont like him and he cr-ppily slaps her but a guy kung fu fights him and beats his a55 out

do the spinning bird kick!

so main guy comes in and is gonna get this piece of land a55 and meets a guy and is gonna be a sherrif to this max max town where they ice a guy every hour on the hour(and its almost the hour) and they need gaijin to make the railroad

he's getting paid hundreds of achers of land to tame the town like a slave or a dog or an irish and elsewhere the assassin meets the smoker and the people dont know of it

smoker boss sez the railroad is comming and they wanna get the peoples money and bleed the town, so when they're through, the giv might as well gve it back to the indians

which nowadays would make em the good guys but back tehn we had brains

main guy stops by in a black hat and tells smoker he's gonna be here for a while and smoker has his minion tail him

tom the main guy comes in and meets the sherrif named parker like peeder parker from spiderman before disney devolved it and sez hes gonna raise horses a55es

they meet the deputee who sez to watch out as hes not wearing a star and i realized the town icing people is like abashiri family

tom meets lon chaney gx and offers him 1000 $ for the land andthen goes up to 1200$ and is turned tdown and lon sez his land is the best around as he's not getting it sold to him and sells him a horse

so he goes to check out the land and we're liek nearly 0 mins in with add and that felt like nothing

a sniper fires on him and misses and a gunfigth breaks out between a rile and pistol and as sniper who i think is deputee reloads, tonm books it on his horse

they gunfight and the horse falls over but buth are ok and the tom sends him running with a few shots and walks back and tells the lon chaney he lost his horse

lon shows him another horse and offers to sell him it for 100$ when its worth 500$ and lon knows tom is here to fix the town andlon chaney is the mayor and probably has powers from his dad being the phantom of the opera and alonzo the armless

tom gors to the casino or salloon and joins a card game without augmented reality like in yugioh zexal with anna and her big heavy trains

tom offers his 1200$ thing for the land and mccoy from star trak dont got enought to match butis confident and when tom shuffles bones loses and is gonna take it outside but when smoker sez to read the name on the deed he backs off

mccoy is so p-ssed off in here, like hes a frenchie or something

also this is in proper fullscreen and in color but slightly faded

smoker and i thjink his minion talk about how in kansas toms woman got iced and hes sed to have lost his nerve

if i only had d noive

in this eating place, this big man somes in and fights tom but tom beats the black offa him til hes whiter than michael jackson and busts up the eating place

big a55 beats on tom but the waitress or w/e pulls a shotgun and shoots her own ceiling to get his attention as the place is already f'd and sends him off and tends to tom

the dr fizes up tom and mayor lon mccheeze sez they had an election and it didnt turn out well and he dont wanna trust vigilantes as they can do wrong and use their powers for personal gain like unions or the mafia

deputee comes in and accuses tom of picking on people and mayor stands up for him and dr sez big man started da fight and deputee sez he dont want tom in town and leaves

smoker has bones use his woman to find out about tom and learn who sent him and why and its like with kunoichi or female ninja going to get info

bones tells his woman to do the mission and i think he dont want em b0ning but she only knew him was talking on the coach with him

she sez hi to him and he swings around, pulls his gun, and blows her head off, jk the last one was fake

she thanks him for aiding her in the cart and asks him questions and he knows its her husband who asked her and she sez hes a killer and when he sez her husand is sh-t she spazzes out and slaps him

he counters with a backhand like sidney poitier and she slams on the ground, gets oup and spits a mouth fll of blood and teeth out

jk really he takes it and the bad guys meet and plan to try to isuse the law to get the guy who can stop em and end their evil, like the commies against Trump

1 guy asks tom why he came and tom sez he wnt like his answer and tom goes to the salloon to talk to smoker who sez its another year/town and main guy tom sez hes here to ice smoker but smoker sez hes not responsible foricing the woman

tom sez smoker paid for it and even thought he said he came to ice him, he didnt say he was gonna do it, like saying, i came to buy this pop, but then buying milk, so the smoker sez "you heard the threat" and has him arrested

i think he beats out the deputee and dont get arrsted and goes back to his land and bone's woman comes by his lanch at 640 acers and they talk of what he'd raise

they ride around to nice music and talk of his woman and she talks of how bones got her to come and she found out hes sleeze and she cant go back even thoughb thr prodigal son came back from worse

smoker tels big a55 to get tom to attack him so big a5 can beat him dead and smoker sez this honorable Christian was wholesome but when his dog was kicked he nearly iced a dude

thats ret-rded, dont throw away your salvation for a beast w/o a soul!

later mccoy sez to tom he horse is f'd and whden he goes to see it he seez lon chaney beat out and big a55 with a blood coated knife after cutting open the horse offscreen and maybe b0ing its guts

as big a44 advances on him with a blood soaked knife, he puts a bullet in him and then ends his horse but the deputee arrests tom

at the trial the judge isviased against him liek that gaijin on Trump and treis to railroad him but some guy stands up for tom saying how he'd have done the same

tom sez bones sent him to the stable and accuses smoker of sending him, then mccoy oman sez biga55 came at him with a knife and he took him out like rittenhouse on those criminals who tried to ice him and tom is found not guilty

afterward mccoy beats his woman like hes an irish or indian or something and tom saves her and slaps mccoy around but wifr sez she wants to be left alone

tom tells smoker i mean the guy who hired himthat the mayor and his droogs wanna hire vigelantes and boss dont want him to cuz it'll make no one wanna come to town

tom tahnks marhall or sherrfi of w.e for aiding him in the trial and he sez the wife did it and sez some cr-p about reiring

also tom wants to get boss hire wife as a secretary

sherrif talks with smoker about how he sided with the enemy in the trial and he sez he needed some semblance of law, also sherrif is the one who capped toms woman and now tom thinks sheffrif is on his side

tom meets guys wanting to start a vigeliante committe and lon sez its needed as the law is not held but tom sez they lead to worse things and to do it by legal means instead

lon sez they aint got time and after a guy asks why tm came to town he leaves

tm ges to the calloon and tells off the new deputee about being a bushwacker and pulls off his badge, then tells a sniper with a rifle liek j fk and harambe what else o i have to say "you'll not shoot fast nough with that"

smoker sez tom will get it like in kansas and tom leaves and sherrif sez hes trying to make smoker attak him so he can counter ice him in self defence but thats not how smoker works and he has dudes for it and tom knows

so some railroad workers get paid and 1 is told he'd not get it so he'd not spend it on booze but ghe whnes and gets it, then blows it on cards and makes a scene

later mrs bones but not the sega saturn game where they didnt wanna make jokes about b0ning works and is glad for it

so the railroad guys are malcontent and wanna have an uprising against smoker and go to his salloon but 1 malcontent grabs a gun ponted at hi and smoker caps one or 2 and the rest flee

i assume they are gonna grind up the capped guys into dinner for the salloon to serve andthe tom comes in and smoker se he was defendign himself from a mob

tom points out the aleged mob didnt have guns and when marchalls sheffurl sez the town and railroad will be p-ssed at this but tom sez if smoker owns the courts and system then theres no point arresting him

totally not like the gov opening fire on people alking around a gov building in peaceful protest with a few malcontents planted

lon talks with the boss about using vigelantes to clean up the town and  boss dont want it cuz it'll f up the town rep and smoker makes badges to deputize all his goons so its legal and offers 2500ATKpoitns to ice the tom as he counts as a vieglante, like president hussein changing the rles to let all males over 17 count as enemies so collateral damage is officially lower in his drone attacks on gaijin

marshall sez how he knew a guy sent to ice a guy for 2000Def points and missed and iced a woman, then goes to tell tom to watch out cuz theres a bounty on his head like one piece with the banana cramma okama

the next day the vigelantes come over in a force and have rifles and sez they are here to arrst himbut smoker sez "we're the law" like judge dredd says I am da laww! and it devolves into a gunfight with people beign capped one by one inclusing lon chaney shippuden

wait, lon got it in the arm and is ok and the tominator gets him to the dr where lon sez hal the force didnt show up

tom seez boss who fires him for not stopping the vigilantes andn  tom goes to do what he was made to do and why he came to this wretched little town, but now we shall witness, its dismemberment! galvatron:! nooooooooooo

tom meets 2 guys who come at him for the bounty and he easily caps em like he's rei in hokuto no ken who slices past jagi's thugs in the hokuto no ken movie

shefrif sez hes not arresting him cuz he told him of the bounty and mccoy is chucked outta the salloon for drinking too much cuz hes an irish

then he confronts the boss for talking with his woman and as he's drunk after behind shoved he pulls a gun and caps boss cuz hes a devlved irish that is surplus to requirements

mccoy is arrssted and sez "i was drunk, i didn;t knwo what i was doing" and finds thejudge is on smokers pay but mccoy was canned by smoker

a lynch mob is gonna string him up like joe smith and smoker has his goons on the roofs like its a grassy knoll fgona send j fk to h e double ireland where his ind belongs

the vigelantes regourp with lons arm in a sling and he expects to use a shot gun with 1 arm but he knos the snipers are there, but this time they got guns

why didnt they ahve gusn the 1t time?! freeking mongo rloids!

tom is gonna try something and doctor sez not to as the bads would ice him and he goes in anywayto challenge smoker to a battle wher both know he can get 1 bullet out and end smoker

sherrif reveals hes the one who iced toms wife and the stonefaced tom shows damage and takes out a buncha guys as does the sherrif including the smoker

tom gets it in da gut and i think he nailed sherrif with fatal fury and lumbers out to tell em smoker is sucking faegs in h-ll gov'nuh

so they get tom to the dr who fixes him up and he's gonna be ok and just needs soem rest liek a f--king 90s dub of an anime where no one can die and mccoys woman coems to see him and  i missed a part where the railroad guys iced mccoy offscreen and someone said it but i wasnt paying attention.

the end

that was pretty good

its not endless action but a sllow burn and a good build and release of pressure

like the 1st x men movie

good story and acting and the music works

good fake out of looking like the main guy will get it and the happy ending like in Witchboard

it goes by at a good pace and holds attention with nice flow and no drag

glad I saw this one, I was gonna stay up til noon watching Transformers but chose not to and went on to wake up in time to review this one

For Town Tamer 2 I want the main guy and wife to be getting ready to marry but 1st they gotta meet her fam and the trip there is going across a desert with scorpion people arising and coming after em and they gotta blow em off with shot guns. Also its a 32 bit light gun game on Sega Saturn, 3DO and Playstation where you play as 1 or 2 players and move the cross ahirs around and blow out scorpion people who live in da urth and wanna use you to vivisect and fidn how to fight your kind when they plan to attack.