Heavenly Sword Review

Note: I spell heavenly like hash

Heavenly Sword

This is my review on Heavenly Sword from the distant future year tojfk before THEY harambe'd him, of 2014 (The year of the Malcontent Uprisings in Roboteh)

its directed by Gun Ho Jung whos not o back door, soy boy, beta male, candy a55, frooty booty, monkey junkie, cripple nipples, chimpus olympus, aids bag, commie soviet wikipedia

its based on a video game I never played and stars Alfred Molina (Who candy a55 wikipedia mentins is born Alfredo Molina, like Alfred and Alfredo are 2 different names, like Chris and Christopher or Ev and Evie) from Maverick\Species\Boogie Nights\Spider-Man 2\The Da Vinci Code\Angels & Demons\Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time\Justice League\Law & Order: Special Victims Unit\the 2009 Yes, Virginia\Law & Order: LA\Robot Chicken\Drunk History\American Dad!\Feud: Bette and Joan\Big City Greens\Harley Quinn, Thomas Jane from Buffy the Vampire Slayer the movie\The Crow: City of Angels\Face/Off\The Thin Red Line\Deep Blue Sea\The Mist\Scott Pilgrim vs. the World\Robot Chicken, Ashleigh Ball from Stickin' Around\Iron Man: Armored Adventures\Dinosaur Train\My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic\Superbook\Littlest Pet Shop\Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures\Dinotrux\The Deep, Barry Dennen from Fiddler on the Roof\Jesus Christ Superstar\The Shining\The Dark Crystal\Trading Places\Justice League: Throne of Atlantis\the 60s Batman\Batman: The Animated Series\Animaniacs\Batman Beyond\Avatar: The Last Airbender\Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Nolan North from Ultimate Avengers\Superman vs. The Elite\Transformers: Prime\Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles\Ultimate Spider-Man\Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.\Pig Goat Banana Cricket\The Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show\Voltron: Legendary Defender\Power Rangers: Super Legends\Star Trek Into Darkness\Malcolm in the Middle\Modern Family\Pretty Little Liars, and some guys in cr-p i never saw

so after logos and credirswe get a narrator saying theres a goddess said to be born of man and will use the heavenly sword as this red sonja wanna be fights guys

narrator sez the free always choose peace over war(WRONG!) but his people didnt choose and wwre ruled by te raven lord who f'd things up in his conquests but a warrior came from th heavens with a blde ad slew him and vanished

also the animation went to a 2d style but sorta cel shaded

so the sword caused people to go mental and fight over it and this group guards it

then title

also; how would te heavenly sword do against the Golden Axe?

so in this temple this red sonja chick nariko helps this chick picked on by guys and te guy sh-ts on her for being a f up and takes a shank at her but she gets him at knifepoint and tells him to say sorry but he dont to people w/o rents as shes notin the klan

the headmaster of the temple comes in and  the bully lies that she started it and hid the dager they were taunting the chick wirth

her dad tells her not to mix with the warrior class and b--ches at her for talking back to the master and she goes off and headmaster sezshe could be good if she trained but dad thinks shes useless like pedulum monsters in yugioh

later bully tells off main chick for trying to be the son her dad waned and shes like "so r u" like with vasquez in aliens

the chick he picked on nearly crossbows him but wasnt gonna end him as shes kinda psycho but then the temple is attacked and men to arms  but the chick is missing and main chick shanks a few guys

the animation has been cg like a ps2 curscene andthers bloodand its smewhat good

psycho chick j fks a few guys with a crossbow andmain cick saves the bully whos surprized and she sez the klan protects its own as they are fam

after the invasion is quelled her dadshows em king bohans army heading for em whos traie to be a honorable fighter but didnt have honor and tried to sank a guy after a fight but was countered and lost an eye in a cel shaded cutscene and went off to get revenge

so after poisoning hi king and maybe dad, he became king and wants to be a god instead of a king and wants the heavenly sword and now its back to cg

he tells em he will spare em if they surrender the heavenly sword and wull reward em andseconds later fires huge grenades in atepults at the temple

head guy and main chick and dad go to this hidden hutt and gte the heavenly sword and give it to main chick to protect and keep from bohan as they saw her fighting with a regular blade

the dad is gonna lead the bohan off on a whld goose chase and let her escape and dad brings the psycho chick ith him as she struggles not ot be bought

main chick comes out and sees the burning area an it starts blowing out and the music gets all "ahhhhhhhhh" like a xena ep and she runs across a brigdge as ninja chase her but the bridge gets f'd by a cate[ult thing and she escapes

this guy on a horse comes by and knows her name and i think its the king and wants the sowrd or he'd end her as he ended her fam and reveales the psycho chick was her sister

also she was the 1st born girl in the fire horse year and his dad vanished for months after her birth to b0ne other chicks to have more kids to have a better kid like breeding pokemon to get one with good stats

also on the last day was a son and he was b0ning chick w o c with out consent and the mom of the son of the b--ch faked her death and ran off to a fishing village and the chosen one is a blacksmith but main chick dont believe him

and the only thing that can stop him is the heavenly sowrd in the chosen ones hands and wants o get it fro  her and sez everythings f'd and theres no reason to fight on

she gets the blade and figures is thers nothing to live for might as well go out fighting

they fire on her with arrows and she runs off the cliff and boman or w/e the bad guys name is yells no like an anime and we get narration to cel shaded animation of dad having his woman poop out their kid in a tent and hes bummed she was a chick

also the headmaster i thnk trained her to be a warrior and we get ore cg and then we see hr waking up by a fire with rango from rango walking by

the psycho chick is there and somehow survived and sez she pulled her out the river and i gotta say, that psychico chick who has kind of a catgrl thing going talks like gollum from lord of the rings

she followed her and left the clan and heard bohan say that they had the same dad and her mom told her already as she almost eats a lizard which isn;t kosher!

she never said anything over the years cuz fdad didnt wanna be her dad and now they wanna get the heavenly sword to the brother whos the chosen one and this is turning more like lord of the rings with bringing a metal thing to somewhere to stop a bad guy

this horse guy comes by and catgirl spazzes around and flips like a power ranger and fires a crossbow and i think its a repeating one aith a hatting thing on it and this is seeming like berserk ut less b0ning and sodomy and male h00king

the crossbow wastes him and impresses main chick and they go off on the iced guys horse the next day, so i guess they carjacked him

they get to some wasteland in the day and main chick asks about cat ears hat grls mom and she sez dad gave her gold and mom was nice and somethng of a fox and that a fox came to ice her but the fox iced her mom as mom hid her and she watched

main chick comforts her and then we seemore people iced by kin brogan men  and the sisters are watchon from a higher place thinking they are too late

eventually man chick comes out and cuts through em with her hir flooshing around and cat sister j fk ing em from above

they ask and find the other end of town has the black smith and they tell the people who survived to book it and these half syblings fighting something reminds me of Saint Seiya

they dont find him ut theres no blood and ody and they find a trap door and in it is a geezer whos the black smith and thw wife recognizes them as their dads kids and sez her son loki booked it and went to the north east to find fortune

then above em is some skimpy dressed chick looking like someting outta star wars and shes got snake features like THEY who own things do and hide and listened and left her grunts to end em

the duo slice through em and go on and snake chick comes out and fights em at a dock and this eel wraps around main chick and drags her under

cathat is gonna siper but the bow is pulled away by snake chick's whip and they fight with snakeula strangling cat hat with the whip but gets main chick comming up on a water wheel and throwing the sword into her chest between her b00bs

as she bits it she sez she told the villagers the king will reward them for outing the one king wants as king are often evil like henry vii or charles

cat hat sez da sword saved her and mighrt not be evil bt main chick sez she felt its power and it f'd with her soul and will eventually ice the user like that gun in angel cop that nearly broke her arm

so they go on a journey maybe to the west and find his city and think bohan dont know hes there as hes not racin to get there and they gotta find loki before bohan f's the city cuz its so huge

they grind rails like sonic and take out enemies as they cross the lava pit and main chick spazzes out from sensing something and its the sword devolving her or w/e

some ninja go on a cart gondala across the lava around the fortress andthe dup hang on undrneith and cat hat snipers guys as the ninja on it take others out before the du take out the ninja working for da king

cathat holds a rope and lowers i man pulls up main chick and she realizes this is the kings realm andthe brother works for him and dont know hes gonna end him like how govs plan to remove those who follow em when their use is over like in the ussr or cuba or the maruta one or india

they see the dad is alive and being dragged along and the others might be alive and  they see the headmaster being whipped and used for slave work breaking rocks

the duo saves him after a union foreman i mean slave driver whips him and sez faster or he'd be tomorrows stew, which imlies cannibalism, but thats natural, animals do it, it doesnt matter who you love(to eat)

headmaster sez they tortured dad and the dup brings headmaster on  to this inner dark place and are told dad is guarded at all times

main chik ends the guards and they find dad and he's p-ssed that she brought the sowrd and he didnt ask to be rezcued, like how WE didn't ask to be Made by The Lord and get butt hurt when things go wrong instead of being greatful of out gifts.

nariko has enough of his cr-p and stabs him in the man parts andc says "that's for the women you forced your spurm into when I wasn't enough"

jk really they reveal that they came for the son he never knew he had and he sez he was doing the right thing for the klan and wont appologize to them but then sez sorry and sez he's going to h-ll for it and cat hat slaps him to not let the 1st touch b a hug and they reconsile

he sez to go find their brother and aarzak, save the world and bits it but man chick puts her hands on him and theres this ki thing and she has a spazz out from the wrord and he's alive

he is surpirzed and tells her never to do it again and to leave em but she brings the villagers ot temple people and to the trolley or gondola or w/e and cathat ends the guards

dad sez the bully from b4 sacrificed himself to save the klan and nariko and cat hat go to the forge to where the army gets its weapons and sees a manly guy about to be executedand these guys who brought him in for the reward

theres thi fat devolved guy who seems kind ret-rded and hs big t-ts and is in SM Gear and they are given a garbage bag of gold that i ont think they can carry

the geezer who handles things there sends a bird with a note to the king and king sez the chosen one will get it and they return to the area

the ret-rded guy i think is the kings son which i assume is involving inbreeding like elites are known to do, or as its also known; keepng it in the family, and loki sez he never knew his dad and looks like a hetero castlevnia guy

el ret-rdo is gonna chopp him up but cat hat fites arrows into him and loki pulls outta the guys holding him and nariko and loki waste the guys

nariko fights ret-rded guy in his turntle armor and drops the sword and when she gets it back the devolved guy slams ger and goes around like sonicon a deviant art post

she pulls off his armor and when he somehow rolls at her like knuckles, she hits him and he rolls off the edge and pas his dad who screams Nooooooo like an anime aas his probably ill concieved son falls to his end

is this a thing on how in asia the girls are seen as inferior to sons and they either trhow em away, chp em up or let em bite it for a better chance at a son?

cuz thats why the maruta have thouands upon thousands less chicks and the guys gotta import gaijin to breed with and devolve their protoculture as well as having mixed kids who asian countries hate cuz they are f--kin racist

the du tells loki they are his sisters and their dad is master shen like in dragon ball but really hes the craine hermet and hes the chosen one

hes glad to have sexy sisters and i guess they'll breed and combine the bloodline and mke uber chosen ones like luke and leie should have done to repopulate the jedi race instead of luke dying a virgin and spending the last decades of his life drinking spurm like milk and j-rkin off on the floor

they give him the sword and he raises it like conan and then this kabuki lookin c-ck sucker with back blades liek a peacock a55 teleports in and cuts him down from behind

peacock a55 goesx on about the kings devolved son and how the fall probably wouldnt end him and chick main goes for the blade but peacock a55 gets it and sez he can use it to starscream his way to becoming the master

she tells him holding it wont end him but using it might and he attacks her and she counters and gets it back

he vanished and she cuts his face and its liek instant translocation in dbgt and he sez she can focus and control her emotions and the sword but he trewosn her off by taking her catears sister and sez they were thought to be the chosen ones and shanks her in the gut and leaves her i think hanging

she fights him and he does a clone move like in dbz and she beats em as they are illusins and runs up to save her sister

she fights him on the way and cuts through the illsuin clones and snaps his neck and wait its a clone and the music is going for that epic thing with cool camera angles and action

the wood she on breaks and the guys fall in  the lava but she uses a chain kunai and swings out and gets to her dead sister and the peacock guys come up and throw bldes at herthat she flips like a power ranger to avoid

she falls and is hurt but uses the sword to send em off but then return and sister snt dead dead and still a bit awake and uses her buow guj to headshot the peacock a55 before finally biting it

nariko gets her down and is gonna use her ki to heal her but cat hat sez no and to take her home

this thing crumbles and king sez for all foces to the forge and when nariko is carrying her fd sister to the grind rail to let her bite it with her people, the king shows up and sez if she surrenders he' end her fast if she resists, he'd make it slow and end countless others until he gets it and blames her for the people he'd end

typical big gov, damages people then blames em for "making" it cause the harm

she dont fall for it and sez if she gives up hen those who fell would be dead for nothin, like the train car thing

she grings the rails and wastes guys then gets to the end 1st and cuts the rope and the chasers fall in lava

king gets all his forces even new recruits and trainees and launches the death force to get the sowrd

in this long time it took cat hat to bite it, as she's still ot dead, main chick went across the land and days later dad thinks she f;d up as they'd have heard the word if she found the chosen one

then nariko comes to the place this started and carrys her sister and falls and somehow both aint dead and dad cares for the son more than his almost dead daughters and nariko sez hes dead and aint that good a chosen one

shes gonna defend em and is actually gonna do it for her sister and goes off to fight and die as she sees the hordes approaching

king sends a hooded guy and its the bully from before and he treis to get her to give up the blade to save em as he outed the sowrd place to the king as he felt it was to save em and keep the klan alve even though the whole reason the klan exists is to keep the sword safe

all cuz they didnt have a chosen one and the archers fie arros and waste him hu she used a barrier like in Urotsukidoji from the blade and lives

he's like those guys who get a new treatment for what THEY say is a danger out of believing the lies THEy say and wind up getting iced for it

so she runs in and slices through enemies and its pretty cooland reminds me of the commercial of the game from years ago andthe enemies dont have physical damage n their armor cuz that would be too hard to anmate as its a 3d model and they cant just draw an open slice like in 2d animation

she delags a horse, takes anothe horsen gets it iced, and nails a guy in the parts and is starting to run low on stamina so she uses a nuke to clear the area from the sword of a ki burst

she goes into a heavenly clord area and sez how she heard stories of the sword and tells th sword to send her back and that the king is gonna melt out the blade if he gets it and she dont stop him as shes the last chance

the blade has a will? is this soulcalibur?

so the blade zaps her with lightening force and she arises glowng and is going ss5 and busts through the enemies and her sword hitting the earth makes it shake and rocks fall liek in saint seiya

king brittmo begs this bird for the power to beat her and offers his soul and the bird turns to black smoke and goes in his mouth and he goes necropope and he fights the narko in a shine and shade death match as he flies around on smokey shadow wings

they fly like dbaf and sword fight and he uses dark and blue ki to summon a swarm of crows and attack her but she wastes em

they clash blades and seem to fight like b0ning and she gets on him and beats him down and he barfs out the crow smoke and the crow which is as big as a pokemon takes out his eyes

main chick is gonna ice him but king brittmo's ret-rded son isnt dead and runs over begging not to end his dad as he loves him andtheres good in everyone and everyone has someone who loves them

hes not a bad guy, the ret-rded guy, so the chick returns and dad sez sorry for doubting her in being the chosen one and she sez he was wrong and the sowrd didnt choose her but she chose it and she uses the ki thing to heal the cathat and star wars ep 009 ripped this off and she gives the glow to the sister and keels over after sister is healed

she sez the sword is catears now and tells her to love or dad to love her i dont know i wasnt listening andthen she bites it and we hear her voice saying beliefe can change the world but can also make us ignore the truth(like when we trust the EXPERTS who are wrong halff the time and keep changing their minds?)

she sez to keep the sowrd safe until its forgotten and hopes to meet agan in a better world like with Z-ONE and his homies in Yugoh 5Ds

they put her body in a boat and send it out to sea andthen we see her reflection in the sowrd sticking into the ground and it zooms in on the wheel on it and we get credits

then we see cat ears getting the blade and having a sly smile and more credits with a lot of gaijin

composers; billy elliot? like the play?

production manager; robert chandler? like sonichu?

adr editing; ndrew williams? like andy williams?

the end

that was pretty good

the animatuon was a bit iffy at times but mostely good

the acting was good and the msuic worked

the story had good twists and i didnt expect them to end her

it has kind of a darker color but still has some life in it

its widescreen but i didnt mind so much and i watched this on candya55 youtube who is too queer to hanfle butt cheeks like beta male fandom and its gay wikis who are too sissy to handle calling something "gay" as THEY think THEY own the word

but this was a good movie and i didnt mind it

didn't expect the king to live and that crow to be his god ow w/e

i never played the game or anything but recalled the adds for it

For Heavenly Sword 2 I want the king and the son to go on a quest to not only restore his damage from having that crow thing in him and eating his eyes, but also to attone for his wrongs and we see his pov how his actions were only driven by fear as he was scared all the time and thought a preemptive attack would keep him safe. also he goes around and faces various warriors and legendary creatures and has to save the continent from the crow thing he tried making a pact with. also its a 128 bit game on sega dream cast, ps2, xbox and gamecube whwere you play as the king and his son and solve puzzles and explore dungeons like zelda or castlevania and get armor and items to get on and have side quests to save people in the area.