Friday, October 21, 2016

The Body Snatcher Review

Note; don't expect good typing
the body snatcher
this is my review on the body snatecher
its got boris Karloff and bela Lugosi
its based on a k by robert louis Stevenson
he also did treasure island
its made by RKO
I liked some of their cr-p
ooh
robert wise did this
now I'm interested
well
more interested
holy cr-p
this was based o a true story
put it on the history channel!
better than the mummy returns!
its set in the distant future year of 1831
well
the future to Genghis khan
like how Robotech is in the distant future year of 2009
its set in Edinburgh
I assume that's England
or a place they took over
like with the Invid regent taking over tirol in Robotech
in a graveyard a guy talks to a dog
it wont leave his masters grave
the mom of the corpse cant afford a "grave watcher"
wtf is dat?
are there rampant necroqueers stealing corpses and b0ning em?
wtf England!!
later boris Karloff comes by and is nice to kids
hes probably a purvo
boris is a cab driver
by cab driver I mean he drives a horse and buggy
\the kid (a little girly) is crippled and is there to see dr macfarland
the spawn guy??
\the girl is there to see him to fix her crippledness
after some rapid fire q/a he asks the girl where her back pain is
she don't know and he gets p-ssed
then a younger man comes in and is nice to the crippled kid
she answers him better than dr spawn\
the dr's look at her back and find she has a nerve growth and needs an operation
and he cant do it cuz hes got better cr=p to do
hes also a teacher and cares more for 1 class than a little girls legs
later the younger dr wants to quit so dr spawn makes him a assistant
bt a chick complains that its gonna f him up
then dr spawn and the chick make out
in the real version they might be b0ning
the dr's talk but notice bela Lugosi working quietly
\dr spawn b--ches at him for not making noise
what a j=rk off!
dr spawn reveals they don't get enough corpses for dissection from the government
laer at night a guy is lurking in a graveyard
h comes to the dr's place and its boris Karloff with a big sack
the young dr helps him
the roung dr is Donald fettis
don fetish?
Donny fetus?
he pays boris for the cropse
later don fetus comes to class to teach and finds the students positioned the display keletons in some mild way
I assume those are real skeletons
like
the movie used real ones for this scene
that's f'd up
then the crippled kid's mom asks for help from don fetish
later the dr spawn is teaching guys with corpses and one jokes
dr spawn goes mental
later the mom from b4 is sad that her sons corpse was swiped and the dog wacked
don fetish wants to quit
dr spawn sez the laws are wrong and if dr's had more corpses they could save more people
that doesn't justify stealing and b0ning corpses
the kid didn't consent to getting his body chopped up and f'd with
later dr spawn is at a bar and the boris Karloff calls him toddy McFarlane
dr spawn don't like it
boris is confident and irritating dr spawn
dr spawn boris Karloff and don fetus talk about the crippled kids surgery and the dr not being good enuff
boris sticks a blade into a loaf of bread and sez toddy wants to to that to him
then sez they are closer than being in the same skin
is this a ref to b0ning?
it sure seems like it
maybe if the real version they were b0ning and that's the thing he had over him
later the dr spawn wants to operate on the crippled kid
the crippled kid wants to see a white horse
also she has no friends cuz she cant walk
that's racist
the chick from b4 talks to dr spawn about not being free of boris Karloff
they make out but b4 they b0ne dr fetus comes in
dr spawn sez he didn't mean to say he'd operate on her
and he needs a new spine to practice on
they ran outta spines
sounds like bad addams family
why not just test on animals?
its safer and cheaper and easier
later dr fat fetish goes to the boris Karloff and sez he needs more corpes stat
but the graveyard is guarded since the dog got wacked
its just a dog man!
in korea they eat those
its like bugers to americans
or whales and octopi in japan
or seals and moose to Canadians
so the boris goes out and wacks a chick
he brngs her over and dr fetus recognizes her
he just saw her
Imagine if he had a thing for her bt she kept turning him down so now that he has her corpse he b0ned it
that would be f'd
he pay the boris and the boris leaves
dr foot fetish tells dr spawn that boris iced a broad
and lugosi hears
dr spawn sez to pretend its ok and wasn't a real murder and that dr fetus is an accessory as he asked boris to get a body
later the drs do surgery and a buncha guys are watching in the same room
hope she don't get infected and rott out
dr spawn sez he wantz no more work with the boris
boris sez hes still gonna come by his place
Lugosi tells Karloff he knows but leaves
dr fetish sez the crippled kid is aling but don't wanna walk
both dr's try to help the kd walk
dr spawn is a hard a55 and dr poop fetish is nice
dr spwn gives up on her
at a bar boris meets dr spawn
dr; you kno something about the HUMAN BODY
boris; I have SOME EXPERIENCE!
me; is that a ref to necrophililia?
boris tells dr spawn that theres things science cant explain
where thoughts come from
how the blood can flow
this is deep
but if you are a creationist it makes sense better
its revealed 2 other dr's got hanged and  a 3rd is retired
I assume from necrophililia
and that boris had something to do with saving someone
at night bela Lugosi goes to see boris Karloff
he reveals to boris he knows about the wackings
if u know hes a killer why are you going into HIS lair alone?!
boris gives him 16 pounds and brandy
hes gonna get him drunk and b0ne him!
he offers to work with bela Lugosi
boris reveals 2 guys killed and sold people to dr knox
knox got off
he tells Lugosi it through song
he wants to show Lugosi how they killed people
so he strangles him
just kick him in the parts!
as bela Lugosi disnt kick boris Karloff in the parts, Karloff wacks him
then he brings Lugosi's body to the dr's place
he goes behind a curtain and we hear noises
I assume he's b0ning bela Lugosi
later, while dr spawn is out drinking, the boris goes to dr spawns chick
dr spawn returns and tells Karloff to gtfo
Karloff sez he's gonna out him
later the dr's find Lugosi in water
dr spawn wants to set it right and dr butt fetish sez he don't wanna go In deeper
dr spawn leaves and the chick reveals how karoff didn't out dr spawn in trial years ago and can out him if needed
later dr spawn confronts the boris Karloff
he offers to make Karloff rich
but Karloff gets sick kicks controlling him
they fight
imagne if they were b0ning eachother and whoever b0ned better won
in other words; MMA
dr spawn plays dead but springs back
later dr spawn brings a body back to his place
he shows the chick its Karloff
later its daylight and dr fetus fetish talks to the crippled girl and her mom
he sez he left dr spawn as he wasn't learning what he wanted
the crippled girl stands and is healed as she wanted to look over a wall to see a white horse
he goes back to tell dr spawn but hes not there
dr spawn sold karloffs horse and tella dr fetus that he "got Karloff to leave Edinburgh"
dr spawn still ants to jack bodies
at night he does so
he puts the body between him and the driver
its  storm ot and dr spawn keeps hearing boris karloffs voice calling him toddy
oh f
fetisis till working with him
he hears the Karloff saying he'd never get rid of him
he chcks the corpse and its boris Karloff
the horse runs and fetis falls out
as the horse rides, karloff's body grabs at him
hey go over a cliff and crash
dr clown fetish finds em and the Karloff is really a chick
we get a quote from some poet or philosopher or w/e
the end
that was pretty good
I liked it being full screen
watch this one if you like 40s horror
for the body snatcher 2 i'd like for some gypsies to have found dr spawn'\s body and used their black magic to revive him. but this was part of boris karloff's plan as his ghost was around the dr and was haunting him. his soul is I the dr;s body and he goes to another part of the country to practice grave robbing and b0ning and eating the bodies. also he tries to change the laws by protest and malcontent uprisings to legalize necromance and says its normal s animals do it too and the dad don't mind as they're dead (like how burgers don't mind being eaten so its not animal abuse). but don fettis (Donnie fetus) is aware of this and fights to defend the rights of the dead.

Monday, October 17, 2016

House Of Wax Review


note; I didn't sprell well for the seven samurai. why would I do it for this?
house of wax
this is my review on house of wax(the 2000s one)
the 1st time I saw this was Halloween years ago
I liked it
and paris hilton kept her clothes on
plus it has Elisha Cuthbert from popular mechanics for kids
he film starts with a pot of boiling wax in 1974
a wax mask is made these 2 kids are eating breakfast with their rents
1 kid is going mental and has to be strapped in
nowadays they'd make the kid look like the victim
they duct tape him to the chair and hen he attacks his mom she b--chslaps him
then get the title
ears later these chicks (1 of em is paris H)talk about their future
the main girls bf sez
2 drunk rednecks are wrestling in the mens room
paris H sez; theres no rednecks in new York
they were guys b0ning!!
then paris Hilton goes t see her bf
the black guy
as this is a horror mvie, don't et attached to em
the other 28 year old teens record film on a miniicam and talk
one records paris Hilton making out with the black guy
yet this time paris Hilton doesn't like being recorded with a guy
they are on a roadtrip
later they're driving and the road is closed
so they detour
they notice paris Hilton sucking her big black guy bf's thing as he drives
we don't see the thing or her mouth
in Urotsukidoji 2; legend of the demon womb, the car hit turbulence and she bit it off
I wonder what vincent price would think
they take the road to a place with no one
Elisha Cuthbert sez the black guy's parents wont let him marry her
 she isn't into marrying
elicha reveals her bro is always blaming others for his mistakes
he jacked a car, resisted arrest, was kicked off the football team, got kicked out and cant keep a job
but its never HIS fault
maybe if everyone hates your bad choices then everyone isn't to blame
her bro is the "bad boy"
paris is the "lusty blonde"
Elisha is the hero
her bf is the love interest
the black guy is the black guy
and the camera guy is the comic relief
suddenly they notice a foul stink
 they drink beer
then a big bada55 car comes u
it stays there with its lights on
so the bro throw a beer bottle and busts a light
he eventually leaves
at night we get the p o v of a guy looking at em sleeping
if this were Urotsukidoji...
Elisha is akemi
her bro is nikki
her bf is nagumo
paris H is megumi
the black guy is takeaki
and the cam guy is kuroko
Elisha goes out to see who it is but its just her bf
btw, its implied she b0ned him previously
if sailor moon were a horror movie
serena would be the gf
lita would be the jock
raye would be the black guy
darien would be the bf
amy would be the virgin
and mina would be the lusty blonde
well
they kinda already are
the next day its 2 30 pm and they wake up
after taking a big greasy dump, Elisha notices the stink and with paris H they go follow it
wtf
paris plays paige
like in degrassi next gen
Elisha falls into a foul filth cesspool and notices a human arm sticking straight up in it
is this a fetish video?
why does everyone know I have a slob fetish?!
I mean THINK I have one
yes
think
the gang comes by an this inbred guy in a pick up truck comes by and dumps a rotting dead deer
the hand is from a mannequin
they need car help as their car was sabotaged while they slept
the bf decides to go with the inbred guy
the bro takes off his wife beater and gives it to his sister
she takes off her filth covered top and we see her in a bra from behind
 and Elisha goes with her bf
the inbed guy is friendly but has roadkill in his car and it stinks!!
shows them his big a55 knife and jams it in the dashboard
hes not trying to be scary
just a bit bimbo'y
they get to small rive and he stops to change his truck to 4 wheels
they are creeped out by his inbred feel and leave him
hes offended they didn't like him after his inbred friendliness
Elisha ad bf get to town but no ones there
she gets a call from paris saying they're heading back to the campsite as theres too much traffic
they check he church and its a funeral
the guy there like jon stamos is unhappy but sez he'd help em later
so they decide to check out the house of wax
the house is made of dried wax
what if its a hot day?
where'd they get all the wax to make this?
theres no one in he house of wax
but theres newspaper articles of the wax sculptor
the bf uses a lighter on some thing
they see a dog but its real
the bf plays the pianos
also everything in he house is made by Vincent
what a subtle rnod
they notice the chairs used on the kids in he beginning
 someone looking in the house who instantly books it
I gotta say tis is actually pretty cool
good horror and creepy vibe
as she looks around her bf knocks on the window and she turns facefirst into a deformed wax man
she freaks out, knocks it over and is p-ssed at him for startling her
later the cam guy and the bro are having a p-ssing contest
one of em sez he's gonna get the elisha and bf
the Elisha and the bf talk about he bro and the jon stamos guy comes in
he sez he has the car part at his place
jon stamos guy sez the Vincent's dad was a dr who lost his liescence or doing surgery on the side
his wife went mental and bit it
\so he ate his gun
the kids were sent to foster holmes (the cousin of john holmes)
at night the bro and cam guy are going to the town but its not on the GPS
later the bf goes in this place and elsha notices the truck there is the one that stood infront of em(bsted light)
the bf gets captured
he stumbles around and is stabbed up by a guy in a wax mask
kinda llke michael myers in Halloween (rob zombie versions)
elsha cals pars but shes b0ing her bf or w/e so she don't hear
the jon stamos guy confronts Elisha but she tries to get away in the truck
it gets stuck so she gets the cigarette lghte and escapes
oh and its night
the cam guy talks with the bro about him getting with his sister
bro sez no
the mask guy cuts off the bf's clothes and injects him with a fluid(liquid HIV?)
HE SEWS UP HIS KNIfe wounds and starts waxing him
\like
hair wax
the bf is still alive btw
mask guy lies up a bunch of needles of wax and starts coating the bf in hot wax with a sprinkler system
Elisha goes to the church but everyoes just a wax people
the music is on tape
someone come in and she hides
he reveals one of the wax people is his mom
he finds her under the priest's robes but she runs
he catches her
meanwhile the bf and bro come to the stream and walk
Elisha is caught and strapped/taped t a chair
the bf and bro come by and he tells her not to scream or he gon shank her
oh its cam guy and bro
not bf
the bro tries to buy a drink but theres no one in the store
in fact the area not visible is rotted
the jon stamos guy glues her lips shut and goes to the guys
this is actually pretty good horror
I like it
he tells the bro he aint seen anyone
Elisha breaks the holding thing and reaches her finger up the grate
so jon stamos guy clips it off with pliers
she rips the glue open and cries out
they har her and fight
after keeping out the guy, the bro saves her
the Elisha ties her gushing finger stump
meanwhile the camguy(who looks fatter and kinda like andy samburg) finds the bf
he a wax man
but hes not dead
then his face starts coming apart!
this is bada55
the the mask guy tries to wack him but slices open the bf's face
he lops off the cam guy's head
this is bad a55
the effects are pretty good too
the bro and Elisha try the phone but it don't work
they try asking a town citizen for help but shes wax
everyone in the town used to be a real person
but they were mutilated into a wax man
this is f'd up
btw, we hasn't seen paris Hilton in a while
I wonder what she's up to?
oh, shes making out with her black guy bf
then starts getting undressed
as does he
shes only in her undies
which I prefer since nudity is gross
then his boom box turns off and he goes to check it out
he gets the voice mail from Elisha
paris goes to bed to sleep but then a guy comes in
its the mask guy
she runs out and finds her bf with a blade in his neck
she runs wearing only a robe and red undies like la blue girl
she hides in a metal building
she finds a buncha cellphones and gets a metal pole she breaks of a pipe
then a blade gets her in the foot
theres a guy under the floor
she escapes to a car and hides
no dialogue
just horror
the yellowy stained lighting reminds me of the crow city of anels
the mask guy finds her car but she poles his face and runs
he throws the pole through her head and she is help up at an angle
no cgi either
good effects
man
she didn't do much in here
meanwhile the bf breaks into a crossbow store
the bad guy finds em and opens fire
they hide in a theater watching whatever happened to baby jane
good foreshadowing
they hide In the audience of waxmen and he checks em
he blows one wax head off but the bro crossbow's him
they go t the lobby and he wacks he bad guy with a crossbow
they check his corpse and leave
the bro wants to leave but the gf wants to save their friends
they check the truck for the cell phone
then check the house of wax
god suspence
good eerie lights and settings
they find a newspaper thing of Siamese twins separated
1 has a deformed face
then the jon stamos guy comes in having recovered from being killed earlier
he puls the arrow outta his arm
good effects
why didn't they bust his bead hen they had the chance?
the the mask guy comes back with paris hilton and the black guy
he dog from b4 is his
the jon stamos guy yells at the mask guy for going out w/o him
the mask guy is more calm and peaceful
he heats up a spoon and smooths out his mask
he looks kinda like tommy wiseau
Elisha is going up stairs but her bro grabs her from behind and covers her mouth
they go to the basement and its dark
so they flip the switches hoping it'll turn on the lights
I makes the town turn on and off
then they turn on a light
they find the cam guy coated in wax
when bro tries to free him the head comes off(like in dumb and dumber with the bird)
mask guy(Vincent) comes in and fights bro
so he dumps flaming wax and the place starts burning down and melting
they run and she finds her bf
then jon stamos and bro fight
boss time!!
the house made of wax starts falling apart
bro is losing so he hits the boss's weakpoint(arrow chest thing) and dominates
then Elisha (who did nothing until now)beats his a55 with a bat
Vincent comes in and sees his busted bro
he cries out and goes after Elisha
bro is too beat p to stop him and has a knife in his thigh
how'd they make tis place anyway?
does someone have a wax fetish?
Vincent cuts through a wax melting wall and the cut slices a wax figure of the Siamese tins apart
turns out the jon stamos brother was the violent one
thus the reference to baby jane
she sez Vincent isn't a freak and hes an artist
the jon stamos guy used him for evil
the wax people melt into skeletons
its pretty bada55
Vincent fights the bro and after leaving for a bit, Elisha saves him
she pulls the blade outta bro's leg and shanks Vincent
he falls through the floor and on top of jon stamos
just like their position when they were Siamese twins
this is pretty good
what kinda candy a55 hated this film?
I mean yeah its not the original birth of a nation or he cabinet of dr caligari
u for a horror film, its pretty bada55
the house melts and it looks pretty good
its hard to tell whats cg or not
they mush though he walls and the house goes down
the next day the cops arrive and say since the sugar mill went down the town ended
if it wernt for he smoke and fire, they wouldn't've found it
they leave in an ambulance
then they reveal hat the dr didn't have 2 sons
he had 3!!!
as hey leave town the inbred uy waves to the bro and Elisha
wtf Robert zemekis did this
and chad Michael murrey was the bro
the credits roll as some 2000s song plays
the end
I liked dat
it was cool
good twists and turns
good effects
good action
good horror
I mean its not metropolis or dr mabuse
but its still a good horror film
for house of wax 2 i'd like for the inbred guy to have revived the Siamese twins as one body as the wax house melting on them was a ritual set up to fuse em. the inbred guy is actually an autistic super genius and had this planned from the start. but the good soul of Vincent malreacts to the evil one of his bro and the body keeps trying to rupture. to keep it together, the inbred guy uses metal weldings to bolt the body together with a metal exoskeleton. as the body is 2 bodies, its 2x as big as a normal man and has 4x the strength. the inbred guy uses him to go rom town to town tearing people apart and using their bodies to make flesh golem minions to take over. but Vincent's soul eventually overcomes it and turns on the flesh golem army and the inbred guy(who has equipped more body parts to him for added power)(like equipping more muscles onto his boy for more power)

Friday, October 14, 2016

Little Shop Of Horrors Review


note; cant type right. still
little shop of horrors
this is my review on little sop of hporors
its made by roger corman\
love his cr-ppy awesome films
it starts with a pan of an illustration
I'm doing the 60s version btw
a cop narrates his disgruntled issues working homoside
at a plant store people talk
1 is an 1800s born eastern European lady
its like my gramma or great gramma
the owner of the flower shop is also Slavic
just like me
I'm double Slavic though
half polish half Slovenian
a dentist orders fowers and this wiener named seymore (see more)is to deliver em
I think its the same guy from a bucket of blood
a guy starts eating flowers he bought
he didn't leave yet
i sometimes dream of eating cards and toys
seymore is fired for s-cking too much
he sez he's growing a new plant
the flower eater sez weird places have better flowers
the owner sez is seymores plant is good he can stay at the job
seymoe goes home and his mo makes him look at her tongue
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
like goku's wife and son are paired up in dbz fanfics
maybe hes giving her an enema
he brings his mom a highly alcoholic tonic
I like the jazzy music in the background
he gets his cr-ppy plant and returns to work
he got the seeds from a Japanese guy
\he names the plant after the girl he has a b0ner for
the flower eater sez it might be the only plant of its kind on earth
so if seymore can make it healthy he can keep his job
the girl tries to cheer up seymore but he sez he's tred every kind of plant cr-p he can fnd
she leaves and he talks to the plant
then its night and the plant opens up
he pricks his finger on another plant and his blood goes into the plant
it likes it
so he self mutilates his finger with a pin and bleeds into it
the next day everyone cheers for him and he gets a 2 $ raise cuz the plant grew a foot
seymore claims the finger wounds are bee stings
imagine if he got a b0ner and b0ned the plant and it sucked blood out his thing
that's sick
I got some f'd ideas
then some 50s babes come in and wanna se the plant
they buy cr-p from the store as its good enuff to make the plant it should be good to buy from
the owner sez saymore is his new son and to call him dad
he has big plans for his future cuz of his upcoming success
the Slavic gramma came in and bought owners and leaves
then they notice the plant is floppy
later the lant sez ; feed me
sounds like something in a fat chick video
seymore gives more blood but he cant give much more
to clear his mind he goes for a walk
at the train station he throws rocks and  kills a guy
hes not dead but he gets splattered by a train
if this was the 80s we'd see him splatter like a garbage bag of chef boy ar dee
seymore carries the parts back and feeds em to the plant
he carried em in a sack
it takes a bit b4 he feeds the plant the parts
I wonder if he fed the plant the guys crotch
meanwhile te owner and girl are at a restaurant and he forgot the cash at the store
he goes to the store and sees saymore feeding the plant body parts
he returns and orders a lot of booze to get drunk
he wants to go to the cops but changes his mind after he sees a huge a55 crowd at his store
they've been making a lotta money
all cuz of the plant(which is bigger now)
he talks to seymore about the plant but seymore has a toothache
turns out that after the plant eats 3x its full grown
but this one might be full grown
reminds me of my 90s childhood where my mom grew sunflowers in the backyard
once I played like it was power rangers and the seeds were an attack from that water or plant monster that blasted the black ranger by the ocean
at the dentist the dentist is a sadist
he wants to take the seymores teeth for himself
tooth fetish
he yanks out a tooth
after a fight he kills the dentist by accident\
then jack Nicholson comes in
hes a masochist and is an ndertaker for the Slavic 180s woman
is teeth are all f'd up according to him
he reads a magazine and lols at people's bodies being f'd
he loves being mutilated and stabs his finger and licks the blood
seymor drills jack nicholsons mouth and pulls out teeth
jack loves it as hes a purvo
afterward his teeth are all looking f'd
how come you can tear or punch out teeth but if you pull out someones bones with your hands or pliars its "too much"
later he feeds the dentist to the plant
later cops talk and 1 sez he lost a id cuz he was playing with matches
I used to go into the corner of the backyard and light matches when I was a kid
the cops are looking for something
\I wasn't paying attention
the next day the plant is bigger
the girl gives the seymore a smooch and hes surprised as no one ever kissed him
they kiss a bit
they wanna go on a date
the 1800s lady comes in and sez her nephew's son bit it playing with matches
\the cops confront the owner about the wacked guys but hes nervous
they leave and he confronts seymore
seymore sez its done eating
he sez symore can go out as the owner is gonna watch the plant
a chick with a flower fetish talks with seymore about the plant
she sez hes gonna get a trophy for his plant
its flowers are gonna open tomorrow and shes coming then to give it to him
later seymore takes the girl to dinner at his moms place(hee he lives)
she serves them cough syrup
she later feeds em cod liver oil soup
while the owner watches the plant it sez "feed me"
it sez it wants to eat him
I can imagine it launching tentacles at him and pulling him into its a55
at dnner the mom thinks Seymour is too young to marry(he's like 34)
at da store a guy comes in with a gun
he wants the cash made by all the people coming in
at gunpoint he tells the crook to check nside the plant
he crawls in and the plant eats his a55
the next day the owner wants to get rid of the plant
the seymore and girl are gonna have a picknick in the flower shop
symroe\s mom is malcontent over her son seeing a girl
at the picnic they talk abou their dreams for the future
they're in love with eachother
but the plant keeps calling to feed it
it screws up their date and she leaves\
rather than explaining, he jabbers on
he argues with the plant about all the good he's done for the lant
its like a reverse giving tree
the plant mind controls him to get hi food
he ignores a 50s blonde bimbo who keeps trying to seduce him
she trips him with a banana peel
wtf
w+hy's a babe like dat want a bum like dat?
its like how in yugioh zexal, where Yuma has anna cathy and tori into him
she tries to seduce him but hes only into finding food
he sez he needs a fatter ne
he wants a fat chick
after miscommunication she agrees to be his
as he has no coin to flip, he flips a rock
it busts her head\
the next day all these chicks wanna see seymore and the girl he likes dont get him
1 copooks just ike kip fro napoleon dynamite
everyones gathered to see the plant flowers open ad to give him te award
but the flowers have the human faces of its victims
its ike that fata55 from inuyasha
seymore runs and the cops tail his a55
the plants victims on his back is like with Jinmen from devilman
we get a long chase scene
the owner helps Seymour
Seymour hides in a toilet thing and his head comes outta it like in the ghoulies
later he goes after the plant with a knife and climbs in
dumba55
later the rest of the gang get there and a new flower opens with Seymour\s face on it
he sez; I didn't mean it
the end
I liked that
good 50s/60s low budget fun
we love you forever roger corman
direct more cr-p!
I loved Frankenstein unbound!
for little shop of horrors 2 i'd like for the plant to have captured the souls of the people it ate and has access to their memories. its doing this to attempt to copy human abilities and so it can have a soul. the girl Seymour liked tries to free him and manages to pull him off but he becomes a plantman with vegetable organs and a zucchini b0ner. they breed and she gets plan pregnant and starts expanding all over into an 800lb fattie from the malreaction of an inhuman pregnancy. she gives birth to a plant human with the power to talk to plants and only wants people to eat animals as pants are people too(note; the kid doesn't have a soul as he's a plant) she feeds her plant baby with fruit punch breast milk and she's full of juice from the pregnancy.

Monday, October 10, 2016

The Haunting Review


note; I spell bad
the haunting
this is my review on the hanting(60s version)
\gross
its widescreen
film it right buttmo's!
no more black bars
it starts with creepy narration for the mid 20th century
now its silly
remember in Urotsukidoji witrh that opening narration?
that was epic
after opening credits we get the story of hill house
90 ears ago(in the slavery days) this guy made a house fr his fam
but his woman bit it b4 getting there
carriage accident
his daughter and he lived there
he married another chick but she bit it too
she fell down the stairs
he then went to England and bit it in the water
the daughter lived in her childhood room for the next many decades
as a kid I wanted to live in my 90s home forever
as a geezer she got a little girl as a slave
but the daughter bit t cuz her slave was b0ning soe guy
the slave lived there and went nuts and hung herself
she was haunted by the chick she lit bite it
the house went to ownership to a distant relative
now a guy who investigates supernatural sh-t wants to spend a while in it
he wants a crew of people who had supernatural encounters
this is getting good
like tim burtons x men or something
he wants to find the "key to another world"
he wants to go to h-ll
to go directly to h-ll
to not pass go
to not collect 200$$
ten this fam is talking about someting and everyones agamst this ginger going to a hanted place
wait
they're aguing over inheritance over the home they\re in
and the fam is against the aunt
the ginger goes to use a car but the car is part belonging to her sister wo hates her\
she gets a letter to go to hill house and is happy to do something exciting
she thinks to herself some weird cr-p
she wants her own home
man this chick is metal
she as random unhappy thoughts
when she gets to the use she finds no one else is there
but the doorman lets her in
she gets in a dispute with the doorman(who is really more of a gate keeper) and he hates her for being from the city
that's racist
at the house she gets freaked out but sez she cant go back
she talks to the doormans wife and at her room shes nervous and keeps thinking to herself with voice over of her thoughts
later another guest comes overhad supernatural experiences or talents, he thinks they
also the house is far from town
like in the texas chainsaw massacre
the new chick(theo) becomes friends with the ginger
they look around the place but sense some thig bad
the ginger sez the house is alive
theo sez the house wants the ginger
she starts freain out but the dr(he guy who investigates the paranormal) comes in and the scary stops
then they go to have dinner
on the way they talk and the r sez the house is slightly off with no perfect angles and doors tilted a bit so hey Auto cloSE
they explore the rooms of the house
hey meet a college guy luke
the dr sez the other college guys didn't come cuz of the stories of the place
after dnner the dr tells the chix his plan
cuz the guests have powers, he thinks they can make the ghosts to cr-p
ginger had stones fall on her home when she was 10
and luke is an esper
luke is a denier and makes up explanations for why theres weird cr-p at the home
the gnger nocks over the salt and thrws it over her shoulder
later the ginger has a feeling that she was wached
oh and theo can tell peoples emotions automatically and know their reasons
oh and the doorman keeps the gate locked at night
and the dr wants them to fill out forms each day
they go to bed and in her room the gngelocks the door
but don't know why
oh and I forggot to mention the other espers invited didn't come
then theres a banging and ginger goes to theo
if this were made today they'd be butt buddies
also they'd be in sexy undies
the pounding stops but restarts outside her door
theo freaks out but it stops
its cold n there but blankets don't help
why not say a prayer?
rebuke it
theres purvo noises of grunting and sniffing
this is turning into la blue girl
but it stops and theo senses its gone
then luke and dr are outside and they didn't see anything
the chix laugh and theres no damage to the door
at breakfast gner tells dr her life story
he tells his life story
she sez she remembers she was freaked out
but now what it felt like
they talk about their feas and luke comes in
someone wrote "help elenore come home" on the wall
elenore is da ginger
she is el now
el goes mental on people
later they see statues of saint francis curing lepers
but they don't know how it got there
theo sez its like the 4 of em
later they go to the library
what is this?
clue?!(board game)
el cant go in there as she smells something
the spiral staircase was where 1 chick hung herself
luke screws around and gets hurt
dumba55
1 chick (el) has an episode imagining how someone bit it and nearly falls off the balcony
but the dr saved her
later the chix have a slumber party in a room panting nails and gossiping
they also drink brandy
the talk about their lives
el then starts getting p-ssed and don't wanna leave hill house\\
then they all meet in the hall and its cold
in the heart of hill house where the daughter lived and bit it, is next to em and behind hard doors
luke denies the supernatural and sez its a draft
in the mide of a house with 0 windows?
ooh
el let her hair down\
she don't look as dumpy
chix look better with long flowing hair
later at night is a voice talking but el tells theo not to make noise so it don't know they're there
theo feels her hand being crushed
and a little girl crying noises
wait
I think its still el\
she cant let anyone hurt a child(pro life message?) and yells
but wen theo turns on the light they are in different beds
the next day the dr sez that if someone cant explain something they deny it
like creation science!!
he sez when people thought earth was flat, round earth sounded stoopid
but when they found how round earth worked, they accepted it
btw, in greek times they knew earth was round
she sez she let her mom bite it cuz she didn't come when she was called
later luke reads a goth poem about lust
it was written exactly 90 years ago tomorrow
the house maker made it
el yells at the dead guy's ghost
theo tells el's desires for a home and husband and el gets p-ssed and goes out
theo sez sorry and that el likes the dr
they argue back and forth for a bit
then a reporter is revealed to have been calling and dr's wife comes
shes a denier and hates his supernatural views
shes a real b--ch by mocking his views and el tells her theres a nursery(where the daughter bit it)
she sez sorry and not to but the wife denies its dangerous
in there the doors are open and the wife and rest goes in
el has some mental issues
later everyones asleep and taking turns watching something
a noise wakes em up
then theres banging outside
it stops for a bit but theo sez its not over
then the pounding get loud
it gets quiet
the door bends an almost busts
maybe someone should say a prayer or something?
el thinks the thing is gonna continue until it finds her
el goes out an everythings distorted
the camera shifts and bends
its like that n64 Zelda dungeon with the halls that turn when u use arrows on the eyes
she thinks the house is destroying itself
she goes to the nursery but no ones there
the rest come in
she thinks shes being absorbed by the house
she sez to a statue they both killed her
she goes off and no one can find her
shes at the library and theres no cold or smell
she sez he broke the spell and is home
so she goes up the spiral staircase that chick hung herself on
cuz she hears or sees somethin up there
but the staircase randomly starts breaking
the rest of the guests come in and want her to come down
but shes in a weird mental state
dr tries to save her but the staircase might give at any minute\
she gets to the top and at a place to stand attached to the wall
he eventually makes it there too
she leans back and nearly falls
but he saves her
if this were final destination, she'd fall but it would be a vision
as they stat coming down she sees a chick pop out of the trap door and freaks out
later the is gonna dr send her home for safety
but he sez she has no where as she lives in her sisters couch
she also sez only she can deal with the house
it wants her
she goes to her car and sez bye to theo
she sez the wife has her place as now the wife stays and she goes
she dives off and sez the house don't want her to go
she drives bad cuz of otherworldly influence
shes glad somethings happening to her and crashes
she bites it
the wife comes out and sez she was f'd with by the house and opened the trap door and freaked out el
the 1st one to bite it also was killed at that tree she crashed at
they say he house has what it wants, for a while
\luke sez they otta burn it down and salt the earth\
we get creepy ending narration about those who walk hill house
the end
that was good
chilling and ominous
very well done
Robert wise did great work directing it
for the haunting 2 i'd like it to be set in the 80s with a new generation of paranormal investigators looking into it for one last time before the place is torn down. this time we see the abominations that haunt the place as they collected enough souls to attain visual forme. they look like monsters made of rotting crotches like in splaterhouse 3 but more rot and more crotch. they are gooey and slimy and gross and look like they're falling apart. also hey grab people with full body hugs and absorb em into their mass. also if the house is destroyed then the crotch monsters can escape the grounds and other places. the characters in the new team look like something out of a glam rock video or a bad anime. also they constantly talk about 1980s video games being new and cool and never going outta style.