Friday, April 22, 2016

The Pirate Review

note; my hands have a speech impediment
The Pirate
this my review on the pirate(the judy garland one)
ive never seen this movie b4 so this is a new experiance
ooh its fullscreen
and has good color
its got a good start
make up by jack dawn too
it starts with a chick reading a book on pirates
it has an idealist view on them
in real life they were outlaws or w/e
the chick is gay for this pitate
then the chick's mom comes in  and sez she got her a husband
don pedro
on a history show on annie Oakley i mis-saw an add for; don jeronimo as ron jeremy
I think this place is mexico or spain
later this fat guy with a moustache comes in and I think its don pedro
it is
also he looks a bit like ron Jeremy too
he meets the chick and is romantic with her
they mention paris and the chick goes gushy over it
but don pedro sez home is the best
i agree
im not big on travel
later the chick is looking at a ring don pedro gave her and she wants to see the carebiean
she thinks its romance and adventure
what about disease and crime and animals?
later this guy announces people in this entertainment thing
hes just advertizing
he mentions dogs that think like men
I assume he means furrys
since dogs cant be human
while we get to know gene Kelly, he sings a song about girls he likes
he seems a bit like joey jeremiah from degrassi jr high
charismatic and slick but nice
he keeps calling all the girls "nina" but pronounces it "ninya"
he also does some good acrobatics by climbing around the set
I miss the 80s/90s playgrounds they had made of wood/metal/plastic
they were fun and you could do that kind of stuff on em
now they tore em down 15 years ago and the newe ones s-ck
gene Kelly's dancing is good
almost fred Astaire good
after his dance, the chick comes in and she goes off on her own to see the sea
nowadays some drugged up thugs might b0ne her dead
she looks at the sea and doesn't notice gene Kelly next to her
they talk and he hits on her
she defends the don pedro when he pokes fun at him
he claims he loves her(they just met!!) and he sez in america(and englind) the lady's choose their own husbands
what year is this??
she sez its silly and later leaves
his name is; serafin
like; Seraphim?? the Highest rank of Angels?
at night the entertainers perfiorm and the chick goes after em
gene Kelly does a hypnosis trick
but his minion sez the last guy didn't wake up
I assume hes a vegetable
u microwaved his mind!!
you cut out his brain you baboon!!
he claims he wants a pure woman and takes the chick
this sounds like sailor moon
he mind controls her and sez he wants to release her spirit
hes gonna suck out her soul!!
this is black majik!!
he tries to make her love him
this is like something the sailor scouts or love angels would fight
she sez she loves the pirtate she read about
and she has lusty desires underneath her innocent outside
this is turning into la blue girl!
she sings a song about the pirate
the pirates name is; macoco
or; mack the black
they'd probably censor that nowadays
like natty bumpo turned to nathianel boone in the 90s last of the mohicans
im not sure but I think mack the black is into b0ning a lot of women
maybe for money
if he were around now he'd get the aids
that's how it spread in the 70s
and blood
but mostly b0ning
maybe that's why virgins survive horror movies?
its a ref to aids
after the song she cant wake up
so he makes out with her
then she gets her soul back and sees everyone cheering for her as shes making out
I assume they b0ned in the real version
she runs home and wants to leave the place
later shes getting married
her mom sez she can make anything come true by wishing for it
mayvbe she can create her imaginarty boyfriend mack the black?
imaghinary boyfriend?
sounds like yuguioh
how the miniskirt chick was in love with the other yugi
then the entertainers come over and the chick freaks out
she comes out to her mom about her singing in public
and maybe b0ning
her mom sez to lock the door
outside geen Kelly flirts with her and shes freakin out
so he tightrope walks across a wire to her
she tries to cut it but it dont work
he comes in and shes freakin out
he keeps trying to win her over
nowadays we'd see that as some kind of mo les tation
but here its funny
like pepe le pew
then don pedro comes in and has a whip
and hes mayor of tpwn
she complains about living like a hobo in a tent with people who act
but pirates have it worse
don pedro comes in and goes berserk at him
but the gene Kelly recognizes the don perdro as macoco
I thought he didn't exist
mack pedro almost iced the gene Kelly burt he survived
also mack the black got fat
he blackmails mack the black pedro into letting his entertainers perform
he comes down and sez to the chick that he's macoco and the real macoco pedro is at his mercy
man gene Kelly is a real horses A55 to don pedro
he calls off the pedro dons marriage and trys to steal the chick from him
then goes into town claiming to be macoco and lies about the town being surrounded by his savage men
then he fights some guys
the chick was watching btw
she has a fantasy of him in short shorts and a sleeveless open chest top dancing around and her in a bunny outfit as he fights guys
this is turning into voltage fighter gowcaizer
maybe variable geo
theres a lot fire and red
its like going to h-ll
maybe these are flashbacks from another life?>
like with zor prime in Robotech
later gene Kelly threatens to torch the place if they don't bring him the chick
is he the bad guy or something?
don pedro knows gene kelly is full of sh-t and goes off to get reinforcements
the people knowe of the power the real macoco has and are freaked out
but just by admitting he's macoco, the cops can bust his a55
she reluctantly goes out to marry the gene kelly
this fruity guy tells the chick that she told everyone that she wished macoco would carry her away in the show
the gene Kelly comes in and she comes on to him
shes got a b0nar for him
he tries to tell the truth but she reveals she only loves him for being macoco
also she hates actors
the Robotech aND yugioh actors were pretty cool
dbz actors too
well... the ocean dub actors anyway
she then starts trashing the place
I think he told her hes not macoco
I wasn't paying attention
she also whips his a55 with a sword
I assume in the real version she jammed it up there
then hes KO'ed and she gets all remorseful
she sings about how good he is
man, women flip-flop more than a crooked politician!
later the real black mack has the cops and they find a treasure chest full of stuff he stole
the cops bust in and catch him
they're gonna b0ne him dead!
the head cop flirts with the gene Kelly(hes brittish)
they bring out gene kekklys prop box and its full of jewelry
they also dont buy his story about being an actor
now he's gonna get strung up!
but we know they wont wack gene Kelly in a gene kelly movie
the chick sez that since the town said they owed her they should not have gene Kelly drawn and quartered
she then notices the ring the don pedro gave her matches the treasure in the chest
gene Kelly sucks up to the brit and sez he wants his last request to be to perform for him
the don pedro sez to hang thwe gene kellie but the brit falls for gene kellys charms
he's so smug and cocky
he sings the song "be a clown" which is just like "make em laff" from singin in da rain
its really entertaining and fun
esp these 3 black guys dance number
its sorta like kung fu
ooh, the coffee grinder!
I learned that break dancing move from the Christians kids show "TQ" (Truth Quake)
didn't know they had it in the pirate era
although I kinda felt "make em laff" was more impressive
but that was grand
then the gean kellie hypnotizes the don pederro
hope he don't b0ne him
but the chicks mom smashes his mind wipe item
then the chick is hypnotized again
they say if they wake her it might kill her
don pederrp tries to stop his black arts but the brit wants to see how it goes
she gushes over how bada55 macoco is and how cr-ppy don pedro is
isn't macoco some serial killer?
and shes lusting after him?!
that's kinda f'd up
like james Cameron's obsession with the titanic; a disaster that killed hundreds of innocents
I can see an alternate reality james Cameron where hes an aquaman villain who sinks boats to fulfill his titanic fetish
then pedro dion comes out about hoe hes the real macoco
the circus rushes and gang b0nes him and it cuts to gene Kelly having a new show; with the chick singin "be a clown"
its not as good as with the black guys
but what happened to macoco?
either he was lunched or in prison
or maybe he got off easy?
maybe they didn't believe his story cuz hes a fata55?
that was pretty good although the main character is kind of an a55
I was kinda rooting for don pedro
for the pirate 2 I'd like for the real macoco to have been found not guilty as no one believe a fata55 like him could be the killer of the seas. since his release he was training and turned that chub into beef and is now big and buff liker hulk Hogan. he resumes his pirating and hunts for the chick and gene Kelly so she will love him again. also he fights the brits and tries to free people oppressed by em

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