Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Captain Horatio Hornblower Review

note; I spell pretty cr-ppy and my comp s-cked
captain horatio hornblower
this is my review on captain horatio hornblower
the 50s one with Gregory peck
that title sounds like a p0rn0 btw
or maybe a bad marvel comics character
david o seklznik worked with this
hes grande
and this seems to be based on a book
just like riki-oh
and its directed by Raoul walsh
he blew out lincons brains in birth of a nation
in 1807 the noble hero napoleon was going to bring down the deviant brits but the brits had their minions from all over their stolen empire returning to fight the heroic napoleon
this seems to be about the ship of people forced to serve the English regent on one of the boats returning
they are running out of water and captain hornblower seems to be some kind of ubermenche who needs less water than humans
then they punish the men/slaVES for untold reasons
they tie em up and whip em
this is getting x rated
horbblower is having a guy whipped cuz his minion sed he'd whip him and didn't
this is to make the minion feel bad
hornblower is played by Gregory peck
I though his only villain role was in the boys from brazil
the dr sez they wont last long w/o going to land
but capn hh don't wanna go to land or be seen cuz it might ruin his mission
sacrifice men for a mission against their consent
I knewe the brits were evil
they have no wind so they use men/slaves to drag a boat
hh sez they'll be there in 2 days
at night the wind picks up and slaves pulling the boat
this reminds me of the movie mutany on the bounty
but from the pov of the deviant brits
the next day they find a fortress which HH mentioned b4
they find a place in Spaniard turf where a prince of spain has betrayed his people to side with the brits
this Mexican comes on and sez he's the high command and wants HH top come to to the fortress to meet the prince
hh gives the keys to his command thing to a guy and sez incase he's not back by midknight do something
the prince is arrogant and sees humans as below him
just like other nobility
he wants a lot of firearms and weapons and hh sez his boat is ordered to bust the fortress if he's not back in an hour
hh asks for an obscene amount of food and stuff in the amounts of tons
then a slave sez theres a Spanish warship with 60 guns coming
also the prince wants to take over america and tries to get HH to side with him
btw this film is in color and fullscreen
its grand
no black bars or high def
I hate that stuff
4;3 4ever
at night HH sez he wants some of his minions to share dinner with him
also they worship king george
the guy who america beat and earned its freedom from
latrits attack the Spaniard ship by sneaking on braod ansd swordfighting em
they capture em and chain em up
I assume they b0ned em too
HH sez he is giving he boat to the prince
the prince comes on and wants to kill the captured men
but HH already took care of em
he also sez his signal is 23 guns
HH sez the kings signal is 21 guns
why is the king greater than any human?
this seres makes anyone daring to challenge the regents supremacy as mad or evil
they come across another ship and find that the Spaniards have turned on napoleon and side with the brits
then they introduce Virginia mayo who was captured by the Spaniards and is sister to a duke
HH don't want her ion his boat but she just came from panama and theres aids there or something
they then set sail to fight the ship they just gave to the prince
hh's men tell mayo hh is a kind man but he yells for them to come to him
Gregory peck is pretty bad a55
like a not as evil megatron
hh tells mayo to stay below decks as his men haven't seen a wo man in 8 months
nowadays they'd go prison gay
then they fight the prince on his given boat
this is actuially pretty cool
he uses skill and planning to overcome a superior foe
like using mystical space typhoon on the equipped monster when thousand eyes restrict attacks your attack mode monster
running into a wall of swords
hh's boat takes a pounding though
theyre flag gets knocked off so they devote time and effort into setting up a new flag
in battle the surgeon bit it so the lady is treating the wounded
 the enemy ship blows apart in a fire ball and theres a long scene where a uy bites it in the wo mans arms
later hh seems to be falling in love with mayo but he finds shes gonna marry a man in England
also she was sick but recovered
after a montage of hh spending time with mayo, we find hh is married
but they still b0ne
he wants to end it but she is still into him
at land a fellow brit in the servitude to the regent bashes hh for giving away the Spaniard boat
I think its her bf
hh returns home to find his wo man bit it
and hes got a new son
his wo mans letter to him sez shes wished he spent more time with his fam instead of at work all the time
if it wernt for the regent he wouldntve been at sea for 15 years
he meets with and sez bye to mayo and goes off to sea again
they go to fight the heroic warrior napoleon to stop him from freeing Europe from the regent
they find a frenchie and hh threatens the info out of him that leads him to figure out that theres a cavalry attack by the superior napoleon
they go to a harbor and bust the masts of the ships napoleon was gonna use
they have a counter attack and shred the boat with cannonfire
hh gets his leg busted
hh decides to sink his boat to cause boating issues for napoleon
he busts the floor with a cannon
they swim to land but get captured
it wasn't hh who busted his leg
its his minion
his men get to return to emnglandf and he and his minion are to be tried as pirates
but then the base is under attack
hh doesn't take a chance to escape cuz his men are there and he wont leave em
seems noble but what about his son?
but the carriage theyre on has its wheels fall off and hh shoots a frenchie
he carrys his wounded homie and they run off
they go through frenchie lands and try to get back to englind
they find some dutchies and take their clothes to get access to shipping areas
they are offended to see convict labor
but englind does it too!
worse even
and these convicts are brits
they kill the captain frenchie and they get the brit convicts to take down the French officers
they make it home and he's offered a chance to go somewhere but he goes to see son
then they see mayo and they ge ether cuz her man bit it
the ends
that was pretty good
despite being from englands side
for captain horatio hornblower 2 I'd like for it et 15 years later and napoleon is still at war with England. after mayo is eaten alive by order of the king for helping a wounded frenchie, hornblower and his son realize that they are serving a madman. they begin a resistance to take down the regents rule from within and start an uprising to free England from his rule. also Americas and japan have sided with napoleon and are wearing down the regent's forces. in an epic battle, hornblower opens fire on an English ship and turns the tide of battle for the heroic napoleon and friends. when the regent confronts him its revealed he was created with the dna of the manliest warriors in history and he black arts so hes the only manly Englishman. his son helps him in combat to slay the regent and he is named the prez and new ruler of englind (now called new Austria) to help people forget the evils of its past

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