Monday, April 11, 2016

Treasure Island Review

Note; its got bad spelling but you can figure ourt what I mean
Treasure Island
this is my review on treasislamnd(the 30s one)
I know the muppets did one but I never realluy saw any muppets movieas
but I recall the Alvin and the chipmunks version
they aolso did robocop
but w/o swearing/blood/gunz/nudescenes/gore//violence
but unlike the cr-ppy remajke, it was good
its directed by victer fleming
he dud grand things
walice beery
he was pretty mean
didn't he kill some people?
the film starts with someone having a birthday
theyre celebrating like normal people in the Castlevania days
this kid named jim is malcontent cuz a little girl sez he made a cake
he sez only girls make cakes
that's racist against men
I think hes a femminist
then theres a storm and they go inside
too bad they don't have a sega
I had a dream a bit ago where there was something and this tv exploded
I heard you shouldn't play video games iin a storm or lightning will hit the thing and the overload will blow up yo tv
im not sure how accurate it is
but my mom said her cousin in the 90s(born in the 80s) had it happen
its like the candyman legend
we all know someone who sez they know someone had it happen
then these pirates come in to the place and 1 tells jim a sea man with 1 leg is doing something
he then has rum
he seems drunk and slurs around loud and jolly
he also draws his sword when someone wants to go home
he mumbles on about killing people and maybe b0ning em
reminds me of when rob ford got drunk and talked about having a WWF death match with a guy
I'd kill him! I;'d poke his eyes out! i'll f him when he's dead!
and all these buttmo's wanted him arrested for ATTEMPTED MURDER!
I think attempted murder required an attempt to murder
not talking about a hulk Hogan rage in a cage death match
im surprised they didn't call him a necrophililiac
he did say he'd f him when he's dead
maybe those commies didn't wanna associate him with necromance?
maybe they have a lot of necro friends?
better necrophililia than anorexia
no one dies from b0ning a corpse
no one is hurt
I mean saying necriomance is harming the dead is like saying eating a burger is abusing the dead cow
necromance is natural
animals do it
only humans have necrophobia
so the drunk guy sings of 15 mean on a dead mans chest or w/e
sounds like necr-0 p0rn0
later some guys come looking for the druink but he's having withdrawl from lack of booze
that's awful
that's a sign of severe damage
he needs rehab
alcohol kills more people than necromance
he's worried about being found cuz someone wants his treasure that has
pieces of 8
pearls as big as ostrich eggs
and gold
the boy jim meets a blind guy who gives the drunk a note
the drunk freaks out and falls down the stairs
he bits it
jim goes to take the cash the drunk owes em friom is treasuere but his chest is full of junk
jim and mom find a package in it and run as pirates bust in
the blind guy sez he should've torn off the kids arms and popped his eyes
a dr arrives and the pirates scatter
the pacage jim took is a teasure map
one rich guy wants to go for it
the dr is afraid of 1 man but cant say it cuz the rich guy canrt keep a secret
they get a ship ready and a 1 legged guy joins em
hes called long john silver
that sounds like a p0rn0 name
and since he's missing a leg he might do amputee p0rn0
he's made the cook and has charisma
he also teaches jim
I suspect long john siolver is Asian as his name is long(dragon)
long takes jim to a bar and shows em his droogs
also long has a parrot
I hear andrew jacksons parrot used a lot of profanity
imagine going to a pet store and getting the birds to say awful things
ahh! poop fetish!
don't b0ne me!
I had aids the whole time!
so jim starts a growing friendship with long
kinda like me at the yugioh turny where the teens look up to me and my bada55 decks and skills
or syrus and tyranno looking up to jaden in yugioh gx
then they set sail
jim and long talk and jim wants long to live with him but long sez he cant
they also practice spitting and long gives jim advice
being European decended, I spit a lot too
my dads dad and my moms mom spat
long and jim see porposes off the side of the boat and say its a good sign
then someone bites it
they find an island
I went to whiz but I don't think I missed much
long talks with some guys about some stuff but I don't really get it
jim out the guys to the captain but feels bad about rattin on a homie
the guys with long are sent to the island but jim comes along
hes disgruntled and runs off to the jungle
on the island guy is killed offscrean but we hear it
I think they b0ned him dead
then another guy
jim finds a Christian living on the island looking like a caveman
hes been there 3 years and was left there by a boat
after the Christian give jim info jim don't get, the ship opens cannon fire on the island
I guy (I think the dr) puts up brittish flag on the island while those on the boaty raise a pirate flag
 im confused who is on what side
lomg wants to talk with the previous captain and they meet
long wants the map and is offering to let them live
sounds like a union thing
u give up what we want and we let you continue living
the captain disagrees and sez hes gonna cap him next time he sees him
why not just cap him now?
also I gotta say this is a lot better than that cr-ppy Disney film treasure planet
Robert Louis Stevenson would roll over in his grave if he saw that
pretty sure walt Disney would too
they've really gone downhill in shows
now its just live action cr-p and bad cgi
at least ducktales and datkwing duck had good animation and video games and music and acting
star wars episode 7 is star wars GX
its a new generation of teens with the original series characters making cameos
so theres a gunfight and some people bite it
afterward jim gets a gun and goes out and boats to the ship
he gets a blade and starts cutting the anchor rope
this is like if spy kids wasn't cr-p
a kid doing something that save the adults
but no bad puns or culture refs
that's why 30s films set in the Castlevania days are timeless and modern ones s-ck
the next day jim wakes up on the boat and apparently everyones high or hung over
he tells a guy he's the new captain but the guy laffs it off
jim also takes down the pirate flag
the guy gets a knife and hides it and jim reveals his plan of going where the treasure is
he gets up and reveals hes not wounded and trys to shank jim
but the boat crashes
jim and the guy have a chase and they climb the ropes
in the 80s/90s there were playgrounds with ropes or metal chains you could climb on
then som,e dumb a55 teens were messing around and got hurt
so they tore down all the good playgrounds and replaced em with cr-ppy super-safe ones
a lot of kids got fat from not having a place to go for fun outside
its like banning all cars cuz some jacka55es drive drunk
jim caps the guy chasing him and when he returns, long sez they signed a treaty and the guys left
I assume hes just covering the fact he killed em and b0ned the bodies
like saying a guy who was just blown to bits with a ki blast is "sent to another dimension" in the edited dub of dbz
the kid don't buy it and sez he ruined their plans, outed em, and took their ship
long defends jim from the pirates and has he map
later long tells jim he wants to ice more of his own men cuz he don't wanna share the treasure
I was reading the yugioh wiki but I don't think I missed much
I think some of the guys killed by long are but jim didn't out longs plan cuz he promiced
nowadays he'd not care about a promice but back then people had honor
I keep my promices
the dr saves jim or something and in the Christians cave is the treasure
turns out long was a double agent and was working for the captain the whole time
but the captain wants him arrested and lynched
in da brig, long gathers some items and jim visits him
turns out the captain is gonna string him up b4 returning to england
long guilts jim into helping him by describing how lynchings go
jim legs him out and helps him escape
he tricks jim into getting him a heater and clubs the Christian on guard out(as he's the only man on there)
he sez the Christian guy is drunk anf got the head wound from falling
he sez hes gonna be honest to the jim but his bag of gold falls out
they say bye and long goes off in a boat.
the end
quite a grand film
I think my dad read me the classics illustrated comic but I don't remember it
for treasure island 2 I'd like for long john silver to return to his moms homeland of china and find that the bits are invading and selling drugs to children. even though he's half brittish, he knows the evil they can do and becomes a cop to bust brits dealing drugs. also he gets a cybernetic leg that keeps cr-pping out cuz its made in china and their products break easy(look at those cr-ppy phones apple makes with slave kids in the 3rd world for pennys a day between mo lest ation breaks in deadly conditions! I hope apple goes down HARD! esp since jobs went back to h-ll! they've ruined the worl;d with their cr-ppy phones that people get addicted to! and phones are NOT video game consols! you cant use a touch screen as a D-pad! it don't work!). also, jim was sent to prison and b0ned a lot for helping long escape and long goes on an adventure to save him in treasure island 3, which is also a prison movie with shower scenes and much b0ning.

No comments:

Post a Comment