Thursday, December 28, 2017

Speed Review

note; I type fast at times. but my sp[elling s-cked either waty
this is my review at speed (1994 )its got jeanu reeves and dennis hopper and Sandra bullock
the opening credits are kinda cool
good early 90s
ooh alan ruck is in diss
he was the friend in ferris bueler
this came out the same year as contra hard corps, Castlevania bloodlines and pulseman on sega genesis
I beat all of em
man these credits go on forever
its widescreen
find da cure
so this guard is iced by a worker on the elevator area
he wont be in speed 2
then some guys are in an elevator
the cables blow off from a thing the worker set
this is why unions are bad
they give these malcontents entitlement
the evlevator stops with the safety but the guys are stuck
the worker sez they have 1 hour b4 he blows the emergency breaks
unless they pay him
the cops come in and search the place
Keanu is one of em
the blonde from dumb and dumber is the other
blonde gets a chair and they climb up it to get into the wall
its like a waist high opening
Keanu and blonde get on top of the elevator and talk
blonde asks what to do in a hostage thing
Keanu sez cap the hostage
just like violence jack did with that guy holding a kid at gunpoint
btw keanus name is jack
I look away to type dat and suddenly they on da roof
good f the blondes name is harry
like dumb and dumber
Keanu is lowered dow on a wire and hooks a cable to the convenient loop on the top of the elevator
the worker blows it and they get caught
but the thing the hook is on gives and gets caught again
also the cops get the door open and people oiut
but the thing holding em is unsteady
btw earlier when rigging on da roof Keanu sed to remove the hostage
so they get everyone out, even a lady who was to f'd out to go at 1st
the thing goes at da last second and elevator busts
they had 3 mins left
so Keanu realizes the worker is still there
they go in the wall and hear him koffing
he guy shoots through the floor and harry falls in
worker raises the elevator and Keanu jumps in
worker fires but is outta ammo
he has harry as a hostage and gets off on another floor
Keanu caps harrys thigh so he cant be walked out with by the worker
worker drops harry, runs through a door, and the area blows
then they get medals for saving the day
later they're having a party for saving da day
btw the worker survived
harry sez to watch out and not totally rely on luck to Keanu
then goes home to b0ne his wife
he sed so
not in those words though
the next day a bus keanus next to blows
he runs up to it while flaming for some reason
then a pay phone rings
the worker calls and is p-ssed cuz he spend 2 years on the elevator thing
he rigged another bus to blow after it hits 50 miles an hour and it pops once it goes below 50
and the worker sez rules
anyone leaves da bus, he pops it
they has til 11 am (its 8 05) to get him 3.7 million
howd the worker plan and set all this up in one night if it took him 2 years to do the 1st one?
after some tension, Keanu runs to da bus but it goes by him
he carjacks a big black guy and speeds to it
the black guy is impressed by keanus driving
the bus goes over 50
he writes a letter to the guy and the driver (whos really ugly btw. srsly he looks like a caveman!) slows the bus
but Keanu gets him to speed up
then Keanu calls harry on the black guys car phone
the worker calls da cops with his orders
Keanu busts off the black guys car door and jacks his phone
then jumps on da bus
the black guy busts his expensive car into water barells on the side of the road
Keanu trys to tell the people but a gaijin pulls a gun on him
so Keanu trys to calm him down
but another big black guy grabs the gaijin and the gun goes off and caps the caveman driver
Sandra bullic takes the wheel and Keanu sez if the bus goes below 50 it blows
Sandra sez she takes da bus cuz she lost her liscence for speeding
nowadays some malcontent might be triggered by women drivers s-cking
harry tells kranu to check under da bus
caveman driver sez there a panrl to the underside in da floor
he has alen ruck (who was like 30 when he made ferris bueler but ages slow(is he an elf??)) repeats when Keanu and harry say while looking at the device
it has a cr-ppy gold watch as the timer
Sandra needs keanus help to know what to do to get through traffic
she busts a lotta cr-p
harry realizes this guy whos how to make thing that blow and how to disarm em
and the watch is a key
so it might be a disgruntled ex cop
Sandra drives cr-ppy and on the wrong side of the road
the cop chopper above guides em to an empty freeway
btw the bus numbers are on da roof
I think its for aliens
works for the Nazca lines theroys lol
Sandra busts over a hobo chicks baby carriage of cans and freaks out over killing a baby
I guess shes the one pro life human in los angelas
theyn they drive through a tight area and nearly tip over
if it DID tip over then wouldn't dat be good?
it could spin the axel wheels and go as fast as they want
holy cr-p were over an hour in (with commercials) and it didn't feel like it
then Keanu bonds with Sandra
btw this thing of "guy holds hostages and plays a deadly game" would later be done a lot in Yugioh and saw
the cops try to get people off da bus but Keanu tells em no
then worker calls ands Keanu gets him to let off the driver
lol Keanu calls the big black guy "gigantor"
its tetsujin 28 you okama gaijin!
the big black guy and Keanu get da driver off
btw alen ruck is really fun in this
a cheesy 80s guy
a lady trys to jump too but worker blows part of the bus
she goes under the wheels and bites it
shes not gonna be in speed gx
the passengers bicker a bit in an attempt for a sad moment
lol alen ruck; you wanna step outside?!
Keanu comforts Sandra
oh and in a few miles the road isn't done
theres a 50 foot missing area
why not flip the bus so its wheels spin and it goes nowhere?
Keanu has the Sandra bullik floor it to jump the hole
that's some video game logic right there
the cop cars drive off the road to the side
why not just drive the bus offroad?
come on
get srs
wtf the bus can only go 70 mph max?
freekin cr-pmobile
they jump and make it
then drive to da airport
Keanu chats with the worker who sez this is his revenge or something and he's getting paid what is owed him
Keanu gets off and sez he somehow knows that if they try to get the hostages off the worker will ice em
he was right about the guy being in the building
I assume hes got psychic skills
they ower Keanu on a small wheelie thing under da bus to disarm it
Keanu cant disarm it and the cable snaps or w/e and hes nearly crushed by da wheels
he uses a knife to jack himself into the fuel tank and hold on to cables to stay on
oh its a screwdriver
gigantor pulls his a55 up
also the gas is running out the hole
huh, the director also did speed 2(speed gx), the haunting, twister and tomb raider 2 (tomb raider z)
the cops find the home of the worker
and it blows
I think harry bit it
worker calls Keanu and sez harry got cooked
his watch was a trick and it was his retiremewnt gift
he gives orders for his ransom and Keanu goes mental
why'd he tell Keanu his ransom demands?
Keanu never tells the cops
kanu notices the Sandra bulliks shirt sez Arizona
as she went to school in Arizona
and worker called her wildcat
as in Arizona wildcats
Keanu realizes that the worker can see em in the bus
but he somehow knows he cant hear em
he hooked up the bus and made the device and set this cr-p all up WITH a camera too??
all in one night to plan and do it??
come on!
da cops get a camera man to tape the bus from the hidden camera by tuning in to its UHF
and loop it so the worker thinks they are still there on camera
that's pretty high tech skill for 1994
the director also cinematography worked on cuju, clan of the cave bear, leonard part 6, die hard, flatliners and basic instinct
most were good
they get the people off the bus and rig a rope to let them slide off the bus on the door to the floor
howd they get it under the bus?
wouldn't it just fit in perfect?
the bus hits a plane and both blow
the worker calls the cops asking about his money
Keanu sez he doesn't know the bus went up
the cops go to the hood the worker sed to drop it
worker realizes the bus went after watching the news
he captures sandrea bulliook and heads off
somehow he gets the money in the can
Keanu senses somethings up and turns on the tracker
he follows it and finds Sandra strapped with a vest or bra or w/e
worker gets away with Sandra and onto an subway
keanu catches up and opens a sealed train door with his bare hands and gets in
worker shreds the driver for listening to the radio of cops
worker plans to let Sandra blow and get away with da cops thinking he bit it 2
he senses Keanu on the top of the train(well, hears him) and senses its Keanu
he calls to him saying he's willing to bribe him
but a goo thing blows in the money bag, which somehow ruined it
just suck it off
looks grape or bubblegum flavored
he goes on the roof of a moving train and fights keanyu
Keanu pushes his head higher and a light takes off workers head
see you in h-ll dennis hopper
Keanu takes off her bra/vest and finds the track isn't finished and the driver and controls were shredded with gunfire
Keanu and Sandra try to take off the pole Sandra bullokcs handcuffed to
but after dat don't work he sets the train to full thrust
they have a moment together
the train crashes safely and they grind to the streets above
they make out and mention b0ning as a buncha people gather to watch
then the credits roll with 80s billy idol music as it goes super widescreen
the end
that was pretty good
good action
good characters
good twists
good fun
I usually prefer Keanu reeves in happier films like bill and ted
but this worked
for speed 2 I want harry to have survived being cooked when the house blew and had artificial skin made to restore whats left of his body.he also had cyber limbs equipped and becomes a cyber cop. but his minds is unbalanced after getting blows apart in speed 1 and starts gorily splattering crooks for things like shoplifting. they are gonna take him out but once they see crime goes down with him doin that they keep him on and give him free reign over LA. its also a sidescrolling action game on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar where you play as cyber harry and go around gruesomely destroying people who break da law. and the bosses are crooks on drugs so they feel no pain and have higher strength at the cost of their bodies taking more damage as they break down with each attack from overclocking itself.

No comments:

Post a Comment