Sunday, December 3, 2017

A Christmas Carol Review

note; merry bad smepplibng
a Christmas carol
this is my review on a christmN CARPK (1951 ver)
its got alister sim and is said 2 b da best one
it starts with credits in a book
ive seen this told hundreds of ways so I know it by hart
Vincent proce did a 20 min ver which made me realise its a horror movie
so scrooge ias a d-ck to everyone
and his homie Jacob marley bit it years ago
some guys ask scrooge for cash for da poors
he sez they better off in prison
well, nowadays prisons in Canada are cushy where the murderers and druggies get more rights than their victims
scrooge sez if they bite it, its good to dexcrease the surplus population
spoiler; overpopulation is a myth
I'm srs
u can fit the whole population of earth in texas with ample space for everyone
scrooges nephew comes by and sez merry xmas
but hes a d-ck to him
he hates chriatmas?
is he a liberal who finds it "offensive"somehow?
we get a scene of timy tim being happy
btw this is writ by Charles dickens
tims dad bob crotch it asks scrooge for something
he gives it and bob is a real kissa55 to him\
nowadays he'd be malcontent and trying to f over his boss who gave him a job
maybe even start a union
but back then people were thankful
at home scrooge senses something and sees Jacob Marley's image and hears his voice
wtf this IS a horror movie
marley came back from h-ll for scrooge!
at least its not that druggie bob marley
if my kid did drugs, i'd feed him to bugs!
BOB cratchet and jacob MARLRY?!
he ripped off this film!\
so marleys ghost comes to see scroogre
scrooge don't believew it and thinks its not real
but marley screams like a demon and scrooge believes not
so marley has to wear demon chains he made in his life by being a d-ck
and he must suffer forever
marley sez scrooge is gonna be visited by 3 time demons
he don't call em da, but they are
they marley goes back to h-ll or w/e
1st he shpos scrooge h-ll ad all these suffering people
what a good Christmas movie
a dantes inferno Christmas
later scrooge wakes up... IN BED
thrn this chick come to him
this is getting x rated
wtf its a dude?!
didn't think scrooge was that way
its the ghost of xmas past
they fly out a window like in Urotsukidoji with megumi and takeaki
he shows scrooge his childhood
he didn't have many friends
hes like me
my grade school was full of d-cks
but scrooge has a gf
its pan from dbgt
her name is fan
its his sistet
scrooges mom bit it pooping out scrooge and dad blamed scrooge
and his sister bit it pooping out his nephew
no wonder scrooge is so p-ssed off
later they see scrooge at a party with his old boss fezzywig
that sounds like a p0rn0 name
 and scrooige had a gf
good thing its not pan rom dbgt
shes mine!!!
then they show his sister biting it
like; ran fan from dragonball?\
scrooge is disgruntled by seeing his dark past
its like with the 3 emperors from Yugioh 5Ds how his lifes dispaires became aporias 3 elements
so scrooge ditches fezzywigs and works for a guy with marley
later his new boss bites it and he restructures
he has a guy get a paycut and the guy is grateful to be employed
he sees fezzyewig but cant go to him as he knows hes a d-ck now
later his gf dumps him as scrooge is changed after his sister bit it and hes got a negative view
whatcha expect?!
everyone he loved left and he was hurting
nowadays hed be into drugs
later at the board of directors of companies, someones been swiping cash
scrooge and marley pay the missing cash from their own pockets
but get 51% of the company
sounds fair
its their cash theyre spending
and w/o em the company goes dowm
later marley is biting it and its scrooges lasty chance to see him
scrooge turns it down cuz its not quittin time
theres still work to be done
but he an come in 2 hours
also cratchit wants Christmas off\
like every year he asks
scrooge goes to see marlrey and hes still alive
marley tries to warn scrooge about something but bites it
past ghost sez marlry worked with scrooge for 18 years but scrooge took all his cr-p after marlry bit it
then scrooge wakes up...IN BED and hears the 2nd tme demon
its a big king looking guy
scrooge sez go leave him but ghost 2 takes him to see Christmas present
1st they see the cratchit house
theyre having a happy wholesome Christmas
nowadays it would be bummer and malcontent
oh and if the future dont change, tiny tim might bit it
scrooge don't want that
but ghost quotes scrooges words on surplus population
bob sez thanks for scrooge but the fam whines as they think hes a d-ck
bt bob is thankful for him letting him have a job
ten they see the nephew at a Christmas party
then he seez his ex gf helping da poors
had she married scrooge, the poors might not have had help
but then scrooge would have had help and turned good and helped people
scrooge don't think he can change but ghost shows him 2 poor kids in his cloak
ignorance and want
what is this?
the smurfs?
greedy, angry, vanity, hungry, lazy...
those are the 7 deadly sins
is there a lusty smurf?
maybe in the European version
the 3rd ghost meets him and we dont see his face
the cratchits are bummed after tiny timmy bit it
then we see some nasty cockney brits
btw this movie is in fullscreen
and b/w but theres a colored version
the cockney brits are taking items from someone who just bit it
then some fruity guys say the guy who bit it left his cash to is company
scrooge knows em
and notices in the future hes not at work
oh gee! I wonder who it is who bit it?
the ghost (not the Yugioh 5ds robot) shows him the guy who bit it was scrooge
scrooge wants to change the future like in final fantasy legend 3, sonic 06 and dbz
he begs for repentance and wakes up
in the Disney version scrooge mcduck went to h-ll and there was fire and cr-p
he asks his maid/slave wat dae it iz
she wez; y too dae? itz Christmas dae
hes surprised the future hasn't happened yet and all his stuff is still there
hes all giddy and cheerful and now loves Christmas
 he dances around chipper and the maid/slve freaks out
I think she thinks hes gonna b0ne her
hes nice to her and boosts her pay 5x
and gives her cash to buy cr-p
alister sims does a good job being happy
he has a boy buy a turkey 2x the size of tiny tim
makes me think about eating tiny tim
once at Christmas at my fams we had a big a55 turkey and I said its as big as a midget
looking back it was bigger
we could've ate a whole midget
in most versions I saw of this story it didn't have the ignorance and want scene
scrooge reconciles with his nephew nd nephews gf
then they dance
at work cratchet comes ibn a bit late and scrooge acts stern
but springs a raise on him
the narrator sez scrooge became a great guy and everyone loved him
esp tiny tim
oh and he got timy tims crippled leg fixed
the end
that was grand
nice and fun but with some horror
nowadays they'd f it up and make scrooge the bad guy and the cratchets victims
this is wholesome, clean, positive and leaves you with a good feeling
too bad Jacob marley stays in h-ll.
he saved scrooge and by extension tiny tim
but gets no reward
and its been ripped off by every show pretty much for a quick xmas special
for a Christmas carol 2 I want scrooge and a now teenage tiny tim to be demon hunters and fighting haunted places as they have experiences with the supernatural. no. instead I want scrooge and tiny tim to go to h-ll to save Jacob marley from an eternity of suffering. they fight through historical figures from the 1700s and the bosses are ex kings of England as they were really demons in human flesh and returned home after biting it. its also a 16 bit sega genesis, super Nintendo and Gameboy advance game where 1 player is scrooge and one is tiny tim as a big buff teen (scrooge is in holy armor) and they fight through h-ll in a beat em up.

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