Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Fiddler On The Roof Review

note; spelling bad is my TRADITION!!
fiddler on the roof
this is my review of fiddler on the roof
its by norman jewison
I recall in an interview he said everyone thinks hes jewish
I understand
everyone thinks barry white is white
or jack black is black
so this is set in the distant future year of 1905
its widescreen
but I like things from the early 20th late 19th century
my great grandparents were from then
so a guy plays fiddle on the roof
tevye sez everyone is a fiddler on the roof
cuz they try to live in a rough place
but they stay cuz its tradition
then we get a song knda
they he describes some of his traditions
then we get a song about tradition and how dad runs things
also they have arranged marriages
is this? the 1900s?
actually that's how my great grampa met my great grandma
also this is in pre soviet Ukraine
but was films in Yugoslavia
but now that's Slovenia and Croatia and bosnia
my great grandparents were from Slovenia
it all fits!!
so w/o tradition, tey're lives would be as shaky as a fiddler on da roof
then we get credits as a fiddlers plays of da roof
so the matchmaker comes by and the girl she's matching worrys of getting a cr-ppy husband
then this speilberg looking guy comes by looking for this chick
matchmaker takes some food and is gonna book it
but she 1st sez this guy wants the girl shes matching
but hes not the best\
also its almost Sabbath
oh and theres a guy named lazar (like the Yugioh 5ds guy)
but its pronounced laser
then the other girls sing about wanting a good husband
then the girls imitate match mAKER but say cr-ppy husband things
then tevye returns with his horse going lame and complains to God
he has 5 daughters
to quote the black guy from total recall; I got 5 kids to feed
and tevye isn't rich
man we're like half an hour in
that felt like nothing
its got good pace
then tevye sings about how it would be if he were a rich man
when singing about his wife being rich he wants her to have a double chin
does e like fat chicks?
also he'd have more time for the Lord
later tevye brings his milk cart by pulling it himself
that's pretty bada55
then a guy comes in saying in a village the jews were kicked out
they complain but this university guy from another town sez they don't do anything but chatter
and the world is turn outside of the village
tevye quotes king David and Abraham but its really Moses
the university guy sez the rich are crooks and theoir riches will be his
oh f!
hes a commie!
I should've known from him being in university
so tevye invites the commie in to his home for Sabbath dinner
if only they knew
also speilberg guy wants to get a used sewing machine to impress tevye so he can be husband to the daughter
I haven't learned any of the daughters names
they're all weird 1800s eastern European names
like my great grandparents
oh and lazar is named lazar wolf
sounds like a mega man X boss
the daughter wants speilberg to ask tevye for marrying her
but if he sez no, that's it
he chckens out from asking him and leaves
then they have Sabbath and sing a prayer
wait, hes still there
this is actually really nice
soothing and calming
later tevye goes to see the lazer wolf
and his place is pretty fancy'
full of expensive cr-p
they talk and its revealed tevyes bro in law is in America
lazar wolf is talking about getting a daughter to marry
but tevye thinks hes talking about his cow
they clear it up
did tevye think lazer wulf was gonna b0ne his cow?
btw lazar wolf is older than tevye and wants tevyes daughter
tevye talks to himself about pros and cons about marrying his kid to this guy
on one hand
on the other hand
on the other hand
and he consents
they drink and sing
I like this
its nice and positive
they then goes to a bar and they sing and drink
then they clear the tables and all start dancing
they got moves
so much for white people not being able to dance
then a dancer offers tevye a dance
can he do it?
they go slow
man these guy can movie
after the epic dance lazer wolf sez after marriage he's be tevyes son
he walks home drunk and laughing
this czarist cop tells tevye he likes him warns him of something coming
theres gonna be a set up uprising and its to be quashed to show the inspector they are on top of things
I expect that from England, clintin, oh bba mma, l b j and soviet Russia
but not the czar!
hes the good guy!
on the way back tevye dances with a fiddler
later the commie twists the story of Jacob working for 7 years to make employers look bad
this daughter debates the commie over tradition vs radical thoughts
commie sez in the city boys and girls dance new dances together
boychicks and girlos dancing together?!
oy vey!
I could just plotz!!
also commie dances with the girl and she likes it
that's like b0ning back then
so tevye wakes up late as hes hung over
this is why I don't drink
the daughter learns shes gonna marry the lazar wolf
charge the x buster mega man!
but the daughter isn't thrilled over it
she doesn't consent to the marriage
but tevye sez he made an agreement so she gotta
she crys over it and he relents
 thewn speilberg comes in nd sez he wants to marry her
btw hes a tailor
like my grandpa in soviet Poland
nothing wrong with men sewing
like those fine italiano guys who make fine italiano suits for the mafia
he sez he wants to marry her and he pledged to her to marry
is that like a promise ring?
tevye sings about how crazy it is for a boy and girl to choose to love eachother
btw my grandpa married by grandma (in Slovenia) of their own free will
but it was the 40s so it was kosher
although it was ww2
tevye weights the options of one hand or the other hand
tevye keeps raising both hands with index fingers out saying tradition
smone otta edit it so hes giving the finger
oh and tevye consents
speilberg and daughter run through the vwoods singing what a miracle it is
also they keep referencing old testament things
I just realized pretty much everyone here is creationist
like my Slovenian great grandma (born 1885)
man we're like 80 mins in
didn't feel like it
later a guy talks to another daughter about borrowing a book
I think hes flirting
hes using it to spend time with her
she takes the book
later its night and tevyes wife wakes up from a nightmare
then tevye tells his dream where his dead relatives were there
it looks like a silent film
they have issue with the daughter marrying a taylor
then the butchers 1st wife rises and is p-ssed
wait, they mad the daughter might marry lazar wolf
and 1st wife might ice her after 3weeks
tevyes woman sez its for the brest their girl marrys the tailor
later the czarist cop is forced by a high rank anti semite to visit the village
the speilburg tailor and the daughter have a wedding
and tye and wife sing about time going on
how deep
then some guys do a really skillful dance where they have wine bottles on their heads and synchro move together w/o dropping em
that's like kung fu
then they remove the wine and dance really awesome
then the new married get presents
and lazar wolf gets p-ssed a tevye for breaking the agreement
the commie sez they love eachother and chose
but everyone freaks out
and he sez they should have boys and girls dance
and everyone freaks out
rabbi sez its not exactly a sin
commie dances with the girl he likes and tevye dances with his wife
they dance and then the anti semite cops come in and bust a55 up
but the czarist cop stops em and they leave
then the anti semite cops f up the town
they didn't do anything to em!
then we get an intermission thing
later its been a while and tevye talks to God about his issues
later the commie talks with the girl he likes and wants to marry her
don't do it!
hes a commie!!
he trys to make marriage sound political
she has to remind him marriage needs love
well, he is a commie
they go to tevye saying they are getting married
and they want his blessing
but not his consent
tevye is shocked by this
he does his, on one hand, on the other hand, thing
one thing is; did adam and eve hAVE A matchmaker? the same as these 2
so he gives consent and blessing
also the commie is going away with his daughter
he tells his wife and she freaks out cuz she don't thin the commie is rich
many commies are rich off the backs of those they deceive
like Bernie sanders
or Michael moore
oh and commie has a rich uncle
he sings of love with his wife
its pretty heartwarming
later the commie has a rally to turn people commie
but the cops on horseback with swords f em up
take that you socialist scum!
meanwhile, wait, later, I think, the girkl who likes the commie got a letter from her commie bf
couldn't she just marry a guy with a poop fetish?
or a necromaniac?
she settles for a commie
wait, I thought she went with him
the daughter tells tevye her commie bf is sent to Siberia
and shes gonna live with him in that artic h-ll
but she loves him
and sings about it
I notice everyone has really good teeth
my mom sez if I went to Poland, people would think mine are fake
cuz they too good
better than England lol
she goes off to north Antarctica
later a new baby is pooped out
its a new sewing machine
but people act like its a new baby
its the tailor spielburg guys
the rabbi gives the sewing machine a blessing
he sez theres a blessing for everything
how about my sega?
then the 3rd daughter likes this guy (the book guy?) but the tevye don't like him cuz hes a gentile
that's racist
gentile isn't a race
but people think stuff like that
as in they don't know what racist means
daughter wants to marry him
but tevye don't consent
tevye wants to see the new sewing machine but wfe wants to go
tevye gets p-ssed and looks at it for a sec
then they go
problem solved
so this chick (I think tevyes woman) sees this Russian orthodox priest
then goes to tell tevye her 3rd daughter skipped town
the priest said the daughter and book guy got married
if it was a catholic church they'd have to convert
tevye is don't with the daughter and reminisces over her good days
we get some silhouette of him thinking of his girl ditchin him for the guy
its well done how it synchroes
then the daughter returns to him
he thinks; on one hand, on the other habd
bt there is no other hand
he snaps and kills her
it looks like he might
but he just storms off
was that real?
or just in his head?
later the czarist cop comes by saying the town gotta evacuate
he feels bad about it
the other towns must leave too
they have 3 days and gotta sell their homes
some wanna stay and fight
but the army would be too much
they dispute what to do
tailor speilburg says now would be a good time for the Messiah to come
spoiler; the new testament
they sing about their town
a little bit of this
a little bit of that
but then it goes different than that 00s song
the matchmaker is going to Israel
tevye is going to new York and lazar wolf is going to Chicago
they reconcile
tevye sez bye to his farm animals like they understand him
the 3rd daughter returns with her husband
she sez bye but tevye ignores her
he sez bye to his animals but not his daughter?!
how is that spelled?
they leave and tevye sez for God to be with her
they plan to write
just use ur ki to send esp messages
oh and speilberg tailor has a kid with the daughter
they leave
as tevye walks the fiddler follows him playing
the end
that was great
good music by john Williams
good acting
good dancing
good feel
its just an upbeat film
even the edgy parts are not that harsh
its clean, lively and enjoyable
plus its like my family in the 1800s
I think my moms grandma was born the year this is set
for fiddler on the roof 2 I want it to be about tevye's journey to America but the boat he goes on to get there is attacked by a mosasaur. they drive it off with a prayer but it comes back at several times and they have to fight off it with the rabbi's holy spells. eventually it gets on part of the boat and starts eating people and they have to use their limited weapons to fight it. its also a Gameboy and game gear and Atari lynx 8 bit game where you are on autoscrolling levels and have to avoid touching areas with the mosasaur and if you do you fight a boss battle as the rabbi firing holy words at it as it tries to get on board to eat people. and the people numbers on board are your life meter and you gotta get so many through to make it.

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