Thursday, January 18, 2018

Midnight Express Review

note; I spell like i'm on drugs. but i'm clean
midnight express
this is my review on  midknight espress
I hear its based on actual events
oh it sez it is in the credits
so in october 06 1970 in turkey Constantinople or something this guy is getting chocolate or w/e in tin foil taped to his bod
holy cr-p the main guy looks like my Yugioh homie Bernie
same haircut and everything!
so he eventually goes through customs and is nervous
the guards question him about a Frisbee
w/o his shades he looks more like kurt russel
after customs he's on a bus
the guards pull them over
he sends his gf on the plane while he gets his passport
hes almost at the plane and the guards frisk him
they find the chocolate bars
they think its gonna blow em up at 1st but when they realize it they take him away
they go through his stuff cr-ppily and break it
lol his name is billy hayes
like lisa hayes in Robotech
but it sounds like billy mayes the guy who sold cr-p on tv
he also takes out the bars in his boot
these turks act like italianos
then we se him bare a55 naked and his a55 is milky white
did they use a butt double?
hen this blonde texas guy comes in and interprets for him to the cops
turns out the alleged chocolate was really chronic and they want him to get his drug dealer
turns out billy was gonna sell chronic to his friends and it was 2 killos
that's awful
didn't they see reefer madness?
if my kid did drugs i'd feed him to bugs
so billy goes to get the guy who sold him the chronic
but instead, slips out and runs away
never trust a junkie
after a cool chase scene with cool music like in a 16 bit game, hes caught by the texas at gunpoint
then he sends a letter to his rents saying sorry for getting caught with drugs
hes sent to prison for his drug crimes
later at night this guy attacks him but he fights back
so he's taken downstairs and beat
something about him stealing a blanket cuz he was cold
the guy said he'd get one tomorrow
he's strung up by his feet and his feet get beat
then I think the guy b0nes him
it just fades to black as he goes to him
later some inmates wake him up saying he was out for days and help him walk so his feet dont swell
you think they were b0ning him in his sleep?
instead of guard dogs they have peacocks as they scream loud if disturbed and don't s-ck
the homies advise him on jail cr-p
and dont trust anyone
billy talks to john hurt from alien about getting a lawyer
john sez to catch the midnight express, slang for jailbreak
wasn't there a transformer called midnight express?
I think it was in robots in disguise (the early 2000';s one on fox kids)
his dad comes in for his trial
the trial isn't in english as its set in a non American country
theres no subtitles either
he gets several years in jail for drugs
maybe they should've given him the guillotine?
I mean he's doing drugs
his dad is busted up about his son doing only a few years
maybe if you raised him better he wouldn't be a junkie!
I never did any illegal drugs
I don't even drink or smoke or make p0rn0es
since I grew up with good messages like on power rangers
now kids are eating tide detergent
if power rangers was better the kids would atch it and avoid drugs
oh and the dad swears at and threatens the guard looking after his druggie son
that'll give him good treatment
then its a year later and he writes to his rents
gayness is not liked but everyone gays out there
and its not ok to attack above the waist as that's intent to kill
so everyone stabs eachother in the a55
also theres kids in jail like in riki-oh
to be fair, in north America they charge teens as secks offenders for sending pictures of their parts to classmates
as its deemed transmitting child p0rn0e
so if a 15 year old j-rks off is that mo les ting a kid?
oh and the kids in jail get their feet beat
they pick out the 4 worst and publicly beat in front of the others
beat those little c-ck suckers!
if they were good they wouldn't be in jail
maybe this will learn em!
so billy has an issue with one turk who rips him off a lot
the next day john hurt from alien's cat is found strung up
he gets bummed about it
then its april 1972
billys lawyer sez if he pays the lawyer a lot, the papers can be taken and b4 they are refound, he can get out
later one of billy's prison homies gets the blueprints to the prison
he sez they can get out through the catacombs
dont those go on for miles deep underground in jet blackness?
I think there was a horror movie about hat in the 2000s or 2010s
the homie wants o go through the cr-ppy made wall by using a screwdriver
billy dont wanna do it as he's only got 20 months left in his sentence
the homie gets p-ssed and decides to take da roof
then we cut to him being beat offscreen by the head guy the dad threatened
later billy writes to is gf saying the homie got so beat he got a hernia and popped a testicicle
holy cr-p
shouldn't have tried to escape
or better yet shouldn't have went to jail
my black texas friend was in jail
he worked there as a guard
he hated it
those animals trying to b0ne and ice eachother
and people wanna give them more rights
later billy gays out with a guy in the shower
they turned him
hows he gonna explain it to his gf?
actually springer had that as an ep
i'm not gay but my bf is
later the homie he was gaying out with is released
the homie who popped a g0n ad is getting better and sez he found another way out
but then billy gets news his court thing was reviewed
he's charged with smuggling and gets a life sentence
and if he lasted 53 more days his sentence would've been done
in court he gives a twisted morality monologue about some things being legal now and not tomorrow
and b--ches about his only having 53 days left b4 updating
but he was only charged with possession in the 1st sentence and the updated one gives him the proper one as he was smuggling
man he's going on this tirade for a while
don't do the crime if you cant do the time!
he then calls em pigs and sez he f--ks their kids cuz they're pigs
yeah that's gonna get em to go easy on you
btw he f--ks pigs
he said so
he gets 30 years
so does it start over or do the 3 years he did count?
back in prison he and the homie check the walls for hollow spots
they find it and the wall is soft
later at night they dig out the wall bricks
right after getting them out they put the bricks back as they say its too late and they aint prepaired
later they get maps and stuff and go in the passage
but john hurt from alien is cr-ppy at going down the shaft
they find a dead end as its been blocked
they decide to return but come back down every night til they find it
later the guards find the blocks are different and the head guard who looks like tiny soprano (who the dad threatened) has the popped testicicle homie taken away
john hurt from alien is p-ssed at the guy who iced his cat for finding the tunnel
billy sez if he really wants to f him, swipe his cash\
and john hurt from alien knows where it is(in the back of his radio)
he otta cr-p all over the guys money
later the cat killer finds his cash is gone and freaks out
the guards tear the place apart
he finds some in a tea machine
also this really fat guy dances around without a shirt saying the cat killer is f'd as he has no cash and plenty foes
oh and the homie who popped a g0n ad had his hernia rupture again
later tony soprano guard finds chronic and a guy(oh its cat killer) blames john hurt from alien
billy snaps and has a violent fight with catkiller
in the real version I think he b0ned him dead
holy cr-p he damGED the cr-ppy sink cat killer hid under
he really f's cat killer up
and he bites out cat killers tongue
in the real version I think he bit off his thing
then billy is sent to the nuthouse
to be fair he did look kinda demented standing there covered in blood and staring at the ceiling
john hurt from alien is there too for some reason
in the nut house billy wanders around in a daze
a brittish guy who I think sez he f'd a kid long ago talks to him
later billy is taken out and put in a room where his gf comes to see him
look at this cr-p
he does drugs and puts his gf who loves him through h-ll
how selfish
he wants his gf to show him her t-ts
she does and he starts j-rkin off
then she presses them on the glass and he kisses the glass
ohhh billy
so that's where the cable guy got it
he moans that he loves her and shes sad
to be fair, if he did all those drugs he might be a vegetable and be just as mentally unbalanced
she has a picture album with a ticket from mr franklin in Greece
later in the nuthouse the crazys walk in a counter clockwise circle and he goes the other way
the brit tries to get him to conform
then rambles about billy being a bad machine
billy tells the brit the brit is the bad machine and billys from the factory
later billy goes to the bathroom area with looks like wood siding over holes in the floor
how do the toilet areas work?
do they just poop in a trough and it slides outside?
do they feed it to the animals?
billy finds cash in the picture album
he tells john hurt from alien he's leaving and tells him to live until billy can rescue him
he talks turkey and the guards let him see the tony soprano guard
billy brings tony soprano and tony takes him out
billy realizes something wrong and freaks out
in the room they go to the tony soprano guard beats on him and starts getting undressed
good f--k hes gonna b0ne him!
billy fights back and tony soprano falls against the wall and a metal key hook gets him in the back of the head
billy gets on the guards clothes and sneaks out
the scene is like the opening with him on edge and heartbeat background noise
a guard calls to him but only to throw him the keys
I guess all whites look the same to them
wait, turks are white
did he get back the money he bribed the tony soprano with?
text sez billy got out in October 04 1975
then got to greese and went to America
thrn we get photos from the real billy getting home
the end
that was pretty good
I liked the music and the style
good acting and it had some good twists
I though they were gonna get out through the catacombs
then remembered the ending when I saw it b4
btw the director also did
Fame (1980) I liked it
Pink Floyd – The Wall (1982) never saw yet
Mississippi Burning (1988) saw it
Evita (1996) never saw it but my dad likes it
Angela's Ashes (1999) also never saw
The Life of David Gale (2003) I saw but everyone else I hear hated it
the blonde prison homie was in the 1982 the thing
the 1990 captain America
schindler's list
and Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus
oh and randy quaid was the homie who popped a tescicile
for midnight express 2 I want the homie with a hernia to be in the hospital and is taken to a research area where they use black magic. using a black magic healing spell they fix him but it gives him black powers. they see it worked and wanna break people to fix em with black magic to give em black powers and make a super army. but the homie wacks em and tries to get back to the prison while discovering his black powers and taking out wild animals in the streets and violent hobos. but the head of the black magic group he wounded heals himself and also gets black powers and confronts the hernia homie several tmes while sending newly black magiced people and animals to take him out as revenge. also its a 16 bit action game like rocket knight adventures on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar and you play as the hernia homie with a black magic meter that recharges and you get new powers after beating certain bosses (newly black magiced guys). oh and ur mission is to save the guy played by john hurt from alien.

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