Thursday, January 4, 2018

Logan's Run Review

note; yays I finally got to review this!
logans run
this is my review on logans run
I missed reviewing it several times b4 so here I go
after text sez in da 23rd century, war f';d da urth, people survive in cushy inside enviroments but bite it at 30
so its the best and worst of the 1st and 3rd world
this is based off a book I never read btw
we get credits and good miniatures
then babys with jewels in their hands
Michael York from Austin powers and nothing else of worth watches the next him, logan 6, as a baby
his homie is fransis
they go to what looks like da mall and chat
when a new hu man is made, they wack the previous one
like iphones
also they find knowing who the baby mama was to be sick
looks like maury homies won the future
then turned white
its 2274
around 300+ years before contra
then everyone born 2244 come in the center of the arena wearing weird horror movie outfits
reminds me of the omega man
how long is this anyway?
p-ss in my a55!
its nearly 2 hours
so the arena does some Yugioh thing and floats em to the ceiling as everyone cheers
then they blow in sparks like power rangers
Michael York ( logan ) gets a pager call and goes out to hunt a guy
him and fransis use laser pistols at him and miss a lot
I think they're missing on purpose to keep the chase up
the runner falls off a thing and bites it
fransis jokes about logan missing
and sez he could've renewed on the thing they were at
now hes done
later logan is in a kimono and watches a video screen that looks like a hole with people in it
wait wtf
a chick comes outta it
he wants to b0ne her but she don't consent
he asks if she prefers women like many go nagai chicks but she sez no
she feels bummed over the runner getting iced
he sez its not killing its termination
man, they got the future right
killing is not seen as killing for those they don't like
she seems to have been on the b0ning circuit but only to talk with the logan
btw the 1st person to show up on his video screen was a guy
well, he IS brittish
da next day a fellow hitman sez he was wounded in a hunt and is getting repaired
they joke about him getting a new face
just like how kim kardashien got all those butt expansion surgeries
if we an surgery anything in this time, shouldn't all the guys be super buff and the chix super curvy?
in other words, comics and anime
I mean they can look however they want
the guys otta look like hulk Hogan and the girls have Q cups
logan goes to a chrome room and a computer grills him
he doesn't know wat an ahnk is or what sanctuary means
he needs to play more Yugioh
the words relate to runners who got away
and theres 1056 out
he figures out that no one is renewed by the spark burst thing
they all go to h-ll
and don't get recycled
good thing reincarnation isn't real (I hope)
the computer has him go out as a runner to infiltrate the sanctuary
they change his jewel color to flashing red
and wont say if he gets those 4 years he had left back
that means no d-ckweed!
see you in h-ll Michael caine
later hs at the ymca and chats with fransis about if fransis ever saw anyone renew
fransis sez yes but wont say who
its like evolution
I never saw it but I know its real cuz I cant handle it not being
later logan remeets the chick from b4 (who wore an ahnk)
he sez he wants to be a runner
I just realized this is like in the time machine with those bimboes the eloi who get eaten so theres only young ones
later after ahnk chick chats with her homies she gets logan to go to da arcade
hope they have world heroes or samurai shodown
then logan gets a pager thing to get a runner in the cathedral
he takes a roller coster like thing like in Yugioh zexal to go through a glass tube
and 2 red shirts are following em
ahnk chick sez she wishes she knw her mother and logan lols at it being silly
normal things being mocked? ep that's the future
in the cathertdal (a cr-ppy ghetto place) they find a little girl
then they find shadowy cavemen like guys
they meet da guy who cut up the hitman
logan sez his homies will gut him if he lives too long
the cutter kid fights logan but logan pulls a gun and the kids split
then he ,meets a chick and he gives her a gas capsule to getta way from da hitmen
then a hitman finds her and burns a hole in her womb with his gun
so that's what happens when it actually hits a guy
ankh chick she sez her sanctuary homies wont accept him and he and her go to get a new face
at da surgery place he meets a dr who did who own face
and dr knows the ahnk girl and didn't want logan here
the surgery thing cuts and heals b4 he feels t
dr tries to ice logan by turning off da healing
but he gets sliced up by it
laser blade beams
fransis finds him and sez he saw logan let a runner go at cathedral
but logan gets away
could they save the dr?
I mean the healing can fix him right?
hes not iced for long
while escaping logan and ahnk go through this weird so mo p0rn0 place
after getting out logan convinces ahnk to let him join
they get to a door the runners are at
they dont trust him and poot in his face with spears
this blonde from the dr';s place comes by somehow and sez logan iced dr
but then after being reminded by ahnk, recalls the fransis was after logan
that's racist
making blondes look dumb\
logan wants to send ahnk back but she don't came and wants o e with him even if she could still live in the city
then more hitman come in and logan wastes a few
fransis comes by again and sez he wont ell but logan has to ice ahnk
so logan zaps the machine by fransis and runs
they get out through another door
they find a sea generator thing that's out of use
logan sez he knew the city gets power from da sea
oh and its a fish breeding pen
they find it savage people ate fish
oh and fransis go through da door with da key da logan
aw f butt
I just noticed its really widescreen
like half the screen is black bars
ruined forever
fransis shoots a wall and the water washes logan and ahnk to another area
logan hits a lever that makes machines move and an elevator goes up like in streets of rage
now the machines would be cgi
they go through an ice cave lie in sonic adventure
they take off their clothes and we see er b00bs and butt
but logan keeps his pants on
a hetero robot who sez hes more than machine or man comes n
he looks like a rankin bass character
sounds like one too
they put their wet clothes back on and follow him
they find frozen naked people
the robot trys freezing them but things get f;d and the whole room goes down
then the go outside and its the sun
this is where thx 1138 ended
wtf they don't know the sun
in the future people don't know common things
its right
then fransis comes out
the logan and anhk go around outside in th sun and green plants and swim in da water like planet of da apes
oh and they get nude
and their hand jewels are clear
btw the jewels is used later in troll dolls
remember the stone protectors?
its a cross of troll dolls and teenage mutant ninja turtles
they come to washing ton d c and find the lincon thing
people today not knowing historical figures
that's the future
this reminds me of the show life after people how it shows what happens when people stop keeping of cr-p
also they don't know what the words husband or wife are when reading them
in the future, everyones a dumba55
in one building they meet a geezer
they ask if they are in sanctuary but he don't know it
neither did logan until an hour ago
they are amazed by what a man over 50 looks like
a they don't know what cats are
this guy seems like an weird hobo
he rambles on about naming cats
also they are surprised he knew his parents and was bred in a human womb
while logan is looking at cr-p with geezer, fransis catches ahnk
then he from a balcony is gonna sniper logan
but 1st he chats with him
good thing hes not john wilkes booth
logan gets fransis to lool at his jewel and he seez its off
then fransis jumps down like 20 feet like john wilkes booth and fights logan
logan wins
fransis sez logans renewed and bites it
they bury his a55 outside
geezer asks them to bury him after he bites it
logan sez he wants to reveal da truth to da city people so they stop spark icing em
ahnk don't think its worth it as they wont believe him
just like earlier when he wanted to go out of the city
they bring geezer who rambles the whole trip
geezer tells em about marriage
geezer learns about ten getting iced at 30
I just realized this is like that book "the giver"
i read it in grade school
they get to the water and ditch geezer to swim under it
they get in da city and the icing of the people is happening
what good timing
logan tells em they don't have to bite it and shows his clear jewel
he sez theres no renewel
hitmen catch em and logan is interrogated by da computer
he tells it theres no sanctuary
and the escapees were frozen
the computer reading his mind cant handle it and f's out
they really dooin dat?
this is a ultra high tech machine
and it just f's out from not getting something
its what we worried about with Y2K
logan gets free and shoots up the place
the computer blows and the city is f';d
i'm surprised it took em decades for it to happen
this cr-pmobile computer cant to sh-t!
then the people come out and meet da geezer
I just realized why is the geezers hair only jerry Garcia length?
does he cut it?
the end
jack baur in the credits
kiefer sutherland's gonna sue
lol dick butz
that's a p0rn0 name
that was pretty f'd
its long and drags a bit
but it showed a future that might happen
we aint far from it now
I liked the lighting and coloring in it
good 70s sci fi
its not super epic like power rangers season 1
but its not awful like the Disney power rangers
I can see why it was parodied so much
for logans run 2 I want it o be about the people gradually adapting to living in real life. but they keep doing stoopid things like b0ning cats and looking at the sun til their eyes burn up. also when they get pregnant they don't know what to expect and are freaked out about the body changes. abd its up to the geezer to stop them from f ing things up. also its an 8 bit Gameboy, game gear and Atari lixnx game where you play as da geezer and go around levels stopping these people from getting f'd. oh and some of the people getting spark iced by the ritual in the area are alive but mutated from it and gradually turn into monsters who shamble around from rotting limbs but can hit hard so geezer uses his samurai skills to take em on as bosses.

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