Wednesday, January 10, 2018

The Ultimate Warrior Review

note; I never saw this b4 but it sounds cool
the ultimate warrior
this is my review on the ultimate warrior
its got yul brynner who was the pharaoh in the ten commandments
I assume this is where the wwf star got his name
the director also did enter the dragon, game of death and Gymkata
so it starts with showing empty cities and credits
alex colon?!
is this a p0rn0e!?
then some people catch birds in a bard
I think its an ex office
then one guy gets iced with a crossbow
some guys come in and catch the other guy
they ice him
at least they didn't b0ne him
in another place some people have tomato plants
they say this guy hasn't moved in 2 days
then goes inside and has some kind of episode
later the people are gonna go recruit a guy
the guys go outside
ooh outside theres a truck like optimus prime in da 80s
flat front
so they go up to buff shirtless yul brynner
max von syndow is called da baron and offers to recruit him
he sez he don't knowe his sek sool requirements but he can work it out
what if he's into dead puppies?
necro zoo pedo
they leave as yul said nothing
they walk through the empty town and some maniacs attack em
a few get picked off and declothed but yul comes in and kicks a55
he's got a big knife
I like yul brynner
I hear he's Russian
but he looks a bit like my polish grampa
some guys watch baron and yul return
the baron's people live in a sealed off area with a wall made of junk
yul calls himself carson
later yul is wearing a shirt form some reason
in riki-oh and fist of the north star, they put on shirts to tear em off
baron chats with yul and yul sez he joined em for cigars
yul has a hood ornament of a 1981 Cadillac
the last year they had cars
barons dad had one
yul was from Detroit
in modern times that place pretty much is mad max
yul has family on an island that's safe
and yul sez people are going cannibal
but enough about Detroit
although California is getting f'd bad too
later some chicks b--ch about milk issues
later some guy is stealing tomatoes
later yul looks out through binoculars and see a ginger named carrot who I think is da bad guy
they look at eachother from across da city
baron sez carrot can get 40 men on him in a quick notice
baron reveals his plants are immune to plagues that f'd da earth earlier
yul sez they might have to leave
baron sez his kid is pregnant
but who is the father?
find out, today! on maury!!
later a guy hears the preggo left and goes out after her
I think its another woman with another baby
oh they need milk and the guy wants her to and the baby to book it
baron finds out someones been jacking tomatoes
the couple break into a dusty area looking for food
but its none
then some bad guys come in and waste the guy
then b0ne the girl
they just ice her
carrot the ginger finds the baby and wants to use it as bait
this is a lot like violence jack evil town
at night yul sez the carrot ginger gang wont attack while yul is there
yul goes to save the baby and fights guys with torches
he throws a guy and it breaks da ladder up
while the carrot ginger gang trys to get up he crawls up an air shaft and jumps across roofs
he climbs down a ladder and runs
I just realized him standing there for 2 days was like in violence jack evil town where jack is in the wall for 6 months
yul makes it inside and carrot calls his men off
later chats with baron about getting out through subway tunnles
baron worries about the people thinking he' betraying them to save his kid/grandkid
also the people have a dispute over a guy being accused of stealing
baron backhands 1 and tells em to get out when he's back sassed
the guy he accuses has a tomato in his place and plants a tomato on some Italian/jewish guy's room
he looks like ben savage or his brother feed savage a bit
the people appear to b0ne him dead for it
they swarm him and everything
they put a sack on his head and kick him out
a guy kicked out for stealing food?
just like in violence jack eviltown
they also chain him up and put bells on him
he is then b0ned dead by the homies outside
later the pregnant daughter and her bf talk about going to that island yul mentioned
btw I read this movie is set in the distant future year of 2012
put it on the history channel!
they aired the mayan apocalypse film 2012 on it
in 2013
later at night some guys climb this zig zag ladder thing between he buildings and get in the area
they ice da guard and jack da food
hope they don't b0ne the tomatoes
the bf fights em and the noise attracts baron and yul
by the time they get there, the guys chucked him off the roof
he aint gonna be in he ultimate warrior GT
the good guys arrive and waste the bad guys
one gets thrown into a pile of fire of a building
yul tells the daughter the bf bit it
the next day the daughter don't wanna go to escape
but wants baron to get the seeds to safety
he drugs her with tea to make her sleep
but unlike violence jack evil town, he don't b0ne her
he wants yuil to get her to safety
baron torches the place, gives yul the seeds for new plague proof plants and sends him down the sewer/subway
he sez; if u gotta choose 1 to save, do da seeds
he seals the way down so they cant return
but previously in the film yul punched through wood
also people saw baron doing this
btw what if theres methane or other combustable ghas in the subeway?
going in with a torch will blow the place
yul could survive it
just fight w/o skin
the people revolt against baron for sending away the yul and giving him a bit of food
they turn on him and beat him dad
man they really f'd him up
baseball bats and blades and cr-p
but he only has a bit of blood
carrot ginger finds out somehow and sends his best bada55es
a guy (I think the tomato planter) is caught and carrot interrogates him ver a stove
also its only been 10 mins
wtf really?
their civilization base crumbled that fast?
well, this IS new York!!
also after getting the info he cooks the guy
the baddest a55es 3 go in the sewers
btw how does yul know where to go?
its gotta be a maze down there!
after wandering through the tunnles for a while, yul hides the daughter and puts out da torch
then wastes 1 guy on a wall of spikes
the other guy books it and yul gets the daughter and a torch and continues
the booked it guy tells carrot and his homies
yul finds a way up that the door is rusted through
he opens it easily like its not even locked
they rest for a bit
while talking another bad guy attacks but yul wastes him
while walking a bit she might be ready to poop out the baby
so yul gets her in a subway train
she poops it out without screaming
he ties a knot in the chord and cuts it offscreen
a bad guy hears the baby crying and gets on the subway thing
yul takes him out
then another guy
the others flee so its just carrot and yul
carrot has a ball and chain
he takes out yul blade
yul catches it on his arm and they fight over it
carrot falls into a it but the item is still on yul arm
so yul gets an axe and swings at him
then cuts the chain with da axe
but its too tuff
so yul makes a left arm offering and removes one hand
carrot falls like 8 feet and bites it
yul then burns the wound closed on the torch
btw the wire the on his arm was cutting it up bad
yul, daughter and grandson go outside and its just zoom ins on images of outside
then they are on the beach
and credits
the end
holy f
joseph von Stroheim did sound effects
was that the son of erich von Stroheim?!
and who was alex colon in here?
but that was good
I liked it
I can see where go nagai and shou aikawa got tgeir ideas for violence jack
and yul brynner is bada55
nowadays we'd have some candy a55 as the hero and trying to leatn to be more confident
this was good
its only like 94 mins
and flows well
also the whole "getting to a safe island from cannibals" was used in dawn of the dead 1985
for the ultimate warrior 2 I want it to be about yul brynner in the island place where his fam is. they make him a new hand out of metal with is just a blade with spikes. also he's training the kid of the daughter to be the next ultimate warrior. and gives him tests of manliness. also its a 8 bit nes and Gameboy and game gear and sega master system game where you play as the kid and do obstacle courses to reach goals to gain new abilities. also there are giant cats on the island like cougars and tigers and you gotta fight em with your bare hands and ki attacks

No comments:

Post a Comment