Sunday, October 28, 2018

Zombieland Review

note; is this movie bad? my spelling is!!
this is my review on zombieland from 2009
its gotten a lot of hate from nerds and purists like littlekuriboh
I never saw it but I like movies and shows they hate
like Yugioh zexal
its got woody harelson and bill murry emma stone and something eisenbureg
its widescreen
it starts saying zombies took over America
then he goes over tis to survive
stay in shape
be sure the zombies are dead after capping em
be careful of bathrooms
and wear seatbelts
this has good effects and gore
and has zombie kids
so a poison burger started the zombie holocost
ands main guy eisenberg (lex Luthor in the dc movie universe) is running from and trying to fight zobvies
why not just use a samurai sword?
those can cut through like 5 men in 1 slice
so using his rules he survives  and cr-pps his pants
also he sez to travel light
an hes trying to get home to see if his rents are alive
then a van with a plow in the front busts through the traffic jam hes walking through and woody harrelson is there
they aim at eachother but main guys a candy a55
and gets a ride with him
one more rule; chek da back seat
woody sez he don't use names to not get familiar
what is he? violence jack?!
well hes got a big a55 knife so maybe
woody knows main guy is a b--ch and hes bad a55
also woody likes twinkies
too bad the unions ended hostess and we nearly lost em
oh and in teddy rubskin's snack time vids on youtube is a rap mentioning twinkies and zombieland
the hostess truck they find has snowballs and woody hates coconut
oh and main guy has irritable bowel syndrome
and he fears clowns
someone draw Ronald mcdonald b0ning him
and he wants a gf
then theres like a flashback or something about him meeting a blonde who came in fearing a hobo coming after her
this sounds like something my nami sos friend pingpawg might draw
he comforts her and she falls asleep on him
she wakes up a zombie and trys eating him
eventually he wastes her with a toilet tank lid
back in the present woody asks main guy when last he b0ned
he sez a few weeks ago with some bimbo in the back on a truck
they find a zombie eating a guy and woody sez it makes him hungry
later they go to a store to get twinkies
woody plays the deliverance banjo theme and busts a zombie saying "u got a perdy mouth"
then un heads another one offscreen
why not show it?? candy a55!
they meet a chick and go with her as her homie got bit
oh its her sister
but its a trick and they jack their gun and truck
woody busts a van our of stress
later they find a bright orange sailor venus miniskirt colored redneck truck with twinkies and take it
later this gurl takes em hostage at gunpoint
and her sister
we get a flashback of this girl who loses herring at a station and the gas guy sez he'd mail it to her and get a reward
then the sister finds it and gets paid to mail it to the gurl
its a scam
so woody pulls a gun on the girl but the other girl pulls a gun on him and main guy has a sissy fit
girls are going to some theme park or something and say main guy's state burned to h-ll
she comforts him and hes gay 4 her
they get to some place and main guy gets some cologne
woody pokes fun at him for it and he squirts him with cologne
they then trash the store in slo mo
in the real version they were b0ning
later they make it to soviet California and hang out wth bill murry
the kid sister don't know who bull murry or Gandhi is so main guy and her watch ghostbusters
murry comes out as a zombie but its just make up to blend in
and woody fanboys after him
then they do chronic or something
then reenact ghost busters
how is there still electricity?
are the power plants still manned?
later he fakes being a zombie during the zombie plague and main guy caps him
he regrets Garfield maybe
then bites it
after dumping murry they play monopoly and talk about good/bad things about living in zombire land
woody gets bummed about his little blonde kid biting it long ago
b4 they thought he meant his dog
later older sister and main guy chat and she had a good time in 97
he tells of being cr-ppy and they dance
later he wakes up and her and sister are gone
they went to this amusement park
and woody is going to soviet mexico
is this gonna be like the day after tomorrow?
americans illegally crossing the border into mexico to escape cr-ppyness?
so as the sisters ride a ride, zombies come
and main guy goes after big sister
sisters try to get away in the orange van and drive it into the water after jumping out
main guy drives on a motorcycle and f's out
so woody drives him
da girls ride this tall thing that has u go up and down in a seat fast as they cap zombies
who's operating these machines??
this isn't a sonic game!
they cap the control box of the ride and are trapped high up in a chair
main guy and woody come by and run over zombies
woody gets out and uses an air horn to attract da zomb0ners
oh and woodty has a machine gun
like in contra
I just beat super C tonight
its all connected
main guy goes through a funhouse and a claw grabs a zombie and he caps it
who built this?
it drags the zombie off too
they figt on park rides and take out more zombies
sorta like with dawn of the dead in the mall
oh and zombies are somehow climbing the tower thing the chix r on
woody locs himself in a caged off stand and caps zombies coming for him
how many points til u get an extra life?
1 chick knocks da climbing zombie off
oh and the chicks are named witchita and little rock
what is this? fist of the north star?
maybe the crow with its street names
main guy then fights a clown zombie in attack mode
and busts it with a mallet
then hits the switch or w/e and the girls ride comes down, saving em from da zombie
main guy fulfills his fetish of brushing hair off her ear and they smootch
woody looks for twinkies but theres none so he f;s da place
he finds twinkies but they got shot
main guy sez the guys he hung with are like his fam
woofy gets a twnkie and they drive off on a new adventure
the end
that wasn't so bad
I liked it
its not really "horror" horror
the horror isn't the main focus
its more entertainment with a horror theme
like Austin powers isn't a series spy movie
maybe that's why people hate it
they expected horror and got fun
I was entertained and it had good feels
a bit hokey with its family themes but its got some good moments and effects
but I also liked yugioh zexal and violence jack
for zombieland 2 I want it to be years later and the nerdy guy from the 1st one is married to the chick he liked and they have some cool teen kids. they've set a base up to keep the zombies out. but a new form of super zombie has evolved and can think and use words. and its leading the mindless zombies with psychic powers to use strategy to take out the remaining humans. so its up to the teens who are big and buff like the saint Seiya/knights of he zodiac teens, to face them with cyber armor that has many hidden blades in it and increases their strength and speed to fight on above human levels. its also a 2 player hack and slash game like golden axe where you fight zombies and the super ones are bosses lead by a superzombie brain core that was made by the creator of the original zombie plague as a way to find immorality with black magic and science.

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