Vertical Limit Review

note; I hate heights. but do I hate this fim?

vertical limit

this is my review from vertical limit from 2000

its got val kilmer

wait

it don't

its chris odonnel

why'd I think it had val kilmer??

its directed by martin campbell who also did golden eye, mask of zorro, legend of zorro, casino royale, edge of darkness (I liked dat 1) and green lantern from 2011

so it starts with this arizona wasteland and a badkly animated bird flying

gamecube sonic games looked less f;d

chris, his sister and dad are climbing these high rock things and singing 20th century music

after dad telling them to be safe, some rookies fall from above and f em off

they hang by a robe but the wall stuff wont hold em and snaps 1 at a time

the green climbers fall and go to H E Double Ireland

sister trys to get em in da wall but cant

so dad has chris cut the rope to save him and his sister

holy h-ll this is almost comedic

its so standard and over the top

its like ace ventura with the raccoon or w/e

later chris is in the north and photographing snow leopards from in a metal box

hope they find a sasquatch

later him and his partner come down the mountain and partner falls, his leg goes in 2 rocks and busts

good f--k this is like a 3 stooges thing!

is this a comedy?

a chopper takes em back

wait, chris is the chopper pilot

I thought he was da camera homie

they go to base and these foreigners talk in some gaijin talk

they were there for 6 years and lost thousands

none to the Indians

as in india

not the America ones or sports team

they get cash from rich white people climbing this mountain and paying out da a55 for permits

see? u don't need to tax the 1%. just give them something worth their cash

so after delivering the cr-p to the base, he meets sister at another base

now, I think there are places man was not meant to go

like space

or miles under water

or this frozen h-llscape

so shes a great climber and going on a mountain climbing thing

oh I think this guy shes gay for is going with her

then we see this guy who looks like star wars episode 8 the last jedi luke skywalker who has no toes

reminds me of roots where toby gets his foot chopped for trying to escape

then her bf comes in and sees this guy named ed who's a super climber who did 12/14 earths best peaks w/o oxygen

bf is bill Paxton from aliens

so bf is climbing for a publicity stunt to promote his new airline

after he reaches da top a plane flies overhead

also is a girl whos French Canadian and this guy I don't recognize knows her frenchness makes her awful

oh and the guy is not named ed

at night bf gives a speech and toeless jedi luke asks who chooses who lives or not up there

bf sez its some guy I didn't get

later toeless luke shaves his beard

later chris and sis talk about why he stopped climbing after icing their dad

also, why didn't dad have a knife of his own?

also; chris looks like chris pratt from Jurassic world with dat hair

so during commercials I checked IMBD and found the toeless feet are real and this was intended to be a cliffhanger sequel(the stallone movie)

I emptied a gun into john Lithgow and beat him off a cliff

in the Gameboy game of cliffhanger

its not bad but takes some figuring out and some parts are cheap

also I read this is a loose remake of The Wages of Fear ( 1953) and Sorcerer ( 1977)(which I never saw)

the next day bf and sis are climbing this thing with this expert I thought was ed

imma call him ed

so ed don't want to risk their safety over a marketing thing

oh and this climb was attempted b4 with only bf as the survivor
at base, chris finds out theres a storm or something commin

oh ed's name is really tom

chris calls em to say to turn back

but bf gets tom to keep going

what is this? jagi twisting shin to take yuria from Kenshiro in fist of the north star?!

so they go higher but a storm comes in and they gotta find shelter

bf yells f--k you to the storm

when the sun gets in my eyes or on my ds, I say; f u sun! you giant yellow c-ck sucker!

s then the ground gives out and sis falls in an ice cave'

then outta nowhere theres an avalanche and bf falls In da cave

then it pushes tom in it

from da cave, sis uses morse code to tell the situation

chris translates

that's actually cool

oh and I think there were more but only 3 survived

chris sez its more than snow, theres ice and rock

and they need special tools

but 1 guy sez they have 36 hours b4 they bite it from water in the lungs or w/e

and they don't know their location

turns out he people have nitro to blast and it don't freeze easy

but 1 guy has his foot in melted nitro or something

so they take off his shoe slow and leave slow

they throw his shoe and it goes up in a fireboom

so if they move nitro too much it blows

what is this? Castlevania 64?

at night the en don't wanna go

but chris talks some into it

and 2 new Zealand homies or w/e join in

1 guy offers em each 0.5 million $$ if they get back

btw turns out chris is the photographer

I just didn't recognize him

in da cave bf gets a plan to keep em alive with water or something

1guy sez this guy went up the peak and lost his toes but couldn't find his wife

saved 3 guys though

no one knows where he is

later they get ready to go and 1 kiwi comments on a chick smoking near them in nitro

and jokes about b0ning her mouth

so she slugs him

violence as a response to words

totally civilized

besides, she shouldn't be smoking near nitro

should she?

I know little of nitro

does fire set it off?

later, toeless luke is on the peak and da chopper lands

the guys want his help but he sez no

when he hears bf is up there e takes command and joins in

1 kiwi don't wanna climb w/ not his brother (who's p-ssing on the  mountain) but toeless gives him orders

so they go up in da storm but the chopper f;s out an nearly wacks em

the chopper blades chop the chick's arm

good

now she cant slug people for words she don't like

the guys get off and chopper heads to base

in da cave tom or w/e I called him might bite it

bf sez to let him as they cant save him

sis wants to try

that's actually good as it shows the difference between those trying to save bf and bf

he's willing to cut off possible loose ends to save himself

but chris and friends are risking it to save him

kinda like in rob roy how rob roy and the brit are so different in honor

or transformers the movie how after optimus and megatron fall the 2 sides choose their new leader differently

bf tells tom to bite it

wow

the look in toms eyes as hes told to go to literally h-ll is pretty tough

later a kiwi chats to 1 guy about how different religions say different things that send us to h-ll

toeless talks to chris about how he did the right thing cutting off dad

and if dad had the knife he'd do it himself

btw how did they get off the 1st thing?

no one was around and they couldn't get back to da rock

so toeless calls ice cave and lets him know they're coming

but don't let sis talk to chris

in da cave sis is getting lung fluid but bf wont give her da needle as he might need it later (even though hes not sick now)

cuz tom is called leader hes gonna take da blame

but its bf's fault theyre there

hen 1 guy falls off the thing and slides down the mountain until he catches the edge of a cliff with his pickaxe

that scene was used in all da trailers

chick is able to catch the guy but goes over but hangs from a rope

so she swings him over to rocks

imagine if her arm came off and fell

after swinging it drops a nitro and it blows

meanwhile sis and bf are trying to get a backpack that can save em

the nitro shakes da cave they are in

oh da guy who went over was da kiwi brother

he was gonna give her da rope but another avalanche takes him out

the chick was on the side of da cliff

chris almoist goes back for em but toeless sez sis and bf are still alive and the 2 who just blew might not be

oh and da chick survived

in da bad was the live saving fluids they need

but bf don't want sis to give it to tom

chick later she meets up with a guy who reveals shes had to be b0ning a guy to get this job

also she busted her hand punching the guy b4

I think da guy is chris

later some nitro blows and base tells chris to get his nitro backpack outta the sun

but the religious guy from b4is outta range

so chris climbs and tells them to radio

they turn on radios bit it takes time to get da message as the radios are cr-p

he get it in da shade but some leaks out into da sun nd blows em

btw the religious guy the kiwi talked to about going to h-ll is kareem like that guy from Yugioh season 5 memory world

kiwi talked about h-ll when religious guy was praying to his god b4

the blast bursts loose the toeless guys wife frozen and toeless and chick find her

chris comes in and sez 4 years ago she guided the team up da mountain

bf was on it and said she lost her meds and bit it

but he really did something to it

and toeless wants to ice bf

chris wants to stop him but can hardly function at the VERTICAL LIMIT and toeless is used to the heights

at night chris talks to sis on radio about bringing dads ashes to the peak as he was happy up there

she wants him to ditch her but he wants to not

she sez bye and its a touching scene

good acting from chris odonnell

hes more than dick in batman and robin

later bf is coughing and he goes up to tom

tom; r u gonna kill me now?

bf; yes

stabs him with a needle

that's pretty f'd

but also hardcore

but a bt funny like in black lion here Shishimaru sez" Ginnai! I will kill you now!" and cuts him in 2

later bf is trying to dig out and sis sees tom is iced

so she attacks him

I think

chris runs and jumps of a cliff to get across a chasm and sticks the ice wall with 2 pickaxes

shouldn't the impact of hitting da wall f him up?

also heres not much water left and the fire went out

so they drain dead a55 tom of blood which hasnt frozen yet and push a baggie of it above a cave to burst on da ice to show where they are

clever

I can see a p0rn0 parody using spurm for it

chris finds em and sends a note saying "bang"

again; this can be used in a p0rn0 parody

they pour da nitro on a thing and set a charge as everyone takes cover

bang

why not just use ur ki to melt it?

or use ur ki to sense where they are?

bf ties sis on a pulley thing and chris and chick pull her up

but da ice busts and they nearly drop her

and da spike holding em in is coming out

but toeless stomps it in and saves em

toeless goes don't to face bf

and bf is too f'd from health to stop him

he attax but toeless counters and hold him over a edge

but saves him

they try bringing up I think da dead tom

but his feet hit ice and the whole thing cr-ps out and they're hanging by a rope

toeless decides h-ll is the place they both belong so he cuts da rope and he and bf fall

clever

using the opening as da ending

so after they somehow get outta there and are at base they saved sis

and the chick, I think, I cant tell without her winter outfit, kisses chris

sis sings some song that chris thnks she made up

sis sez dad'd be proud of him

chris is by the memorial to those who bit it up there

none for bf I think

then credits to good 80s/90s style movie music

the end

I liked that

it was pretty good

some parts were cheesy but it had some pretty good ideas and scenes

plus toeless was based on a real guy

put it on da history channel

better than texas chansaw massacre and boogie nights

huh, the snow leopards were real

pretty good film

nowadays it would all be greenscreen and cgi

but here its real and looks great

for vertical limit 2 I want the boyfriend and toeless to wake up inside the depths of da cave and are being healed by high tech sci fi mammoth sasquatch people. the m s p want to find out what makes em tick and are gonna vivisect em. so toeless has to work with bf to et out before they are chopped up. also its a 2 player beat em up on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar and gba where you fight through these mammoth sasquatch people and try to get out of the endless caves in the mountain.