Thursday, December 6, 2018

Dragonball Evolution Review

note; I saw dragonball evolution, and now i'm creationist! (someone make that a shirt)
dragonball evolution
this is my review on dragonball evolution
its the lve action dragonball movie that many people hated
the 1st time I saw this, it was after seeing the master of disguise and part of agent cody banks
so it wasn't as bad as those
most people who hate this are weeaboos who whine about krillin not being called KU REE REEN or goku not being called SONGO KOO!!
it came out in the 25th anniversary of dragon ball and adapts the pilaf and king piccolo arcs from the manga
so krillin isn't in here as he wasn't introduced in the 1st, and was dead in the 2nd
also most dinks whine about goku being played by a white guy
yet no one whines about piccolo played by an equally white guy when neither are human
goku's from krypton or w/e
its got the guy from war of the words (tom cruise ver) as goku, the chick from the day after tomorrow as Bulma and spike from buffy thre vampire slayer 90s series as piccolo
spoiler; most of those s-cked
most people also whine about all the stuff they changed in here from the books
yeah, I mean its not like ben hur, gone with the wind or the 10 commandments were changed when made into movies
so it starts with narration of how long ago, king piccolo and his monkey slave oozaru f'd up za worrld
but kung fu guys used the MAFUBA to seal him
btw, its not "evil containment wave"
even the blue water dub of dragon ball got it right
they didn't translate MASENKO so why do it to MAFUBA?
so w/o piccolo, oozaru vanished and now its thousands of years later
th we see goku training with his grampa Gohan
the fight scene is pretty well done
goku kicks a bug into gohans mouth
so Gohan used a ki blast to beat gokoo
huh, the director also did final destination 1 ad 3, and the jet li film, the one
I liked those
imagine an R rated dragon ball movie?
garlic jr pulling off krillins limbs and eating Gohan alive
and roshi with a bunch of wh0res
buu turning into a huge b00bed bimbo and b0ning hercule
and pan and bra with a buncha big ugly homies
Gohan sez goku relies too much on his normal senses
good ref to his training under kami and Gohan by piccolo
also Gohan sez goku needs to use his Ki
in the dub they just say energy
this is closer to the Japanese ver than most translated versions
also in here, goku dont fit in at school and the kids p-ss him off and he wants to bust em
just like Gohan in the buu arc
also he wants a gf like goten in gt
also its goku's b day and Gohan gives him a dragonball
its his only treasure besides goku just like in the manga
and if u get all 7 db's u get a wish
later at school, goku's electric bike is crushed by a big yellow car driven by some homies
one taunts goku into attacking him but goku resists
car homie goes off with chichi who's played by a real Asian for once
meanwhile, on this ninja gaiden/rocket knight like airship, king piccolo nukes a village but no one bites it
his ninja assassin mai (like from the pilaf gang) goes down and nearly caps a kid
but her mom comes out of hiding and gives her the dragon ball
mai then wacks her with her daughter hidden away watching
that's something good about this film
for an American tvpg live action film, it actually has people biting it
no one bit it in agent cody banks
esp with their daughter watching
meanwhile, in degrassi high, goku's class learns of an eclipse
but goku is fanatsizing over chichi played by Jamie chung from samurai girl and the gifted (that x men show)
in the books, goku didn't care for chix and according to dragon ball super's retcons, he never kissed a girl despite being married and having 2 kids
here its closer to goten or maybe Gohan
goku tells the class of his Asian grampa's cultural belief in the eclipse bringing the nameks
an alien race that nearly nuked earth 2000 years ago
soooo... in bible times?
wait, when is this set?!
what year is this?!
later chichi cant get her locker open and everyones gone to class so goku uses a ki blast to open all the lockers
chichi knows of ki and invites gokoo to her party tonight
later Gohan is making chicken feet as the chinese eat weird cr-p
not just rhino horn to cure limp d0ng
although I;m Slovenian and my dad eats pigs feet and pig brains and blood sausage
he grew up on a farm
goku leaves w/o telling his grampa and leaving him to celebreate gokus b day alone
also he takes the draginball
at the party some guys hassle him so he stands up to em
they attack yet he easily avoids their attakcs and they nail eachother
1 guy shatters his hand on a car window
yet as its tvpg theres no blood or bone disjoinment
the car homie takes a pipe to goku to murder him for some reason but goku dodges and car homie busts his cars a55
then car homie and another guy swing pipe and goku dodges and they take eachother out
that was pretty good
action and comedic
like dragonball
after that, he and chichi grow closer
I can see the dragon ball nerds whining that chichi isn't in her blue battle bikini
goku dont know of his parents but Gohan will tell him when he turns 18
which is now
meanwhile, mai busts into gohans home and throws shuriken at him
but he counters
then piccolo comes in and takes Gohan out
then uses his ki or mind or w/e to crush the house on hohan
goku senses something and leaves to go home
he finds Gohan who sez piccolos back
goku has future visions holding the dragon ball like with bardock in the 90s special
he tells goku to find master roshi and the dragon balls b4 the eclipse
then Gohan goes to h-ll, the final Friday
the next day goku berried him and parts of the house are still intact somehow
goku finds an orange martial arts outfit and out of nowhere, Bulma shows up with a gun at gokku
just like in the manga
she wants her dragon ball that was stolen but goku shows he has the 4 star one and hers had 5
she's kinda f'd up cuz she nearly killed goku
then again, Bulma was kind of a b--ch in the manga
also i'm surprized more db nerds dont whine about her being called Bulma and not buruma like in japan
esp since her name is based on the word "bloomers"
Bulma made a dragon ball radar and is after em to use their energy to power stuff instead of nucular or w/e
btw, dbgt did that with the dragonballs using positive energy to make wishes and it lead to the shadow dragons made of built up negative energy
so songo kuuh and buruma team up to help eachother and she has a capsule turn into an atv
after bluma tries to find him in the directory, goku senses roshi's ki
and Bulma detects a dragonball
they go there and its unlocked and they enter w/o consent
goku hits a boweling ball and it falls and hits a Go game but he catches all the pieces except one, which this a pot and wakes up roshi
the bowling ball didn't wake him up?
roshi fights goku and kicks his a55
so goku fires a ki blast and roshi dodges and it hits Bulma
actually that's kinda like something the manga would do
roshi recognizses the move from Gohan and asks how he is
goku sez he bit it and piccolo returned
roshi looks for his dragonball and Bulma finds his bikini mag
at least it wasn't p0rn0 like in the manga
goku finds the dragonball and has a vision of piccolo and cr-p getting nuked
roshi joins em to fight king piccolo
later they set out and roshi makes goku carry a bunch of cr-p to make him stronger
just like the manga
they he runs and has to keep up with a motor vehicle
roshi brings em to the temple to unlock the mystery disk and find the phoenix
but there is a kung fu tournament there
and chichi is there and gets slugged but beats the guy
chicks getting slugged by guys in fistfights?!
even most Japanese movies don't got that
in the tournament in dragonball neither ranfan nor chichi got slugged
esp not onscreen
chichi sez she heard of gohans accident and sez shes sorry for him
he accidentally caved in his own home?!
chichi reveals shes a fighter and no one else knows it
they're gonna be an interspecies couple
like Robotech
as goku's from space
after being at the temple for like 20 seconds, they go and roshi trains goku in Ki blasts as goku does a 1 hand handstand
btu then they fall in a plot hole
its yamcha who dug da hole and wants em to pay him o get them out
and despite roshi and goku having superhuman ki powers and skill,
they wait there til its moon up
after j-rkin off in a hole all day and night, roshi uses his ki to make the fire into cgi to tell how 7 mystics banded together to seal oozaru and piccolo with the mafuba
somehow piccolo got out (they never explain in this film.(but its better than "pilaf and friends somehow found him and let him out from a rice cooker in the bottom of the sea or w/e))
and is a few days, the eclipse will bring back oozaru
btw the "mystics" could be a ref to mystic Gohan
roshi wants to use the dragonballs to wish piccolo away
yamcha bashes their story and goku jumps but cant reach him
he could just wall jump like in ninja gaiden
only then does bulura's dragon radar find a dragonball next to em in da hole
and roshi jumps out of the whole in 1 try
he lets yamcha in on the infinite energy from bulmas invention that doesn't exist yet to use his digging tools
although he could just use his ki to bust rock
ty find a cave and go in as mai tells piccolo roshi is training goku
so piccolo uses a machine to drain some blood and make monsters
just like with piccolo's daemon kids in the manga
also; onscreen red blood in a pg movie?
even dragon ball super cant have that
the cave leads em to a volcano level and they fight piccolos daemon things
roshi slices em apart with a sword but they grow into multiple ones
so they throw em in the lava and use it as a bridge to jump across
also yamcha gets hit in the crotch by volcanic steam
just like when he fought kami in the piccolo jr arc
goku gets the dragon ball and has more viet namek flashbacks
then fights mai and tanks a face kick to counter nail her away
boys punching girls?!
even fist of the north star didn't have that
they have chicks getting iced by ki blasts or axes
but not fists
goku tells roshi his destruction visions and roshi sez its not set in stone
like with future trunks and cell f ing the future
Bulma sez they don't got the time to find the dragonballs
so roshi takes em to sifu Norris (chuck Norris?!) whos' ernie Hudson and trained him
he wants a sealing thing to use the mafuba to stop piccolo
meanwhile, theres a kung fu tournament and mai fights chichi
she loses but gets some of chichi's blood
blood in a kids movie?!
better than agent cody banks
yamcha and Bulma grow closer
later its night and roshi trains gokou to do the Kamehameha
roshi's ki movements are like what I learned in Aikido
he shows goku what to do and has goku light lamps with it
but he don't got it
he nearly lights the torches with a candle but chichi stops and helps him by letting him take a step closer to her for each torch he lights
kinda like with korin and goku almost taking the sacred water
so goku does it with help from chichi and they make out
also goku used hias ki to turn off the torches
are they b0ning??
later Bulma catches chichi sneaking around
but she then takes the dragon balls
they chase her but she uses a blast to make a fire wall
then real chichi comes in and fights her
goku jumps through flame and takes out the wrong chichi
fake chichi caps him with a ki gun and gets away
also, goku ko'ing chichi happened in the manga in the piccolo jr arc
so gokus dead and sees Gohan who sez its not his time
also, goku being dead for a bit was in the fight with raditz and cell
roshi revives him with a ki blast to the heart to CPR him alive just like in dragon ball super who totally ripped this off
roshi gets the seal jar and they race off stopccolo
picclo monologues about being sealed for so long and places all 7 dragon balls on a rock thing, which becomes his castle
sorta like with garlic jr
so the gang gets there in a flying car like in the original idea for the room and roshi and piccolo fire ki at eachother but the impact knocks em down
also a dragonball fell
now they gotta kung fu fight piccolo and goku is in his orange martial arts outfit
goku sez hes gonna beat oozaru but piccolo reveals goku actually is oozaru
he came in a meteor and on his 18th b day he gon be reborn as oozaru
so its like with ryo in Devilman
also goku being meant to destroy the humans is from the manga
so goku apes out and attacks his homies
roshi tries the mafuba on piccolo but b4 they said it would ice him
but piccolo uses a ki blast and busts the sealing thing
then goku kills roshi
just like him killing gohan in the manga
but roshi's last words reawaken him and he turns back
just like in gt how pan snapped him outta his apeing
goku and piccolo ki blast at eachother like its dbz and Bulma and mai shoot at eachother
Bulma runs outta ammo and sez "take it" and throws her capsule atv at mai as it unfolds and blows against a wall
freekin cr-pmobile
they fight and Bulma gets beat
but yamcha shoots mai in the back
the good guy, shot 1st, in the back, of a female
even star wars don't do dat
so goku and pccolo beat on eachother and gokoo believes in himself and raises his ki to Kamehameha piccolo
pilloolo fires a nova sphere like freeza and goku flows through it while firing a Kamehameha and busts piccolo
the elpcipe ends and rosi went to h-ll
instead of using his ki to restart roshi's heart, they use the dragon balls to summon the dragon
it looks like gamecube cgi
the dragon revives roshi even though he could've wished back EVERYONE who piccolo killed which would include Gohan
roshi's p-ssed he got kicked outta heaven by Gohan to teach those weener kids more kung fu cr-p
he went to heaven?!
but hes a purvo!
then goku returns to the temple or w/e and makes out with chichi
then they kung fu fight to see who's better
just le in that buu arc filer where chichi remembered her ate with goku when they were like 12-15 but looked 8 as they age slow
the end
in the credits theres a scene of someone taking care of piccolo
the end(4 reelz yo. wiggle wiggle)
it wasn't as bad as everyone said
were they expecting all 6 years of dragon ball manga to be adapted into a 2 hour movie?
yeah they changed stuff but the film on its own isn't unwatchable
its an ok tvpg americano film
maybe above average as they had stuff even the Japanese version didnt have
like chicks getting slugged in the face
I didn't hate it
most people who whine about it probably never even saw it and bashed it based on reading summaries of it
for an American tvpg adaptation of the pilaf and king piccolo arcs, it did ok
better than most live action tvpg movies
maybe kinda bad a55
they tried
they had stuff the funimation dub don't even say
like oozaru or mafuba or ki
most haters just focus on what was changed and don't see all the references to other db stuff they put in
As for people who bash this film because the creator or dragon ball didn't like it
I should point out he didn't really like doing dbz and prefers gag comedy
also the creator or mary poppins despised the Disney version and banned all americans from working on the play of it years later
all i'm saying is, its not as bad as the fans make it out to be
imagine if they made a sequel and got danny DeVito to be vegeta as he's a p-ssed off midget
nah he's a good actor. he'd pull it off
for dragonball evolution 2 i'd like for Goku and chichi to be married and have a daughter named Pan who goes around in a bikini top and  miniskirt as she played too much valis on sega genesis as a kid. yamcha and bulma are also married and they have a hermaphrodite kid who wears blood red leather and uses a samurai sword. king piccolo gets the dragonballs and wishes to be ruler of the world and imprisons Goku and its up to pan and bulmas kid to save the day by going from village to village and beating up all the daemons made by piccolo to free it, until they get to piccolo's castle and take him on. also its a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and snes with player 1 as pan and player 2 as bulmas kid. oh and they can go bleach blonde by beating enough enemies and doing a power up to attain super powers

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