Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Hancock Review

note; I never saw this but got up just to watch it]
this is mty review on hancock (the 2000s film with will smirth)
its go that femoinist charlieze theron and Jason bateman frim little house on the prarie
the director also did Friday night lights and the battleship movie
the filme statres withe a guns blzing chase by some homies and the cops
some kid wakes up hobo will smith to stop em
after getting his booze and grabbing a chicks a55 he flies off while drinking
along the way he busts a sign on the road that f's the cars on da road
he negotiats with the Asians in the car chase but they open fire
hes bulletproof and flies their car around and the Asians reveal they speak English
also he sez hes gonna put their heads in eachothers a55es
like a human centipede
afterward the nes sez he did 9 million $ in damage and cant be reached for comment as hes camera shy
later jason bateman tries pitching a thing to let the company give away a drug for free
but the board don't agree
plus his pitch kinda s-cked
later hes stuck on train trax and a train is heading 4 him
and his cr--pmobile is cr-pping out so hes street grease
until hancock saves him and gets hit by a train to no damage
but everyone goes mental on him for causing a traffic jam
but Jason stix up 4 him
then hancock gives him a lift to his home in the valley
his woman recognizes hancock and don't want him there
is she a valley girl?
they have dinner and the mom sticks up for this kid f ing with her son as his fam s-cked
that kid need to be cooked and fed to his fam
also hancock gets drunk
after dinner Jason gives him his card and hanchock flies off
later his woman tells him not to get mixed up with hancick
later hancock is feeling bummed and finds jasins card on him
later he goes by jasons place and the kid f ing jasons kid keeps calling him an a55 hole
also hes a Frenchie
so hancock throws him a mile high and catches him
that should kill him in real life
also whenever hancock comes or goes by flying he busts the street
so Jason shows him clips him him from youtube of him helping/.f ing stuff
jasin wants to give hancock P R help
then the news has some blonde b--ching of hanchock not following da law
Jason suggests hanchok don't hep peple 4 2 weex to show em how it is w/o em
he turns himself in and gets booze and anger therapy
then goes to prison with lots of ugly guys
and hes the reason most are in there
maybe they should'ntve broke da law
they want his a55 and don't recall his powers
so he stuffs a mans head in another man's a55
this is a weird fetish movie
later sagon tells hanchoc hes got 8 years in here
but they might release him once L A goes f'd up enough
well, L A is a cesspoole of filth, crime, drugs and aids
in 2018 they decriminalized aids spreading
now its not a felony
oh but they give harsh penalties for using plastic straws
and hobo's poop everywhere
but you cant complain about it or ur being "intolerant"
I say we do what they did to Sodom ands Gomorrah
just nuke it
it worked for s/g. it can work for L A
later hancok and the inmate get group stuff
and Jason gives him tips
btw a super busting the city as he fights crime was done in the tick
later crime is going up and L A is just j-rkin off instead of fighting the crooks
jasons woman and son visit hanchok in jail
the music gets kinda bummer again and ries another sad moment as we see hancovk bummed
later Jason gives hancock a super suit but hacon would rather figt crime naked (whuch jasoin sed he did)
2 weeks later no one care hes in jail
he jumps out of the yard to get a b ball but returns
also he sez more in group
later the city is being f'd by gun guys (as guns are illegal in caleformia, only crooks have em)
hanchok arrives and uses batemans tips to be more polite
along the way he helps a female cop and asks for consent to carry her out from gunfre
 then he busts through windows in da bank and takes out most of the robbers
the last guy has a deton8er and hostages rigged to blow if he hancock dont help him jack da bank
also the captions censor every use of a55
even in associate
who captioned this cr-p?!
did they just use ctrl+f and take out every ss?
hancock takes off the guys hand offcreen and hivex it to da cops
so I guess hes free now and people love him
Jason tells hanok his life story
his 1st wife bit it after pooping out his bonde kid
hancok sez he woke up in a hospital w/o memories after getting f'd in a mugging and now hes got super powers
he has no name (like violence jack) and when axed 4 his john hancock he took it as his name
also that was 80 years ago
he had tickets for boris Karloff in Frankenstein
and did cr-p for 80s years but only now is in da news
why'd he come out now?
why'd the news care now?!
also he dont age and no one came to claim him so he thinks hes a real p o s
later hanchik almost kissed jasons woman and she throws him through the wall
is this my super ex girlfriend??
the next day she sez the damage was hankok sneezing
while jasons on da phone hacnko tries killing the woman but she's invincible
after the 1st time you'd think he'd get it
later he meets her and she sez they were angels or something but now are called super heroes
also they are the only ones left
that dont make sense
also shes stronger than him
and they are bro and sis
even though they made out almost
she's p-ssed at him for 3000 years of cr-p and he dont recall any of it
they fight and they city goes f'd from storms theyir fight summons
makes more sense than global warming
after the fight Jason sees his woman with hancko
at home she sez shes married to hankcok (inbreeding?!!?!?!) and they were made for eachother
but she dumped him decades ago and married Jason (bigamy?!!?!!?)
later hancok gets booze and the store guy sez "91; 10$" but its 911
hancock saves him but gets shot and is rushed to da hoipsital
there, jasons woman sez them being away from eachother makes em stronger but the opposite is true
she gives a history of when he saved her
and how after he got attacked in the 30s, he lost his memory and she left him
then guys bust in and cap her
so he takes em out and f's the hospital
but gets all f'd up in the fight
1 guy nearly takes out hancock but jasin takes off his hand with an axe
jasons woman bites it but hancock jumps out a window and flies away and she improves from him not being near her
even though she came to the hospital after he got capped
later hancok does jasons logo of his thing on the moon and jumps off a building to fly and go to do more stuff
just like how batman by tim burton ended
or spider man by the evil dead guy
then he goes to a crime scene and the black guy tells hancoko to help him and call him a55 hole
it ends b4 he stuffs the guys head in his a55
the end
that was pretty good
entertaining, good effects, good humor
not too dark but had like 3 sad moments
I liked it
also they toned it down from an R rating with I think a scene of him b0ning someone
for hancock 2 I want the aliens who made him to come down and say he was made to wipe out humanity and jasons woman's words of there being more of em was a fake memory they gave her. also as he lost his memory, he cant be controlled by em. but after seeing some homies on drugs bust into a kindergarten and eat the kids alive, he's given up on humanity, and has to decide if humanity is worth saving. also jasons woman got mindwiped and is now a vegetable and only hancock can save her. its also a beat em up like death and return of superman on sega genesis and super Nintendo and Atari jaguar with him fighting aliens and humans who joined em for black science powers.

No comments:

Post a Comment