Saturday, September 12, 2020

Bird Of Paradise Review

Note: My spelling is 4 da birds

Bird Of Paradice

This is my review on Bird of Paradice from the disatant future year of 1932

its  based on a play and direcyed by King Vidor who did Bardelys the Magnificent, The Big Parade and LaBoheme

it stars Joel McCrea, Dolores Del Rio and Lon Chaney GX and was done by  David O Selznick

I never saw this b4 but in Inuyasha was Yokai caled birds of paradice

so after really silent film seeming credits, this boat full of white straight  adult living human men goes through rough waves and coomes to an island and the natives come oit to greet em in canoes

the guys hit on em and they dont sppazz out at men finding em hot cuz they aint feminists or commies

the saiilorsthrow cr-p in da water and the natives get it as they think its cool

then a shark comesd by and a sailor saves the natives by throwing a  rope with cr-p in it to catch it but it drahgged over

a native chick wjjo caught a knife thrown over uses it to cut the rope on the guys leg and  saves him

after he comes to hemeets her and she speaks soviet italian or w//e and at night they are on da island amd havve a  dinner

its revealed the natives ritual saccrifice their women to the volcano too keep it happy

nowadays we see this as mental, but with nerds saying carbon going from 0.002 to 0.003% in the atmosphere (the 50% increase) then the whole planet will f--k out, its easy to see how some  people can believe silly things

at the  dinner 2 guys like eating it but don't when they find its octopus

You neve had Takoyaki?

I never had octopuss but had squid, crab and shrimp

so this chickk dances and falls but when a guy catry's her off, the nativvs spaazz out as only the pronce can touch the kings daughter

is this one of those inbreeder islands?

same family marriage is equal marriage

lateer main guy sees hero girl who saved him swimming, oh wait, its the primncess too, and goes swimming with her in his undies

good underwater scenes for the early 30s

good  tropical music too, sorta like spongebob

is she swimming nude? she's got a big a55!

so she leaves da water and he pins he ddown and shhe struggles

no weinstein!! i dont consent!

she ggets into it and the kiss with consent

da next day da boat leaves and captain butt wipe sez main guy stayed ehind and they'd gget him on da way back

the crew guy packed him a bahg of cr-p  and the native  kids f'd it up

then main guy takes a motorboat  wiith the natives canoes and a title card sez when flying fish show up the natives have a carnival

according to candman 2; carnival means farewell to flesh

oh the natives are catching fish jumping outta da sea

and main guy uses a ttennis racket

princessdrags his boat back by a  rope in her teeth and on da islannd is a clearing in da jungle witrh roses

she gets  him on da ground and wants him to strugleas they make out

but b4 they b0ne, a spear lands by em andnative ghuyts swarm him, yell in soviet irish, and leave

later msin guy chases a bird or something anf catches it and this geezer gives him a leaf wiith cr-p written on it like goku's grpovery list in dragon ball super

using drawimg in the dirt, she tells him princess is gonna marry a prince

he spends several mins getting across te island (is this where wonder boy aka adventure island got it from?) and gets to her as she is driven off in a boat

he sez in english he wants her to stay with him  like she can understand butthe natives tie him to a tree for some S Before M

geezer unties him ad he gives her a record player for a canoe and chocolates up his skin with some dark goo

at the other island she does a dance in a circle of fire and main guy is there and just cuz hes got filth on him they don't know he's white

he saves her from da fire and dries off in his bat boat to paradice, a seculeded island near em

while there they teacvh eachother their languages and i think she's not wearing a top, just flowers over her t-ts in a necklace

he climbs a big a55 tree and cuts the trees nuts off to eat

she busts the nuts and feeds him the juice inside

tom hanks in cast away; coconut milk is a natural laxative

me; they'll be sh-tting everywhere!!

so it rains and they hide under leaves ans he wants to make a house

its like naked and afraid if they didnt suffer from cuts, burns, scrapes, dehydration, infections an parasites

better known as; dante's inferno gx!

a new generation of naked people suffering

so he buils a house as hes gota knife and its better than those rotting naked and afraid guys ever did

remember the guy who a wasp stung in his man thing??

man; ohh! its really swelling up!

imagine if he got a b0ner and it ruptured!!

so they have a pet goat and shes learning english andhe wants her to come home to civilization with him

but she kknows she has to be ritual sacrificed to stop the volcano from erupting

he tells her of his 1st world life and she finds it amusing

imagine if she did go there and it was like encino man

so the volcano is spazzing out and she's worried if she dont jump in it, then it wiill go off

meanwhile, he's out at sea, butt hammering a turtrle and riding it like a boogie board

he drags it on land and when he comes home he finds his pet goat was j fk'd and his woman is out

then the ground splits where he is and steam comes out

he sees boats of the natives leaving to go back to volcano island and takes his canoe and gives chase but narly gets sucked into a huge a55 whiprlpoole

use a lapras with the HM whiprlpool! then you can get to th islands ith lugia!

ooh, he went down da drain!!

wtf he escpaed the whirlrpool even though his boat went under?!

no! thats not possible!

i think...

after mythbusters, manswers and 1000 ways to die, i dont know whats possible anymore

so he gets to da island and swinds from vines like he's tarzan boy ocver lava

the floor is lava?!!?

so he goes to rescue her and gets shanked by spears and swarmed by natives

they eat him alive as they tear chunks of flesh off and devoir it whole

jk thats sudddenly last summer

they tie him up and she's tied up too and sez they gonna feed her to the volcano fro her sins

shes glad she knew him and he sez he loves her and the cheif sez their volcano is mad at him and they gonna ice him

he says their god is not real and The Lord matters and he starts praying

nowadays this would be shown as bad or not be in there at all

so they kiss and the natives carry them up to be sacrificed but the sailors arrive and cap some of the natives and they scatter

later the sailor scouts are treating the main guy and he's gonna be ok

so the crew talks on what to do about the princess and most say its not good for them to stay a couple

she sez to main guy (named jonny lik in the room) and she wants to save him and her people come bby saying unless she goes with them, main guy gon go to h e double san fran sisco

so she sez bye to him by putting fluids in her mouth and kissing it into him and its kinda touching

she  goes back with her people to be ritual sarificed and we get good dissolve cross editing showing her walking and the volcano

the end

the was actually quite good

nice romance and story

good acting

good music and editing

King Vidor does it again

he was great at these movies

and he did the kkansas scenes in the wiZARD of OZ

good b/w fullscreen class and heart

truelly a well made film

for bird of paradise 2 i want him to wake up and find she has slipped her soul into him wuth that mouth juice kiss and now is with  him in his she dont have a bioy, they meet in his dreams and have fun sexy random adventures. also itts an 8 bit platformer on nes, gameboy, master system, game gear tg16 atari 7800 and lynx where you play as the  guy and/or the chick and do varuous kinds of gameplay like abobo's  big adventure


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